LOVE YOUR DISEASE

My message to you today is sharp, short and sweet – Love your diseases.

James McCuminskey  writes in The Ultimate Conspiracy -- "Being ill is God's way, Mother Nature's way of saying we do have a second chance, a chance to discover why we got ill in the first place, and an opportunity to cure ourselves."

But we seem to have got wildly off track. While our human need has been always for Healing, we have allowed the medical sciences and professionals to shortchange us with promises of Cures. Then in the face of abject failure, they've persuaded us to settle for "Relief" from Symptoms.


Symptoms are signs that your body and mind are doing their job, and pointers to where you could be profitably directing your healing awareness. Welcome the wisdom.

Baghwan Shree Rajneesh once said with a twinkle in his eye, “If you get a cold, you can soldier on and it'll be over in a week, or you can go to bed and rest – that will take about 7 days”.

Instead of hanging onto your story and going to war on the repercussions (you've tried that, haven't you?), try instead learning how to be at ease with your dis-eases. Just be with the feeling; yes that one – the one you've been avoiding. Go  Natural: drop your story and say “Yes”. Saying “No” pinches and hurts. Nature says “yes” to everything lets things flow on through, haven't you noticed?

[Make It Easy On Yourself – The Walker Brothers – 3:16]

WIPEOUT!!!!

Here in Australia we're rather keen on surfing. It's a major part of our culture. I guess that's not surprising – for two reasons: 1) we live on an island between the Indian, Pacific and Southern Oceans and most of us cluster within driving distance of the coast. 2) the island we live on can be a pretty harsh place to hang out. We have to learn to live with whatever mother nature dishes out, wherever and whenever.

I'm no sun-bronzed surfie – never was – but I'm sure those who are will attest that you cannot control the ocean. The ocean dictates the terms, and the conditions change moment by moment, wave by wave. The thrill and satisfaction in surfing is learning and playing with ways of working with all that power and energy. And if you wipeout, you learn the lesson, paddle back out and have another go.....

The greatest handicap we face surfing living is the negative image we have of ourself – that hidden dread we won't be with, the dread that drives us, for the most part unseen and unheard, to do what we do, why we do it and how we go about it. It's those parts of ourself that we avoid and deny, those parts that, annoyingly, keep showing up in our faces in the guise of other people we don't like.

My negative self image is of an irresponsible, untrustworthy and dangerous bully. But no-one would take me on like that, so for five decades I pretended to be something other than that. And I was successful – sort of, until I tripped up, and then tripped again, and again, and again. Then I got the message. Something's wrong! That's when I luckily met a fella called Colin Hayes, who to this day still does what ever it takes to get me to experience my negative self-image. You know what I found behind the irresponsible, untrustworthy, dangerous bully? Yes. A merciful, loving, loyal healer. I found who I am, and always have been – naturally and effortlessly.

Living life from your negative self image is a bit like like trying to surf a bombora on a dining table. Elegant and impressive, maybe, but useless for surfing.

[Wipeout – The Surfaris – 2:38]

SOCI-ABILITY = HAPPINESS

When I'm counselling, I sometimes ask questions to find out how sociable my client is – how active they are in getting out and about and interacting with others. Their answers give me an indication of the quantity and quality of their social engagement which, in turn, gives me a good indication of how happy they are. There is a proven, direct correlation between social engagement and personal contentment.

I recently spent time in Mullumbimby in the north of NSW, and was immediately struck at how happy was everyone I met in the street and the shops. They said “Hello” and engaged me, a perfect stranger, in conversation – a marked difference from Adelaide where I presently live. It was not a surprise, then, to find out in subsequent days how actively people in the district are involved in social, political, economic and welfare issues; the joint is humming with communal activities!

The next thing that struck me is the level of unselfish altruism – it seems everyone out there is actively engaged in doing things for other people. It was no surprise then to discover that local people's general mental and emotional health is much higher than the national average, and that there's a lower incidence of coughs, colds and flu. That's more than just co-incidence, by the way.

Happiness shows up in a climate of embracing. Unhappiness creeps in when people start thinking, feeling and practising separation. How long can you wallow in unhappiness? For as long as you like. While ever you live you're allowed to be unhappy about it. When it comes time to die, you can be unhappy about that, too. No-one is going to stop you either way.

But if you decide to change, here are two starters to help you change your mind.

Write a Letter of Gratitude to someone you love, noting all the things that you treasure in that person. Then read it aloud to yourself. (You can send it, too, if you like). Then write a similar Letter of Gratitude to someone who's not in your good books at the moment. Make a list of that person's admirable qualities, thank that person for the good you see in them, and wish them well for the future.

Try also going in through your body to help change your mind. Engaging in raised levels of exercise, yoga, balance exercises, and dancing raises your levels of motivation, self esteem and well-being. A balanced body and mind is a Happy bodymind.

[They're Changing Guard at BP – Band of the Blues & Royals – 0:48]

HANDLING REJECTION #101

Rejection is a part of life. You don't have to like it when it happens, and most people, including me, don't. But avoiding it is not a healthy option, and life's easier if you learn how to handle it so that no-one gets bent out of shape. If your parents didn't have the wherewithal to teach you Rejection #101 when you were a young sprog, then you're going to have to take a crash adult course, preferably from someone who does rejection with ease.

Avoiding or resisting rejection leads you into a life of certain loneliness, despair and estrangement.

Rejection is unpleasant because it directly triggers activity in the same area of the brain as physical pain. And Fear of Rejection triggers a reaction of “rejection-in-advance”, a reaction equally as painful as real-time rejection.

So when caught at the doorway to a new possibility, especially in the tender area of personal relationships, you have a choice = Avoiding the risk of rejection and facing certain separation and sadness; or learning, in practice, strategies for coping. And there are plenty of learning resources available to you, no matter where you live.

But here's a useful and very effective starting point: if you catch yourself doing anything other than gratefully and gladly embracing the possibility of Rejection, there's your problem right there. You are doing the rejecting up front. How else is the universe expected to respond to you, other than by rejecting you?

See your fears for what they are – Excitement and Anticipation, with negative labels attached – and welcome the adventure of Living Possibly.

[Hold Me – Jade Hurley (A) – 2:14]

END THE TUG-O-WAR

Our natural state – the blank canvas on which we paint all our stuff – is one of Quiet Happiness. A quiet mind is an effective mind. But one way or another we think our way out of Happiness. We think our way into disquiet, anxiety, unhappiness, dissatisfaction and suffering – infectious diseases that we catch from those around us.

The we get caught up in stratagems and strife to avoid the symptoms of our diseases, and end up feeling isolated and lonely. That lowers our biological immunity and places us at significantly greater risk of catching everything from coughs and colds to cardio-vascular disease.

Isolated and lonely also makes us feel rejected, suspicious of others and what we think their motives might be, and we get angry and resentful.

Then we get into a permanent tug-o-war between our feelings and our self.

Wow! Am I getting into familiar territory here?

How do you end the tug-o-war? Well, you could get with a shrink, trace back along the rope, locate the feelings and what caused them, and deal with those issues one by one. You could do that, and keep the shrink and his family in overseas holidays for the next decade or so.

Or you could just let go the rope. Yes, that's what I said. The quickest way to end a tug-o-war is just let go the rope. Nah, it's only unfair if tug-o-war is more important to you than being happy. Let it go!

That's my advice --  but it's your choice.

[Happiness is Tugging At Your Heart – Tim Fitz (A) 2:56]

THE LAST SURVIVING DINOSAUR

Once upon a time, many difficult years ago, there was a baby dinosaur called a Mens Humanusaurus Rex, living in a primordial soup of thoughts. One day, something unusual happened to this baby dinosaur, and a bunch of pure-chance ideas popped out of the thought-soup the dinosaur was swimming in. He grabbed a couple of those ideas and started thinking about them. Soon he formed an Opinion that he thought made sense of what had just happened. In order to appease his ignorance, he developed a Conclusion from his Opinion, and that conclusion quickly hardened into a rock-solid Belief.

And although, in his baby ignorance, he was mistaken in his original conclusions, he's clung steadfastly to his concepts, ideas, opinions and beliefs ever since. Older than the shark, the crocodile, and the Burrunjor, the human mind still roams wide and free, shoulding and musturbating over everything it considers a threat to its dominance.

The Human Mind is an arch parasite, using our species for its existence. In its addiction to be right, it will kill even its hosts – you and me – it has no choice about that.

But we do.

Consider this. Victims of mensis humanusaurus rex, otherwise known as Ego, hang onto memories of one or two wins they may have had decades ago with each of their beliefs, and have gone on ever since using them to justify their actions and losses. How's that for a definition of a Loser?

But it need not be so. We have a choice. Is my ego, or me in charge? Is it who I think I am, or “I Am” that has the final say?

That's up to me – and you.

[Jurassic Lunch]

[Jurassic Park Main Themes – Cincinnatti Pops Orch – 5:34]

ON THE OTHER HAND.......

 [Radio Script]

Tonight's Pause is entitled “On the Other Hand”, and it's about those pesky, two-faced troublemakers, Duplicity, Contradiction and Paradox.
 

[Making Your Mind Up – Buck's Fizz]

It has long been my experience that “Being human is full of contradictions.” My parents dealt with them by choosing one side and denying any consideration to anything else. That was never going to work for me.

So after a few years of embracing opposites I discovered ….

I, too, am stacked to the rafters with ironies, paradoxes and sarcasm in measures equal to my innocence, kindness and straightness. That's called Integrity. 

Besides, I like to turn everything upside down, just see what it looks like arsy-versy. So when I contradict myself, don't be surprised; I'm not. Nor am I surprised when you contradict yourself. The only difference between you and me, if there is one, is that in my case the contradictions are conscious and, sometimes, deliberate. In your case, they may not always be, so you might find me arching an eyebrow, putting your two inconsistencies side-by-side, and saying “How do you figure that out?” My purpose is not to criticise, but always to invite you to dig deeper – into yourself.

 

I do it to my self all the time. I love paradoxes; so much so that I actively go looking for them. And I've never yet been disappointed, or bored. Inconsistencies are everywhere where a human mind is at work – inside and out. And they can stress you out or they can be fun to embrace, play with and learn from. That's a choice you get to make....

And I love challenging you by dishing contradictions out. I go out of my way to do it. For example, in last week's show I followed Diesel's “Don't Need Love” with the Beatles' “All You Need is Love”. Each in their own context, both are true; but try and put them together in the same idea and your logical mind will go spaz.

[You're Driving Me Crazy – Billy May]

But why would I knowingly provoke such internal wriggling on another human being? For the same reason I does it to Me -- to nudge us out of our comfort zone; to challenge you; to encourage you to recognise and question the positions you don't realise you're on – the points of view that you've rigor mortis-ed into being right about.

So here I go again – tonight on the subject of Platitudes. I strew platitudes around the planet like flakes of dandruff. Pause a Moment every week is choc-full of them. I put them in there for enlightenment. But platitudes are also dangerous: repeat them often enough and you'll come to believe them, and you could finish up in politics, religion or - God forbid - radio broadcasting. So here I come tonight to shake everything up – again.....

[Monday's Experts – Mick Thomas]

Some platitudes, repeated often enough, are just plain irritating. Others, used the wrong way (wait: is there a right way to use a cliché?) serve to shut down discussions -- and people.

Whipping out a cliché allows a leader to avoid elaborating, avoid explaining, avoid justifying, avoid having a deeper and more meaningful conversation... in short, avoid being a real leader.

Platitudes like these:

Very popular since the successive collapses of primary industries and heavy manufacturing companies recently. Touts of a so-called “Smart Economy” pontificate "We need to work smarter, not harder."

True, and Irritating for a few reasons. One, they imply I'm stupid. (Otherwise why would I need to work smarter?) Two, they imply that whatever I'm doing should take a lot less time and effort. (How would they know; they don't do what I do.) Three, they leave it to me to figure out what "smarter" means (if "smarter" even exists) when I obviously don't know or I'd already be doing it that way wouldn't I? And four, I know they don't mean the "we" part, either. They mean me. They're smart; I'm stupid.

So my reply to such arseholes is -- "If you know I can be more efficient, tell me how. If you know there is a better way, show me how. I'm all eyes and ears. How about you becoming an example of what you mean, smartarse! How about showing me why you deserve to keep your job while I lose mine. If you think there might be a better way but don't know what it is, admit you don't know and work with me to figure it out. And, most importantly, recognize that sometimes the only thing to do, especially in the moment, is to cut the argy-bargy and get it done – so stop teaching and pitch in. Here, make yourself useful and grab the other end of this – there's some heavy lifting to do."

[Lift Weights – Terrible Truths]

Here's a doozy, from people who've obviously never had to put together a team of horses, or oxen, or people, and get them pulling in the same direction -- "There is no 'I' in team."

Sure there is: there are as many 'I's' as there are team members. And just as many “me's” alongside them. And those I/Me individuals -- the more "individual" the better -- serve to make the team stronger because the best teams are a funky blend of each individual's talents, strengths, perspectives, and goals. But the coach/manager has to know how to catalyse them, and you don't learn that in business schools. Why? Because you're being lectured to by people who themselves never left school! Nobody can impart experience they don't have.

If you want a team to work hard and achieve more, make sure each person feels he/she can achieve the team's goal by achieving at least one of their own goals as well. Spend time figuring out how each individual on the team can do both instead of taking the lazy and ignorant way out by simply repressing individuality in the pursuit of some imposed “collective” ideal.

The best teams are made up of people who feel that when the team wins… so do they.

[Cast Your Fate to the Wind – Quincy Jones]

"It just wasn't meant to be."

Fate rarely has anything to do with failure. Something went skew-whiff. Figure out what went awry // and learn from it.

Plus, "Oh, it just wasn't meant to be…" places responsibility elsewhere. "Let's figure out what we did wrong so we can do better next time…" is empowering because it places-- not blame -- the responsibility where it should be.... On me. On you. On us.

“That's just the way the ball bounces”

Look, seemingly random, chance events do happen. But some things dismissed with a barely disguised admonishment “Suck it up”, deserve further scrutiny. Bouncing balls are subject to utterly predictable laws that govern their behaviour, like the force with which they are propelled, the direction in which they're projected, the nature of the surface they strike, the angle of collision, the weather and other contextual circumstances..... all variable conditions impinge on possible outcomes.

Surrendering to what-is is one thing, but to shrug and mutter “That's just the way the ball bounces” may well be an act of laziness or even cowardice. Look at it.

My next cliché, and one I'm glad to ditch is --

"This is probably not what you want to hear."

[Hard to Say I'm Sorry – Celtic Thunder]

It's never fun to hear bad news, and “softeners” are often a kind way to broach something distasteful. But when you preface a comment by saying it won't be what I want to hear you shift the issue over to my side of the table. You make it my problem. That's cowardice and manipulation, disguised as “sympathy”. Don't do it, for your own sake. It's never good to preface any part of a conversation with bullshit, no matter how you perfume it. Say it  as it is -- "Barrie, I don't know how we're going to manage without you, but starting from next Monday we're going to give it a red-hot go." Seriously, explain why you made a decision. Explain the logic. Explain your reasoning. Stay direct, stay firm, and treat the other person as “able”.

True, I still may not want to hear what you have to tell me, but at least the focus remains on the issue and not on me, and I'm more likely to hear your real message.

[Suddenly I See – Kate Ceberano]

"Perception is reality."

Yeah, yeah, whatever: see? I can be just as dismissive as that remark. How I perceive something is my take-out of the overall reality, and no matter how different my perception may be from yours, it sure is real to me, and you ain't gonna convince me otherwise. Not until you can get me emotionally over there where you are so that I can see for myself! And if you just uttered that phrase, you may not have the communication skills to do that. 

From another viewpoint, perception is NOT reality. Never. Ever. For one thing, Reality is too huge and our human perceptions are too miniscule. There are things going on in reality that metaphysicists are only beginning to guess at. There is so much going on in and around us that we don't have the sensory apparatus to pick up; yet we arrogantly claim to know what's real and what's not!!?? 

All perfectly reasonable? Not really. The problem is that most of the positions people get right about were not reasoned into in the first place. So logic and reason are not appropriate tools for their dismantlement and removal. That's why I have well-used Utter Nonsense in my toolbox for communicating and empowering.

If other people perceive a reality differently than you, you have to work illogically and emotionally to change those perceptions – theirs and yours. Make many-sided Reality your reality. Reality is this AND that.

Perceptions are not only awesomely limited, they're also fleeting and constantly changing. Reality lasts forever. But, like water, it's for swimming around in, not for holding onto........ Have you ever tried to snap you hand shut and grab a fistful of water? Try it; you'll get what I mean.

How do you change what you see and the way you see it? Simple. Get off being right about it, rip off the labels you've attached and shift your point of view. Simple. Not easy, probably. But simple.

"We'll do it now and handle the fallout later."

Use this one and you're not a bold, daring risk taker; you're a lazy and self-indulgent opportunist with a lack of regard for Consequences that is bordering on the psychopathic. You're stupid. “Stupid” is internally generated, erratic behaviour based on faulty assumptions, cockeyed logic, and an out-of-control emotion.The only good thing about being stupid is that you'll never be without playmates.

[Somethin' Stupid – Robbie & Nicole]

Good ideas are rarely stifled. People like "better" ones. If they don't like your idea of “better”, the problem usually isn't them – it's something you've got bent out of shape.

Don't take the easy way out. Describe what you want to do. Prove it makes sense and gets them what they like and want. Get people behind you by latching onto and “owning” an idea that most of those people like. 

Politicians and priests do it by creating problems, then selling themselves as someone who “sees the problem, understands it, and will solve it for you”. They then set about perpetuating the problem for as long as possible. 

 

Some of the most successful products in the world have nothing to do with what they're selling. For example, McDonalds sells “nutrition” when what they offer is predictability and obesity. Volvo sells “safety”, Mercedes sells “Join the Club”; Coca Cola sells “The real thing”???????

Whatever you do and for whatever reason has a much better chance of succeeding if you effectively tie it in with something that is relevant and liked by the people you're selling to. Con artists and benefactors alike know this principle through and through.

[Fail – Bryan Tyler]

"Failure is not an option."

This one is often used by competitors who are trying to bluff, bluster and bury a doubt; or by a leader who gets frustrated and wants to shut down questions about a debatable decision or a seemingly impossible goal: "Listen, folks, failure is simply not an option," he says, striking table with fist. This one is the hallmark of a boneheaded bully.

Failure is always a possibility; it's the flipside of success. We don't get one without the other. Just because you say failure isn't considerable, doesn't make it so. It is childish and immature in the extreme to seriously think that if I ignore the possibility of failing, it won't happen. Possie-thinkers avow that if you allow thoughts of failure to surface, you'll make them happen. I used to believe that, too. It stopped me planning for hurdles and left me floundering, except sometimes. Then I discovered that the reverse is a Ruthless Rule of Reality – you become what you resist. If you resist failure, you become it, sooner or later. 

Try this on for size -- There is no success without failure.

 

Then there's also this observation – Failure is often a launching pad to success. If my marriage had not failed, I might not be having this conversation with you. So don’t reach for a platitude. Justify your decisions. Engage with the hard questions. Face your doubts. There may be a subliminal warning, wisdom or unfinished prior business lying in there somewhere.

If you can't do that kind of inner research, maybe your decision isn't so wise after all.

[Wheels – Muriel Anderson & Jean-Felix Lalanne]

"Let's not reinvent the wheel."

Oh, I'm guilty of using this one a lot!! And there is some common sense to it. But think a moment. Hey, your wheel this time might turn out to be a better wheel than mine, which means my wheel may have reached its “use-by” date. And we can't have that...... Can we?

"It is what it is."

Another shutdown statement. "It is what it is" really means, "I'm too lazy or insecure to try to contemplate it differently, so stop talking about it”.

"It is what it is" is only useful, nay – essential, as a starting point for transformation. It should rarely be the end game, unless immediate action is imperative, in which case do something about the crisis first and widen your awareness to take in the overall situation as you go along.

[Windmills of Your Mind – 12 Cellists of the BPO]

"I want your feedback."

You see and hear a similar line everywhere: surveys, websites, signs, meetings.... , when they're really fishing for something else – and that could be anything from agreement, a stroke to an ego, commitment, support, or information that can be used for undeclared purposes. Train your intuition to ring silent alarms when someone says "I want your feedback.". Learn to tell the difference between a tired telemarketer and someone like my son who has a 100% success rate with training his clients' IT staff.

Here's something taught me by his example -- If you are the one wanting feedback, don't be passive. Don't just “make it easy” for people to provide input; you're swimming in water populated by predators, and you're marketing to an audience predominantly putrified by apathy. However easy you make it, most won't offer. You have to go get it. You have to be active. And you have to be smart about the questions you ask.

You do have to ask. And you have to listen – really listen to the subtext of what you're being told.

People who really want feedback take responsibility for getting that feedback. They don't wait to receive it. (Thanks, Scott)

So there we have it. Having, over the last few months, set up and used a range of platitudes and truisms, I set about tonight methodically blowing them up, and encouraging you to do likewise before they entomb you in comfortable cubby-holes of smug satisfaction.

The best thing about platitudes, truisms and slogans is that they encapsulate a moment of real “a-hah” experience into a conclusion that can be portably communicated to others. 

The worst thing about them is that they can quickly go the way of all opinions, concepts and beliefs – into a pigeonhole in our mind where they are safe from further questioning, further examination, and become part of our operating system; part of our Ego; part of what we worship as The Truth. The major casualty of this highly personal and individual form of suicide is Possibility – the very mystery and opportunity offered by this life that we came here to explore.

Our only hope against such fossilisation are Contradictions and Paradoxes. Our only defence against posturing Position-taking is an openness to Opposition.

“Wisdom lies not in possessing knowledge — which quickly becomes irrelevant and outdated — but in perpetually seeking to feel further and deeper into knowing.”

Ego is our own particular way of not being fully available and present to paradox.

The ultimate paradox may well be –

The Truth is -AND- There ain't no The Truth.

Suck on that one for a while and see what shows up.

[The Truth – Kate Miller-Heidke]

TAKE A LOAD OFF

Why so sad? 

I get that there is something sweet and seductive about sadness. And there's nothing wrong with surrendering to that experience, but as a chronic state of being, sadness becomes debilitating -- for everyone concerned.

What will not help you, though, is any effort to “snap out of it.” That's as ineffective and harmful as trying to will yourself out of a sink-hole of quicksand.

Firstly, know this – little sadnesses in daily life get brushed under the carpet, and their bodily and mental symptoms build up in your body. One day something will trigger your Sad switch, and the whole lot starts boiling up to the surface. The only way to prevent such an eruption is to prevent the build-up by giving your little daily troughs of a “downer” the space to be in your awareness. When sad comes up, feel into it. Enjoy it if you can.

In the meantime, though, if it comes time for a good cleanse, sit quietly for a while and go back over old grievances. Who has hurt you? What triggered Hurt? Feel into every grievance that pops to mind.

Then forgive them. This takes time; don't try to rush it. Set aside time and space to write a personal letter to someone who has aggrieved you. Firstly explain why you're writing the letter. Secondly explain what it is that you're resenting. Be very specific. Then end on a positive note. Tell this person what you admire about them, and what you are grateful for in your relationship with him/her. Thank them for listening to you and wish them well for their future.

Finally, and this is a “must”, read the letter aloud to yourself. Be with your experience. Don't hurry it.

Do a different letter for each person against whom you hold grievance.

You may never send these letters; you are writing them for you. You are practising Forgiveness. But if I'd told you that at the start, you'd probably have said “No way!!” Right?