WHADDYA
THINK YOU ARE?
HOW
WE PUT IT TOGETHER
I’ve loosely identified four stages through which we
go in assembling a concept of Self that enables us (we hope) to deal
effectively with the world we experience around us…….
- · Temperament
- · Dispositions
- · Personality
- · Lifestyle
TEMPERAMENT
What we call “temperament” is actually mixtures of
innate qualities with which we emerge from the womb. These qualities of being
were unconsciously stitched together from our responses to the womb environment,
and our experiences of the effects that events had on our mother while we were
cooking in there.
Some of the qualities I’m referring to include, but
are not restricted to, scales of extroversion and introversion, endurance,
flexibility, sensation-seeking, sensitivity, self-confidence, impulsivity,
cautiousness, tendencies to avoid or embrace novelty, predictability/unpredictability,
certainty/uncertainty, and needs for encouragement and approval.
As you can see, the dynamic possibilities of the mix
are almost endless, but even in the first weeks after birth, certain tendencies
begin to emerge.
DISPOSITIONS
The tendencies of Temperament begin to emerge into Dispositions
– physical, mental and emotional inclinations and willingnesses towards certain
ways of being.
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PERSONALITY
Dispositions morph over time into an identifiable
Personality -- the distinctive
or notable personal character of a being, the person as an embodiment of an
assemblage of qualities. In
Psychology, our personality embodies all the constitutional, mental,
emotional, social, etc., characteristics of an individual into an organised
pattern. Personality patterns consist of two or more usually opposing types of
behaviour.
LIFESTYLE
Alfred Adler uses the term “lifestyle” to encompass our
pattern of habits of thinking, feeling and acting. These patterns, lodged as
they become in our ideas, concepts, beliefs, judgments, preconceptions and
opinions, constitute the way we assign meaning and personal significance to
life as we view it, and how we express ourselves in daily living.
This is how we put it together.
PUTTING IT TOGETHER
Anything
we put together can, with willingness, courage and persistence be changed, if
we choose to.
But who, or what, is to do the choosing? This is a
really important enquiry to make of yourself at this point. Hint: Don’t allow
your self-image to decide. The choice to change how you’ve put it together in
the past must not be done by any
aspect of that which needs to be changed. Kick your ego out of the committee
room. If the choice to change is made by some aspect of your ego, the change
will fail. All egos are self-right, and resist change with every stratagem they’ve
learned.
Back to the question – What is the source that will
drive the courage and persistence needed to effect any and every change that’s required
to switch from unhappiness to happiness? The source you’re looking for is in that
still, persistent yearning within that is calling for us to evolve away from
unhappiness as a way of getting what we truly want.
We made a mistake. But that was in the past. And the
past is no longer – unless the not-you says so.
Find your self – the self that has no opposite.
Then choose to be happy. Even when you’re
uncomfortable, choose to be happy about the growth and change that’s going on.
It will take courage to manage your mind’s insane insistence
that unhappiness will, one day, get you into happiness.
It takes a particular kind of courage to just be happy.
It takes the courage required to surrender. It takes the ticker needed to forsake
the popular sport of wishing and bitching that things should be different, and
instead to engage creatively with what-is – just as it is.
Unhappiness is just a habit. Are you up for the
challenge of changing it?
