SELF-WORTH -v- SELF-IMPORTANCE

There are certain givens to being human. One of these givens is the need for a sense of Self, and a feeling of Worthiness around that. Whether our need for a sense of self-worth is good or bad, or right or wrong may make an interesting topic of meditation for ascetics and spiritual purists, but the bottom line is that a Self is something we've all got. Although it's not who or what we are, it is what we think and feel we are, and that is a quite different kettle of fish. The reality is that we do all have a big bunch of ideas, beliefs, concepts, opinions and feelings about what we are, and we're continually having to work out ways to prove, justify, and live with them. For ordinary mere mortals like me, the need for a sense of Self Worth is so strong that it cannot, and ought not be ignored. Without a strong, healthy sense of being worthwhile, we tend to fall into an unhealthy default, substitute condition of Self-Importance -- the breeding ground of suffering.

Self-Worth flourishes when our emotional needs are being met.
Self-Importance rears its ugly head when one or more of our emotional needs is not being met, and expects and demands that someone or something else ought to "fix the problem".

So it's probably a good idea first to check how emotionally fulfilled we are. Here's a simple audit you can do right now, if you like..... On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being the lowest level of satisfaction, and 10 being the highest, how do you rate yourself on the following questions?

1. How secure do you feel -- in your home life?
2.                                        -- in your work life?
3.                                        -- in your social environment?
4. How much attention do your feel you get -- at home, at work and socially?
5. How much attention do you give -- at home, at work and socially?
6. How much do you feel you are the author and cause in your day-to-day life?
7. How much do you feel part of a wider community?
8. Can you obtain privacy when you need to?
9. Do you have at least one close friend? How close?
10. Do you have an intimate relationship in your life -- one where you feel you are physically and emotionally accepted for who you are by at least one person other than yourself? How are you with yourself? Tell the truth.
11. Do you feel an emotional connection with others? How connected are you with your own emotions? Do you experience them, or do you spray them all over other people?
12. Do you feel you have a status that is acknowledged by someone who is important to you?
13. Do you feel you are achieving things and feel competent in at least one area of your life?
14. Are you mentally and/or physically stretched in ways which give you a sense of meaning and purpose?

OK. Look at your ratings. They will give you a guide to how and where your sense of Self-Worth could be improved

How is your sense of Self-Worth?  Wherever Self-Worth is low, there is a strong likelihood that it is replaced by Self-Importance. ("I'm too important to have to put up with this!")

What do I mean by Self-Worth? Self-Worth is that ingrained, largely unconscious self-evaluation that recognises one's talent and attributes. Self-Worth is utterly impersonal. No matter how high or low, how accurate or inaccurate it is, no matter how comprehensive or limited it is, no matter how positive or negative -- you deepest, unconscious self-assessment is regarded by you as Holy Writ, and doesn't give a damn about how much it affects your life. Which makes it kind of important that you should be able to know and tell the truth - at least to yourself - about where you are on the Self-Worth scale in every area of your life.

How much meaning and significance do you directly experience in your life?
How connected do you feel to others around you?
How much does a sense of Purpose (as distinct from Duty or Necessity, Anxiety or Stress, ) keep you awake at night or get you up in the mornings.
How much of your moment by moment attention is occupied with exploring new experiences and stretching your possibilities?

These are all things you can do something about; in fact, you are the only one who can. Life is DIY. If you want a helping hand, you'll find one on the end of each of your arms.