IF LIFE IS A GAME, HOW DO YOU SCORE?

PAUSE A MOMENT

IF LIFE IS A GAME, HOW DO YOU SCORE?

(11 SURE WAYS TO FAIL & 10 TIPS TO GET ON TRACK)

[Broadcast 2^nd October, 2013]

Good morning and welcome now to Pause a Moment. Tonight, out of my first-hand experiences in failure, I want to share with you my 11 sure-fire traps for ensuring failure, and then turn it around and suggest some changes in the combination that will turn a trajectory of failure into one of success for you.

But wait – there's more!

Would it surprise you to know that even the most successful people on earth have succeeded little more than 21% of their time. It's true. Failure, for all of us, is a fact of life......

Then, to finish this part of tonight’s fare, I have for you a choice of 10 reasons to embrace failure when it does happen – any one of which will turn the tide from your present experience of “this ain’t working” into “I’m right on track”.

[Maybe I'm Doing It Wrong – Randy Newman – 1:23]

If you were to ask the experts to select the #1 key to success in any area of your life, most would say fairly early in the conversation... “clearly defined goals”. If you want to get somewhere, it's a good idea to know where that somewhere might be. And some kind of map, and perhaps even a rough timetable for getting there might come in handy, too. I'd go so far as to suggest to you that without goals your dreams have almost no chance to become a reality that will stay with you.

Without goals there's no point or purpose to what you do and don't do; there's no direction or discernible intention to your life. The universe, ever eager to support you, is getting confused messages and static. And it's no good looking to others to give your life meaning; they're not qualified to do that, nor are they supposed to. One of my first questions when counselling myself and others is “What do you want?” All those things you want for your life -- Purpose, Meaning, Direction and Intention are all up to you.

When you apply some heat to the pot and reduce all your wishes, desires, hankerings, lusts and longings, what is it that you really want? Bottom line….?

On nearly everyone's short list of things to do during their lifetime is at least a vague idea about accomplishing some worthy goals and the fulfilling some chosen purpose. But some of us don't feel like we’re getting there. Why?

[For All the Wrong Reasons – Deborah Conway (A) – 4:13]

Just for tonight I’ve put together eleven sure-fire, personally tested and proven ways to fail at living. The good news for Failure Wannabes is that you don't have to memorise and practice all ten. Any one of them will probably tip up the applecart for you. Furthermore, if you practice any one of this list for any length of time, it'll be lights-out across the board.

Eleven ways to set goals, and fail --- Let’s go.

1. Set goals that neglect to mention precisely what you want. And make sure your intentions are about avoiding some situation or condition you don’t want. Tell the universe in negative-energy thoughts and feelings what you’re trying to avert or evade. Let what you want to move towards remain undefined. Dissatisfaction inevitable.

2. Set goals that may be beyond your reach, and insist upon unrealistic levels of attainment. Frustration guaranteed.
3. If you set healthy goals, do it for unhealthy reasons. That’ll get you in a mess.
4. Create goals that are commonplace. Good recipe for boredom.
5. Create goals that don't align with your character. A good way to do that is to copy goals from someone else and think “Yeah, that’d be nice”.
6. Don't get others involved in your goals. Other people stuff up. Lone Rangers are heroes.
7. Shoot for anything that takes your fancy in the moment. Sticking to something consistently and setting priorities is strictly for boring people. That’ll get you a reputation for flakiness.
8. Writing goals down? Are you kidding? That's strictly for accountants and academics. And it’s a recipe for losing your way.
9. Be Positive. Ignore anything negative. Hmmm-mmm. Ignore the Ruthless Rule of Duality at your peril..
10. Make goals blue-sky stuff. It’s more spectacular and widens people’s eyes at cocktail parties. Don’t the gurus say, “If you shoot for the stars, you'll get further than if you aim just at the horizon”? Well, if that’s how you want to play it – fine. But fireworks burn out, sooner or later.
11. Don't sweat the small stuff. Go for the Big Picture; leave the details to the drones, or to your wife or your PA. The world’s greatest disasters are a litany of overlooked details.

There you go. My infallible recipes for failure.

[Unchain My Heart – Yaron Gershovsky – 0:25]

Fade under>>>

Living toward a purpose is like opening a combination lock. You try out all the numbers in right-left-right sequences, finding ones that work, and some that appear not to, as you go. There are thousands of possible combinations; and if you are aware of the settings but not the sequence, your efforts will prove disappointing. That's the bad news. The good news is that once you wake up, you'll find that life has been delivering you, in exactly the right sequence, every experience you need to master in order get what you want. But you've been knocking them back, saying “Nah! This ain't it.”

The Eleven Clicks of Goal Setting I'm about to run past you is a combination that opens possibilities of satisfying living. Each rule is one piece of the combination; each seamlessly integrates with the other nine; each one counts! You will be hard pressed to find a goal that does not require each of these ten clicks. But for you the order may vary from others’. Your job is to find what works for you and for the world around you. Keep breathing, play around with them, experiment, have fun, have adventures, and find what works for you.

Not all goals are equal, but by the same token, no goal is any more or less important than any other. When I was deep in the dark bowels of depression, just deciding and making the effort to put one foot in front of the other to cross my room was just as important as anything else I've ever done in my life. Even breathing itself can be a primary goal requiring a conscious decision – when I was coming off life support after a heart bypass operation, if I hadn't pushed through the dread and the pain to cough, I would still be dependent on life-support today because while on the respirator, my body had forgotten how to breathe by itself.

All goals contain the same foundational elements. When it comes to setting goals, we often don't know what we don't know. And, what we don't know can—and most likely will—hurt us by limiting or compromising our success. Each rule calls for and requires self-awareness, and the know-how of multiple disciplines. No one is born with all the talents to achieve a goal—we have to learn-as-we-go on the fly! It's one of the rules of this game. Sometimes we just have to jump off the ledge and build our wings on the way down.

If I could carve eleven rules for achieving a goal into the walls of your mind, they would be the ones I'm about to share with you. These ten rules work because they are simple, and they are simple because they work.

1.    Be clear and decisive. Work out the real desire behind what you say you want. You’ll probably find that your deepest desires are not things at all. One of the mistakes we’ve made in the past is to assume that things will bring us the real goodies, like satisfaction, love, contentment and bliss.

2.    Take charge of your self. You express your soul through your choices; you define your Self by your decisions. You express your Self through your actions, and your Soul through the way in which you act. People who are quietly clear and decisive within themselves attract exactly the right kind of colleagues for each moment. You may find this hard to accept when some of the people who show up to help may appear to be antagonistic. Any blacksmith will tell he can’t create much without a little heat and hammering.

3.    Set goals at the right level for you, and for the right reasons.

4.    Create goals that are exciting to achieve. Stay focused on what you DO want, not on something you're trying to avoid. Inspect closely what you expect; are your expectations pointing you in the right direction, or are they blinding you to the possibility that what you need is right in front of your face. Sometimes opportunities and results come in disguise. And remember, the moment you focus on something, it materialises, and you become a magnet for it. That's how creation works.

5.    Create goals that align with who you really are – your true character. You may first have to work on that. Most of us are not just who or what we’ve always thought we are. We are more….. the more that is less.

6.    Involve others in your projects. Life is a game of co-operation. No-one is an island.

7.    Prioritise your goals. Plan your action. Orchestrate and conduct the symphony of your life.

8.    Write your goals down. Writing has the magic effect of catalysing your Intention. Phrase goals in ways that are motivating to you, and supportive, and not intimidating. Language is very important.

9.    Take purposeful action. Good plans may get you in the door; how you act on them seals the deal.

10. Make your goals concrete and measurable, so you can know how you're going.

Consider smaller goals within a larger goal. If you come up against roadblocks, create your way through. Celebrate all the milestones along the way. Reward yourself as you go.

11. Keep building and enlarging your personal integrity.  Without your integrity complete, you are vulnerable. Keep your commitments, and remind yourself that every commitment you make is made primarily with yourself.

I'll delve into these hints from another angle after these sponsor messages. You're tuned to Pause  A Moment.

CARTS

[More – Masterworks Strings]

Hold under>>>>

Satisfaction

The simplest question we can ask, one would think, would be “What do you want?” When I was first asked this question, relatively late in life, I was astounded how stumped I was for an answer. But somewhere in the ensuing ineloquence I mumbled something about Satisfaction.  

What constitutes Satisfaction, of course, is as individual as each of us is. Your definition of "the good life" may be slightly, or very, different from mine; it probably is. Yet, whatever form it may take, the bottom line experience of satisfaction we’re seeking is remarkably similar, and the underlying steps toward that end are the same. It's this similarity of steps between us that helps you to understand what satisfaction really is for you, and helps us see with startling clarity where we're presently missing out on.

Are you feeling satisfied? Really? Or does your ego think it's just had a win today? It's not the same thing. If you feel like you've won something, there's a very good chance you've lost something much bigger.

Try this possibility for a while. Satisfaction is not a feeling; it's a state of being. Looked at from this angle, it becomes easier to see that being satisfied arises from your ability – an ability you already have – first, to recognize opportunity; second, to form plans and strategies that leverage opportunity; and, third, to develop the necessary skills needed to execute your strategies. When you undertake this deliberate process you will find moments of satisfaction offering themselves like ripe plums, just for the picking as you go along.

Satisfactioning (verb - transitive) is a beautiful process because of how it looks to you, how it works for everyone on earth, how it feels while you’re doing it, and how it represents the fulfillment of goals being pursued. While you’re spreading satisfaction around wherever you go, you quickly grow accustomed and grateful to prosperity in all areas of your life, not just in dollars and cents, but also mentally, emotionally, spiritually, psychologically, and every other way you come across. And you become confident in the process of working towards a goal.

The ten rules for getting satisfied, like anything else in life, operate only if they are self-applied! Embrace these ten rules of goal setting and give witness to a powerful transition in your life.

Set Specific, Measurable Goals - Vague goals produce vague results. For example, "I will take better care of myself," does not explain what you will do or how you will track your progress. A stated intention that is specific and can be measured would be, "I will walk two kilometres every day and cut my dietary fat intake by 35 percent."

Set Realistic Goals - A goal must realistically arise from, and reflect, the realities of your abilities and situation. It should make you stretch, but not be so far out of reach that it's unattainable. If you're 15 kilos overweight, setting a goal to fit into your size eight jeans next month is a recipe for failure. Instead, aim perhaps for a 2-kilo loss each month for the next 7-8 months.

Write Goals Down – Writing focuses both your attention (creative) and your intention (active). It defines what you want. An unwritten goal is too easily ignored, fazed or forgotten by those bits of your mind with competing agendas that aren’t so enthusiastic about this project. Writing out your Intentions gives dynamic form to your choosings and involves more of your faculties and senses. Post copies of your goal where you will see them several times a day --- near your computer, in your car and on the kitchen bulletin board.

List Action Steps - If you don't list a possible sequence of steps you might follow to reach your goal, your goal has no impetus. You may be more tempted to abandon it at some point because you don't know what to do next. Action steps for a weight loss goal might include: visit the doctor for a health appraisal, ask his advice on an exercise plan and list the fat content of foods in the refrigerator. Be flexible with your action plan; it's something to use as a guide, not a goad.

Consider Obstacles - Think about things that might sabotage your success. You’ll know these from your own past history. Losing weight will be more difficult if your pantry is stocked with biscuits and chips. Spending hours in front of the TV every night makes snacking too easy. Watch your individual thoughts, sensations feelings and possible patterns of them all that arise with temptations to deviate from your intentions. Get to know the saboteurs hidden in closets around the boardroom of your mind. Bringing them out into the light of your awareness and addressing your intentions directly and kindly to them loosens their hold over you.

Plan Ways to Overcome Obstacles - If you know certain obstacles may be looming, it makes sense to find strategies and ways around or through them before the hard work starts. Ask your spouse to keep his/her snacks locked in his car or in his desk at work. Limit your TV time to one hour a night, and keep your hands busy with some manual activity while you watch.

 

Create a Timeline - I've spent most of my working life organising public events, both large and small, and I regard timelines as crucial to success. They help me define and discriminate between what's Important and what's Urgent. They keep me on track. I put my timelines for events on a larger whiteboard in my office. Ticking things off during each day and pausing in front of them last thing at night allowed me  to focus on details and also give me time to step back and check how we’re going with the overall picture. They let me plan for the next day. They gave me space to see ahead and around corners. Set specific dates and or times to reach each step in your goal. By evaluating your progress as you go along you can, if necessary, readjust your next action steps,

 

Share Your Goal- It's too easy to lose enthusiasm for a goal when you are the only person who knows about it. Surround yourself with good people who have solid appropriate field experiences. Choose awarefully, though, because some people, despite outward appearances, may be failure-prone and they may unwittingly sabotage your efforts. I actually share my goals quite openly; then watch carefully what goes on at the periphery. I soon find out who are genuine co-creators and those who may be the Thomases and Judases. They show up in every group; it’s just they way things are.

Realize the Benefits - See and feel yourself enjoying the benefit of your goals as you go along. Make the journey at least as rewarding as the visualised destination. I’m reminded of the farmer who said to his son “We plant the crops and feed the stock. We also have to chop and stack the wood and cart the water; it’s part of the farming thing.” His son asked “What happens if the crop fails?” The wise farmer replied, “Well, we’ll still have warm fires, food and drink and milk and meat.”

Positive Attitude and Rewards - Be acutely aware and sensitive to the self-talk that’s going on in back of your mind. Nothing drains motivation faster than negative back-chat. Recognize the negative thoughts that clutter your mind and sabotage your chosen intentions: "I've been out of shape my whole life; this will never work; you've set the same goal before and failed every time." Spend some time with your inner critic and find out what’s going on there, and why. Get hin/her on your side. Reward yourself as you successfully complete each step toward your goal. Celebrating achievement breeds more gratitude and satisfaction along the way.

Welcome Failure as an essential part of the process. I'm an accomplished Failer and I've discovered that Failure has an ulterior motive – to stop me long enough to learn, re-plan and re-launch. Every one of my failures (so far) has prepared me for a later success. And in hindsight, times dealing with failure have brought out qualities in me that I hadn’t formerly been aware of.

Long term, you get more out of life from your failures than from your successes. Sure, success is wonderful, but there are substantial benefits to failure as well.

1. Failure teaches you about yourself. When things are going well, there’s no need to take the covers off the machinery. But when adversity strikes, you discover things about yourself and resources that you may never have realised before.

2.Failure renews your humility and sharpens your objectivity.

3.Failure creates the perfect opportunity to try out new ideas.

4.Failure helps you make corrections so that you stay on target.

5.Failure makes you more mature, more flexible and more resilient.

6.Failure reminds you to be kinder to yourself and those around you. Failure is a shared experience.

7.Failure is a "badge of courage", a rite of passage, because you dared to take the risk.

8.Failure develops the all-important emotion of patience and quality of gracious forbearance that lift you out of your lizard brain and deliver you more into the mature, evolved frontal lobes.

9.Failure warns you to not take things so personally (or so seriously).

10.Failure grounds your self-esteem on who you are, not what you do.

Now, here's where you can eventually reclaim your own power: one day you will get to love your failures for no reason at all. Embrace the benedictions of missing the mark as opportunities to recalibrate, because that's what you choose to do in your own best interests.

Finally, my goal for tonight was simple...to pass on some tips that might help you reach yours. Now it's over to you.

[John  Williams' Symphonic Marches – NSW Police Band (A) – 5:53]

WORDS YOU MIGHT CONSIDER DROPPING FROM YOUR C.V.

PAUSE A MOMENT

WORDS YOU MIGHT CONSIDER DROPPING FROM YOUR CV.

[Broadcast 19^th March, 2014]

Good morning. I'm Barrie Barkla, inviting you once again to Pause a Moment. This morning, we're going to reflect on words you might consider dropping from you Self-Image, especially if you're selling yourself to a prospective employer.....

[I'm Different – Randy Newman – 2:35]

Picture this: You meet someone new. "What do you do?" he asks.

"I'm an architect," you say.

"Oh, really?" he answers. "Have you designed any buildings I've seen?"

"Maybe," you reply. "We did the new library at the university..."

"Oh wow," he says. "I've seen it. That's a beautiful building..."

And you're off. Maybe he's a potential client, maybe not... but either way you've made a great impression.

You sound awesome.

Now picture this: You meet someone new. "What do you do?" he asks.

"I'm a passionate, innovative, dynamic provider of three-dimensional social sculpture concepts and design services who uses a collaborative approach to create and deliver outstanding customer experiences."

And he'll off, never to be seen again... because you sound like a pompous ass.

So, if you wouldn't do it in conversation, why do you talk like that in your CV?

Do you--whether on your website, or more likely on social media accounts--describe yourself differently than you do in person? Why?

Do you use hacky clichés and overblown superlatives and breathless adjectives? Why?

Do you write things about yourself you would never have the nerve to actually say in normal conversation? Why?

If so, it's time for a change.

Now the bottom-line question for you: “Why do you try overly hard to appear to be what you already are?

Here's one for politicians listening ……..

[The First Family – Breakfast Conversation – Vaughan Meader – 1:30]

Do you talk to your wife and children over breakfast the same way you talk to me the second a camera is pointed at you?

If not, then I wish you'd change the way you talk to me. If you did, I might listen to you. And answer directly the questions that have been put to you.

The first rule of writing effective CVs is “Read the Job Specification.” The second rule is “Address All the Requirements and Criteria. The third rule is “Read the Job Specifications – again. Have you made it imperative for them to hire you?

Here are some words that are great when used by other people to describe you, but you should never use to describe yourself, especially in a CV:

[Gonna Build a Mountain – Buddy Emmons]

Fade under>>>>

"Motivated."

I love Chris Rock's response to people who say “I take care of my kids!” – You're supposed to, you drongo! Ditch the word "motivated." – “I am highly motivated to look after my children”. “I'm highly motivated to make a difference in the workplace.”  No kidding! Motivated to do it, but will you do it? Or will you just try to do it? Or, worse still, will you expend time and energy creating an appearance of doing it?

Here's a hot tip from one who has read more CV's than he's had hot dinners – never take credit for being motivated to do things you are expected to do--or be. Just do them, and Be! Require a bit more of yourself than whatever just scraped you through yesterday. OK? That's called self-motivation, and let the proof shimmer through the results you leave in your wake..

"Authority."

If you have to say you're an authority or an expert on something, you probably aren't. Let your authority speak for itself; demonstrate your expertise instead. "Presenter at Radio XYZ for 7 years” or "Delivered the Keynote Speech at the Weather Bureau's Forum for news media broadcasters in 2010", or “Qualified counsellor for Lifeline – 3 years” indicates I have a level of authority in certain fields. Unless you can prove it, spurious froth like "social media marketing expert" may just mean you spend far too much time on Twitter.

[Show Me – Julie Andrews – 0:56 (-1:17)]

Fade under>>>

"Global provider."

I'm a global provider of uplifting radio programmes: big deal!! Thanks to the internet, the vast majority of people and businesses can sell their goods or services worldwide; the strictly local ones that can't--like restaurants--are obvious. Only use phrases like "global provider" if that capability is not assumed or obvious; otherwise you just sound like a really small person trying to inflate yourself into someone really big and progressive.

[Buffoon – Freddy Gardner]

Fold under>>>>

"Innovative."

Most companies claim to be innovative. Most people claim to be innovative. I'm innovative, sort of. Most are not innovative at all. That's okay, because innovation is not a requirement for success. Nor does innovation guarantee success. “Innovator” is too often a desperate euphemism for “crackpot”.

If you are innovative, don't say it. Prove it in your CV by the way you shape it. Describe the innovative products or services you've developed. Describe the processes you've modified. Show the previously unrelated ideas you've catalysed into something new and useful. Give us something real so your innovation is unspoken but evident... unspoken is always the best kind of evident to be.

And if you really must come across as “innovative”, avoid dead giveaway PC clichés like “at the end of the day” and “going forward” and “everyone knows” and “team-building”. There's nothing innovative about clichés, except when they're used in a startlingly different context. And the usual purpose of a CV is to impress and persuade, not to startle.

"Creative."

If I see particular words or phrases often enough they no longer make an impact. “Everyone agrees” is one of them; "Creative" is another one. (Go to LinkedIn and check out some profiles; "creative" will appear in the majority. As if “uncreative” is something anyone would be proud of.)

"Creative" is just one example. Others include “extensive”, “effective”, “proven”, “dynamic”, “influential”, “team player”, “collaborative” ... some of those terms truly may describe you, but since they're also being used to describe everyone else, they've lost their impact. They come across as meaningless padding.

Fade out>>>>

"Curator."

Museums have curators. Art galleries have curators. Sporting grounds have curators. Tweeting links to stuff you find interesting doesn't make you a curator... or an authority or a guru. It's more likely to make you an annoying nuisance facing a quick click to the Spam folder.

[Steam Heat – Fosse]

Fold under and out>>>>

"Passionate."

“Passionate” has been used lately to describe/excuse people who vent their ill-temper on underlings, rort public money for their own gratification, run around sniffing office seats and generally act like spoiled brats. “Passionate” is not something I want to be described as any more, not in front of the grandchildren anyway. A principled, intentional cranky old bugger will do, thank you. Say you're incredibly passionate about something and--to me at least--you sound a little scary. The term smacks of anger or obsession. If you're really exhilarated about developing long-term customer solutions, try words like “focused”, “concentrated”, or “specialised” instead. They will be more effective with the reader. Save hot-blooded passion for your loved ones.

[Everything Old Is New Again – Huge Ackman (A) – 1:53 (-1:06)]

"Unique."

Fingerprints are unique. Snowflakes are unique. Bits of you may be unique in combination – maybe, but not nearly as many of them as you'd like to think--and your business probably isn't unique at all. Don't pretend to be, because customers don't care about unique; they care about "better" when it’s applied to what they’ll get for their money. Show how you're better than the competition and in the minds of customers you will be unique.

[Do You Think I'm Sexy? – Benzedrine Monks]

"Guru."

Here's a warning for wannabe holy-men: if you fancy spending your life on someone's pedestal, sooner or later you'll be knocked off it – nothing surer. I have a saying – “If you want to be a smart-arse, you'd first better be smart.” People who try to be clever for the sake of being clever are anything but. If you want to be a holy ponce, fine. Join a church, do the hard yards and become at least a bishop with a psychology degree. Don't be a self-proclaimed guru, ninja, sage, connoisseur, guerrilla, wonk, egghead or expert... it's awesome when your customers affectionately describe you in that way, but when you do it it's apparent you're overweening way too high.

"Incredibly..."

Check out some random biogs and you'll find plenty of further-modified descriptors: "Incredibly passionate," "profoundly insightful," "extremely captivating..." isn't it enough to be simply “insightful” or “captivating”? Do you have to be incredibly passionate? “In/credible” means you are beyond belief – not a good place to be if you want to instil confidence in your self.

If you must use over-the-top adjectives to describe yourself, at least spare us the further modification. Trust us; we already get it.

Most self-promoters go over the top, then have to race like hell to catch up to their own legendary status, either that or cover up their misrepresentations. I learnt early on in my acting career – undersell yourself, and let your genius emerge in the course of events, as a pleasant surprise to those who matter.

Those who don't get how awesome you are don't matter.

Do they?

Do they?

Do they?

[It Don't Matter to Jesus – Emily Zuzik – 5:12]

BEGIN AGAIN: A NEW YEAR'S RESTITUTION

PAUSE A MOMENT

NEW YEAR: FRESH BEGINNINGS

[Broadcast on 27^th December, 2011]

1. [Swinging Shepherd Blues – Moe Koffman]

Good morning. I'm B the B. Welcome now to a special New Year edition of ALNM.

2.[Farewell Waltz de Campagye – Raymond Lefevre – 0:35]

V/O: [ Straight In]

Another Christmas is over, and a new year possibly lies just around the corner. How "new' it is depends, of course, more on you than the calendar. This is a time when many of us, lulled by absence of a daily work routine, begin to become aware of places in which our lives could stand improvement. We jokingly refer to “New Year Resolutions” as a “fix-all”, but behind our levity there's a seriousness..... perhaps a creeping emptiness, or a dissatisfaction, maybe even a little guilt that things could be a fair bit better than they are, that the washup from last New Year was less than hoped for, and that we might have something to do with that. Some of us stay stuck, not knowing quite what to do next, others hope that if we make some “resolutions” the feeling will pass, at least for a while. The rest of us look for meatier ways to improve our selves.

Fade up until -3:15 (0:32 secs)

Fade down…..

But on this show tonight, I'd like to issue a challenge to you. Why the urge yet again to improve? I mean, haven’t you tried improving; tried changing? How effectively have your past re-solutions become re-volutions?  Apart from slight incremental shifts, haven’t things remained pretty much the same over the years? In some cases, you may feel they’ve even gone backwards.

I'd like to suggest that what you're deeply yearning for is not change – caterpillar to older, fatter and (maybe) cannier caterpillar – but what you really want is Transformation – caterpillar to butterfly. 

How does that sound to you?

3. [Elusive Butterfly – Bob Lind – 2:49]

Transformation --- I'm often heard to say “You cannot unscramble a scrambled egg.” Maria Robinson, a lady with considerable more class than I, once said “Nobody can go back and make a new beginning, but anyone can start today, and make a new ending.” She's right, you know; I did it. If I can do it, you can, too. No question about that. The only question is - "Do you really want a new year? Or do you still want to hang onto bits of the old one -- just in case?"

No, that won't work.

I spent New Year's Eve one year in Randazzo, Sicily. Right on the bog, upper-floor windows were thrown open and old crockery and sundry household stuff came flying out and crashing onto the streets below. And I'm told that custom is not unique to that place -- not in Europe, anyway. Out with the old to make space for something new.

1. [These Are the Days – Van Morrison – +1:53]

Fade under @ -3:16

[V/O: Straight In]

To begin this process of creating fresh beginnings, we have to stop doing things that may have been holding us back, and try another way. A very wise man, Colin Hayes said to me on more than one occasion – “If you keep on doing what you've always done, you'll keep on getting what you've always got.”

Fade out before vocal restarts...

It's time to do something different. Time to stop fiddling with the fripperies, stop dancing around the symptoms of our dis-eases. Start engaging with the real, original causes of our dissatisfaction.

2. [I'm Beginning to See the Light – Kate Ceberano (A) – 2:32]

BREAKBREAKBREAKBREAK  [3:00:11]

A Little Night Music tonight, coming up toward New Year, is all about Fresh Beginnings. I had half an idea about doing something on New Year Resolutions on Pause a Moment a little later, then I read something on the internet that changed my mind and decided to make it the whole programme. Mandy Collinson of Fremantle in Western Australia wrote an email to a Facebook site where a bunch of losers get together to whinge and whine about their lot in life. Now I've never met Mandy, but after I read what she wrote, I'd love to – she's a woman after my own heart. She says -- you have to stop doing things that no longer work for you. I'm indebted to Mandy for giving me permission to quote freely from what she wrote...

3. [You Are the New Day – The King's Singers – to +0:50

Fade down @ -1:40]

Allow me to offer some fresh ideas to free you from a once-attractive idea gone stale….

Stop spending so much time with people who seem indebted to someone or something else for their right to exist.  Cultivate relationships with authentic people who inspire or empower you. Go for quality, rather than quantity in your list of friends.

1. [So Many People – Mandy Patinkin – 2:26]

Remember the management thinker, Joseph M. Juran’s Pareto Principle? One of its social applications is The 80/20 Rule of Friends: 80% of worthwhile outcomes will come from 20% of your friends. My own take on this is that Juran was an optimist – I’ve found the ratio to nudge nearer to 96/4. Be that as it may, the principle could save you a lot of the time you might presently be spending with time-wasters. Life is too short to invest time and energy on the 80% who'll suck the life and energy out of you on activities that return, at most, 20% of value to you. Spend 80% of your time, energy and focus on those 20 percenters who trade energies creatively with you and leave everyone feeling inspired or empowered.

There’s a sting in the tail of this principle; it cannot be manipulated. If you make a list of your Facebook friends in order of closeness and then Unfriend anyone who doesn’t make the 20% cut, you’ll end up with those top-percenters sorting themselves into a smaller 80/20 pie. No, let your mailing list be, but just invest 80% of your attentions and availability on the 20% who encourage 80% of your nourishment and growth.

If someone wants you in their life, let them make room for you. Do not diminish yourself to “fit in” with the in-crowd. There’s a hugely popular collective pastime of disparaging other people on the basis of absolutely no personal knowledge or information about the person or thing being disparaged. The reward is a hit of cosiness and thrill of climbing on board with an attitude that is widely socially approved. But, mark my words, the feeling of “I belong” is not authentic. You will be let down and disappointed sooner or later.

Cultivate the energy and courage needed to think and feel for yourself even, if necessary, to the point of being disliked. Original thinking is the power to be acutely aware and richly responsible. That requires some ruthless self-examination. Normal thinking is necessarily social, and as such it's based on adopted assumptions that most of us have no idea we're making. Less than 5% of the population ever deeply and precisely think for themselves. We all think that we do, but the truth is we are blissfully ignorant of how enculturated our thinking is. When you say "She thinks for herself", you're really meaning "She's ceasing to sound like people I disapprove of, and more like people I approve of." In a normal condition we do not think for ourselves: we think with others. I'm sure you remember times when you've believed true things for poor reasons, and false things for good reasons. Likewise, we feel in response to our inner and outer environment and, again, in relation with others. To go against this tide will need energy, clear intention, an undistorted sense of self, and courage. There's  some homework for all of us!

Test rigorously all gossip and social comment that gurgles around you against the yardstick of your own direct experience. Stop the habit of “going along to get along”. Blaze your own path instead, not to be different, but to be true to your own experience. Find ways of including others who’d like to join you in your newfound adventure. Be grateful for those who stand by your side when you're at your best: remember and honour those who remain at your side when you're at your worst.

2. [Honesty – Billy Joel – 3:50]

****** [35 secs]

With the New Year coming up, we're looking tonight at things to stop doing and things to try if you want to make some changes this year.

Stop lying to yourself. Try self-honesty for a change. Now, this could be tricky at the start. After all, how does a habitual liar know when he/she is actually being honest?

3. [How Could You Believe Me When I Said “I Love You”? - Liza Minelli – 3:24]

Find truths, and tell those truths at least to yourself.

Maybe this will not easy, but it is simple.

How? How do you check your honesty? 

Look in mirrors.

Firstly, look in the mirror of your results. Are the results you’re getting congruent with what you say you want?

Secondly, look in the mirrors we call “other people”. You are surrounded by images of your many selves. We call those images “other people”, but what you see is, in fact, partial reflections of our self. Whatever you see in them is You. Some reflections we like – (Aaaahhh): some we don't (Bleecchhh)! Every one of them is a reflection of our “I” and our “Me”. How neat is that!?

Own what you see, all of it, and open up to compassion. Read “The Road Less Traveled” by Scott Peck.

1. [Reflections of My Life – The Marmalade – 3:50]

BREAKBREAKBREAKBREAK [ 3:30:10 ]

With the old year coming to a close, tonight's show is all about Fresh Beginnings, inspired by an email I received from Mandy Collinson in Fremantle, WA. On Mandy's list of possible N.Y. resolutions was this gem == Stop running from your problems, or dumping them on someone else's doorstep (including God's, by the way).

Try facing up to being the author of your results. Engage creatively with your stuff; you created it. And clean up after you. By all means, get help if you need it; there's plenty available. But don't dump it at some service centre and expect someone else to fix you for you. Ultimately my stuff is my stuff, and your stuff is your stuff. Anyone who offers to relieve you of your responsibilities, either when you need to create change for yourself or clean up after you mess up, should be treated with the utmost suspicion.

2. [You Ride Your Way and I'll Ride Mine – Rolf Harris (A) – +0:28] Fade @ -1:38

Here's a thought – What if we came here for the very purpose of creating, experiencing and uniquely finding ways to transcend problems? What if where we came from before this was so blissful that it got boring? What if we came here for the very problems we’re now trying to avoid? We spent so much time setting them up; imagine the disappointment if we got to the end of this life and discovered we’d missed the point of doing this trip! What if we had to come back and do this all over again just to get to this point and make a different choice?

When we dodge around or resist anything, we get stuck with it. The same dynamics keep showing up in our faces, hadn’t you noticed? In the process of awarefully experiencing and dealing with difficulty, we get to consciously create, discover and experience who and what we really are. If this is true, then the purpose of living could be -- to experience and master Life itself, as it is – mysteries, problems, orgasms and all! How we tackle our problems, learn, and adapt, moulds us into who and what we become. If we don't face up, learn and adapt, we become the victims of circumstance and dinosaurs of evolution. By changing how we learn and adapt, we change who we are and what happens to us, and what we become. Forever.

3. [Happy New Year – Adam Dunning (A) – 4:47]

Here's a resolution I suggest for compulsive saviours; you know – those bothersome busybodies who want to jump in and deprive somebody of the chance to learn and grow through engaging with adversity? They don't mean it when they interfere, but their unspoken, de-powering message is “I think you're such a dipstick that you couldn't handle your life without me.” (I tend to be one of them if I don't keep a leash on my Do-Gooder.) So, here's a NY Resolution suggestion, borrowed from someone you may recognise – try minding your own business. Stand back and wait until you're asked. And if your help is sought, don't do it for them; show them how to do for themselves. Before you insist on taking the splinter out of your neighbour's eye, first deal with the bloody great plank in your own. Oh, and do stop putting your own needs on the back-burner. Drained and burned-out martyrs may make for dramatic mythology, but they are of no practical use to anybody.

1. [Clean House – Dreamboogie (A) – 3:20]

The last thing anyone who's drowning needs, is an exhausted, well-intentioned do-gooder who can't swim jumping in with him. It's downright unhealthy to lose yourself in someone else. That's not love; that's Mills and Boone pap. Your kids, for example, need a parent, not a martyr. You are special, too. If ever there was a moment to follow your passion and do something that matters to you, it is now, on the threshold of a new year. Those you love may even heave a sigh of relief and thank you for it.

2. [Respect Yourself – Guy Sebastian (A) – 4:24]

BREAKBREAKBREAKBREKBREAK [  3:48:00  ]

3. [Interesting – Peter Cook, Dudley Moore, John Cleese – 4:44]

The next change to try on Mandy Collinson's list is a king-hit to the ego – stop trying to be someone you're not. That person, whoever it is, is already taken. Be yourself.

Which means it might be a good idea to find out who you really are, rather than who you think you are.

1.[You'd Be So Nice to Come Home To – Grace Knight (A) – 2:39]

**** START @ 3:56:15 ****

We all started life constructing a persona that we thought would get our needs met. We all did it. The process has been called “The Fall from Grace”. It's how we transitioned from being God to become our particular flavour of being human. But what we created is a temporary scaffolding, based on false notions built to bridge over ignorance of real, first-hand experience along with our limited and often mistaken ideas then, of how and why others reacted to us the way they seemed to. Some things we did ‘way back then were cute, and got a good response. I see supposedly grown human beings still acting like they're looking for aw-shucks laughs and applause at the annual kindy concert. I see others who’ve gone another way, still chucking tanties like a spoiled brat in a supermarket when they don't get their way. I want grab them all by the scruff of the neck and roar “For God's sake, grow up!!”. Most of us fall somewhere between those extremes, and we really should have learned better long ago. But it’s not too late to re-build and integrate.

The first step to maturity is to get that you are not who you think you are. Only then have you got some chance of discovering who you are. Until you do, you will be a pushover for anyone trying to make you like the'd like you to be. Look, someone is always prettier than me, smarter than me, stronger than me, younger than me, older than me, but non-one else will ever be me. Same for you. There’s a place in this universe with your name on it. But you’ll never find it until you work out what you really are.

Wouldn’t you think that the easiest thing in the world would be for each of us to be ourself? Why isn't it? The world rather urgently needs authenticity but if that’s the new direction you decide to take, you may need the courage to stand alone, at least until you find a different crowd to go with, or educate the ones you’re presently with. The mistake we all made was we thought it was essential to our survival to be liked, and the only way to be liked was to sell out on our selves and be like “them”. 

Learn the difference between “change” and “adapt”. Don't change so people will like you: I've tried it – it sucks. As a dear friend told me this afternoon – “I remember you then; you were really tacky”. 

Be authentic, so that the right people can get to recognise you, know you and love you.

2. [Bring Him Home – Anthony Warlow (A) – 3:48]

BREKBREAKBREAKBREAK [ 4:00:00 ]

Good morning once again, I'm BB, and welcome to ALNM as we sail headlong towards a New Year, looking for Fresh Beginnings.....

3. [Jing-Ga-Lye-Ya – The Birralee Blokes (A) – 1:46]

If you'd prefer the coming months to be more than “just another” new year for you, we're offering possible Fresh Beginnings for you to ponder over. Keep in mind a Ruthless Rule of Reality that states – If you keep doing what you've always done, you'll keep getting what you've always got. In our quest for possible new things to try, we're aided by a very astute email from Mandy Collinson of Fremantle, and I thank her sincerely for giving me permission to quote from it....

Her next suggestion is appropriate for a new year:- Let go of the past. Unless you're a coroner, there's nothing back there worth cranking your head about. Your past is dead -- something to step out of – into the here and now. A.S.A.P.

1. [Then and Now – Sky (A) – (3:22)]

Fade down after -2:28

Dare to live deliberately. Give up trying to avoid mistakes. Purposefully take risks. Re-discover the aliveness that comes with courage. Look at the fears you carry – do you fear failing? Fear succeeding? Fear being disliked? Fear being liked? Fear suffering? Fear being happy? Facing fear is the price for Courage and Aliveness; they don't come without scary bits.

I like to think of life and living as an experiment to see how it turns out. Since it's always turning out, in my mind I know I cannot then fail, unless I curl up into a little ball and do nothing. And yes, there have been times when I've been tempted to do that. Yeah, that would be failure for me. How about you? One thing I know, I've never yet regretted anything I've done anywhere near as much as I've regretted the things I have not done..... usually for lack of courage.

2. [The House of No Regrets – Katherine Jenkins – 3:30]

Stop berating yourself for past mistakes. Make good for the ones you can; forgive yourself for all of them. Start cultivating compassion for yourself. We may have loved people with whom it just didn't work out; we may have cried over milk that was destined to be spilt anyway, who knows? But one thing is for sure – mistakes can be a teaching tool, opening access to wisdom and strength, and suggesting more effective ways to do things next time. Mistakes are trial-and-error avenues for eventually finding what works for us. We all make mistakes and have struggles, but those things are not who we are: who we are is what we become as we behave our way through the tough times. You are here now with the power and the opportunity to shape today, here and now. From this we’ll step into our next “now”, and into tomorrow, and into 2012, enlarging the space as we go. Every single thing that has happened in your life has prepared you for this moment. This is it. Make the most of it.

3. [This Is the Moment – Mark Vincent (A) – 3:15]

BREAKBREAKBREAKBREAKBREAK [ 4:14:40 ]

Around this time on ALNM we usually stop for Pause a Moment. So we're going to do that now and look briefly at the related subject of New Year's Resolutions. For over 60 years now I 've consciously been making resolutions and in all that time I've discovered 2 things about them:-

1.    New Year Resolutions work – except sometimes; and

2.     They don't work – except sometimes.

“Why is that? How come?”

Here's what I've discovered, so far.....

1. [La Raya]

Let’s Pause a Moment.....

When you find yourself troubled or stuck.....

Take a step or two back, and try another way of looking at it....

2. [The House That Mac Built – (0:55 secs)

Stop @ -4:50]

Up in this belfry I call My Mind, I found not one, not two, but a whole parliament of ministers and opposition spokesmen, all created by me, to help run my life while I went out on the world's longest cat-nap. I have a Minster for Health, a Minister for Foreign Affairs, a Minister for Romance and Relationships, a Minister for Finance, a Minister for Pastimes and Pleasure, a Parliamentary Spin Secretary for Looking Good to myself and others, a multi-religious chaplain, a Minister for Defending Me, a Minister for Justice, a carping, critical, judgmental Speaker who never shuts up.... and so it goes – each and every one of them is at loggerheads, clamouring for his own area of responsibility, and also fighting an equivalent Opposition spokesman. And presiding over it all is Ego -- the office messenger boy. It's a real looney-bin up there! The Marquis de Sade never had it so good!

You have a similar setup.

Problems occur when resolutions are made by some of the other members around the table while the Prime Minister is absent or asleep. For example, in the past, come New Year, my Minister for Health, for example, would grab the microphone and often decide to send all of us on a diet. Fine. I went along with that, until someone offered me a huge box of Cadbury's Old Gold chocolates. Now, my Minister for Pleasure is a chocoholic, and he suddenly gets pretty pissed that this diet decision was made without him being consulted, and an argument starts. Then the shadow opposition spokesman for Health, spoiling for a good blarney, starts sabotaging the process, pumping me with info on how healthy chocolates are for me – anti-oxidants and all that stuff. Next thing, I'm in more more than two minds, so I pop a choc so that I can feel better. Then the Usher of the Black Rod trots out his favourite punishment – guilt. So I pop another chockie to drown that. And the whole thing escalates. You get the picture?

Take a listen sometime inside your own belfry, especially during question time, or when there's a motion of No Confidence going on. See how it is with you. Is it any wonder we sometimes get confused, lost, overwhelmed and sabotage our own best intentions?

How do we fix it? We can't sack our parliament – they're there for life. But you – the Prime Minister can wake up. You can come back from the world's longest lunch break, and call your house to order. Remember you created all these positions to help you see things from more than one point of view. Listen, hear all sides, then make a decision and enlist everyone's skills to help you follow through. Because they really do have your best interests at heart, they will support you, if you ask them to co-operate. So will other people around you – if you confide in them, and ask – not for their agreement, but for their support. Even people who don't agree with you will usually suspend their disagreement and support you, if you take them into your confidence.

****

So go ahead – make your resolutions. It may help if you regard each resolution, not as an edict warranting guilt and punishment if you falter, but make each as a kindly statement of intention in your own best interests. Soften up on yourself.

3. [ComeTogether – Strings Unlimited (A) – 2:28]

Having now put the notion of formulating New Year Resolutions into a slightly gentler perspective, let's return now to Mandy's suggestions for changes you may like to ponder for some Fresh Beginnings. Here are some furthering ideas for finding more Happiness in each day.....

It is not the duty of anyone else to make you happy. Stop trying to beg, buy, borrow, steal or manipulate happiness from other people or situations: it will never work. In fact, it will indeed sink you further into deep, chronic dissatisfaction. If you want a general rule of thumb to guide you – if you see or hear it advertised as “this will make you happy” – it won't deliver; not of itself. Happiness can not be gotten; Happiness has to be found and re-created out of what’s in front of you. That is the purpose of what we call Recreation. Whatever you’re facing right now, a chance for happiness is in there somewhere. Find it. That's your job. You – yes, you. No-one was put on this earth to do it for you. Don't compete – create.

Many of the things we desire can be quite expensive. But everything that truly satisfies is scott-free – love, laughter, playing at your passion.... free!

1. [Dance of the Little Fairies – Sky (A)  – ]

Stop looking to others for happiness. Your first step to freedom is taken when you get that no-one makes you feel – anything. You and only you are the author of all of your feelings. Check -- how are you feeling right now? OK, good! Say to yourself now – I am making myself fee this way........ This is your escape from unhappiness. You are the author, so you can change what you’ve author-ised. If this were not so, and others had that power to make you feel, you’d be doomed to the mercy of manipulators, dominators, controllers, and any little pisspot bully who feels like using you for target practice.

Until you get happy with who you are on the inside, you will never be happy in a long-term relationship with anyone else on the planet. And it's not your partner's job to make you happy. You have to create balance and stability in your own life first. You can't share what you don't have. Read Daniel Gilbert’s book, “Stumbling on Happiness”, and maybe spend some of your New Year Resolution time this week contemplating how you can start changing the way you feel about you.

BREAKBREAKBREAKBREAKBREAK [ 4:29:40 ]

WEATHER

We're back with more hints for making Fresh Beginnings this New Year.

My next suggestion for beginning afresh is idiotically simple – Commit to something – big or small doesn't matter, as long as it's significant to you. Why do I feel it necessary to even mention? Because so many people live lives that are light on clear purpose or earnest engagement. Don’t be one of them any longer. Find your spine and give yourself over in trust to something worthwhile. Get off your arse and put it on the line.

You can't change what you won't acknowledge and engage creatively with. Making progress involves risk and gameness. An emotional system has to be free to range from happy to unhappy. As a feedback system, feelings are not meant get stuck on endlessly blissful, or else you’d approach everything or avoid everything equally. We are meant to be happy, and we are meant to be uneasy. What good is a compass always stuck on north? A compass needle has to be free to fluctuate. If you feel scared, be happy about that – it may mean you're on the right track. If what you're doing isn't causing slight discomfort, there’s probably no growth change happening and you're wasting your time, running on the spot. You don't make it to second base with your foot still planted on first.

2. [Move, Baby, Move – Johnny O'Keefe (A) – (0:24)]

Fade @ -2:01

There’s a truism that goes, “If you really want something, you will find a way. If you’re kidding yourself, you’ll find an excuse.” Eliminate “I'm not ready” from your Excuse List. If you waited until all the traffic lights were green before you set off from home to the city, you'd never get there (especially in Adelaide). Life comes with very few guarantees, but this is one of them – if the opportunity arises, you're ready to start. So, start. Take it on trust – life doesn't deliver anything you’re not ready for. When the student is ready, the lessons turn up. That's how it works. The most deadly place you can dwell on this earth is in your own comfort zone. Enjoy a breather, then get the hell out of there!

3. [Let's Fall in Love – Diana Krall (A) – (1:50)

Fade under @ -2:30]

Get involved in relationships for healthy reasons that serve you both. First, as best you can, sort out the fundamental relationship with your parents before you seriously try relating intimately with anybody else.

Fall in love when you're ready – not when you're either needy or lonely. When you do commit to love, go the whole hog. Let go of withholding bits of your well-being and your love (just in case Mr. or Mrs. Absolutely Right shows up later on??)

Consider that healthy relationships are negotiated, not manipulated.

If you must break up with someone, earn your way out of the relationship.  Leave with no unfinished business, emotional or otherwise.

Read the Parable of the Sower. Some relationships will test you; some will use you, some will teach you, some will extend you. Let that be so and celebrate the joys and trials of relating anyway. Let none be wasted. It's up to you to make sure every relationship brings out more of the best in both of you.

Beware your Inner Saboteur – the sneaky little voice inside that says “He ain't it; she ain't it. Too tall. Too short. Too Fat. Too Thin. Too sure of himself. Too timid. Emotionally unavailable. Too out there. Too much information! Too little”. Learn how to see things as they are and engage – appropriately for the what-is-ness of the situation.

And remember this possibility - those past relationships that you think didn't work – they worked! Maybe not as you'd hoped, but they did work. They took you to the next station. Find another point of view to look from...

Get yourself sorted on the issues of jealousy and competition. Adopt as a general rule -- Don't compete: create! Jealousy is an insane, irrational feeling that, without this person, I am not whole and complete. A woman's jealousy is “I can't survive without one of these male things to look after me.” A man's jealousy is “This is my property.” Do whatever you have to do and get whatever help you need to deal with jealousy and get some self-healing going. Jealousy is not love, and it will corrode every relationship it gets into.

1. [A Fine Romance – Michael Feinstein – 4:45]

Romantic love is a wonderful game to play, and it helps get you over the initial humps of getting to know each other in a very different context. But romantic love, like a lot of phases of life, is a temporary scaffolding. Left as it is, romantic love alone carries within it the seeds of its own termination. How often have I seen couples begin to resent the very qualities that first attracted them to each other. [He was the strong, silent type who later “won't communicate his feelings with me”. She was the soft, pliant female who later “won't stand on her own two feet”.] Grow up. Remember your commitment to that person you wake up with, and resolve to renew it today, or not – as the case may be. If not, earn your way out.

BREAKBREAKBREAKBREAK  [ 4:42 :20 ]

Watch your words. Your words have creative power, and the universe does not have a sense of humour – “I was only joking” is no defence. Develop a sense of responsibility for the effect that you have on other people, and thence the world. Go accountable for what comes out of your mouth and the influence it has on others.

2. [We Can Work It Out – The Four Seasons – +0:16 fade]

The Whinge’n’Whine industry is alive and thriving. In some cases the energy and volume get wound up to a point where we call it “resentment”. Mandy Collinson writes – Resolve to stop when you catch yourself complaining and feeling sorry for yourself. And you can include Anger in this, too. Life's curveballs come to invite you to get off your righteous butt and move in the direction you once said you wanted to go. It's odds-on you won't see or understand a lot of what's happening in the moment it's happening, and it may be rough for a while. But trust the process and your ability to ride it out. If you reflect back on the hand grenades that life has lobbed your way in the past, you'll often see that they led you to a better place, a better person, a better state of mind or situation. And you’re still here. You did make it. Smile! Let your face know that you are stronger than you were yesterday and a lot stronger than you give yourself credit for.

3. [Smile – The Idea of North & James Morrison (A) – 4:31]

Drop your masks of Everything’s Wonderful! Find genuine reasons for gratitude and proceed from there. I've really had it up to here with politicians and other glad-handers with bloodless phony smiles stuck crookedly on their faces. Stop acting like everything is fine if it isn't. Stand out; be genuine.

There’s a hoary old joke about politicians – they should change their minds at least as often as they’d change a baby’s nappy – and for the same reason. Give yourself permission to change your mind – in fact, I recommend you do it more often.

Give yourself compassionate consent to fall apart, if that's what's happening. 

*****

You know what emotional honesty makes you? Real and human. The sooner you have (not dump, but HAVE) your feelings, whatever they are, the sooner you'll be through this particular tunnel and have reason to grin with gratitude in the sunshine once more.

1. [Happy Talk – John Pizzarelli – 4:26]

(3) **** START “Salut D'Amour” @ 4:56:20 ****

(2)[Start “Sweet Words” @ 4:57:15]

What's the difference between a whinger and someone who's just being honest about going through a rough patch? A whinger is hanging out for agreement, sympathy and a saviour.  Whingers suck! Literally! If you let them, they'll vacuum the life out of you, and still complain about the results. It wasn't widely reported in the Christian press, but even Jesus the Christ had a gutful of whingers looking for a cheap miracle one day. He turned on them suddenly and said sternly – “Fixes are DIY. Heal yourselves!”

2. [Sweet Words – Peter Skellern – 2:44]

3. [Salut D'Amour – Aust. Chamber Orchestra/Richard Tognetti – 3:38......

**** START @ 4:56:20 ****

BREAKBREAKBREAKBREAK [ : : ]

If you've just joined us, welcome to Wednesday's ALNM, with BB. Tonight we're doing a special New Year show entitled Fresh Beginnings, inspired by an email from a listener – Mandy Collinson – from Western Australia.

1. [My Love, Forgive Me – 50 Guitars of TG. – 0:17 secs]

Fade under.......

Here's another good idea to consider for New Year – Give up the grudges and grouches. I spoke about resentments a couple of weeks ago. Resentments are NOT worth losing your happiness or your freedom, and that's what they're costing you. Any and every Resentment hits the “Pause” button on your capacity for contentment. Let go. Forgive. Forgiveness is not saying “What you did was OK.”. It's saying “You had your reasons but I'm not going to let what you did mess up my life any longer.” Then walk away. Let go, and let be. Liberate your self. ****  Forgive yourself, too. You'll do better next time...

2. [Nobody Does It Better – Julie Andrews – 3:06]

The desire to be liked is an understandable by-product of our instinct to survive.

****

Let go of your needs to be liked. A need to be liked is an unfortunate outcome of our ego's insistence on its survival above all else. It is a perversion of a legitimate need for deep Connection. In our need to be liked, we'll settle for being noticed at almost any price and allow others to bring us down to their level. Well, this New Year you might like to think about refusing to lower your standards to the level of those who won't raise theirs. It's OK to require more of yourself and of those you love. You can be extraordinary. How? Do something out of the ordinary.

3. [This Little Light of Mine – Yo-Yo-Ma, Amelia Zirin-Brown – 5:02]

Look at why you feel the need to explain yourself to others. Your friends don't need to hear it – they know you already. Your enemies use different code and rule books to you, alien ways of seeing that they’re certain are “right”, so they probably won't even understand your explanations anyway. ****  If you feel the need to explain yourself, maybe you are the one with the doubts. If so, rejoice: uncertainty signals a promising field of possible growth and learning for you! Uncertainty is good. There is always more!

1. [More – The 50 Guitars of Tommy Garrett – 0:25]

Fade under to end

Take time out to step back from the workface and look at the wider perspective. The time to pause for a deeper breather is when you think you can't afford the time. Remember, if you keep doing what you're doing, you'll keep getting what you're getting.

Take time to catch the beauty of small moments and mini-universes. Enjoy the littlies, because one day you'll look back and find that some of the little moments turned out to be biggies in disguise. Better you look back in gratitude than live on in regret.

2. [Looking Forward, Looking Back – Slim Dusty (A) – 3:13]

BREAKBREAKBREAKBREAK [ 5:15:40 ]

This morning on ALNM we're looking at suggestions for NY Resolutions that might make your life next year more satisfying. Mandy Collinson's next hint is a humdinger – Ease up around your ideas about Perfection.

3. [Nobody's Perfect – Mike + the Mechanics – 4:43]

Nobody is ever going to fit your fixed ideas of what's perfect – not all of the time. And it’s these discrepancies between my cultural and family conditioning and the thinking habits that I’ve built out of them, and your cultural and family conditioning and the thinking habits that you’ve built on yours, that separate us. SBS even has a programme about it called “Marry Me, Marry My Family”. Once the first flush of young romance wears down a bit, the game demonstrably isn't set up for us to “be of one mind”. Don’t fret about it, though. The real world doesn't reward perfectionists anyway; it rewards effective people who find creative ways to work together to get things done, and leave the place and other people a little better when they've gone. We can all do that. Read David Allen’s book called “Getting Things Done”.

Ease up on your criticisms, too. As far as I know, there has never in the history of mankind, ever, been a statue erected by a grateful community to a Critic.

1. [Do What You Do – Chris de Burghe & Larry Adler – 3:34]

2. [Do What You Do – ASO & Jane Rutter (A) ]

Hold under....

The extent to which you enjoy an effective and meaningful life is the extent to which you take responsibility for, and surrender to, your authorship of it – I write my life. Sure, things happen out of the blue, but I write my responses, and they create my reality, and the next one, and the next…. Same for you. When you blame others for what you're going through, you may well be right (up to a point), but you also resign the power over that part of your life to someone who either couldn't care less about you, or who may actually be glad you're suffering. Either way, you lose. So, this New Year, think about your authorship of, and your contributions to the situations you find yourself in. It is, after all, your life, and no-one else was given the job of fixing it or living it for you.

3. [My Life – Billy Joel – 3:47]

BREAKBREKBREAKBREAK  [ 5:31 50: ]

Face this reality -- You cannot be everything to everyone, and I sincerely doubt that was ever meant to be so. All the great mystics, teachers and leaders found that out – some of them, the hard way that, somewhere and somehow there will always be opposition. Quit trying to please everybody. Just try this: if the person in front of you has forgotten their smile, gently embrace them in one of yours. That CAN change the world. Maybe not the whole world right away, but the ripples of smile-energy will radiate to contagiously infuse their world right now. That's enough. That's how you CAN make a difference.

1. [A Certain Smile – Astrud Gilberto -- 1:29]

This coming year, see if you can soften a bit around Worry. Worrying is just a habit, you know. When you were still a baby, your nappy would get wet, or you'd have a bit of colic pain – a few things to disturb a baby mind. So, if one of them happened for more than a few minutes you worried, maybe grizzled a bit, and – hey presto – Supermum or Superdad turned up to fix the problem. After a short time you learned that the first thing to do when something goes wrong is to – get anxious. Fretting will get me noticed. That’s how you put it together. And no-one corrected your mistake, because you were surrounded, and still are surrounded, by a horde of practiced worriers who all suffer the same delusion.

I’ve found that Worry doesn't make anything better, except my cardiologist's income.

2. [I'm So Worried – Monty Python – 3:19]

Worry will not strip today or tomorrow of its burdens; rather, it will add to their weight and strip today of its joy. One way I learned about whether something is worth stewing over is – How important will the outcome of this be in 1 year, 5 years, 20 years.....? Not much? Let go.

If you have worry going on, just do this with me now. Close your eyes for a moment. Now. feel into the worry. Find the tensions in your body. Where are you tensed up? Just wriggle around a bit and check which muscles needlessly tensed. Now, take a deep breath in, let the tensions go; they're cramping your style, and let your breath go. Repeat that as often as you need to. Let be and let go. Take another breath in now, lift you head and, just with your eyeballs, look up and to the right, and then let go. Good. Now, what was that worry all about?

One of the reasons we worry chronically, is that the mind tends to focus on what we don't want to have happen. I remember when I was learning to ride a bike, I got some mates to give me a push on a slight downhill slope. At the bottom was a fence with an open gate. Halfway down the hill, I panicked. Instead of looking at the 4 feet of open gate, I focussed on the vast expanse of fence on either side, panicking about what might happen if I hit it. You can guess where I ended up – in the fence. It took me another 40 years, though, to find out a Ruthless Rule of Reality that says:

We create what we give our attention to.

It also happens now to be a rule of quantum physics. If we're focussing on something NOT happening we’re focused on IT; we're increasing the chances of it happening.

So, good luck with your New Year's resolutions. Focus on what you DO want, not on what you want to avoid. And have the happiest of new year celebrations. Until then, here's my anthem for 2012...

3. [Always Look on the Bright Side of Life – Eric Idle – 3:30]

[5:46:10]

Thank you for having me at your place this year. It has certainly been my pleasure. I'll be back next year with more of ALNM ......Until then.....

BEGIN WITH THE END IN MIND

AND RE-MIND YOURSELF OFTEN AS YOU GO.