Doing good for others is our second duty.
Our first is to be fully ourself,
Warts and all.
With out that,
All else is a hollow clang --
A straw in the wind,
A window display.
Insubstantial
And un-trust-worthy.
Tuesday, July 26, 2011
Thursday, July 14, 2011
SEEING IS........???
Let me correct a huge lie right off the top.....
Seeing is NOT-believing.
There are two meanings to that
Once something is seen, it is known;
Once something is known, there is no need any longer to believe in it:
Both Belief and Disbelief are the lowest form of Not-Knowing.
We believe and/or disbelieve in what we do not yet know.
Once something is known, believing is no longer necessary.
The problem for us humans,
And the reason I bring this up right off the top
Is that we do not often distinguish
Between what we truly see and know, and what we believe,
And
Our minds and bodies don't distinguish between the two.
We broadcast and react to our beliefs as if they are fact.
Believing is not Seeing.
Seeing is a fresh experience of the Is-ness of a matter:
Belief is a stale bunch of second-hand ideas and opinions about what might- or might not be.
Now that that is out of the way....
Let's look at these possibilities around Seeing ---
In an un-aware state --
There is a story that the native American medicine men did not see the three ships that Christopher Columbus arrived in, simply because "ship" did not compute with their life experience. They'd never seen one or even heard about a ship. There wasn't even a word for it in their language. An idea of "Ship", in their reality did not exist. So when three of them turned up unexpectedly, they were simply in-visible. The educated medicine men were blind to what was there because they weren't expecting it, and what was there did not fit with their known learning and experience. Had a child come down to the beach, however, it probably would have pointed to the horizon and asked "What's that?"
I have no way of knowing how true that story is, but I do know how the principles of unconscious, selective blindness apply in my experience.
As toddlers, we saw just about everything, and we saw it, at least at first, unjudgmentally in curiosity. Then we began some sifting and sorting of what we saw in order to make some "sense" of all that was coming at us. It's a natural process that prevents us from going into intellectual, perceptory and emotional overload: we do it to survive.
Additionally, some of the things that came at us in the past were accompanied by experiences that varied on a scale from Pleasurable to Painful. Those we related with pleasurable responses we labelled as "Good for us"; those that were accompanied by any measure of discomfort or pain got labelled as "Bad for us". Things falling in the middle between "good" and "bad" were dismissed as "irrelevant". From soap-suds makers to politicians, anyone who wants to sell you something will try to make themselves relevant to you by either promising you pleasure or relief from pain. Hadn't you noticed?
At the "Bad" end of the scale, filters and blinkers ensure that we no longer have to look at certain things. ("If I don't see it, it's not there.") Try telling that to a bus bearing down on you as you cross North Terrace. But in the eons-old jungle strategy we still "freeze" in an attempt to shield ourselves from possible harm.
Unfortunately, in early childhood, we also got distracted from creatively supervising this selection process. We left the board room and left the office mailboy to run the process and empowered him make the choices and decisions about what is "good" or "bad" for us. Consequently, the mailboy (our ego) makes decisions about what he'll allow us to see and what we won't see. The pity of it is that our ego is spectacularly unqualified and incapable of effectively running our lives anywhere except off into the largest ditch. But our ego doesn't care. Neither your ego nor mine gives two hoots about how well or badly it does the job of running our lives, but it is obsessed with keeping its position. Ego will do anything to make sure that it, and all its rules and values and opinions and anything else it considers itself to be, remains in charge. It will even allow you to die, as long as It gets to be Right about its concepts, its beliefs, its opinions and its decisions. Egos are designed for Survival; but not the survival of us -- the survival of their Selves.
Tied in with our ability to screen out what we will and won't get to see, is our Imagination -- our human ability to predict likely outcomes of possible events. Not too many other sentient beings share this unique capacity. Unfortunately, we left that gift also in the hands of our ego. So we got stuck with the human experience of Expectations. We allow possible scenarios to develop in our minds. They fester away until they've developed the same emotional wallop as something that's real and actual, and we create expectations on the basis of these dodgy scenarios.
We see what we EXPECT to see. When our expectations are met, we get to be right. When our expectations are not met, we start carrying on like our home is in a tree.
So, to sum up. Until we step in and take our lives back, we will see what we expect to see (and we'll be right about that), and we'll only see what our past experiences allow us to see (and as far as we are concerned, that is all there is).
Period.
We rarely see unadulterated reality, and even if we did, we can't tell the difference between fiction and fact.
Do you know what sages are? They are seers. They are people who know about their egos, but exercise their author-ity to choose to reclaim the CEO's chair, and the humility to stay open to possibilities they haven't seen yet. They consciously and actively open up to "other" possibility. They see everything.
You, too can become a seer. Become aware of how unaware and undercooked you are, and tell the truth about that. Start consciously Noticing -- noticing things that you haven't noticed in the last few minutes. It doesn't matter what they are, as long as they are happening somewhere in your field of awareness right now. Just notice them. No need to do anything about it. Just notice this, then that, then something else. Wake up. Every time you remember to, flick your awareness around to what's going on around you. A really useful exercise is to start a habit of regularly noticing what's going on in your peripheral vision.
Over our lives we have been narrowing down and focussing more and more on less and less until we now see everything about nothing. It's just a habit. We change restrictive habits by replacing them with healthier, more open ones. Start noticing what's going on around you.
If you want to see more, start looking.
You'll be amazed what shows up.
And at what you've been missing out on.
Seeing is NOT-believing.
There are two meanings to that
- Seeing and Believing are two very different activities; and
- Once something is Seen, the existence of, and need for Belief evaporate.
Once something is seen, it is known;
Once something is known, there is no need any longer to believe in it:
Both Belief and Disbelief are the lowest form of Not-Knowing.
We believe and/or disbelieve in what we do not yet know.
Once something is known, believing is no longer necessary.
The problem for us humans,
And the reason I bring this up right off the top
Is that we do not often distinguish
Between what we truly see and know, and what we believe,
And
Our minds and bodies don't distinguish between the two.
We broadcast and react to our beliefs as if they are fact.
Believing is not Seeing.
Seeing is a fresh experience of the Is-ness of a matter:
Belief is a stale bunch of second-hand ideas and opinions about what might- or might not be.
Now that that is out of the way....
Let's look at these possibilities around Seeing ---
In an un-aware state --
- We see what we expect to see; and
- We see what our past experience and dodgy pattern matchings allow us to see.
There is a story that the native American medicine men did not see the three ships that Christopher Columbus arrived in, simply because "ship" did not compute with their life experience. They'd never seen one or even heard about a ship. There wasn't even a word for it in their language. An idea of "Ship", in their reality did not exist. So when three of them turned up unexpectedly, they were simply in-visible. The educated medicine men were blind to what was there because they weren't expecting it, and what was there did not fit with their known learning and experience. Had a child come down to the beach, however, it probably would have pointed to the horizon and asked "What's that?"
I have no way of knowing how true that story is, but I do know how the principles of unconscious, selective blindness apply in my experience.
As toddlers, we saw just about everything, and we saw it, at least at first, unjudgmentally in curiosity. Then we began some sifting and sorting of what we saw in order to make some "sense" of all that was coming at us. It's a natural process that prevents us from going into intellectual, perceptory and emotional overload: we do it to survive.
Additionally, some of the things that came at us in the past were accompanied by experiences that varied on a scale from Pleasurable to Painful. Those we related with pleasurable responses we labelled as "Good for us"; those that were accompanied by any measure of discomfort or pain got labelled as "Bad for us". Things falling in the middle between "good" and "bad" were dismissed as "irrelevant". From soap-suds makers to politicians, anyone who wants to sell you something will try to make themselves relevant to you by either promising you pleasure or relief from pain. Hadn't you noticed?
At the "Bad" end of the scale, filters and blinkers ensure that we no longer have to look at certain things. ("If I don't see it, it's not there.") Try telling that to a bus bearing down on you as you cross North Terrace. But in the eons-old jungle strategy we still "freeze" in an attempt to shield ourselves from possible harm.
Unfortunately, in early childhood, we also got distracted from creatively supervising this selection process. We left the board room and left the office mailboy to run the process and empowered him make the choices and decisions about what is "good" or "bad" for us. Consequently, the mailboy (our ego) makes decisions about what he'll allow us to see and what we won't see. The pity of it is that our ego is spectacularly unqualified and incapable of effectively running our lives anywhere except off into the largest ditch. But our ego doesn't care. Neither your ego nor mine gives two hoots about how well or badly it does the job of running our lives, but it is obsessed with keeping its position. Ego will do anything to make sure that it, and all its rules and values and opinions and anything else it considers itself to be, remains in charge. It will even allow you to die, as long as It gets to be Right about its concepts, its beliefs, its opinions and its decisions. Egos are designed for Survival; but not the survival of us -- the survival of their Selves.
Tied in with our ability to screen out what we will and won't get to see, is our Imagination -- our human ability to predict likely outcomes of possible events. Not too many other sentient beings share this unique capacity. Unfortunately, we left that gift also in the hands of our ego. So we got stuck with the human experience of Expectations. We allow possible scenarios to develop in our minds. They fester away until they've developed the same emotional wallop as something that's real and actual, and we create expectations on the basis of these dodgy scenarios.
We see what we EXPECT to see. When our expectations are met, we get to be right. When our expectations are not met, we start carrying on like our home is in a tree.
So, to sum up. Until we step in and take our lives back, we will see what we expect to see (and we'll be right about that), and we'll only see what our past experiences allow us to see (and as far as we are concerned, that is all there is).
Period.
We rarely see unadulterated reality, and even if we did, we can't tell the difference between fiction and fact.
Do you know what sages are? They are seers. They are people who know about their egos, but exercise their author-ity to choose to reclaim the CEO's chair, and the humility to stay open to possibilities they haven't seen yet. They consciously and actively open up to "other" possibility. They see everything.
You, too can become a seer. Become aware of how unaware and undercooked you are, and tell the truth about that. Start consciously Noticing -- noticing things that you haven't noticed in the last few minutes. It doesn't matter what they are, as long as they are happening somewhere in your field of awareness right now. Just notice them. No need to do anything about it. Just notice this, then that, then something else. Wake up. Every time you remember to, flick your awareness around to what's going on around you. A really useful exercise is to start a habit of regularly noticing what's going on in your peripheral vision.
Over our lives we have been narrowing down and focussing more and more on less and less until we now see everything about nothing. It's just a habit. We change restrictive habits by replacing them with healthier, more open ones. Start noticing what's going on around you.
If you want to see more, start looking.
You'll be amazed what shows up.
And at what you've been missing out on.
Tuesday, July 12, 2011
MEANING AND SIGNIFICANCE
There are certain givens that seem to go with the condition of being human for human beings. They might not be ideal for peace of mind, but they seem to be an inescapable part of the human package. Two of these are our needs for Significance and Meaning.
I spent nigh on 50 years of my early life being towed around by a need to search for the "meaning and significance of life". Then I got the joke, and it was on me -- there is no meaning or significance to life, and it doesn't mean anything, nor is it significant that there's no meaning or significance to it Wow. Still chuckling, I was freed to get on with the joy of experiencing whatever was happening, without getting distracted from the experience and bogged down in trying to figure out "What the hell does this mean about life, the world and me in all of it?"
Free at last! .... except sometimes. When my ego stepped back into the office, an emotional need for some sense of perspective and purpose once again reared its ugly head. And since I'm stuck with my ego, at least for the time being, I found myself challenged to deal with this illegitimate, unnecessary, but nevertheless real need for Meaning and Significance. Here's what I found that helped me and has helped others who've brought their quest for meaning up with me.....
A sense of Meaning arises from adopting --
1) A coherent philosophy of life involves having a clear idea about life in general and for the "I" and the "me" in it. A philosphy that works for you. It's a framework that makes emotional sense to you and serves you in your quest for peace and purpose. Don't worry if it's "right" or "wrong"; those terms were invented by others who wanted to manipulate you into adopting their beliefs and opinions which, truth be known, probably weren't working for them either. And don't buy into criticisms that having your life work for you is "selfish". If your life is truly working for you, and my life is truly working for me, then life is working.
Now since life is always twisting and turning (hadn't you noticed?), a vital philosophy of life won't be carved in stone. It will change and adapt as you grow in experience. It's essential to get that, whatever ideas you adopt, they should serve you, not the other way around. If you find yourself getting defensive or fighting for your ideas about life, they've probably gone way past their Use-By date and become a Belief.
2) An optimistic interpretation of what being alive is all about for you does not mean "positive thinking". It means recognising and accepting that positive and negative attitudes are two, inseparable sides of the same coin, and that all positions are self-proving. No matter where we stand, we get to be right about it, well, in the only place that matters -- in our own minds. But Life has this habit of throwing up situations that invite or challenge us to move around and try out new points of view and strategies that work, just for today. If we find ourselves feeling righteous about something, it's a pretty good sign we've sat there for too long.
3) A third source of Meaning is a sense of Values. We all have values, but very few of us have a clear idea of exactly what they are. Most of us would be hard-pressed to name more than 10 of our values (although we have scores of them), and even harder pushed to describe what we mean by them. For example, "honesty" --- on a scale of 1 to 10, how much honesty do you want? From 1 to 10, or from 4 to 5.5? Do you really want an honest answer to "Does this make my bum look big?"
There are several advantages to discovering what our values are. One is that we find what our guiding beacons really are; what principles govern many of our choices. Another advantage is that we discover that we have many values that contradict and conflict with each other, depending on the circumstances. Such discoveries take us a long way towards those times when we behave seemingly inconsistently, or why we might be "in two minds" about something. A third advantage to finding out what our values are is that we discover that our values sort themselves into hierarchies of importance, and that those hierarchies flick and change in less than a blink of an eye, according to circumstances and who we're with at the moment. Once we know this about ourselves and others, we are less likely to be taken by surprise at when we, or others, behave in ways that are judged as inconsistent or even hypocritical.
4) The last source of Meaning is the kind of activities we choose to undertake each day. If we have a fluid, coherent outlook on life and how it works for ourself, if we have a reasonably optimistic interpretation of what opportunities for experience just being alive as "you" provides you, and if you have a good grasp on what's important to you in the present situation, then you are more likely to choose activites and things to do that help you express those aspects of the self you are creating yourself to be. That is a major source of contentment and fulfilment.
So much for satisfying our need for Meaning. How about Significance? How do we satisfy our need to feel considerable and that we make a difference? Having already covered most of this ground, the rest is fairly simple and straighforward....
Having people depend on us is part of the picture. Be the kind of person that can be depended upon. Keep your agreements, not out of some misplaced sense of duty, but as an expression of the who-you-are.
Another part of feeling significant comes from becoming involved with something bigger than your self. What that might be is entirely up to you. You could start with where you are employed. Start with your family. Start with your friends. Start with something that appeals to your spirituality. Start with something that appeals to your sense of community. Start involving yourself with something that aligns with what gives you a sense of Meaning and offers you an opportunity to express what you've discovered is important to you. Anything that offers you an opportunity to explore and expand your experience and stretch you possibilities, preferably on a daily basis. Remember the adage, "If you don't use it, you'll lose it."
As a result of undertaking any or many of the above opportunities, you will begin to develop the final skill for owning the ground you stand on -- developing a coherent self-image that works for you. We all have a carping critic within whose negative evaluations don't serve us well at all. The words he/she uses and the quality of emotional energy that drives them home may originally have been meant to motivate us to do better, but they went into a desperate overkill years ago. It's time to put that critic to better use. He/she has the advantage of knowing all your secrets, and that's a rather handy person to have on your side.
You might like to try this game. Imagine you are an understanding aunt or uncle who cares deeply for you, and you are having a kind conversation with your critic. As this caring aunt/uncle, ask your critic what he/she thinks about your shortcomings. Your critic may say "He's rude. He's arrogant. He's a coward. He's scared." Now let this uncle/aunt say back to your critic, I know this person. You misunderstand him. He's not rude; he's up-front and very honest. He's not arrogant; he's highly perceptive and intelligent -- and honest. He creates you as able to handle the truth. He's honouring you. He's not a coward; yes, he's afraid, but that makes him courageous because he doesn't cop out. Sure, he's scared, but that doesn't stop him facing up to his fears. You can trust him to be there for you, whatever happens."
In this game, you become your own best friend, and you acknowledge that every criticism that was ever levelled at you was done so in love -- because you say so, and for no other reason. You choose to change the way you see yourself, not denying the negative stuff, but balancing it out with the positives that have so far escaped your attention. The opposite of a negative self-image is not a positive one, but a comprehensive and coherent one that acknowledges and integrates all your traits and characteristics into a coherent and authentic wholeness.
That is the essence of Integrity. Everything in balance. Nothing omitted. Nothing denied. Everything significant, and nothing more significant than anything else.
I spent nigh on 50 years of my early life being towed around by a need to search for the "meaning and significance of life". Then I got the joke, and it was on me -- there is no meaning or significance to life, and it doesn't mean anything, nor is it significant that there's no meaning or significance to it Wow. Still chuckling, I was freed to get on with the joy of experiencing whatever was happening, without getting distracted from the experience and bogged down in trying to figure out "What the hell does this mean about life, the world and me in all of it?"
Free at last! .... except sometimes. When my ego stepped back into the office, an emotional need for some sense of perspective and purpose once again reared its ugly head. And since I'm stuck with my ego, at least for the time being, I found myself challenged to deal with this illegitimate, unnecessary, but nevertheless real need for Meaning and Significance. Here's what I found that helped me and has helped others who've brought their quest for meaning up with me.....
A sense of Meaning arises from adopting --
- A coherent philosophy of life
- An optimistic interpretation of why we took on the challenge of materialising as a human being, rather than as, say, a microbe or a lump of rock
- A firm handle on what is important to "me" -- a sense of values
- Something to do each day that allows "me" to express these things.
1) A coherent philosophy of life involves having a clear idea about life in general and for the "I" and the "me" in it. A philosphy that works for you. It's a framework that makes emotional sense to you and serves you in your quest for peace and purpose. Don't worry if it's "right" or "wrong"; those terms were invented by others who wanted to manipulate you into adopting their beliefs and opinions which, truth be known, probably weren't working for them either. And don't buy into criticisms that having your life work for you is "selfish". If your life is truly working for you, and my life is truly working for me, then life is working.
Now since life is always twisting and turning (hadn't you noticed?), a vital philosophy of life won't be carved in stone. It will change and adapt as you grow in experience. It's essential to get that, whatever ideas you adopt, they should serve you, not the other way around. If you find yourself getting defensive or fighting for your ideas about life, they've probably gone way past their Use-By date and become a Belief.
2) An optimistic interpretation of what being alive is all about for you does not mean "positive thinking". It means recognising and accepting that positive and negative attitudes are two, inseparable sides of the same coin, and that all positions are self-proving. No matter where we stand, we get to be right about it, well, in the only place that matters -- in our own minds. But Life has this habit of throwing up situations that invite or challenge us to move around and try out new points of view and strategies that work, just for today. If we find ourselves feeling righteous about something, it's a pretty good sign we've sat there for too long.
3) A third source of Meaning is a sense of Values. We all have values, but very few of us have a clear idea of exactly what they are. Most of us would be hard-pressed to name more than 10 of our values (although we have scores of them), and even harder pushed to describe what we mean by them. For example, "honesty" --- on a scale of 1 to 10, how much honesty do you want? From 1 to 10, or from 4 to 5.5? Do you really want an honest answer to "Does this make my bum look big?"
There are several advantages to discovering what our values are. One is that we find what our guiding beacons really are; what principles govern many of our choices. Another advantage is that we discover that we have many values that contradict and conflict with each other, depending on the circumstances. Such discoveries take us a long way towards those times when we behave seemingly inconsistently, or why we might be "in two minds" about something. A third advantage to finding out what our values are is that we discover that our values sort themselves into hierarchies of importance, and that those hierarchies flick and change in less than a blink of an eye, according to circumstances and who we're with at the moment. Once we know this about ourselves and others, we are less likely to be taken by surprise at when we, or others, behave in ways that are judged as inconsistent or even hypocritical.
4) The last source of Meaning is the kind of activities we choose to undertake each day. If we have a fluid, coherent outlook on life and how it works for ourself, if we have a reasonably optimistic interpretation of what opportunities for experience just being alive as "you" provides you, and if you have a good grasp on what's important to you in the present situation, then you are more likely to choose activites and things to do that help you express those aspects of the self you are creating yourself to be. That is a major source of contentment and fulfilment.
So much for satisfying our need for Meaning. How about Significance? How do we satisfy our need to feel considerable and that we make a difference? Having already covered most of this ground, the rest is fairly simple and straighforward....
Having people depend on us is part of the picture. Be the kind of person that can be depended upon. Keep your agreements, not out of some misplaced sense of duty, but as an expression of the who-you-are.
Another part of feeling significant comes from becoming involved with something bigger than your self. What that might be is entirely up to you. You could start with where you are employed. Start with your family. Start with your friends. Start with something that appeals to your spirituality. Start with something that appeals to your sense of community. Start involving yourself with something that aligns with what gives you a sense of Meaning and offers you an opportunity to express what you've discovered is important to you. Anything that offers you an opportunity to explore and expand your experience and stretch you possibilities, preferably on a daily basis. Remember the adage, "If you don't use it, you'll lose it."
As a result of undertaking any or many of the above opportunities, you will begin to develop the final skill for owning the ground you stand on -- developing a coherent self-image that works for you. We all have a carping critic within whose negative evaluations don't serve us well at all. The words he/she uses and the quality of emotional energy that drives them home may originally have been meant to motivate us to do better, but they went into a desperate overkill years ago. It's time to put that critic to better use. He/she has the advantage of knowing all your secrets, and that's a rather handy person to have on your side.
You might like to try this game. Imagine you are an understanding aunt or uncle who cares deeply for you, and you are having a kind conversation with your critic. As this caring aunt/uncle, ask your critic what he/she thinks about your shortcomings. Your critic may say "He's rude. He's arrogant. He's a coward. He's scared." Now let this uncle/aunt say back to your critic, I know this person. You misunderstand him. He's not rude; he's up-front and very honest. He's not arrogant; he's highly perceptive and intelligent -- and honest. He creates you as able to handle the truth. He's honouring you. He's not a coward; yes, he's afraid, but that makes him courageous because he doesn't cop out. Sure, he's scared, but that doesn't stop him facing up to his fears. You can trust him to be there for you, whatever happens."
In this game, you become your own best friend, and you acknowledge that every criticism that was ever levelled at you was done so in love -- because you say so, and for no other reason. You choose to change the way you see yourself, not denying the negative stuff, but balancing it out with the positives that have so far escaped your attention. The opposite of a negative self-image is not a positive one, but a comprehensive and coherent one that acknowledges and integrates all your traits and characteristics into a coherent and authentic wholeness.
That is the essence of Integrity. Everything in balance. Nothing omitted. Nothing denied. Everything significant, and nothing more significant than anything else.
Sunday, July 10, 2011
SELF-WORTH -v- SELF-IMPORTANCE
There are certain givens to being human. One of these givens is the need for a sense of Self, and a feeling of Worthiness around that. Whether our need for a sense of self-worth is good or bad, or right or wrong may make an interesting topic of meditation for ascetics and spiritual purists, but the bottom line is that a Self is something we've all got. Although it's not who or what we are, it is what we think and feel we are, and that is a quite different kettle of fish. The reality is that we do all have a big bunch of ideas, beliefs, concepts, opinions and feelings about what we are, and we're continually having to work out ways to prove, justify, and live with them. For ordinary mere mortals like me, the need for a sense of Self Worth is so strong that it cannot, and ought not be ignored. Without a strong, healthy sense of being worthwhile, we tend to fall into an unhealthy default, substitute condition of Self-Importance -- the breeding ground of suffering.
Self-Worth flourishes when our emotional needs are being met.
Self-Importance rears its ugly head when one or more of our emotional needs is not being met, and expects and demands that someone or something else ought to "fix the problem".
So it's probably a good idea first to check how emotionally fulfilled we are. Here's a simple audit you can do right now, if you like..... On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being the lowest level of satisfaction, and 10 being the highest, how do you rate yourself on the following questions?
How is your sense of Self-Worth? Wherever Self-Worth is low, there is a strong likelihood that it is replaced by Self-Importance. ("I'm too important to have to put up with this!")
What do I mean by Self-Worth? Self-Worth is that ingrained, largely unconscious self-evaluation that recognises one's talent and attributes. Self-Worth is utterly impersonal. No matter how high or low, how accurate or inaccurate it is, no matter how comprehensive or limited it is, no matter how positive or negative -- you deepest, unconscious self-assessment is regarded by you as Holy Writ, and doesn't give a damn about how much it affects your life. Which makes it kind of important that you should be able to know and tell the truth - at least to yourself - about where you are on the Self-Worth scale in every area of your life.
How much meaning and significance do you directly experience in your life?
How connected do you feel to others around you?
How much does a sense of Purpose (as distinct from Duty or Necessity, Anxiety or Stress, ) keep you awake at night or get you up in the mornings.
How much of your moment by moment attention is occupied with exploring new experiences and stretching your possibilities?
These are all things you can do something about; in fact, you are the only one who can. Life is DIY. If you want a helping hand, you'll find one on the end of each of your arms.
Self-Worth flourishes when our emotional needs are being met.
Self-Importance rears its ugly head when one or more of our emotional needs is not being met, and expects and demands that someone or something else ought to "fix the problem".
So it's probably a good idea first to check how emotionally fulfilled we are. Here's a simple audit you can do right now, if you like..... On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being the lowest level of satisfaction, and 10 being the highest, how do you rate yourself on the following questions?
- How secure do you feel -- in your home life?
- -- in your work life?
- -- in your social environment?
- How much attention do your feel you get -- at home, at work and socially?
- How much attention do you give -- at home, at work and socially?
- How much do you feel you are the author and cause in your day-to-day life?
- How much do you feel part of a wider community?
- Can you obtain privacy when you need to?
- Do you have at least one close friend? How close?
- Do you have an intimate relationship in your life -- one where you feel you are physically and emotionally accepted for who you are by at least one person other than yourself? How are you with yourself? Tell the truth.
- Do you feel an emotional connection with others? How connected are you with your own emotions? Do you experience them, or do you spray them all over other people?
- Do you feel you have a status that is acknowledged by someone who is important to you?
- Do you feel you are achieving things and feel competent in at least one area of your life?
- Are you mentally and/or physically stretched in ways which give you a sense of meaning and purpose?
How is your sense of Self-Worth? Wherever Self-Worth is low, there is a strong likelihood that it is replaced by Self-Importance. ("I'm too important to have to put up with this!")
What do I mean by Self-Worth? Self-Worth is that ingrained, largely unconscious self-evaluation that recognises one's talent and attributes. Self-Worth is utterly impersonal. No matter how high or low, how accurate or inaccurate it is, no matter how comprehensive or limited it is, no matter how positive or negative -- you deepest, unconscious self-assessment is regarded by you as Holy Writ, and doesn't give a damn about how much it affects your life. Which makes it kind of important that you should be able to know and tell the truth - at least to yourself - about where you are on the Self-Worth scale in every area of your life.
How much meaning and significance do you directly experience in your life?
How connected do you feel to others around you?
How much does a sense of Purpose (as distinct from Duty or Necessity, Anxiety or Stress, ) keep you awake at night or get you up in the mornings.
How much of your moment by moment attention is occupied with exploring new experiences and stretching your possibilities?
These are all things you can do something about; in fact, you are the only one who can. Life is DIY. If you want a helping hand, you'll find one on the end of each of your arms.
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