HAVING & BEING
We are fortunate that the English language makes a clear distinction between having something, and being someone in particular. I notice that in Thai, the word "ben" covers both states ("I am happy", "I am able to be happy", and "I have happy" are all valid translations of "Pom ben suk", but when being in possession of something that is not-me is indicated, the Thais have a special pointer-word -- "mee", as in "Pom mee mah" -- "I have a dog" to indicate that there is some distinction between the possessor and what is possessed. Something you have is not what you are.
This would seem to be self-evident. I have a dog, I have car keys, I have a sore back. Fine. But none of these is who I am. If I were to suddenly announce to the neighbours "I am a dog", or "I am a car key", or "I am a sore back", one or two might initially agree, but if I kept it up, one of them would soon be calling for an ambulance.
But what makes the distinction so grey when it comes to feelings? Humans seem quite ready to I-dentify with a feeling they have, and even to regard this lunacy as normal. "I have sadness" becomes "I am sad.". "I have depression" becomes "I am depressed" with remarkable rapidity. "I have anxiety" turns into "I am anxious". Suddenly it has become terribly personal: the Being has become its creation. The parent has become the child. The problem has taken over; the costume is wearing the actor; the creator is obscured.
Often in counselling one of my first tasks is to remind the sufferer that there is a difference between the person and the problem. Who-you-are is the person who HAS the car keys, the spectacles, the headache, the suffering. But none of those things is who you are. You - the person - and what you have are quite separate. When you get that separation, you get some space, some elbow-room, to deal with the problem.
You are that which experiences. You have experiences, but they need not be who you are, unless you insist upon it. "I am............. (whatever you say you are)."
When you've had enough of an experience, remember who you are, and what you are not.
Be-Have........
