PAUSE A MOMENT
HOW TO GET EASY WITH THE RISKS OF TRAVELING
{28:25}
Good morning once again, and
welcome now to Pause a Moment. Tonight, we are standing in the question - How do
I get to feel in my element with the risks that go with just being alive?
[How Can I Be Sure? –
Daryl Braithwaite (A) – 3:33]
There is a cliché that goes “We live in uncertain times”. It's hardly an
observation of great daring – it's my perception that, throughout our history
(personal and cultural) we have always lived in conditions of uncertainty. That
puts us at odds with the all-knowing human mind which cannot allow any taint of
inadequacy or not-knowing to befall it.
The problem is that man-mind on its own simply cannot truly know anything;
it can only think it knows. But by its habit of thinking it knows all
there is to be known and having to be “right” about that, the human mind does
an effective job of persuading us that “thinking we know” and “true knowing”
are one and the same thing. They’re not, but since most of us are spending a
lot of time “thinking we know” while wallowing blindly around in a condition of
uncertainty, let’s get a handle firstly on some of the basic rules of this game
of “seek and find” we joined.
The first is a bit of a joke
on God’s part. We were born eternal – all of us. But in the process of being
born we forgot that and bought into the thought of “I could die here!” There
could be a purpose to this misdirection: by forgetting that we and all creation
are one and eternal, we get to experience dramatic stuff like “separation” and “danger”
and “risk” and “adventure”. I mean, if we knew nothing on this earth was truly
fatal, where would be the excitement, the struggles, the learning, the growing,
the evolution? We don’t learn much when things are going well, do we? And where
would be the elation when we finally wake up – yes, in this life—that we made a
mistake; that the learning lessons were mock-ups. They weren’t real but,
because we thought they were, they were effective and --- wow!!! – what a
ride!!! And how much greater have we become as a result of acting out this tragi-comedy?!!
But before we reach that
awakening, we expend an enormous amount of righteous energy in fuelling our have-to be-certain minds in their vain
effort to control the far-from-certain situations and folks around us. Thanks
to the duality of everything around here, we’re continually ricocheting between
opposites – pleasure and pain, right and wrong, good and bad, up and down,
winners and losers, us and them, safe and dangerous…. We live in states of
constant argument where the original purposes of contending, viz. exploration
and insight, have given way to verbal stoushes. And the war effort is kept
superficial by reluctance to dig down into our own lurking Uncertainties,
Anxieties, Stresses and Griefs that underlie every human condition. No wonder
we eventually reach a point of frustrated exhaustion. We find ourselves shadow
boxing with each other on a treadmill going nowhere.
“Life is
risky” is a conclusion we came to very quickly. Even before conception, life on
this plane was impossible without risks. Several million sperm cells and only
one gets the prize! Is that supposed to cheer us up with the thought that,
after that, everything else should be a breeze?
Well, it isn’t. Our entry into this world, thanks to the process of birth
(natural or caesarean) was for most of us a traumatic life-threatening experience
over which we had no control. Some introduction! The (unverbalised) message we
got probably went something like This becoming-human
lark is a danger to life! We all began our journey in a direct #.1. experience
of threat to life, accompanied by feelings of fear and increasingly excruciating
discomfort. We were set up to experience every discomfort afterwards as
possibly life-threatening (Oh no, here it comes again!), and develop
strategies to fight or escape.
Now that we’re older, we still gauge strange situations as either “good
for me” or “bad for me”. And our mind does that automatically. Without some
retraining, which is what tonight’s chat is all about, we rarely stop and ask
ourselves “Am I seeing this as it is, or is my view being distorted by past memories
and feelings that carry apprehension, doubt, and memories of others telling us
to “Be careful”? We’ve been primed to view Risk with grave suspicion.
Life gives us very few natural cushions or guarantees. Most of the
pillows we use, whether they derive from psychology, religion, economics, or
politics, are artificial (man-made) and fallible. All of us face decisions,
daily, that could turn out badly. That’s what’s real. In every ad. break we're invited,
encouraged, and in some cases legally forced into an assurance industry that's
based on a blatant principle of engendering Fear of Loss, making promises of security
in return for your investments, then paying out less than they take off you.
Every day and at every level of our life, those who choose to live
deliberately take leaps of faith, large and small. We lean our trust against
others, hoping they'll do the “right” thing (well, our definition of it). We
count upon predictions and trends that could slam into reverse at any moment.
Risk is simply another word for Uncertainty and Insecurity, and it has been
shown many times that uncertainty and insecurity increase the chance of a
stress response. Risk is unavoidable, even in the most reclusive life.
Therefore, how you handle risk will be vitally important to your emotional and
physical well-being, peace of mind, comfort, your stress level, and your success
– whatever that means to you.
Psychologists have shown that it is impossible to remove
emotions from decision-making. Therefore, to handle risk well, you must not
only inform yourself thoroughly on those in whom you invest your self, you must
equally take into account your own pattern of psychological reactions to
uncertainty, difficulty, opposition, paradox and ambivalence.
[Blithe
Bells – Aust. Chamber Orchestra (A) –]
Hold
Under>>>>
If you know yourself well enough, you can become friendly with
risk. If you’re game enough to give it a go, here are some guidelines to get
you started:
1. Know your prevailing ambient anxiety level. If it is
unhealthily high, find out how to bring it down. Get to become aware of what
triggers sudden surges, and be honest with yourself about it.
2. Be patient with your emotional reactions. Tolerant empathy is
the beginning of emotional intelligence. Emotions are stored in every cell of
our body, attached to memories of the past experiences that created them. In
the present, a thought crossing the cortex of your brain has triggered some of
those stored past memories out of which have popped feelings that are stored
with them. Our mind says “This here now
is the same as that time then”, so memories are tapped and feelings
released. This is natural. Don’t interfere; just watch and let it happen. We
are re-living and releasing old stuff. Gently train yourself to simply observe
the memory and feel the feeling. Give it space to just be, and allow it to go
in its own time. Because our recurring problems were felt into being in the first place, feelings are the key to
cleaning them up. Reasoning just won’t work, not for long. Nor will resisting
the feelings; feelings you resist will persist. Venting your feelings doesn’t
work either; that just reinforces them in your psyche, and makes life a misery
for anyone in earshot. But every time you allow a feeling to arise and let it
be until its power diffuses (transmuting), you are clearing the associated
memory banks of baggage you no longer need, and releasing the long-pent-up
emotions. Simply seeing your mind in action is all the cleansing needed, and
you may even feel a burst of lightness when the feeling goes. When that
happens, notice it, be grateful, and come straight back to the present.
3. By all means be rational, but don't be fooled that reason,
logic or positive thinking can defeat risk or the resulting anxiety. It cannot.
There’s a ruthless rule of reality that says – You cannot reason your way out of anything that was not reasoned into
in the first place. And very, very few of our rough spots were ever
reasoned into. Logic and reason are handy to have around, but they’re not duct
tape for the soul.
4. Gather as much useful information as possible.
5. Take in other points of view, the more the better. The more
sides to a situation that you can see and embrace, the more risk-ready and
resilient you become.
6. Don't trust the crowd. The crowd nearly always gets it wrong.
7. Don't believe that trends are the same as certainty. In fact,
be very wary of anything purporting to be “certain”. Certainty was put high on
the room service orders by humans soon after we checked in, and we’ve never
been short on charlatans ready to promise us Certainty. But the truth is, it’s
not on the menu. It never was.
If you really must have certainty, be certain of this – nothing
is certain.
-0-0-0-0-0-
The parts of yourself that you might like to get more familiar
with are those parts of you that are patient, rational, gatherers of
information, not swayed by what the rest of the group thinks or feels, and
psychologically at ease with who you are.
Here's a meditation that you may find as revealing as I do. For
the purpose of the game, assume that our present experiences are actually
answers to questions that we once asked of life – eg. The Answer is “Me writing
this blog”. Perhaps the question years ago was What does it feel like to be a 75-year-old blogger? This game
simply turns upside down the usual question/answer exchange.
I’m going to give you a number of answers, which represent the
truth of your present experience. I’m asking you to suppose what might be the forgotten questions for yourself that
have been answered by each of these experiences as they are with you now. Rest
assured, this is just a game. It is entirely for you and there can be no right
or wrong answers. Its value for you lies in thinking about your Life, not as an
unsolved question, but as a perfect Answer to a question you may have forgotten
you once wondered about.
See if you can find a
question that leads to these answers……
• Living with the family I've got. {That’s the answer. What might the question have been?}
• In the middle of this relationship {What was the question that might have led to
this answer?}
• In the middle of abundance.
• In the middle of scarcity.
• In the middle of knowing.
• In the middle of uncertainty.
• In the middle of sex – your experience= the answer.
What might the question have been?
• In the middle of feeling.
• in the middle of not-feeling.
• In the middle of freedom.
• In the middle of restriction.
• In the middle of experience.
•
In the middle of
all that is.
•
In my middle.
Notice, as you went through
this list with me, any question-answers that came up more than once. There
might be one originating life-question that leads to several experiences.
Similarly, you might also find multiple life-questions that lead to one
experience – nature can be wonderfully economical.
I’ve found this game a
marvellous way of getting to know your true self, and what has motivated you
and led to your current circumstances, state of mind and mood.
I hope, too, that as you’ve
done this exercise, you may have realised that nothing in your life has been
wasted. Your whole life has brought you to this point.
-0-0-0-0-0-
Now let’s address Risk.
At first glance, it's hard to see how risk could be anybody's
friend, which is why there has been such a push to remove the human element
from so much of daily business. Do we really have such a low opinion of ourselves
that we assume we add unnecessary risks to an enterprise? "Rational
risk" seems preferable to the kind of risk that keeps people up at night
and promotes a nagging state of anxiety. Far better, it would seem, to turn
risk into a matter for the number crunchers. The rise of heuristics and computerised
risk assessing testifies to the popularity of Quantified Risk.
But at the same time, Rational Risk has proved to be a dismal
failure. The complex financial instruments that led to the economic collapse of
2008 were devised with the input of physicists and mathematicians, who
supposedly had reduced risk to a sliver. What they didn't count on, and still
don't, is human ego. Human jealousy, greed and rivalry intervene, along with
other psychological factors - denial, competitiveness, temptation,
self-importance and over-reaching. Irrational forces toppled the whole
rationalist scheme - as it was bound to do.
The psychological downfall of those who misjudge risk is writ
large in the current political and economic debacles we find ourselves in. Now
is your opportunity to look into yourself to see the factors that even the most
prominent figures are prey to. Tell the truth to yourself now – do you ever, in
any context....?
1. Deny that there is a problem with your choices and decisions?
2. Freeze, or flip out in the face of crisis?
3. Find yourself in difficulty dealing creatively with fear and
anxiety?
4. Find yourself fixated on winning something? Obsession can
blind you to process. Have you ever been heard to think the ends justify the means, the rules won't apply to me in this case,
I'm above criticism, I can deal with the consequences later?
5. Get competitive - refusing to lose, no matter what it takes,
or who it takes out? Is argument for you a declaration of battle, rather than
an exploration of possibility? Are you never tempted to destroy any opposition
or dis-agreement, or even dismiss it as “stupid”? Have you ever thought “If
you aren't for me, you're against me.”
6. Over-identify or attach your image and reputation to a
project, making the crisis and controls personal? Have you ever recently
suspected you might be over-controlling, focusing on irrelevant details while
losing sight of the big picture.
7. Obfuscate how things, overall, really are. Are you guilty of
looping and distracting attention away from what's really going on.
At the risk of over-simplifying, these psychological blind spots
can be overcome by asking every day, "How am I doing?" I don't mean
this in the sense of how you are performing, or did I win that one, but rather
how do you feel about what's just
happened? Do you rest easy? Can you look others cleanly in the eye, without
having to stare them down. Do you detect signs of stress or anxiety? Is that
enthusiasm emanating from you, or are you putting on a bit of a show, or do you
look as if you've just sucked too hard on a pickle? If so, what are you doing
about it?
We're not talking about psychoanalysing yourself. We're talking
about being aware and in touch
with yourself. Your psyche is constantly changing; change is the only constant.
Being able to stay in touch and in harmony with your ever-changing self is a
huge benefit if you want to keep up with the shifting scene at work or in the
markets. When you are flexible, open, courageous and alert, you are becoming
the master of risk. When you're defensive, aggressive, fearful, jealous and
closed, you will be toppled by your own excesses. Bank on it.
In the end, risk becomes your friend when you have enough self-awareness
and humility to be comfortable with change, uncertainty, and unpredictability.
These are inescapable aspects of life. They're what make it interesting.
Otherwise, we might just as well have stayed home in heaven. It's up to you
whether risks create stress inside or the very opposite - out of uncertainty
can come creativity, new solutions, discovery, and the fulfillment of your
inner potential.
I earned this wisdom back in March 2009 on a 7-hour bus trip
from Bangkok to Surin City. I had sold up everything I owned, packed a few
belongings, and flown to Thailand to start a new life. Suddenly I felt more
utterly alone and vulnerable than ever before in my life. And this is what I
wrote ==
[Rufiyaa
– Phoung Anh]
Hold under>>>>
ON THE BUS -- BANGKOK TO SURIN (March 2009
I am a stranger here.
Leaving the country of my birth at age 66,
I have come to live in this beautiful land,
But a country that has no niche with my name on it...........
I feel like a homeless tourist,
Welcome (up to a point)
And still alien.
I have no control;
I am suddenly so very ordinary
And lost.
I feel my physical and mental well-ness
Being stretched and stressed with such rapid and drastic changes in locale.
My mind's reaction is to search for and attempt to restore
Something familiar --
To retreat from this landscape
To a country more familiar
Into rituals of familiar normality.
But I can't;
This time there's no-where to escape to.
I feel isolated, fearful and un-well.
I can feel myself creating this moment.
In this strange country I must accept whatever comes in the next,
Moment to moment
On its terms, not mine. I have no authority here.
Here, barrelling though picture-card rice paddies
Populated by alien people
Whose lives are filled
With their own concerns,
Notions of my self-esteem and meaning
Have no currency whatsoever.
They have lost their former power
To define and control this experience,
If ever that power really existed.
There's something I can do, though
And I'm doing it with all the focus I can muster --
I'm sensing into the energy of each new locale --
The air-plane, the stopover terminal at K-L,
The Bangkok customs hall,
The bus station booking counter,
The lunch-stop markets.......
And maintaining a sense of balance in each place,
Observing and assimilating "How it's done here",
And being appropriate to that.
Balancing at that level.
Making it deeply OK to be shifted and swept off my feet
By the unfamiliar currents and eddies of a new environment,
Going along with the flow,
And creatively harmonising with it as much as I can.
Surrendering to just this much;
Until I have no more resistance.
When the current slows and allows,
I open up carefully like a newborn babe,
Exploring new and strange sights, sounds and smells gradually
Allowing uncertainty, fear, sadness and loss
To rise and fall --
And allowing a new energy to flow over and through me,
Dissolving the old boundaries between "Will"" and
"Won't".
I've been blessed at just about every check-in counter along the way
With fellow-travellers who seem determined to do it the hard way,
Hanging on for dear life to
their “shoulds”,
Bristling with self-important "Won'ts";
People who resist the way it's happening for them.
Thank you. You remind me that's not the way to do it.
...... I'm learning a lot today
About transformation.”
Fade out>>>>>
[Post Script: I had absolutely no idea
when I wrote these notes, that these experiences would turn out to be a vital
dress-rehearsal to surviving the physical and transformational upheavals
immediately following open heart surgery just 12 months later There are
no accidents......]
HANDLING THE UNKNOWN.... can be a bit like going to live in a new country --
Get out and around, get
familiar with the layout,
Allow yourself to get
creatively lost in strange surroundings.
Learn the language,
Smile "Hi" to the
locals,
Get to know the new rules, the
customs, and "the way it's done here",
And be respectful and
appropriate to them.
Expect some stress,
Our minds usually tolerate
only so much
Before resisting the
unfamiliar.
That's just how minds are.
Practice extending the
threshold of your tolerance.
As you get older, take it from
me – you're going to need it.
Make it OK to be shifted and
tossed around
By the currents and eddies of
change.
Drop every urge to fight the
flow.
It's just culture shock
Make it OK to open slowly
And explore everything
gradually.
There's no need to rush.
Surrender to each new
experience,
And gradually get into harmony
with it.
(Unison is not required –
harmony is pleasing)
Wherever you find yourself,
Sense the energy of each new
space;
Step into it and strike a
fresh sense of balance.
Allow times of uncertainty,
fear, sadness or loss if they crop up --
Such feelings are common and normal
responses to radical change.
Make them OK. Allow new
energies to flow over and through you unimpeded.
Allow old boundaries to
dissolve.
Allow the fullest possible
flush of new freedom
To sweep you up.
Now is the only available time
To be stretched and re-shaped
By the powerful forces of what
is
As yet unknown.
You
need only three items in your travel kit --
• Willingness to venture
• Openness to experience
•
An elastic
personal integrity.
******
With these three
willingnesses, you can be whatever you choose. All you have to do is decide
your destination for now and embrace the journey. Shoulder your belongings, and
put one foot in front of the other, the path will open before you. It always
has, hasn't it? Aren’t you here now?
And it always will. Because when you stand far enough back you'll see that you and your eternal creator are one. You are eternal. The "risk" isn't real. It was just put there to make the game interesting.
Namaste.
[The Tender Trap –
David Bridie (A) – 5:05]
