RELATIONSHIP -- 9 THINGS THAT REAL MEN REALLY WANT -or- 9 THINGS YOU WON'T READ IN THE WOMEN'S MAGAZINES

9 THINGS THAT REAL MEN REALLY WANT IN A RELATIONSHIP.

(My sincere thanks to John Kim for the idea)

Open any magazine in a GP's waiting room and I see article upon article about what women want in relationships and how to get it. But there's rarely a single column-inch for men to express their relationship needs. Well, from this man's mouth, here are 9 things I think that men really want in a relationship. And so desperate are we that we might settle for just one or two of the following....

Top of the list would be – Your magic and your wisdom.

We want to be inspired by your turned-on-ness; motivated to move mountains, and to be told where you'd like them moved to. We're sick of being manipulated and matronised by the women's auxiliary. We want to be empowered by a real woman who owns her unique feminine capacity.

In return, we offer you the only two magic things we men have got – our Integrity and our Surrender. If that sounds like a poor deal, that's the tough part about Woman being a superior being. Physical strength, integrity and surrender are all we mere men have got, but we offer you all of it. We'll get things done; just show us which ones are important to you.

2. We want to feel like your hero.
We don’t want to be your lackey: we want to be your Superman. We want you to see us as leaping tall buildings in a single bound for you, and taking bullets for you and your chicks. We want to carry you in our arms and show you the world. Or at least feel that way. And I know it’s our job to get there, but nothing else in this world gives us more strength than a woman who creates a space that makes us feel invincible.

And only women can do that. The best another bloke can do for a fellow is inflate his male macho ego. God knows, the world has suffered enough from that. And the last thing this world needs is a bunch of women trying to be more like men than men. C'mon, make us feel invincible, we’ll make you feel like you’re the most beautiful creature on this planet. Which you are. Nature has endowed all women with her most stunning beauty and innate intelligence. Why do you ration it, or hide it altogether? Are you keeping something back, just in case Mr. Abolutely-Right shows up? That's incredibly mean.

3. We want your Acceptance
We NEED to feel that when we stack the dishes in the dishwasher like a five year-old, say the wrong thing in front of your friends, leave the toilet seat up, get too logical, when we try to fix things for you instead of just listening to you, when we forget something you’ve said a thousand times.... we want to know that you love us anyway. I heard a great line from a woman recently... “I don't know whether to kiss him or kill him!” Believe me girls, real men get that. It doesn't mean we stop stuffing up, because inside every man is a boy who forgets he’s a man sometimes. And every boy gets into things, not because he’s bad but because he’s got a curious mind, he can't create life – he can only invent things, he explodes with energy because he doesn't know where to put it, and yes, he has a short attention span. And then there's the school bully. Every man on earth has the school bully to contend with, unless he is the school bully. Have some pity, ladies, please.

Unconditional allowing from our woman is what will snap us out of our immature behavior and inject us with a desire to be a man and be the hero. Only when you accept us as we are, who we are, will you discover that someone better lurks inside here. And that man is worth getting to know.

4. Not to be left in the dark
So many women don’t tell their men what they want or how they feel because they don’t want to rock the boat. Or they’re afraid of the man's reaction. Or they think we shouldn't have to be told -- we should know. Well, we don't know. The truth is that women are alien beings to us – fascinating and terrifying at once. When you don’t express yourself, you leave us in the dark, confused and scared. We don’t really know the truth of you; how could we? We come from another planet. When you withhold, you are pre-packaging and presenting parts of your life instead of doing your whole life with us. We're hunters, and anything unknown lurking in shadows scares the tripe out of us. OK?

Couples grow and get stronger overcoming adversity, not by doing life separately, but by synergising their traits. Know that every time you hold things in, you are building walls inside the sacred space of relationship. No, we don’t want you to verbally vomit on us. We get enough of that from rabid feminists and dysfunctional dykes. But believe it or not, we really do want to know who you truly are. 
 
5. We want mind-blowing sex
Men need AT LEAST a fantasy in order to have sex. Women don't. Women can turn themselves on or off at will. Healthy men are turned on by a woman's turned-on-ness.
There’s sex, then there’s mind-blowing sex, the kind of sex that gives you shudders all through your body from tippy-toes upwards, sex that makes your tummy muscles ripple in waves of ecstasy, sex that puts a spring in your step, keeps your eyes forward and intentions straight when you’re out in the world. 
 
Men want to look at women. We’re like meerkats. We get distracted by shiny things and novel movement. But there’s a difference between noticing and wanting. Blinders sex at home gets men to say, “Phwoaarr! She may be hot, but I would never trade in what I have when I get home.” A few months back, Deborah-Lee Furness was on a TV panel of women (I think it was the "Compass" programme); they were discussing infidelity. She was asked how she felt about infidelity. She shook her head slightly, bemused, and said “Have you seen my bloke?” Deborah said it for men and women. She's got the best partner in her world, and she's proud to keep him engaged. Not "hooked" -- present and engaged. And she keeps him interested by being interesting.

Blinding sex isn’t just good sex. It’s a unique connection with someone that makes you fantasise about them in the shower, makes you call in sick so you can lie in bed all day making love and eating chocolate and cheesecake. It produces glue that cannot happen with anyone else. 
 
6. Men want the C-word
Communication. Without it, relationships are built on an exposed plain. Contrary to popular myth, men want you to communicate directly. Honesty is a turn-on. We don't want to have to guess what you mean; we're too prone to get it wrong. We don’t “get” clues. And making us feel guilty for not picking up your signals is never going to improve our stupidity. Men need things spelled out. 

So we either pretend we got it (always a recipe for disappointment – and the last thing we want is to disappoint you), or we risk a mauling by asking you to explain. Look, we understand that when you have to spell it out, it’s not the same. We get that. You don’t just want us to do the dishes: you want us to want to do the dishes. We get it, sort of. But sometimes, like you, doing the dishes is not high on our hotlist. Explain what we're missing. Model how you would like us to communicate back. We're willing to learn! If the bloke you're with isn't willing to learn, you haven't chosen a man. Take responsibility for that and do something about it.

For many of us, male and female, communication is not our specialty. Get some guidance. Your present togetherness depends on it. Generally speaking, men tend to pull from a logical place. Women pull from an emotional and intuitional space. If you can meet us at logic, we will do our best to meet your emotions. Hopefully. But we need you to tell us. 
 
7. Men want your sweat
There’s nothing sexier than working out with your intimate partner. Watching you sweat and work on your body only encourages us to work on ours as well. And we get to smell all those delicious pheromones and woman-y aromas that so turned us on before marketers in the late-1920s sold you on the manufactured “evil” of body odour. Givenchy and Narciso & Rodriguez are fine for the red carpet, but au-naturel, bang-on or over the kitchen table we get the raw and real you, a different type of naked. Now, if we do this together, we’re in the act of building a life style. We’re not just talking. We’re dancing, together. And that’s hot. 
 
8. Men want a soft place to fall.
While combining the characteristics of a freight-train and a speeding bullet in the name of Truth, Justice and a Fair Go for his tribe, even Superman gets hammered . It can be rough out there in the daily planet. He becomes Clark Kent and (occasionally) just wants his Lois to just cuddle him like her baby. Is it too much to ask for him to get that from the woman he loves?

9. Let us have our own lives
We may not say it, because how do you tell the person you love to get a life? But we really want you to have your own life. Really. And we want time alone in our cave, too. We don't want to spend the rest of our days being your social zimmer-frame. And because we'll probably die before you do, we'd like to think that, after we've shuffled off to that cosmic shed in the Wherever, you'll get on with living fully without us. We want you to have your own set of friends, activities, and passions. Of course we want to be supportive of everything you care about and be a part of anything you would like us to be a part of, but we want you to have your own identity. If your guy doesn't want those things for you, you haven't picked even a bloke, let alone the right one.

If you have nothing that is yours, your relationship is trying to walk a fine line hopping on one leg. Also, if you have your own life, it forces us to get our own life as well, or risk losing you. 
 
Forget legs. Let’s put the man/woman relationship on wheels. One is yours. One is mine. And together, let's ride whatever the course throws up to us. 
 
How does that sound to you? Or am I truly on my own here?

A NEW AGE ALREADY?

News Flash!! The Age of Context has just taken over.

That was quick! I have barely had time to take in the Age of Information.

But I'm glad. I've been a keen spruiker of Context for the last 2 decades. In fact, the first two of my Rules for Communication that Works are:

1. Say what is.
2. Put it where it is – in other words, put it in the Context in which you want to be understood.

So here goes....

Context is defined as "the quality of the space containing the circumstances that form the setting for an event, a course of action, a statement, or an idea. Context gives rise to the terms in which  something can be more fully appreciated".

For me, the true value of this definition resides in the final two words: more fully appreciated.

In a world where we are constantly overloaded with information, how does one sift out what's relevant to us, important or urgent, and know why? How do we make sense of the madness of people not keeping their commitments, or suddenly changing course, or acting “out-of-character”? There is certainly a lot going on around us that just doesn't make sense from our point of view, but it must make sense to somebody.  So I find myself wondering "Am I missing something here?"

 

Maybe the information age has already propelled us into another age. In fact, Reid Hoffman recently referred to this current time as The Networked Age. I think this is much closer to what's really going on; we aren't just mining and stockpiling raw data, we're creating opportunities and technologies to share it. But I do not believe that “Networking” paints the entire picture. After all, there are far more people who DON"T share what I read and write than those who do. What processes of selection are going on? Is Context one of them?

I hope that we have now evolved also into an Era of Context, with context itself, or more appropriately, the background and insights that context provides, being the most valuable resource available to us.

Why am I so wedded to the importance of Context?

As I highlighted above, whichever particular context we're in at the time frames our personal perception and understanding of circumstances and events that may be common to many of us. Context sets a more complete picture. But that doesn't mean that my picture  is the same as yours. We look at everything shared from different points of view. 

And things that are so in one context may no longer be so in another. For example, there's a ruthless law that says if I lean out too far off the top of a high building, I will fall, and that may kill me. True -- here on earth, but out in space it's not true. What about the universal law of "An eye for an eye - etc". It makes sense. Isn't that how the universe works? But when mankind gets hold of it, it seems to cause more problems than it solves. There's something else going on that makes a difference. Context.

When the picture is obscured or confused, our collective understanding is warped and responses can be hard to harness. The current Australian government is learning this the hard way, so much so that their Budget measures are in danger of not being legislated. They didn't set up a credible context beforehand: they dropped a bunch of surprises into a context that was no longer relevant, and are now copping chaotic resistance. Ideological reformers and right-fighters have never been good at understanding either the laws or the realities of Context.

Only when information is understood can it be acted upon, as appropriately as the level of understanding allows. Big data, open data, social media, weblogs, tweets and "likes" are all part of a perceptible realisation of how our every move is shaped and powered by Context. Marketers spend their every waking moment figuring how to manipulate Context so that we will buy whatever it is they want us to consume with as little scrutiny and resistance as possible.

In our personal lives, the image that we see in our selfies, the back-story that surrounds that image, and the circumstances in which our selfies are going to see the light of day, can in fact give an aware person some insight into how we can perform more effectively in line with the way we want our various selves to be viewed in the light of what's going on. Almost every waking moment we are answering an unspoken question: "How do I want to be, and be seen by another, in this situation?"

We also need to understand the effect of Context on our behaviour, and consequently on the deeds of others. For instance, we may think we know what our core values are and in what order they rank in importance to us. But that "knowing" is incomplete and misleading until those things have been tested by challenging circumstances. The Law of Duality ensures that whatever positions we take on issues, we also hold the polar opposite positions, but we lie about them and pin them on other people to wear for us -- until -- it becomes expedient for us to switch sides. We flip-flop/backflip continually. Listen to your own self-talk......

For example, I once prided myself that I can be trusted – “Barrie is a loyal bloke; you can rely on him. His word's good.” Unfortunately I was mistaken about that. I hadn't realised that the wringer of living had drawn me into selling out on my core values in certain circumstances with certain people. Part of getting to know myself was getting through the trauma of realising that there are times when I should NOT be trusted, and to know what those circumstances, conditions or contexts are so that, when next faced with them I can warn those close to me that there's seismic activity in the air and the building may wobble. It was a life-changing moment for me when I finally raked up the courage to admit I was not to be trusted to my closest friend, Colin Hayes. His answer -- "Yes, I know that. Anything else?"Oddly, having declared my weak spots, I found that I could trust someone so committed to his own growth (me), and that was enough. Freed of denial, I was suddenly able to act appropriately and responsibly, contrarily and inexplicably, and still be trustworthy, and not have to prove it. It seems to be the unacknowledged and hidden stuff that brings us down, with ourselves and with others.

I think it's fair to say that we, regardless of who we are, want to understand the journey we're on, and how to arrange pieces of the puzzle we've been given, to make a whole that we can live with. And our best chance to achieve this comes through insights driven by context. If we want to understand more, we simply change our context for a while, and see what shows up from standing on other points of view. It always does. Conscious Context creating works.

Let me tell you a story ---

One late afternoon on a crowded commuter train, 3 young kids were running amok, yelling and tussling and barging into other passengers, much to their general annoyance. The father, however, was sitting, head down, apparently neither noticing nor caring about his children's disruptive behaviour. Finally one of the other passengers could stand it no longer. Angrily she said “Sir, your children are creating a nuisance. Will you please control them a bit better!?” The rest of the carriage murmured their agreement.

The father looked up suddenly. His eyes were red-rimmed with tears. “I'm so sorry”, he said quietly. “We've just come from the hospital. Their mother died earlier this afternoon. I guess they just don't know how to handle it. I don't.”

The atmosphere in a the carriage changed instantly – from one of annoyance to one of compassion.

The second scenario (the father's) highlights for you the power of context to drive and shape insight. When the context is changed, behaviour, attitudes and consequences transform. Contexts coalesce into Cultures. Whether that happens by chance or on purpose is up to you. Truly great communicators and leaders are powerful Context Creators and assume responsibility for creating, defining and communicating contexts and cultures. Contexts and cultures, in turn, attract the people and resources required. This mysterious process happens all by itself. Strong, clearly defined, coherent contexts tend to attract strong, committed people. Random, chaotic or poorly defined contexts attract a rabble of also-rans, troublemakers and idiots.

Whichever context we are in at any given moment gives us a frame of reference for what we see, how we see it, what happens next, which in turn determines our attitudes, our behaviour, which in turn modifies and reinforces our frame of reference, and Context. But when something, or someone changes the Context, everything transforms, including our attitudes, responses and behaviour. The circumstances themselves may not alter, but we experience and respond to them differently and our world transforms as a result. That's why I advocate changing your point of view as often as you change your underwear, and for pretty much the same reasons.

The Era of Context I dearly hope we are now entering will be about becoming aware of the existence and power of Contexts to help us sift, sort and make sense of the glut of information, comment, opinion and kerfuffle that now is constantly being churned out. Instead of being overwhelmed by it all and looking for “saviours” like Noah to deliver us from the deluge, we can apply our own developing awareness to work out for ourselves how to navigate the flood of resources and thereby achieve our own objectives.

I think we're learning a skill that has never been called upon before in the cultural history of mankind -- how to handle Abundance.

I offer Context as one way to tackle the challenge. Context driven insight will power our decision making in the years to come. It’s up to you to make sure that you cultivate and take advantage of this available capability. Know and widen the scope and number of your Contexts. Jump from one to another as often as you can. Leap to the other side of your desk or counter. See things from more than one perspective. Open your mind and heart, and think and feel for yourself.

Your freedom, and perhaps even your survival, is at stake.

DHARMA WITHOUT DRAMA

There's a hidden path, a right way, that is working its way forward, apparently at random but actually with complete knowledge of where we need to go.

In India this "right way" is known as your Dharma, and "right", in this context, means the way where the whole universe is organising your way forward, and you're effortlessly “in the flow”. To many people this sounds a bit cosmic-farty, and yet I'm sure you can say, as I do that at one time or another, things just turned out well, in an unexpected way that was beyond our control. 

 

I think the biggest obstacle to finding our Dharma is our ego, because Dharma implies  "no control", and ego is all about control. But my experience told me years ago that's not the whole truth, either -- that Dharma is far more powerful than any mere ego – even yours or mine! Following my ego has led me to so many dead ends, but the experiences I've had along the way I would not have missed for all the world, and they've led me to here and now! So what's the problem? And the universe, like a cosmic, patient parent has supported me along the way: Oh, do you really want to go there? Really? Well, OK. When you've had enough, I'll be here waiting for you, and we'll continue our journey together. OK?

The ego stumbles to stay connected to the person's Dharma. It teaches you that your biggest allies along the way are things like instinct, intuition, staying true to your values, keeping your commitments, standing up for your principles, and self-awareness. Your adversaries are "baddies" like naked ambition, blind competitiveness, self-importance, a craving for status, looking for a free lunch, and following second-hand opinions as if they are your truth.

Most people are divided between their attachments to friends and foes – dharma and ego -- allies and adversaries – I certainly still am, when I find myself in moments of seeming separation and struggle. 

 

The ego is a permanent part of the self, and a valuable one. But when it, the messenger boy, is allowed to run the show while we, the CEO, go out to the world's longest lunch-break, our inner and outer world becomes distorted. We start to live according to an image we want to protect and project rather than searching for the connecting thread – the Dharma – that subtly unites every moment of our life. 

We think we have an idea of what our Dharma is, and that very idea gets in the way. What I have continued to learn from the train wrecks in my life is to realise that every one is an ally, because I say so. I've also learned that, in a climate of growing self-awareness, how and when to trust my allies.

But there was more in store for me. In a blinding flash of the bleeding obvious on the 15th June this year (2014), I realised (thanks to Sailor Bob) that there's no point any longer in searching for my dharma; I'm already in it! Bob said to me simply, "Stop trying to find it. You're in it. Try to get out of it!" 

Stunned, I started to laugh, and I haven't stopped since.

Whether I'm going through hard times or times of great fulfillment, there's only one thing to do – be aware. 

Be present, available and enjoy the ride.

HERE GOES – ALL AND NOTHING

There are some fundamental keys to unlocking the door to happy success. They are so simple that most people never discover the secret. Why is that, do you think?

Probably because the keys are just too simple. Our complicated minds go looking for complexity.

[Remind the Blinded – KryptamistiK]

We look for Complication we always find what they're looking for. As we grow – in years, as distinct from growing in wisdom – we leave creativity and simplicity behind and start to look for answers in complexity. We don't mean to, but as one day follows another, we find holes and exceptions eating into yesterday's theories and conclusions, and we keep adding riders and codicils, sub-clauses and modifications to cover our arses, until the grand spirit, content and intent of the original is buried in piddling detail. Vision gets lost within a web of petty bureaucracy. The inertia of mediocrity prevails.

During my years as an articled law clerk I learned a foundational principle of life: there is no genius in complexity. Any idiot can make things difficult. Complexity favours pettiness, cancerous confusion, listless tedium, a potential goldmine for legislators and lawyers, and a living of sorts for their lackeys. Like graffiti and vandalism, Complexity gives talentless nobodies a chance to make their mark.

Abe Lincoln (a reformed lawyer, by the way) saw the trap of complexity and said this, "I'm sorry I wrote such a long letter. I did not have the time to write a short one."

Don't get me wrong – planning, strategy and clarification are essential to achieve success in any endeavour, but not for their own sake and at the expense of getting results. If the details don't serve a see-able, constant vision, and instead become an end unto themselves, you then fall prey to your own complicacy and to those who have no vision and use trifling finickiness to assert Control in the absence of any leadership skills. Beware such people; they contaminate and deplete everything they touch. 

 

[You Go To My Head – Billy May]

Lack of spirit – Apathy – and Ignorance of its dire consequences are why most people find it easier to just go-along-to-get- along, stay put, or simply change or add on to what exists. Creating what could be is a choice not considered. Institutionalised lethargy leaves people, politicians, organisations, clubs, religions, businesses, and even voluntary or amateur groups stuck, simply stumbling along on incremental improvements, rather than creating breakthroughs.

Self-serving systems keep people from discovering their unique purpose, from seeing a vision of the future and creating a life they were truly meant and desire to live. The dead past is given the status of a powerful force, filled as it always is with stale stories of justification, working together to draw us back into someone’s comfort zone.

I think it's axiomatic that there's no breakthrough without breakdown. But we've been conditioned to dread breakdown. The very word comes with cultural and medical connotations of “Wrongness”.What a pity; breakdown is an essential part of the Transformative process. Breakdown distinguishes Transformation from mere change.

It's true, new experiences or going out on a limb can make us feel uneasy, dis-eased, and uncertain, and a fear of those feelings can cause a type of paralysis within us. 

 

[Keep It Simple – Tommy Emmanuel]

But what if --- what if we can form a new attitude towards our fear of dis-ease? What if we can establish a new relationship with uncertainty and "nothing”? What if, as we experience breakdown, we welcome it? 

If we embrace, and we can – if we're willing – embrace a blank page as a wonderful opportunity to design what we want our next moment to be—we can escape the treadmill of revisiting the past, and have immediate access to unlimited potential.

But do you want that? Really? If you suddenly have the opportunity to access unlimited potential, what would you have to give up to make make room for that? What would you have to let go of? I'll tell you what: start with that thought, and that feeling that came up just now. Yes, that one. That's what's stopping you.

How do you have it all?

Simple. No wonder you never thought of it. Let go your fear of “nothing” and go for Simple. Try that for starters. That should keep you creatively occupied for a while.

[Give Me the Simple Life – The Idea of North (A) –2:54]

HOW CAN YOU BE SURE?

How do you cultivate Surety in your life?

Try carefully culturing these three habits:- Integrity, Clarity, and Generosity.

IntegRITY
People with Integrity keep nothing hidden and everything in a state of balance. Know yourself inside out and reject nothing, including those situations where you know from past experience you sold out on one or more of your values and could not be trusted. What was of more value to you than your principles then? It could well happen again. This will test your commitment to self-honesty!!!

Value your faults and virtues alike. People instinctively get toey around you when you hedge, and spin, avoid and deflect. There's something reassuring about someone who transparently walks their talk, openly and gratefully lives their choices and keeps their commitments. Those rare beings stand out from the scrum, not because of anything they do, but because of what they are.

ClaRITY
People trust those who provide a clear, uncluttered view of themselves, of where they want to go, and why. We value relevant instruction and good information. Become a person with no agendas hidden.

GenerosITY
People will trust you when they “feel” your Kindness; when they feel that you see them as one of your kind – one of your mob. You do that by favouring your self, and them, with your kindest intentions. Unreserved.

With Integrity, we can trust your “character” and your “word.”

With Clarity, we can trust your “intelligence.”

With Generosity, we trust your “heart.”

[How Can I Be Sure? – Daryl Braithwaite (A) – 3:34]

IN ALL HONESTY......

[Men Who Lie – Jane Badler (A) – 5:11]

V/O:... (O:35)

I've been single now for a bit longer than I prefer, so I recently spent a year working a reputable online dating site. All the women I dated shared two common wishes – they wanted a man who is in touch with his feelings, and who is honest. That's me alright!

Well, I'm still single – and, frankly, puzzled. Ladies, on a scale of 1 to 10, how much feeling and honesty do you really want? From 1 to 10 (me), or from … what?.. 4 to... 7½? I learned the hard way that "Honesty" is not absolute: it's relative to each person's own code book.

What's your complaint about the other sex? Girls, complete this sentence now: “All men are....” Blokes, complete this sentence: “All women are...”

What's your beef? OK. Now add quietly to yourself...”...and I wouldn't have it any other way.” Take responsibility for what you attract into your life, and why.

Play through to fade at end

If you want that to change, change your role in that.

This has been another Postcard From Out Here. I'm Barrie Barkla.

[You Know – Bobby Alu (A) – 3:37]

THAT WHICH WAS LOST... AN EXPERIENCE OF GRIEF.

A friend and fellow actor died a couple of weeks ago, and my earth, suddenly and surprisingly, moved on its axis. Not that we were close; after drama school our paths went off in completely different directions. But he was a part of a particularly intense period in my life 40 years ago that I was too busy and challenged at the time to appreciate. 

Suddenly his passing unearthed a volcano of hot, fluvial memories and emotions that I had no idea were even there. I miss John. I miss them all. I never realised how much I loved them then, and love them still, and just how blessed I've been to have known them.

Grief brings up clusters of connections that have always lain more or less dormant within us. 

In Grief they become known. 

Time now to celebrate and embrace that which was lost and is now found. 

Something precious has come home.

[You Are So Beautiful – Ray Charles – 2:45]

WHO LOVES YA?

[You Mean Everything to Me – Shawn Mullins – 1:40 (-2:04)

In the game of romance this song belongs right up there with the best – You mean everything to me..... and I wouldn't have it any other way.

Now alongside it I'm going to pose an alternate idea –

[Be Your Own Best Friend – Ray Stevens – 2:53]

We are all that we have. You are all that you have that is yours. You are all that you will ever have that is worth having. Other people may appear to have worth to you, but they are merely reflecting back to you parts of yourself that you may not yet have given a deep “Yes” to.

So we'd better start looking around inside ourselves for whatever it is we think we're missing. If we need anyone else to supply that need, we are – pardon my French - fucked. The general idea of human life seems to be for every one of us to grow up, awake and aware, and learn how to supply our own needs. Until we can do that, we're an emotional, social, economic, political and family liability.

Everyone needs Connection. That's one of the givens of being human. When we bought into the illusion of separation, though, we lost our sense of Connection and ever since have been clutching at straws of Recognition, Acknowledgment or Central Position. In the end we settled for Relationship. Relationship, based as it is on a (false) presumption of Separation, is the opposite of Connection....... Ponder, if you will, the futility of searching for what-already-is.

It is only when you want, but don't NEED a relationship, will it ever have a chance of working satisfactorily. No other person in particular has ever been appointed to love you as you think they should; that's your job. Nor can anyone ever love you enough to make up for you not appreciating yourself. When you wholly and gratefully respect, embrace and trust yourself you will find respect, love and trust flowing back to you in abundance. 

When you give up justifying yourself and simply approve of yourself , what other people think of you will never twist you out of shape. The trick, if there is one, is to find the balance point between passionately caring about others on the one hand, and on the other hand, respectfully and gracefully standing up for yourself. For me, that's still a work in progress. How about you – how are you doing?

This has been another Postcard From Out Here. I'm Barrie Barkla.

[Who Will Love Me As I Am? – Caroline O'Connor (A) – 2:34]