AD-MIRATION

Other people never are exactly as we think them to be,
For at least three very good reasons ---

1) We can only see (recognise) in others what we are aware of from within our self. Our view of others is limited by our level of self-awareness; and

2) What we see of everything around us is coloured by our own experiences, feelings. beliefs and expectations; and

3) We forget (or don't even know about) the laws of Duality, and choose to see only the bits of others that we want to see. We never see the whole person -- not all at once anyway.

To "admire" a person or thing is to look into a mirror and see reflected.....
"Admiration" contains the word "mirror".

When we admire, we see in another something we most like about our self.
(And the reverse is also true)

But whether the other person actually possesses those desirable qualities ought not to be taken as read. Nor should we discount the fact that they also have other, conflicting qualities that we may not be aware of. We mis-read others, and when they do something "out of character", we blame them! We get emotionally bent out of shape when someone does or says something that doesn't fit with the model of them that we've created for ourselves. This phenomenon is nowhere more evident than in our primary relationships with our parents and partners. We think we "know" them, then wonder why they sometimes "turn" on us, and why some of our "best-friend" relationships turn overnight into a train wreck.

When I look at you, or you look at me, we are seeing a mirror-ball of reflections -- rotating fragments of flash-glimpses of recognised bits of ourself. That's just how it is. Now what we see in another may be pretty close to a bit of their reality, as far as that goes, but what we think we know about them is never the whole thing. Never. We don't even know the whole of our selves! How can we possibly recognise and know the whole of another?

It's not anyone else's job to live down to your limited idea of them. Nor is it your job to keep anyone else comfortable by fitting in to their creation of you. As far as is possible, consider one another's sensibilities, but not at the expense of being all that you are. Allow yourself, and the other person to be exactly as he/she is, in their entirety, and not just as you see yourself, him, or her to be. Prepare and allow yourself to be surprised. Be grateful for any new glimpses you get; others are mirrors into your own unknown.

If you experience any kind of discomfort or suffering with a new discovery, become aware of your level of true self-confidence.

If you feel like a rug has been whipped out from under you,  look into the health of your self-reliance.

And be grateful for those insights, too.