LAYERS OF CONSCIOUSNESS

If this blogsite had a graphics capability,
I'd have drawn the cross-section of an onion here
With 7 concentric circles.

But I don't know how to do that, so I ask you to imagine it.

Now I'm going to give each layer of this Consciousness Onion a label.
Each label, like all labels, can be used to separate and differentiate one layer from another.
But I'd like you to remember that we're on a fluid continuum --
Let the labels be generally fluid, descriptive and provocative,
Not fixed proscriptive or limiting.
I just want to cast some light on one way that humans experience the different layers of consciousness
And provoke, if you'll let me, an "A-hah!"of recognition from your own experiences.
Here are the phases of consciousness, from the outside in......................

• POSSESSIONS
• OTHER PEOPLE
• BODY
• MIND
• EMOTIONS
• SPIRIT
• SOUL

The layers rank roughly in vibrational frequency order from coarse/slow at the outer edge to fine/fast as we near the centre.

There is no intention to rank one end of the scale as "good" and the other as "bad",

Nor to imply any whiff of concepts like "better" or "worse".

Possessions

In a Possessions consciousness we are furthest from our centre. We define ourselves in terms of what we identify with (own). These include, but are not limited to material possesions, knowledge, power, control, and even symbols of achievenments and enlightenment can also be adopted by ego in this level of consciousness  as "What I am". Jealousy & competition, and beliefs in Scarcity, Lack and Loss thrive in a Possessions climate.

Other People

Our attentions are predominantly in other people's space. We allow our choices and actions to be governed by what others may or may not think and feel. We may be obsessed with our reputation and what "they" think and feel about us. We may be compulsive "helpers", depriving others of the opportunities to learn the lessons they need for their growth. At one end of the scale in this level of consciousness there are altruistic benefactors; at the other end are annoying busybodies and pathetic wallflowers desperate to be liked.

Body

The first level at which attention is focussed at all inwards and some, albeit primitive, measure of self-awareness begins.
Body image and health are usually a major preoccupation in this level of awareness. Instead of having a body, and all the variables, pleasures and challenges that go with that, we identify with our body and what's going on with it; we assume that is what we are. We allow our Self to be defined by this one aspect of our being, almost to the complete exclusion of every other area. (e.g. we say things like "I am sick" and "I'm too fat/thin...etc", rather than "I'm feeling sick", or "I'm carrying more weight than is good for my body.." This may seem a bit pedantic, but it betrays the presence of an unhealthy assumption which we identify with and BECOME. A long-term obsession with Body is unhealthy because, like all the consciousness centres except Soul/Pure Awareness, the body is deteriotating and dying. To the extent that our self-image and self esteem are tied to anything that is deteriorating or can be lost, we're up for a lot of anguish. Never mind, it makes for good drama, and it gives dieticians, makeup manufacturers, gym trainers, plastic surgeons, beauticians and fashion stylists a very healthy income.

Mind

When any being identifies with the Mind, its programmes and contents, we have a state of affairs called Ego. The same comments apply to Mind consciousness as to Body-consciousness above. In fact, it is the ego that is responsible for creating all levels of Consciousness other than Spirit and Soul. Long-term tenants of the Mind find it hard to relate to others emotionally and often become prone to diseases of the heart, stroke, diabetes, and mental dis-orders. Psycho-babble witchdoctors, self-development gurus, sales trainers and PR pushers would go broke in 30 seconds if an asteroid crashed into this layer.

Emotions

We sure as hell know when someone else is living in their emotions -- they gush all over the place and are so "un-reasonable". We also have a pretty good idea when we're wallowing in emotion ourselves, and we use mind-consciousness (reason) to justify squatting there. We don't just have the emotions in this consciousness, we BECOME them. Long-term squatters may develop psychiatric and medical conditions. Drug-pushers (legal and illegal) owe their fabulous fortunes to this level of being. New-age farts and snake-oil roadies find this realm a fertile playground.

Spirit

The beginning point of Consciousness -- Awareness with limitations. At this level we are aware of another side to our being beside our human nature. In reverse order, from the Soul outwards, this is the point at which duality began so that the being could become self-aware. From this point outward, frequencies are lowered so that the Being can access experiences that are not available to it at this high-frequency level. God-botherers start around here somewhere, but soon descend, like the rest of us, into lower levels, robed in their holy righteousness.

Soul

Pure Awareness. Thought, untainted by thoughts -- faster even than the speed of light. The deathless Absolute. The creator and unsubjective, unconcerned witnesser of all lower levels of consciousness. This is the core of what we are, but we cannot know it from this space. Because there is no duality here, there is no way of looking in a mirror. There is nothing to look inwards and see. From this we came, to have all the experiences available in each of the other levels of consciousness, and to this we will return with that knowing intact.

GENERAL PRINCIPLES

A consciousness or way-of-being that is centred on (e.g.) one's possessions will provoke perceptions, create hierarchies of values, ethics and importance, and attract people and events that differ at least in quality (if not content) from those that arise in a consciousness emanating from elsewhere on the scale (e.g. Spirit). Behaviour that is acceptable, and maybe even lauded at one level of consciousness, may come in for heavy disapproval at another level. Things that are seen at one level, will be seen differently at another level, or may not be seen at all.

Perceptions and events that happen in one level of consciousness do not happen in isolation: Everything interacts, and cause-effects are felt right across the spectrum, including and especially the level of Soul/Pure Awareness/Space-Time. Everything that is and happens affects the cosmic Awareness, and Awareness affects everything that is and happens. Experiences are felt in ways that are pertinent to wherever on the spectrum our attention is at the time. And collective experience and personal experience co-exist concurrently in, through and around us; there is no separation in space or time. It is this phenomenon that ensures that individual experience is, at one and the same time, part of the collective experience. Which means, if you want to change the world, change your experience of it. Your experience is contagious.

The bottom line is -- whatever's going on -- pay attention.

As far as god is concerned, (regardless of what priests and gurus will tell you) there's no layer that is preferable to any other. There's no place you should be. My mother chose to strive (and I mean "strive") to live as much as she could in the realms of Spirit and Soul. I, on the other hand, have chosen to spread myself  and explore as far and as often as possible, as widely as I can over the whole area. Sure, my discriminating ego has limiting preferences; I let them go as much as I can. My point is that, while there are remarkable differences, and changes in the balance of advantages and disadvantages as we slide along the scale, one level is no "better" than any other. Find what works for you, and be prepared to move along when where you are no longer serves your purpose.

Speaking of god, by the way -- no matter how far off-centre I've gone, I've found god there, indiminished. So far, and I have been to hell and back, I have not found any place where god, the undiscriminating witnesser, is not ever-present.

I'm reassured by that as I head off into the unknown of this next moment.......

THE RIGHT AGE

Old enough to know better,
And young enough to go ahead anyway.

ENERGY ABSOLUTE

It wasn't until after Einstein discovered the principle of Relativity,
That we could even begin to appreciate that,
As we approach the speed of light,
Mass and energy begin to exchange qualities.
The boundaries differentiating them begin to blur.

Concepts of time, space, matter, energy and light
Are all different types of a larger/faster dynamic --
Pure thought.
They are all "thought-in-motion",
And they are inextricably inter-related;
Not one of these concepts has any meaning
Independently of the others.

Some kinds of consciousness (e.g. labelled negative, material, victim...)
Create experiences mainly at the slower-vibrating velocity end of the scale.
Another, higher-vibrating kind of consciousness (e.g. labelled positive, spiritual, creative, quantum....) is required
If we want to effectively deal with events
In which our whole lexicon of ideas, beliefs and expectations about space, time, reality and unreality, morality, ethics, social consciousness,
Get turned inside-out.
The energies needed to deal creatively with such upheavals
Belong to another dimension,
Than the one we're in when our world shifts and shakes.
And our minds are not going to cross those boundaries --
Not ahead of us, anyway.
Pioneering is not on the Mind's job description.
For breakthrough
We need to get out of mind
And open up to intuition and inspiration.

If we're not happy where we are,
We have to welcome and allow any energies
That disturb our existing stability
And shuck us out of our shell.
This is where our mind goes NUTS! --
"Stability = Good: Instability = Bad"!!! has been so deeply and unquestioningly ingrained in our consciousness,
We never question whether we've been looking at the truth,
Or a mirror-reversal of it.........

"Instability = Good; Stability = OK for R & R, but not forever"

Look, we all started this conscious life with a traumatic, chaotic upheaval (birth).
But we got so scared by that, we missed the fact that life post partem has been much fuller, freer, more exciting, and still packs a lot more possibility.
A shakeup of the existing condition
And a radical shift of location to a bigger womb (that didn't feel like "womb")
Were the price of utterly new possibility --
And still are.
It's the spice of the adventure of being alive --
Enjoy it!
And if you can't enjoy it,
Enjoy not-enjoying it.
At the very least, you know you're alive!

There has to be some kind of breakdown
Before a break-through.
Whether it's subtle or cataclysmic
Depends on how quickly you get the message.

Any forces that dis-ease our equilibrium
Are a good start to the process,
But we do have to venture further.
Without an accompanying complete Shift of being,
We're just jerking around on the spot,
Having a bad time, for no good reason,
And getting the same old quality of results
That go with the level of consciousness we're stuck in.

How do we know when a Shift has happened?
Well, an "A-hah!" is a good sign;
A moment when we change our mind about something,
A dawning that comes from seeing something differently.
It may be the moment when we move from feeling victimised by our dis-eases
To allowing our self to be re-defined by what's going on.
That switch of perspective is, firstly and usually
An act of grace,
Then a daily personal, deliberate choice,
At least until it replaces the old way of seeing and reacting.

Higher, more inclusive energy states
Manifest better quality results.
Our dis-eases, relieved of resistance,
Lose their toxicity.
We can see more options,
And we're better able to make choices
In harmony with the whole.

When we're immersed in conflict with dis-ease
We're usually unaware of engaging in a parallel fight
With subtler, more powerful levels of consciousness
Because we've become deadened to their existence
And inured to the resulting chronic en-heavyment.
But that is precisely what's happening --
We're at war with our own evolutionary destiny.
We're resisting Paradise
Because we have a mistaken idea
About what the road to the Emerald City should look like .

It is the role of the awakened healer
To provide by his/her simple presence
The contrast of inner silence, insight and clarity
To others who've forgotten that it exists.
It is also the healer's role
To lead those who seek
To a place where they are either invited or challenged
To Shift to a place where they can see where they're stuck
And realise that their deepest longings are ready and available.
But, like the old adage about leading a horse to water,
The seeker has to actually create that shift:
No-one can do that for him.
Every individual is 100% accountable for his situation
And 100% responsible for his own growth.

Transformation is like dying
Out of an old way of being
Into a radically new consciousness.
If we can make that transition
Before the dis-eases of being human usher us to physical death,
We get to enjoy the prize -- enlightenment while we're still conscious.
Heaven on earth is just as possible
As the hell most of us put ourselves through
In the search for it.

Transforming can be a bit of a tug-o'-war......
At one end, low-level coarser consciousness is using us to perpetuate itself.
At the same time, a higher awareness in us
Is seeking to extend its evolvement into a finer level of our being --
A level where subtler and more sensitive energies arise
To interplay with the cruder personal dramas, comedies, exaggerations and contractions already familiar to us.

Existence is continually expanding, and balancing itself, cosmically and personally.
But we resist the move to expand
Because we fear it.
At the first twinges of discomfiture, out of sheer habit,
We go looking for the Causes and Cures....
Find out what's wrong,
Find out how it should work,
And fix it....
Isn't that how we do it?

This is such a narrow sliver of  truth!
It completely overlooks the possibility
That discomfiture may be a symptom of something going right!
It overlooks the existence in human experience
Of entertainments like hurdles, unexpected detours, delays, blind alleys, hidden surprises, red herrings,
Sudden insights, quantum leaps, linear evolution, genius, miracles and flashes of inspiration....
Higher-frequency phenomena without causes
And no need of cures,
Or explanations.
Such "miracles" are nature's invitation
To get out of our heads more often
And live longer in wonder
And enjoy the adventure we came for.

Free yourself:
Open up.
Relax.
Seek not just to live,
But to live absolutely
Over the fullest spectrum of experience you can allow.
Then let go some more,
And more,
And more.....

GROUP ENERGY

[A note for group leaders, counsellors and therapists]


The energy available to a couple
Is exponentially greater than that available to a solitary individual,
And far less than the energy available to a group.

The kind of energy available to a group is shaped
By what the group interaction is consecrated to.
(e.g. A group huddling together for survival taps into denser levels consciousness than a group gathering to contemplate an aspect of their spirituality.)
PS. When a group gathers to contemplate spirituality in order to survive (mollify their egos), they get "religion".

Focusing on particular "problems"
May temporarily lift the patient out of his/her experience of the problem,
But what is empowering the problem is still there,
And the therapist will find the problem awakened in him, too.
[Whatever we teach, we have to learn, and learn again.]
Schizophrenic and autistic patients, for example, can disturb the therapist
More than the therapist can balance and quieten the patient:
Disturbed children working at a higher vibrational energy level
Can radiate a stronger induction effect on the therapist
Than the therapist can do for them.
{You have to know your stuff;
And knowing means more than merely remembering what you read
In order to pass your exams].

The best thing the system can do for therapists (and their patients)
Is to balance their ongoing training
With specific training to broaden the frequency range of their operating energy levels
By taking them into a group dynamic
That is consecrated and orchestrated to accelerate their personal transformation.

I have found several qualities in counselors and therapists who can actually heal --

• They're all directly awakened to higher energies. They don't just know about them, they use them as a guiding beacon and a safety line, and they go there for in-tuition, sustenance and renewal.
• They're all comfortable with their lower energies, and they're not afraid to go anywhere down there to work with each patient wherever he/she is emotionally and spiritually.
• They have an ever-maturing aura of unconditionality. They're non-judgmental.
• They have an amazing moment-by-moment capacity to rebalance, aided by their expanding awareness of the whole picture.
• They have the capacity to release, at the first sign, any tendency to contract or repress.

EMPOWERING "STUFF"

Here's a koan --

How do I engage with this problem/disease

Without empowering it?

How do I empower Whole-ing (Healing)?

CONSCIOUS SHIELDING

Have you chosen transformation for your self?
If you haven't yet made that commitment,
You may like to skip this.
If you have, I have a heads-up for you
On something you're going to come up against,
A naturally occurring phenomenon which is endemic to human beings of every race and creed --
The  Anti-Transformation Shield.

The human mind is manic about stability --
The stability of itself and of its one-sided, contradictory ideas.
That is the way mind is designed.
This is neither good nor bad,
It's just the way it is.
Human minds abhor anyone or anything that rocks the boat
(Including yourself!)
Ego Mind, unlike the cosmic mind, does not, and will never  know Balance.....
The ability to find and maintain equilibrium in a chaotic environment.
The cosmic mind is chaos, and finds balance;
The human mind hates chaos, and looks for stability.
To get balance, you have to get "out of your mind".

Transformation and evolution are a direct affront to stability;
They not only rock the boat,
They sometimes capsize it!
Un-conscious ego/mind is terrified.

Ego/Mind has a natural, unconscious shielding process against anything it considers to be a threat to itself,
Including  the threat of transformation.
So what do we do about that?
Outright opposition to our mind and its mechanisms
Will not work;
You can't defeat your mind with your mind.
How do we circumvent the mind?
Consider this....
Try using your mind as an ally
By creating a conscious shield around your transforming.

As we explore deeper into awareness,
Some kind of conscious protective nurturing process is important,
Especially during the early stages of each phase.
For example, we have to be aware of the possibility
Of our own misplaced motivations  for growth,
Such as an underlying greed for peace,
Or for new and more sensational or extraordinary experiences,
Or - my favourite - impatience with the rate of our development.
Such motivations for transformation are going to get us into trouble.
To cope with them we can first develop a basic, no-nonsense self-honesty
(In fact, we won't get far without it.)
To modulate the speed of one's unfolding we can use tools like nutritional diet, sex, exercise, meditation and activities that allow us to share energy with others.
These are all examples of physical conscious shielding.

The more balanced or resourceful we become,
The more accommodating we become of shifts and drifts.
But there are still certain levels of energy
That we cannot tolerate for too long
Before we start to shut down.
I'm not talking just about pain and illness here;
There's only so much pleasure we can take, too,
Before it starts to become uncomfortable.
(How long can you stand being tickled before you do your block?)

So what do we do about it?
Well, walling off consciousness by surrounding yourself (or another) with white light
Is a primitive level of spiritual shielding that often works.
More mature still, when you can manage it, is to become transparent to surging energy
Out of a deep and imperturbable sense of acceptance of what's happening.
That takes practice. Don't get discouraged if you don't succeed at first.
Start by letting small, manageable bits of the energy in question pass through you at first.
You're learning new skills -- be patient with yourself.

With practice, both forms of shielding --
Throwing a white-light cover, and becoming transparent --
Offer us an experience of growing mastery (not control)
Over our experience.

Just to wonder about shielding, without paranoia, is important.
When stuff arises,
Instead of opposing it,
Think about consciously reframing it;
Meditate -- feel your way into a wider context to contain what's happening
And FEEL some truthful answers to yourself in response to the following questions..........

• What part of my being is essentially pure and unconcerned at the moment? [The answers you're looking for will not be the ones heard in words, but those sensed in silence. If nothing comes immediately, don't be discouraged. Stay with the question, and stay aware. Your "answers" will come]
• Who is the final arbiter of what I'm experiencing now?
• What part of me am I consecrating my life to right now? (The aggrieved victim, or the master observer?)
• What else am I consecrating my life to? (In reality, not ideally)
• Where does my sense of god and the universe finally rest in my awareness?
• Where am I now in relation to that?
• Is this loving, or wrathful?

Different facets within our being evolve at different rates,

And at different rates to others.

Each facet has its own level of tolerance to rising levels of intensity;

This is one reason why a rush to transformation can become counter-productive 

If pushed to hard or too fast.

• For what level of my being is this shield provided?
• Is there any part of me now that is not new, not vulnerable, and not developing?
• Is there any sense in where I'm at now of good or bad? Right or wrong? OK or not OK?

Conscious shielding is only meant to be temporary, for as long as it's needed to nurture the newness into a life of its own, and not a moment longer. Shielding will be needed for as long as we're still feeling an interplay of "good" and "bad" forces. The second we realise that duality no longer dangles us, the shields can be dropped.

There is a higher plane of Wholeness and Is-ness

Where no experience is felt as either good or bad,

Better or worse, bearable or unbearable.

Don't go looking for that --

The search will push it away.

Simply know that it is there;

And it will come to you

When you are ripe.

In the meantime, wherever you are, ask yourself......

• Can I meet my Self in this place?

ON THE MOVE TOWARDS WHOLENESS

Perturbation is the incubator of Transformation.
That may be good news (if perturbation is what you've got)
Or bad news (if perturbation is what you're desperate to avoid).

We are shielded naturally from perturbation
By our own un-consciousness
And by any ideas, beliefs, attitudes and expectations about reality
That invite us to operate in a narrower, lower dimension.

Once we begin, though, to open up to less conditional and more aware states
And higher-frequency levels of wholeness,
This unconscious protective matrix, intrinsic to ego/mind,
Is automatically and intentionally weakened.
The resulting expansion experience is turning out to be
An acceleration  of the death/rebirth process.

There are odd times when I find this transition quite disturbing.
Some mornings feel a bit like "Groundhog Day" --
Being thrust backwards to a recurring Beginning
That develops into a something new and more vulnerable than yesterday.
It's no surprise at this stage
That my ego is coming in for a massive shakeup and a bit of a bruising,
But all egos teeter and bruise rather easily, don't they?
(Especially the seemingly tougher ones!)
My mind, of course, wants to counter-revolt.
It throws up all its old shields,
But now there's a whiff of desperation in the air;
It senses the game is up.
There's a keen awareness going on concurrently
That this is something quite unlike any place I've ever been before.
There's a softer, more powerful imperative calling me
To work more intuitively and creatively
Because there are no valid precedents now to guide (or limit) me.
I'm making it up as I go along.

In this state I'm becoming very aware
Where previously hidden shields and boundaries were,
And I'm finding ways to master
The shifts of subtler energies and dimensions.

I mention the uncomfortable, unfamiliar side of what's going on
Because I don't want you to be under any illusion that transformation is a doddle,
And be put off by the reality of it.
There's a reason that Transformation is the road less travelled......
The discomforts that accompany an invitation to transform
Convince most people that there's something "wrong",
And the automatic protective shields and defences are activated
To make these "bad" feelings go away.
Unless you override the tick-tock defence mechanics,
Yet another opportunity will go begging.

If you get fazed by the initially unpleasant deterrents to transformation
And continue to avoid or block moves to open up,
You'll be turning your back on your full inheritance
Of being human.
Touching, allowing and moving beyond the tick-tock
Empowers us.
When we find ourselves inexplicably forced
To re-contemplate areas we thought were resolved,
Or to enter levels we may have heard about,
But have no idea about until we actually experience them,
We are rewarded by accelerating maturity,
A deeper and more genuine level of compassion for others
And the insight of an experience few people live long enough afterward to share around.
(I say that because most people evade, avoid and resist the inevitable
Until the process of dying at last forces them,
Very, very reluctantly, to go through it.)

Here are two things worth remembering
As you develop your psychic skills and appreciate a larger reality --

1. In order to perceive something, you have to enter the level of reality in which that thing was created, and in which it exists. You will develop a facility for flicking between levels of awareness.
2. You will see not only what you want to see, but you will also see things you may NOT want to see. It is neccessary to look at all you see with the same sense of balance.

Which leads me to the biggie that lies behind the old adage -- Be careful what you ask for -- you might get more than you bargained for.........

In the process of creating what you want

You may also be creating what you don't want,

And/or what you might not even have imagined.

"I feel I may be creating the very thing I'm most afraid of."

That's the stopper!
This, I think, lies at the heart of our dread of transformation --
The recognition that what we most desire lies inside what we're most afraid of,

And the fearful realisation that we have to relinquish all control,

Including control over the outcome.

It is true in my experience that
As consciousness expands
Those areas I fear most or formerly rejected outright
Seem at first to grow larger and more real.
And I'm blowed if I know why!
Is there some cosmic joker who delights
In making the journey of evolution
Look and feel like some fairground horror-ride?
Why is it that every step out of the fall from grace
Looks worse from underneath than the step you're on?
I don't know.
But standing in a pool of "Why's" is a sure way to stay stuck.
("Why's" ain't wise.)
That's the way the game goes;
Get on with it.
[I spent most of my first 45 years
Taking the road more-frequented
And finished up getting just as lost as those around me.
I headed up the slippery slopes of consciousness
With all my conditional ideas of right or wrong, better or worse, real or not-real....
And got to be right, miserable and back where I started, over and over again]
.
Nowadays when faced with options, I do the opposite;
I discard the comfort stuff
And choose the less obvious, the less-popular, the less comfortable-looking way through.
It seems to be working;
I'm not the same person I was 10 years ago,
And that's only happened since I gave up trying to change!

I've found an absolute, unconditional centre of awareness
From which to view everything that's happening.
Unfortunately, I don't live here yet,
But even the occasional visit is enough
To let me get my bearings
Before I get creatively lost again.

Here's one way to break the inevitable deadlocks......
Resolve any separating emotions,
By making them OK.
Make (e.g.) fear OK
By making it OK to have both the fear, and the thing that is feared.
Make anger OK
By making it OK to have both the anger and that which you're angry about.
Make sadness OK
By making it OK to have the sadness, and the object of your grief......
Get it?

Opening up your heart,
Giving a deep "Yes" to everything,
And exploring the transforming process for all its worth
Will deliver you by far the richest, most involving, all-embracing, challenging and rewarding experiences you will ever have in your life.
You will, at last,
Live fully
While you're still alive enough to enjoy it.

CLEARING UP MY STUFF

My commitment, at this time of my life,

Is to have done with dying

Before I die,

So that I can live

Before I die.

But sometimes it feels like I'm nowhere near there.

Each and every one of us has hyper-soft spots --
Areas of immaturity
Where we protectively recoil, whether consciously or not,
From some threatening aspect of living.
We hive off into our caves to avoid
The very experiences we've been presented with
For our growth.

The never-ending challenge
Of identifying, facing and engaging with these periods of contraction
Is an essential part
Of exploring higher levels of awareness.
Transformation is an open-air activity;
It will never happen in hiding.

Don't hear "should" in what I'm saying.
If you insist, you can spend the rest of your life
With one foot on the Escape Hatch.
There's no demand from existence (that I'm aware of)
That we have to be cured from anything,
Or that our stuff has to be cleaned up once and for all time --
(I'm beginning to wonder if that's actually at all possible.)
But with one foot firmly planted in the grave,
We aren't going to get far.
If we're going to venture to higher levels of awakening
We have to get out of the womb,
And be re-born,
As uncomfortable as that might be.
We absolutely have to acknowledge and own ALL that we already are,
Incorporate everything new that shows up in our face,
And allow all of it to be -- yes --
"In me, as it is on earth, so it is in heaven.".
This is one face of what Healing is --
Committing matrimony between "Not-Me" and "Me".

To attempt to assist others with their healing
Without incorporating one's own healing (whole-ing) as an overarching priority in the pocess
Is foolhardy, doomed to failure and, frankly,
The height of arrogant conceit.
(Physician, heal thyself.)

I've found it comforting to know
That when stuff comes up for each of us
It is because sufficient love and energy has been generated
To allow this stuff to come forward.
If it's in your face, it is time.
And I'm often somewhat awed at how life waits with the lessons
Until you have the resources (inner and outer) to handle them.
I've found that we can trust that absolutely.
When the student is ready,
The circumstances and the teachers appear.

No Strain

When "stuff" is activated, and does not resolve easily,
Slow down.
Don't push it --
(Shit at your own speed, or you'll get haemorrhoids).
Whenever you detect a dynamic of recoil,
Don't try to push deeper until that resistance is resolved.
Get help if you need it.

I'm going through multiple physical and emotional challenges at the moment
Following major surgery,
A new, fairly heavy medication to assist my heart,
And a major lifestyle change.
I'm now under considerable constraint from my body /mind
To curb my natural and habitual impatience with myself
And what I see to be a slow rate of "progress",
And be much kinder to myself than hitherto.
My system has now become so sensitive
That I can feel every contraction and resistance focusing me narrowly on the immediate crisis.
I stress out very quickly
And temporarily lose some peripheral vision of the wider reality
And my sense of that detached, unconditional Witness Point.
I lose sight of that and get embroiled in my stuff.

I need time to mature further,
And the internal forbearance to allow however long that takes
To be irrelevant.

I also need patience with well-meaning acquaintances
Who see only the downside discomforts of what I'm going through.
Who ignore my pleas that "I'm OK -- really! I want to do this!"
And try to interfere
And "fix" me.
(These are, of course, people who won't face their own stuff.)

Our "stuff", when engaged, becomes life-changing.
It becomes our "Get-Out-of-Gaol" card.
Nothing in my life now is remotely the same as it was 3 months ago.
Thank God!!
And I'm spinning out --
Literally and figuratively.
And, as uncomfortable and even distressing as it may feel at times,
I'm deeply happy about that!!
This place, this edge of chaos
Is where transformation happens.
This nibbling and gnawing away at all the old realities
Is transformation -- happening.
Anything less is just (small) change.

Let me challenge you --
If you are not entering and engaging openly
With a sense of chaos and un-doing,
You're just changing skins.
And if you find yourself wanting to save someone
Who is willingly having an experience you wouldn't be seen dead in --
Mind your own business.

So this is healing,
But healing doesn't feel like I thought it would:
I feel, at the same time, so ill and so alive!!
This heightened presence in this here/now
And the fact that I have, at times, to consciously create my next moment
(Otherwise it isn't going to happen)
Is the essential experience of resolving "stuff".
In the privacy of my bunker I've lately been doing a fair amount of expressing, catharting, denying and repressing,
All of which effectively quarantine and preserve (i.e. avoid transmuting) these unwanted feelings that I've been avoiding all my life.
Every bout of resistance costs me a simoultaneous loss of connection with Being-ness.

But underneath these lapses, I remain committed to go through whatever comes up,
At whatever level it comes up.
I treat the lapses as part of the lesson.
My Spirituality is the only constant that I have, or need, to hang on to
Because that goes with me, hand-in-hand, wherever I go in consciousness.
But I've now discovered that the old spiritual practices and disciplines
Now get in the way of spirit-being.
"Doing" spirituality has in the past been a holy haven,
A look-good way of shielding myself
From genuine engagement with fully living the human life
And shielding me from the rawness of transformation.

So -- spirituality is a state of awareness-being, not of doing.
Spirituality it is not a cure-all for anything,
It is what we are, whether ill or well, connected or separated, happy or pissed off.
Outside of the death of the body/mind,
There is no cure for being human;
Nor any need for it.
There's nothing to be fixed -- just lived as totally as we can.

OK.
Let's see where this leads...............

BELIEFS -- STIMULATING OR STUNTING?

Beliefs -- infrastructure of the mind.

Beliefs act as a kind of scaffolding
To join the dots of experiences that we've had.
They're designed to be temporary bridges
Over the vast area of experiences we have not yet had;
They are gap-fillers over what we do not yet know.
They're very handy for making some quick sense of a new situation,
So that we can find our feet as quickly as possible
And get on with the game of exploring and discovering.

A problem arises, however, when these make-do structures become permanent.
Because they cover over what we could get to know
With what we don't know,
They obscure possibility and opportunity for growth.
Another problem with beliefs is that by far the largest number of them aren't even ours;
They were handed to us, complete with umpteenth-hand dots, as "gospel truth"
By people we respected and loved
Before we even had for ourselves the experiences they were supposed to interconnect.
These beliefs connect experiences we only think we've had.
And the experiences we think we've had
Have been forged by the adopted belief,
Because all beliefs are self-proving.

Whatever beliefs we adopt,
We get to be right about them.
They become "our" truth,
And, while they are in place, we get to experience life
As if they are "the " truth.


I don't yet know whether it's possible for a human being
To get to a place of permanently living without beliefs,
And I  admit I don't even really want to.
Because they have the power to create experience,
Beliefs are fun to play with,
As long as you know their limitations,
And don't stand on them for longer than they're creative and useful to you.

But some beliefs become rusted-on
And weigh heavily on our freedom to be,
Precluding any curious exploration of alternatives,
And defying all attempts to dismantle them.
Listen.
Now and then, tune in to your own self-talk,
And become aware of some of the negative beliefs you have about yourself, others, and life in general.
Pick one -- any one.
Then stand in the question "Is this empowering me, or crippling me? Am I being my own best friend by allowing "I" to talk to me like this??"
An honest person is ruthless in examining
Whether he/she is coming from a true knowing
Or a belief.

And as Socrates said --
"An honest man is always a child......"
Curious and non-judgmental.


I prefer beliefs that I can play with,
That sit lightly,
That provoke and allow the exploration
Of new, apparently contradictory and paradoxical possibilities,
And that are easily re-formed or dismantled
When they reach their "use-by" date.

When I realise I'm positioned on a belief, I ask myself
"Is this belief still creative, or has it become a limitation?
Does it still bring challenge and the possibility of growth?

Does it stimulate me or stunt me?"

If it no longer serves you --
Chuck it.

PARDONING & FORGIVING (for those in mourning)

In the act of pardoning
There is still an attachment
To the past
And a withhold
In the present.

Forgiveness is a let-go;
No attachment,
No unfinished business.
The slate is clean.

When pardon has been granted
There is still some forgiving yet to happen.
When all is forgiven
There remains nothing to pardon.

Death is the ultimate let-go --
Absolute. Total.
You take nothing with you through that gateway,
Nothing.
There isn't room.......

Know this ----
When our loved ones die
All is forgiven
(As far as they are concerned)
All that remains
Is for us to forgive our self.

GETTING TO KNOW YOURSELF

There are things that we know about ourselves,
And there are things that we know that we don't know.

But what about the things about ourself
That we don't know that we know,
And, worse still, those that we don't know that we don't know?
These are the moles that sabotage us,
Working away in the background to undo our best and noblest intentions.

Wanna know what they are?

Start listening to your critical inner dialogue about other people.
You think you're talking about them?
How could you? -- you do not know them
Anywhere near as accurately or insightfully
As you think you do.

So who is your onboard judge/critic banging on about?
You, that's who.

Whatever you see in another
Is a reflection of an aspect of yourself.

You're looking into a mirror,
And as you are with those reflections,
So you are with your self.

You could decide to be grateful for the in-sights
Or you could continue to pin them elsewhere
And wonder why the world around you continues to be populated
By such undesirables.

TWO MANTRAS

#.1.

I know....

I am.....

I own.....

It is......

#.2.

Be.....

Allow.....

And move beyond......

UNCONDITIONAL LOVE

You say you want to experience unconditional love?
There is a thought that we ought to love unconditionally:
That is, in itself, conditional.
Unconditional love
Allows everything,
Including conditionality.
Unconditional Love is a universal "Yes",
Without any conditions,
Without any conditioning.
Are you sure you can embrace something that large?
Not with your mind, you won't.

Unconditional love Is What-Is .....
The space that holds and sustains us
Through every experience.

Everything we have ever experienced
Has happened because we wanted that experience.
But sometimes we get caught up in a negative emotion,
Judge our experience
And shut down on it.
But that's our doing -- not God's

Whatever the experience is,
Unconditional Love says "Go for it;
That's OK,
And you're OK for wanting it."

If we could get that,
Guilt would be gone
Along with the rest of the dinosaurs.

Does that scare you?
What would the world be like without guilt --
Without some "Thou shalt not's"?
How would you know?
Have you ever lived in a world without guilt?
Without "No's"?
I have, many times, fleetingly.
What does it feel like....?
Free.
Happy.
Responsible.
Appropriate.
In love...........

And then I return to live
In this conditional world,
I take up the challenge to "let it be".

Who was it who said "How come you're trying to remove a splinter from your neighbour's eye
While you've got this bloody great plank stuck up your arse"?
I know that Unconditional Love begins and ends
With me.
I start with continually relaxing around
The condition that I think ought to be unconditional.

THE HOLOGRAPHIC NATURE OF REALITY

A hologram is created by the interaction
Of two beams of laser light --
A pure carrier beam,
And an imperfect beam containing the information.
The signal beam intersects and "interferes" with the carrier beam,
And the interaction of the two creates an illusion
Of a three-dimensional image that looks real,
And isn't.

As with a hologram,
The energy waves of our personal experience
Collide and inter-fere
With the focused, pure, cohesive energy
That enlivens, permeates and supports all of existence.

It is the interfering of the "I/Me" ego and it's divisive boundary-sentry activities
That holds us backward
From experiencing the unifying energy
Of "We".

When our energy loses awareness of its core life-source,
The resulting image/experience becomes chaotic, disjointed and disconnected --
A derangement that seems disturbingly real,
Painful,
And intensely personal.

So what's the solution to reconnecting with the core energy?
Simple.
Remember that it exists
Here and now.
Yes, it's that easy.
For as often as you forget,
Remember.

As we re-refine our awareness
And access new levels of being,
We automatically become increasingly aware
Of the presence of the pure carrier energy
That animates and unifies all our experiencing.
The dramas and comedies becomes less and less personal,
And more awarefully universal.

The "I" becomes "We".

We are the Whole
Of that which we thought we were either were only a part,
Or not at all.

We are the Whole of it.....
We are......
We......
Are.

Aahhh.......

The day we die
The interference will fade away,
Leaving pure, Is-ful Awareness.

ON THE OTHER HAND........

Do you remember a time when you were dog-tired,
And it felt as if the whole world was coming down on you?
Yet, when you woke up the next morning,
Rested and refreshed,
Those same things didn't look nearly as calamitous
As they had the night before?

It feels similar when we change our point of view,
Our perspective,
Our way of seeing "It",
Our level of being......
When we look at something from a different viewpoint,
We can get an entirely fresh perspective on it;
We can see things we couldn't see before,
And things that previously seemed so monstrous,
Suddenly take on an entirely different shape.

There is, however, a cost to this --
In order to see something from somewhere else,
We do have to relinquish the position we're standing on,
And human minds just hate doing that.

We don't, however, have to make our present position "Wrong" in order to get off it;
We just have to let go our righteous, compulsive grip on it.
We don't have to make a new possibility "right" in order to try it on,
We just have to give it a sincerely curious "maybe...let's see."

Isn't it wonderful to know
That we all have the power and the ability
To change our experience of what is so for us
At will?
Simply by changing our point of view
(i.e. the point from which we view it).

Having gotten a new perspective, though, we have to be ready
To let that go, too,
Before it becomes another fixed position --
Another set of concrete boots to weigh us down.

Take what you get,
And become another context,
Another level of awareness and being,
And get yet another perspective,
And another one,
And yet another........
Ad infinitum.............

LAYERS OF ENERGY & AWARENESS

Our only reality is our here/now experience of a thing, person or event;
If something isn't in your experience, it isn't real --
It doesn't exist -- to you.
It you believe something exists,
Then your experience is of the belief, not of the thing itself.

But even the experiences we do actually have
Are abstract, unpredictable, not-measurable, and cannot be agreed upon;
In fact, the very opposite of what we assume reality to be
(i.e. concrete, predictable, measurable, and something we can agree on)
Moreover, experiences that we consider to be "real"
Vary in intensity from strong to weak,
In length from moments to decades,
And can come up and/or evaporate over a lifetime or in an instant.
In short, Experience -- our only reality -- is highly ephemeral and exclusively personal
Even while it's happening.
If two people are present at the same event,
There are two very discrete experiences of that event happening.
So-called Agreement is, at best, limited and highly unreliable
Because, given the fact that our actual-feeling-experiences differ,
We don't really know 100% what it is we're actually agreeing on.....
We can't agree about that.

And "sharing an experience" is just not possible --
I cannot have your experience, nor can you have mine.
"Sharing experience" is a cosy superstition,
Beloved of romantics and sentimentalists,
But nothing more.
The best that being human allows us to do
Is for you to have your experience
And me to have mine --
Together.
We can always compare notes
And gain some depth from the binocular synergy.
That ain't so bad, is it?

What we experience is very largely determined
By the level of Awareness and Energy we're in at the time of the experience.
Things that are obvious at one level of awareness
May appear very different,
Or even be completely invisible at another.
When someone sincerely declares "I have no option",
It may be absolutely pointless arguing that point;
The other, if willing, must be taken on a journey to another level of awareness
Where he/she can see other possibilities for themselves.
This is why really effective communicators spend a good deal of time and energy corralling their audience into some kind of unifying Context before they even attempt to evoke any major insights or experience.

There are differing ways of viewing things
That emanate from differing points on a sliding scale
Of Awareness.
This scale ranges from -- at one end -- an almost universal, "in-here"/"me", separating perspective
That usually blankets our thinking and feeling,
To the other end of the perspective spectrum --
A much less-common, wider and more unifying, "out-here"/"us" standpoint.
An event witnessed while we're parked at the lower end of this Awareness/Energy scale
Is going to be a very different experience from the same event
If it's experienced from the higher end.
In other words, the quality and content of what you're experiencing will depend a lot
On what you're wallowing in or floating on, and the mood you're in, at the time.

I want to make the point very strongly
That the words "lower" and "higher", when applied to levels of awareness,
Indicate the vibrational frequency of the experience,
And not to any moral evaluation of "right" or "wrong''.
I am not inferring that one end of the scale is "good",
And the other, "bad".
On the contrary,
My suggestion is that, no matter where we think we are on the Enheavyment/lightenment Scale,
We would benefit as human-beings
From broadening our willingness
To experience more of the spectrum than we currently allow.

At the moment when we get out of our heads,
When something happens that provokes us
To see something differently,
When perception clicks from a narrower "me" to a wider "us" perspective,
Or vice versa,
There lies a moment of insight and awakening --
An "A-hah!"
The more often we're willing to change our mind,
The more "A-Haha's"" we're bound to get......
"A-hah, a-hah, a-hah, hah, hah, hah............."

Pschoanalytic science and practice does its work at the crude "Me" end of the scale;
Spiritual awareness lies at the more refined, "Us" end of the axis.
Spirituality underpins the whole shebang

It's heartening to contemplate the possibility that
The more obvious motivations, attitudes, think-ings, fee-lings and do-ings
Originating from that unawakened "Me/My" viewpoint
Are relatively automatic reactions
To our being penetrated or perturbed
By higher energies that are emanating from an unperceived, subtler level of our being.
The urge to Evolve is knocking at the door.
Rather than complain about the interruption,
We may do well to answer the call.
But that requires a conscious effort to reach out
For something we've lost touch with......

Sometimes life feels as it we're living at the centre of a cocoon,
Surrounded, insulated and isolated
By layers of screens and filters to perception
Which open and close according to the overall level of awareness
We're in at the moment.
These filters and screens are energised selectively
By the differing levels of energy animating our awareness at the time.
Low-level "Me" awareness activates screening that allows in only self-reinforcing, low-level feelings, thoughts, and perceptions.
Higher-level stuff is there, but it just doesn't get through to us. We're not tuned into it.
For example, as I write this, my radio is tuned in to the ABC. I'm aware that other radio stations exist, and may well be broadcasting, but I can't hear them because I'm not tuned in to them.
Anything we're not tuned into, we don't experience, therefore we don't see or hear it -- it's "not-here",
Until something happens to change our point of view and re-tune us..........

It was mid-afternoon on a suburban commuter train. Much to the annoyance of some of the passengers, three children were running amok in one of the carriages, scuffling with each other, running up an down the aisle, calling to each other and squealing at the top of their lungs. Their father sat staring blankly at the floor, seemingly unaware of the antagonism being caused by his offspring's inappropriate behaviour. Suddenly, one of the children crashed into an elderly lady, hurting her leg. The lady's partner lost his patience. He called to the father -- "Hey! Get your children under control! Where do you think you are?!" Everyone froze. The father startled, looked up and focussed, then motioned for his children to sit down with him. He then spoke quietly to the other passengers -- "I'm sorry. I apologise for them. We've just come from the hospital. Their mother died this morning. I guess they just don't know how to deal with it. To be honest, neither do I. I'm sorry."
Something shifted. The pall of annoyance dissipated in an instant, to be replaced by something quite different.

The good news is that we don't have to wait upon chance circumstances
To knock us off a fixed position --
We can re-tune ourselves at will,
And the more willing we are to re-configure our selves
The more opportunities life dishes up for us to do just that.
When we shift our perception and tune ourselves in to finer energies,
The more sensitively aware we become
Of the fuller spectrum of what's available to us.

We are also capable of crossing several layers of awareness,
Either at once,
Or at least by shuttling very rapidly back and forth
(I'm not absolutely certain which....and it doesn't matter).
What does matter is that this ability to cover several layers of awareness
Exposes us to the challenging phenomena of Contradiction and Paradox.
It's very possible that something seen at a one level of awareness
Will be contradicted by another level awareness of the same thing.
(e.g. "Many hands make light work" -v- "Too many cooks spoil the broth". Both are true, but which truth you adopt will depend on your position at the time.)
At higher levels of awareness
We become more aware of, and capable of accommodating and balancing
Contradictory, rationally incompatible, or paradoxical perceptions
All at once.

It may be that this is why, when we feel spiritually, emotionally and intellectually depleted,
We stick to low-level stuff --
Life is simpler for us in that place.
We can believe what comforts us,
And don't have to face the added challenge
Of actually thinking and feeling outside the square for ourselves.

The downside of this protective shut-down is that,
At lower levels of energy
Our perceptions and awareness of options and choices are severely limited,
Not by the circumstances,
But by our inability to feel the finer stuff.
At lower levels of awareness, a greater intensity of energy is needed
In order for any thing to be felt --
The sledgehammer has to replace the feather.
At lower levels of awareness
We get addicted to Intensity --
A junk substitute for Aliveness.

We weren't born this way, by the way.
This numbing is self-inflicted.
We've responded to life's challenges by de-sensitising ourselves.
That process can be reversed,
But it requires conscious commitment.

In the meantime, remember this --

Regardless of the level of being we are in at any given moment,
Our experience is entirely cohesive, complete and compelling
While we are in it.
There's nothing else.
It's only when we change levels of awareness,
Consciously and often,
Across as many different layers as possible,
That we ever get to know and more fully appreciate
The totality of what we are.

An added bonus to changing levels of awareness is
We begin to drop our addictions to intensity;
We become ever more attuned to the qualities of experience available at each level,
And discover the pure, energetic Aliveness that remains
When we remove the emotional labels from an experience we're having.
For example, "fear" and "excitement" are identical experiences,
But with different labels attached.
We react to the assumptive labels
And miss the gift of the energy.
Tags like excitement, anger, sadness, grief, anxiety..... and so on
That we attach to energy,
Dis-guise and blind us to the abundance and real nature of the intrinsic Aliveness
That could invigorate us,
If only we'd retire the negative judgments
We put on some of the forms in which energy comes.

MAYBE

"Maybe" saved me from an early death-by-reason.

I'm "blessed" with a virulently skeptical, righteously judgmental and inflexible mind,
Hopelessly at odds with an indefatigably curious spirit.

Somewhere, sometime, at just the right moment
I stumbled across the idea of a universal Maybe file.

I was working very, very hard to change my fortunes,
But the more I changed, the more things stayed the same.
Quantum leaps into a new level of awareness just weren't happening for me.
Then I met a man who ruthlessly challenged some of my most deeply-held assumptions and beliefs.
He held up a mirror to me
And I didn't like what I saw --
Not one bit.
My mind went into open revolt.
But I was desperate for my life to work,
Desperate enough to give up the need to be "right".

An escape-hatch to freedom opened up
When I got that, while I have a mind and there's nothing I can do about that,
My mind is not what I am,
Nor am I anything my mind tells me about anything.
If I could ignore my mind, even for a moment,
Not only would I not die,
I might actually start to live!
I began looking for a way to side-step my revolting mind.
That's when I happened upon a trick
Of putting new concepts and ideas into a kind of buffer zone --
A "Possible File"
Where my ego cannot readily get at them
Without setting off alarm signals of
"Jealous Ego lurking".
Ego will do anything to protect its existing patterns and programming,
And is deeply suspicious of anything that doesn't "fit-in".
My mind hates permanent change;
It goes off its face at the threat of transformation.
[All human minds are like that --
Pay no attention.]

As an actor, I go into a costume fitting room -- to try things on.

It helps me "get" into the character.

In the same way, I go into my Maybe Room.

Things I cannot accept now go into this elastic buffer zone
With a message on the door --
"Leave it with me; I'll get back to you."

My "Maybe Room" allows me to accept adventive ideas

Without necessarily buying into, or believing them;
I can just try them on and see what the experience feels like.
The judge and jury get no voice and no votes this room,
So that I can consciously postpone initial, automatic negative reactions
To "different" and new possible insights.
The Maybe Room is a fun place to be!
In this place, anything my imagination can conjure
Is possible.
I keep going back into this playroom to pretend --
To play a game of "What-If...?",
Until I can get a new view
From the place created by a fresh possibility;
Until a new level of perception dawns.

Once a new way of seeing is reached,
The "Ifs" and "Buts" dissolve
Like coffee in hot water.
And the store of Possibilities grows,
And another bondage is dissolved.

Then, more recently, came the miracle --
I discovered that the "Maybe File" isn't mine.
It is the womb of all existence that has always been.
"Maybe" is the place from which you and I arose,
The space in which we now live
And to which we will return
(Minus ego and body)
When we "die".
"Maybe" is a communal resource,
Infinite and accessible to you,
To me,
And to the whole of existence.

Why not try it for your self?
You don't need a special pass or licence --
You're already entitled.
Tap in --
There's plenty for all.
You've nothing to lose
(Except the dictatorship of your mind)
And everything to gain.

Perhaps...Perhaps....Perhaps.....

THE CHARMS OF CIRCE

We get distracted from a higher level of consciousness
By emotional side-trips that dissipate energy
And by our mind's incessant need to figure-out and feel better.
These are the twin charms of Cice,
Luring us onto the rocks
Of dissatisfaction.

UNCONDITIONAL LOVE

Unconditional love is a soul-space.
When we let-go into it
We see
The soup of lower-level reluctance
In which we were drowning.

ADVANCED COMMUNICATION

The energetic context of an event is of more significance than the event itself.
After all is said and done,
The participants are unified or divided
By the context.
So, you'd better consciously create
A context that invites and integrates
Individual responses.
Don't leave that to chance.

In a lowered (normal) state of awareness
We become fixated upon,
Addicted to,
Or alienated from
An event and its cast of characters,
Without ever knowing the real reason why.
We get swept up in the Intensity
Rather than the intrinsic Quality of the energetic experience.
Caught in all the ways we deaden our selves,
We are junkies for fixes of false-aliveness.
It is no wonder that Inspiration gets better press
Than Empowerment.

We rarely experience the relevance of what's happening
To our whole being;
The whole person is never involved,
The experience is limited
To an immediate emotional or intellectual goosing.

Human energy coalesces and flourishes
When it is attracted to, couched in and focussed by a Unifying Context.
Contexts have to be consciously created;
That is your responsibility.
Within unifying contexts,
Barriers of self-consciousness and withhold are gradually let go of.
And each self merges willingly and unwillingly,
Gladly and reluctantly
Into the flow of the collective experience.

TRANSMUTING FEELINGS

There are at least three ways of going about the adventure of transformation:
One is to attempt to change what is happening,
Another is to express the emotion of what is happening,
The third is to allow and experience what is happening.

Any attempt to change something involves a measure of resistance to the way that it is,
And (in varying degrees of subtlety)
Some denial and suppression of un-wanted feelings.

I have found that the way of Change sometimes works in the short-to-medium term,
But not beyond.
Eventually, dynamics seem to re-cycle,
Bringing me back to the same place of dis-satisfaction.
In the interim, I seem to be locked
Into a low-volume, low-frequency level of awareness and being.

A second way is to express long-repressed feelings,
As exemplified in Primal Therapy.
I tried it, wailing long and loud in a verbal colonic.
I've also listened long and often to others,
Catharting Complaint all over the place.
I found there's a very fine line in this approach
Between transforming a feeling on the one hand,
And, on the other, reinforcing and entrenching it.
Unless you're in the hands of a very good PT therapist,
You're almost certain to make your situation worse,
And things never get better.
It occurred to me one day while listening to a dear friend venting his spleen for the umpteenth time
That by purging his feelings, he was actually avoiding HAVING them.
While the feelings were blowing like steam from an over-pressured poppet valve,
His focus was on the never-ending story and the dramatis personae.
Catharting separating emotions feels so gratifying and  gives temporary relief,
But there is no healing down that alley.
Emotional outbursts dissipate pent-up energy
But the thought patterns that created the story and gave form and focus to the energy in the first place
Are still there,
Reinforced,
Lurking,
Waiting to fire the boilers yet again and again.
Nothing is changing --
There's a short energy-boost of relief and gratification
But no satisfaction, total-being or transformation.

"Expression = Repression"

A third, less violent way of transforming is simply to by-pass our ego
And go directly to the feelings;
Drop the all-important "story",
Surrender to the feeling itself,
Enter it,
And transmute that energy
While it is happening.
I recommend this meditation not only with feelings you don't like,
But also with wonderful feelings
That, maybe, you may feel you cannot contain,
Or that you may be tempted to "silver-box" (preserve for later).......

Whenever a strong feeling is running,
(If possible, find a quiet place and put on some music suitable to your mood)
Locate the feeling in your body,
Let go of any labels (fear, anger, excitement) you may have attached to it,
And just note where it is in your body, its size, its colour and its shape,
And embrace it.
Then fan the coals of this pure feeling
Until the energy is heightened in volume and frequency,
Burning away all constriction or divisiveness.
Let it spread throughout your body,
Enlivening you through and through.
Keep going until all constriction is dissolved.

Repeat as often as you like.

This process is unifying and uplifting.

THE MOMENT OF CHANGE

How bad does it have to get
Before we'll commit to change;
And I mean COMMIT.

The precise moment
When we become ready to make a change
Is when we get that what we're doing
Is costing us everything
And benefiting us nothing.

Until that moment
We're pretending,
Playing at it.
Until we're so divinely pissed-off,
So sick and tired of what we're getting for ourself,
That we're ready to do ANYTHING to get another result --
We're playing with our self.


Until we're ready to put our arse on the line
We're frittering away...........

ON WAR & STUPIDITY

I was driving hire-cars in Sydney during the Vietnam War. During a conversation I had with a soldier on R & R one day, he said "We're never going to win this war". Of course, I wanted to know how he saw it. Among the many common-sense things he offered me that day, he said "We rip their country apart with our artillery and our military might, we destroy their villages because we can't tell the difference between a northerner and a  southerner, or a capitalist or a commie; we can't find their snipers so we burn down their jungle and flatten their rice crops, and then we expect them to be grateful to us!!???"

He also said something so simply profound --

"You cannot napalm an Idea."

You'd think we'd have learned from Vietnam......

But, no.

We still allow our politicians

To let the Military tell us how to solve

Problems like "the war on..... [Insert here the Bogeyman of the Day]".

Our presence in Afghanistan was defended this week by our Defence Minister saying on the ABC's "Q & A" programme that "200 Australians were killed by terrorist bombs in Bali, planted by terrorists trained by Al Qaeida. Al Qaeda are in Afghanistan and Pakistan. We have to stop them." Oh, great! Let's stop the killing of any more innocent Aussies by training more of our young people to be soldiers, give them weapons, and sending them off to kill and die. That's working just dandy, isn't it!

And some dumb-fucker war horse on radio this week said "We've trained them to be soldiers; we've got to give them something to do!" I felt like shoving a mortar up his arse and personally paying his airfare to Kabul.

Marvin Chomsky got a bloody sight closer to the mark when he said -- "If you want to stop terrorism, stop committing it."

Hasn't anybody seen "The Hurt Locker"?

End of rant.

WHAT WE FIGHT -- WE FORTIFY

Wars are never won.
The War on Terror.......
The War on Poverty.......
The War on Cancer........
The War on War........

When we focus specifically
On a need for a "cure" or a "solution" to a problem
We bring equal attention and negative energy to bear upon the dis-ease itself,
Augmenting it.
When we oppose,
We empower what we oppose,
And get towed around by it
By the nose-rope.
This is the Law of Polar Opposites --
Inescapable in this world of self-balancing Duality that we live in.

How do we break a tightening nexus?

Ask any dolphin or dog trainer worth their salt --
Give undesired behaviour no energy,
No feedback whatsoever,
Neither approval nor disapproval.
Do nothing.
Say nothing.
No disapproval?
Yes, you read correctly.
Disapproval reinforces the disapproved behaviour,
And drives it out of sight and out of light,
Where its power becomes more insidious.
When a human being can't get an experience of approval,
We'll settle for, and energetically feed off disapproval.
In the long term,
Nagging has never worked,
And never will.

If your attempts to correct a situation aren't working,
Try another way.
First work on the only thing you CAN effectively work on --
Your contribution to the conflict;
Reclaim your power and balance:
Give up your vain need to control what's going on.
Take what you get , when you get it,
And up-level every addiction to a preference,
And every preference to one of a growing number of possible options.
Surrender and allow,
And find a creative and supportive way to engage
With any incremental steps that show up towards
What you DO want.

DOING -v- BEING

Life is whatever you say it is --
For you alone...
(no-one else).
Oh, you may be able to gather some agreement,
But agreement is just a hollow intellectual consensus.
Agreement holds no shared experience
And is devoid of any real validation.
Regardless of what thinks us,
No amount of agreement (or disagreement)
Is ever going to change the truth of a matter.
Truth (unlike belief or propaganda) is Truth,
And it doesn't give a rat's
Whether we believe it or not.

*-*-*-*-*

Life is a problem to be solved,
A trial to be endured,
A test to be passed
Full of sinful temptations to be resisted,
And bad experiences to be rejected,
A set of circumstances to be controlled,
A question to be answered,
A tribulation to be triumphed over,
A battle to be won....

Life is about Success
About Doing
About Achieving
About Winning
And Accumulating (wealth or enlightenment, or both)..........

And then one day
It isn't.
It isn't any of those things any more.

Don't fret,
If it hasn't already,
That day will come for you, too.
Maybe today......who knows...?

On that day, life becomes
About Being, rather than doing;
About Experiencing, rather than gathering;
About Living the mystery
And Becoming
More of what you are,
And more of what you are "not".

No special talents or disciplines are needed to get this,
There is nothing complicated about it.....
God, this is so simple
We just can't understand it,
Because there's nothing to understand!

Take a deep breath now, and
Let it go......aaaaahhhhh.
Take another deep breath,
And let that go, too.... aaaahhhh.
Do it again. Breathe in.....
And let the breath go. .......Uh.......
What's left?
A breathless Awareness of You!
Breathe in now.
Let the awareness of that sweet intake infuse you.
And
Get that you've got it!
Got it?

(Thank "got" for that!)

BELIEF

Belief
Unchallenged by contrary experience
Is as brittle as biscuit
And hardly worth a cracker.

WHOLENESS

Perhaps the ultimate wisdom is
To see the whole
In every part,
And each part in the Whole......
To see the universe in a grain of sand,
And each grain of sand in its place
In the Grand scheme of things......

To eye the "I" in you,
And to see the We in Me.

How many "me's" are there?
The "me" that is writing this, the "me" that is tired, the "me" that is father to my children, the "me" that shows movies.........
There are thousands of "me",
Each with differing priorities, values, attitudes and faces...
And there are none,
Because these "me's" are ephemeral spectres;
They come and go.

What is
Is that there is One --
The One that contains All,
That is totality of all experience (human and in-human).

In this Whole-ness lies our power --
The power to be patient,
The power to heal and be healed,
The power to master (not control) our own destiny,
The power to make a difference by Being the difference.

Paradoxically, I get to sense this Whole-ness -
This "no-me" -
When I'm successfully forgiving and unconditionally loving
All the "me's" that "I" thinks it is.

This state of unconditional open-ness
Leads eventually to a place
Where all that is left for me to do
Is surrender,
Let go,
And just be all that I am.

In this final resting place
A new life begins.

THEN......

One day I'm going to lose this body altogether.....
Then where will I be?

One day I'm going to lose my mind....
Then who will I be?

SELF

"I Am...."
And whatever you add after that,
You are.

Self is not only an Entity;
It is also an Experience,
The experience of being aware of being the entity.

Self created an experiment called Barrie Barkla
By becoming Barrie Barkla.
Self created an experience called "me"
By becoming Me.
Self created an experience experiment called "you"
By becoming You.

Every experience is the Self -- realised.
Do you still want to complain to me
About a "bad" experience you believe you had? Hmmmm?

FEAR

I love language.

One of the original nuances of the word

FEAR

was

"To pass through".

Wow! Both the condition, and what to do with it --
The dis-ease and the antidote,
All in the one word!

EXPANDING POSSIBILITY

In the ocean of ordinary un-consciousness
We flounder in a turmoil
Of ideas opinions, and beliefs
That classify and calcify
One thing as "better" or "worse" than others.
Such distinctions are falsehoods.

As desires escalate emotionally into preferences,
And preferences into addictions
We contract onto them
And shrink our being,
Reducing Possibility.

We cannot willfully stop all evaluating, comparing, classing, categorising and judging,
But we can release them,
And our attachments to them.
Every let-go
Opens Possibility.

HEALING ENERGY

We get upset, angry, jealous, frightened......
We judge the feeling and suppress the energy.
Sooner or later our body/mind reacts to the pressure-cooking
And gets sick.
Energy will not be blocked or suppressed
Without dire consequences.
Energy must flow.......
Energy is energy, is energy....
It really doesn't matter
How or from where energy is created.
Energy is energy
Wherever, whenever and however it arises.

When feelings come up,
Triggered by outdated or inappropriate thought patterns,
Have the feelings.
Reclaim and use the energy that underpins them
And empower your healing with it.

YES

The journey of Transformation begins
With one word --

YES

This isn't optional, by the way;
No transformation, growth and healing will ever arise
Out of any process involving the slightest taint of denial.
That includes any resistance (covert or overt)
To what-is,
Or to any so-called imperfections,
(Paradoxically, including our "Nay's")

Life begins
With a deep "Yes"
To  e-v-e-r-y-t-h-i-n-g.
Not just in one moment of inspiration,
But every moment of every day --
As often as you remember.

SPIRITUAL, BUT NOT RELIGIOUS

It's the new agnosticism,
Oh, so trendy and hip!

For some, it's a cop-out,
A nice way of avoiding offending,
Avoiding showing your hand:
Others, conversely, go at it with some vigour,
Pursuing the spiritual
With similar fervour
To those who pursue adventure, danger, excitement.....

All to the same end,
To avoid looking within.

Be still, and know the is-ful Am-ness of "I".

THE MEDICINE OF AVOIDANCE

Western medicine has achieved miracles
In sustaining the body.
Fine.
But that is not what we are;
Body is just the vehicle --
As useful as a car
With a sick driver.

We dismiss the deeper questions around our diseases,
We sedate the suffering and the pain,
Suppress the symptoms,
We're encouraged to "soldier on"
And go to war on our woes
With drugs, diets, medications, therapies, attitude-makeovers, meditations, religious rites, mass entertainment spectacles, political shenanigans, material wealth, moral mustitudes and frantic social busy-ness.
We dread boredom.
We look for life
By suppressing our aliveness,
Lowering our energy(??)


Eastern medicines,
With their emphasis on Balancing
Might be onto something.
Perhaps we need more of the polar opposite:
To stand in the questions,
Live the mystery of not-knowing,
Feel into the suffering
(it won't last forever):
And allow the energy of crisis
To elevate us
To a level of here/now immediacy
Where experience gets transmuted
From base lead to pure gold.

ENRICHMENT

Logic and reason understands reality
By dissecting and evaluating it --
Killing it.

Heart and soul comprehends reality
By embracing and experiencing it --
Enlivening and transforming it.

GOD

Many galaxies,
Multi-verses,
Many bodies,
Many life forms,
Many objects,
(Some subjectifying);
An equal number of subjects,
(Some objectifying);
Yet in the overall,
Nothing objectified,
Nothing subjugated,
Nothing quantified,
Nothing qualified.

Many thoughts,
Many feelings,
Many experiences --
Nothing omitted,
Nothing rejected;

All being
In one Be-ing
The undiscriminating Awareness of it all.

TAKE CARE OF OTHERS

I get so impatient
For myself and for others.
I need to keep re-minding myself that
Each person, each event, has its own intrinsic timing,
And their evolution will progress as far and as fast
As their timing will allow.
Caring for others is a juggling act
Between nurturing, coaxing and prodding them along
And letting growth evolve.
Although a good, swift wake-up whack on the backside may be called for on occasion,
The process will not be forced.

Support yourself;
Support others.
Care.
Be present and available
And let them be -- not alone,
But let them Be.

THE POWER OF SURRENDER

Turn towards life and death
And embrace both totally as one experience.
Let go of control and contraction
And surrender to What-Is -- Becoming.....

CURE -- OR HEALING?

What's the difference?
We seek a cure to escape suffering and death.
We find healing
When we get comfortable with dis-ease and death.

We must first deal with our fear of death;
Before any attempts at healing
Become anything more
Than futile negotiations.

UNCONDITIONAL LOVE

What a battered term!

It is not limited to an emotional connection
Between two or more people,
Or between You and Yourself........

Unconditional Love
Is the transforming, radiating current of energy,
The gift of Life
That energises, characterises, embraces and unifies
The whole of our experience
And the totality of Existence.

Nothing gets much bigger than that!

RETREATING INTO MY SHELL

When we withdraw from situations we don't like,
We miss the transformations that lie waiting therein.

(You just heard that from a born Cancerian)

DISEASE

It is a Rule of Reality
That whatever we deny or suppress
Will persist and grow
From the energy we give it
By alternately creating and opposing it..

Sure, the disease has to go
But first work on the "Me" that feeds it.

Someone once asked a wise American-Indian Shaman

"What do I do about my demons?"

To which the old man replied tartly

"Stop feeding them."

Sit with this possibility for a few minutes:

Dis-ease is the second-most sincere form of self-criticism.
{Suicide is #.1.}

Just be with that. Give it space to be.

Now, list your symptoms.
Now imagine you're talking about someone else who has these symptoms and ask yourself --
What kind of person would willingly create these symptoms for his/her self?

You're looking for

• personal characteristics
• beliefs and ideas about him/her self
• possible payoffs (e.g. sympathy, compensation)

For example, I'm just doing this exercise now on my hay fever -- What kind of person would willingly create this hay fever for himself? --
An irritated person; an emotional person; a person trying to suppress something; a person with someone or something up his nose; an exasperated person; a person looking for an excuse to be miserable????......


[It helps if you're talking about someone else -- real or imaginary -- because you need to be as critical and judgmental as you can possibly be.]

Stay open, keep breathing and take what you get.

ANOTHER REALITY

Heart disease, cancer, diabetes and AIDS --
The modern symbols of repression and death --
Are becoming the greatest blessings to mankind.

Through their grace,
Lives are being transformed.
Compassion
And a new awareness
Are showing up all over the planet.
Selfish obsession is being replaced
By genuine and caring concern.
Volunteering has become a valid and respected occupation.

THE PAIN OF AVOIDING PAIN

Oh the lengths to which we will go
To avoid discomfort:
How we suffer, just to shirk the chafing
Of transformation!

In any crisis
We'll try to dodge the anguish of vulnerability.
Sometimes we hide away,
Hoping that either it will pass
Or a Saviour will ride by
And slay the dragon at the mouth of our self-imposed prison.
Sometimes we'll frontally attack and find fault
With the situation
And those whom we decide are to blame for it.
But we'll keep the cave-mouth close at our back,
Ready to beat a hasty retreat,
Just in case.

We'll trot out every tired old game
In an effort to manipulate and control
The circumstances
And "Thems that are doing it to me".
We'll turn ourselves inside out rather than have this feeling.

All that is needed is Acceptance -- unconditional,
And Re-Balancing along the way.

The suffering of Avoidance is forever
Because what we're jibing around
Keeps showing up;
Hadn't you noticed?

The minute we surrender,
Everything changes,
And the discomfort of Transition soon passes.
But we do have to first unconditionally surrender --
Not as a negotiation,
But as a complete let-go;
Again and again, if need be;
That's usually the sticking-point.

ILLNESS & DISEASE

When the limited mind is assailed
By a force or change it cannot recognise
Or contain,
Illness or disease may be its reaction.

The illness may be a direct causal reaction,
(e.g. Hay Fever = irritation; what's getting up your nose?)
Or a defensive closing-off,
(e.g. Deafness)
Or a simple distraction,
Or it may be an attempt to assimilate the new energies.

Treat the symptoms, by all means possible
AND
Look also beyond the illness
At the energies
And find a balance.

KNOCKS AND KNOCKBACKS

As far as I've been able to observe,
Bumps and bruises go with the territory
Of learning to stand on your own two feet
And walk.
Some of them hurt!

I've also watched
A young gorilla mother gently slapping her new-born babe,
And a group of elephant cows
Kicking a new-born between them.
Stimulating it to breathe in
The sweet air of a new existence.
Love sometimes challenges our cherished definitions
Of what it ought to look like.

On a very personal level,
I got a shock to find recently that,
When I was taken off the respirator,
My body did not begin to breathe independently
Until it got the adult equivalent
Of a sharp smack on the bum.
"Thank you, I needed that!".

In every transforming inner work
You're going to run foul of your ego;
It's going to get bruised,
And it hurts!
I know, I've got one also.
The problem is that our egos do not want transformation,
And they want to look good to themselves.
Our egos are trying to distract us from getting on with it.

Bumps and bruises are inevitable;
Your self-important ego
Demands that you to stop what you're doing
And look after It.
So you stop
To deal with
What's stopping you.
That's OK but, while you're off in your nursery,
Life is on "hold".

How long will you wait,
Distracted by a spoilt child,
Putting your growth on "Pause"?
When do you intend
To get on with what you came for?
Set a date and time.
Make a deal with your ego.
Until then, kiss your ego better.
Then, when the bell rings for the next round,
Get up and get it on.

As we learn to open up to experience,
Including this,
Life's assaults become loving, caring caresses,
Startling us into a new way of seeing
And a new Life.

CONNECTING WITH GOD

Q. How do we connect with All-That-Is?

Hint: Not with prayer ... that's just talking to our self.
Hint: It's an untimed local call.

A. By having our experience,
     Starting with the one in our face.


Our experiences are the only bits of reality we have. 
Everything else is just superstition.
It is through an experience,
And ONLY through an experience
That Existence can get through to us.
But we do have to be at home, awake and willing to engage
When It calls by.


If you forgot and missed out today,
Don't worry, the doorbell's ringing right now.
Go! Answer it!

ON THE BUS -- BANGKOK TO SURIN (March 2009)

[Post Script: I had absolutely no idea when I wrote the notes below, that these experiences would turn out to be a vital dress-rehearsal to surviving the physical and transformational upheavals immediately following open heart surgery just 12 months later  There are no accidents......]

I am a stranger here.
Leaving the land of my birth
At age 66, I have come to live in this beautiful land,
A country that has no niche with my name on it...........
I feel like a homeless tourist,
Welcome (up to a point)
And alien.

I have no control;
I am suddenly so very ordinary
And lost.
I feel my physical and mental well-ness
Being stretched and stressed with such rapid changes in locale.
My mind's reaction is to find and attempt to restore
Something familiar --
To retreat from this locale
To a country more familiar
Into rituals of familiar normality.
But I can't;
There's no-where to escape to.
I feel isolated, fearful and un-well.

I can feel myself creating this moment.
I must accept whatever comes in the next,
Moment to moment
On its terms, not mine.
Here, barreling though picture-card rice paddies
Populated by alien people
Whose lives are filled
With their own concerns,
Notions of my self-esteem and meaning
Have no currency whatsoever.
They have lost their former power
To define and control this experience.

There's something I can do, though
And I'm doing it with all the focus I can muster --
I'm sensing into the the energy of each new locale --
The airplane, the stopover terminal at K-L,
The Bangkok customs hall,
The bus station booking counters,
The lunch-stop markets.......
And maintaining a sense of balance in each place,
Observing and recalling "How it's done here",
And being appropriate to that.
Balancing at that level.
Making it deeply OK to be shifted and swept about
By the unfamiliar currents and eddies of a new environment
Where few of my old rules apply;
Going along with the flow,
And creatively harmonising with it as much as I can.


Surrendering to just this much;
It's all that I have
To hang onto.
Then let go of this, too;
Let happen
Until there is no more resistance.

When the current slows and allows,
I'm opening carefully
Exploring everything gradually
Allowing uncertainty, fear, sadness and loss
To rise and fall --
And allowing a new energy to flow over and through me,
Dissolving the old boundaries between "Will"" and "Won't".

I've been blessed at just about every check-in counter along the way
With reflections from people who bristle with  self-important "Won'ts";
People who resist the way it's happening for them.
Thank you.
You remind me
That's not the way to do it.

...... I'm learning a lot today
About transformation.

A WIDER-SCOPE

Anyone who is willing to travel undiscovered lands
Both outside and inside his self
As an avid experiencer of the curiosities of Be-ing,
Discovers Meaning and Purpose to living
Beyond the mini-meanings we normally derive from work, family and religion
And the mini-purposes we normally attribute to what we do.

The new Purpose doesn't displace the old ones;
It embraces them joyfully,
Widening the Scope of it all
And giving the smaller stuff a rightful place
In the Grand Scheme.

THE MESSAGE OF ENLIGHTENMENT -- FEAR

Conscious energy is not a remedy for any of our stuff;
It is not an antidote for our fears.
Any attempt -- no matter how "enlightened"-- to avert or avoid fear
Will only empower it in another dimension.
The deeper it is driven,
The more damaging it becomes.

Our fears arise to be fully experienced.

The purpose of our humanity is for for us to live it.

This is a message of enlightenment.

Our fears tempt us to hide and hide-from,
Sliding us into en-darken-ment.
Monsters live in the dark.
Our resistance to fears
Propels us further into fear.

Our fears are not what we are

But we do have them --

There's no getting around that.

Without fear

There'd be no excitement

No adventure

No courage

No daring

No stretching

No growth

No point..........

We might just as well have stayed in heaven --

Same old same-as, eon after eon --

Bored shitless.