STRESS
– FRIEND OR FOE?
The
ability to manage your emotions and remain calm under pressure has a
direct link to your performance. US business consultancy,
TalentSmart,
has
conducted research with more than a million people, and found that
90% of top performers are skilled at managing their emotions in times
of stress in order to remain cool and exercise a higher degree of
mastery.
It's
an open secret the havoc stress can wreak on one’s physical and
mental health. A study conducted by Yale scientists found
that prolonged stress causes physical degeneration in the area of the
brain responsible for self-control.
Stress
is a generic term applied to diverse bundles of disharmonious
feelings generated when we see a discrepancy between the way
something is and the way we think it should be. It's a product of
activities of the mind. None of us gets stressed unless and until we
think about it.
There
are several identifiable stages to the downward stress spiral:
It
is worth noting that, in the case of chronic tension, the original
stressor has long been forgotten, and stress has become so inured in
the being that the sufferer, like the frog on the stove, no longer
notices it's in hot water, and feels “ill” without it.
Traditional
psychiatric therapy focuses firstly on medicating the symptoms and
endeavouring to rebalance the biochemical mechanics of the disease so
that the sufferer can feel “better” and operate at some optimum
level in society without frightening the natives. A psychiatrist, at
least in the public health system, who goes beyond the mechanics and
actually explores the causes of the disease is a rare phenomenon
indeed.
Psychological
therapies tend to root around in the tangled emotional entrails,
trying to find the “cause” (ie the original event), reverse its
effects and rebuild the spirit. More modern healing methods tend to
go to the heart of the disease as it exists now, seeking to prompt
new insights and awareness that will aid the sufferer to find his/her
own way forward and out of the rut. These later therapies draw from psychology, spirituality, New Medicine, metaphysics, philosophy,
folklore – anything that works in reawakening a sense of
possibility and authorship in the person.
THE
NECESSITY OF STRESS
The
tricky thing about stress (and the anxiety that comes with it) is
that, for most of us mere mortals, it’s an emotion we can't
completely avoid: mind sees to that. In fact, the very idea of
“avoiding” stress is likely to create its own stress on top of
what's already going on. We stress about being stressed. We've wired
our brains such that it’s difficult to take action until we feel at
least some level of tension. The sad mockery is, though, on days when
I wake up with the black dog, that it's the stress
of having things to do that propels me out of bed. The irony (if
irony
is the right word), is that the stress that gets me up contributes to
the condition that's laying me low. The black dog spends all its time
chasing its own tail.
It
is also true, though, that performance peaks under the heightened
activation that comes with moderate levels of stress. As long as the
stress isn’t prolonged, and provided that unnoticed dregs are not
allowed to accumulate under the carpet, it’s reasonably harmless
(pun intended).
Maybe
there's a stress-less way of doing your best?? I think there is, but
before we go there, I think we need to look closer at what we've been
doing to ourselves with stress, from before we were born. If we know
how we created the dilemma, we have a chance to discreate it and find
another way.
TalentSmart
explains the mind' s mechanics for “needing” stress with the
following diagram.
The
damned-if-you-do; damned-if-you-don't dilemma around stress goes even
further. Dr. Elizabeth Kirby, from the University of California,
Berkeley, found that the onset of stress entices the brain into
growing new cells responsible for improved memory. However, this
effect is only seen when stress is occasional. As soon as the stress,
overt or latent, continues beyond a few moments into a prolonged
state, it suppresses the brain’s ability to develop new
cells. This is one of the mind's ways of affecting the brain so that
it can continue to be “right” about its conclusions – “I'm
in danger..... This is a dangerous world.... Trust no-one...etc.”
Since every body cell has a use-by date, prolonged stress is a
killer. But I'm sure you didn't need a qualified expert to tell you
that.
“I
think intermittent stressful events are probably what keeps the brain
more alert, and you perform better when you are alert,” Kirby says.
For animals, intermittent stress is the bulk of what they experience,
in the form of physical threats in their immediate environment. But
animals let go of the stress just as quickly and completely when the
danger is over. Watch any National Geographic footage of a impala
being chased by lions or cheetahs: as soon as the immediate threat is
over for an individual animal, it goes back to grazing as if nothing
has just happened. Even given that some of that grazing might be
displacement activity, the rate of recovery to a state of equanimity
still puts us humans to shame. God, I wish I could do that! (I'm
getting better at it....but.....)
Long
ago, this was also the case for humans. But as the human brain
evolved and increased in complexity, we developed the proclivity to
worry and perseverate on events, which creates frequent experiences
of prolonged stress.
Besides
increasing your risk of heart disease, depression, and obesity,
stress decreases your cognitive performance. Fortunately, though,
unless a lion is chasing you, the bulk of your stress is subjective
and under your control. Top performers have developed sufficient
self-awareness to differentiate between imagined and real danger, and
they have well-honed coping strategies that they employ under all
stressful circumstances. This lowers their stress levels regardless
of what’s happening in their environment, ensuring that the
dis-comfort they experience is intermittent and not prolonged.
While
I’ve run across numerous effective strategies that successful
people employ when faced with stress, what follows are ten of the
best. Some of these strategies may seem obvious, but the real
challenge lies in recognizing when you need to use them and having
the wherewithal to actually do so in concert with your present stress.
Calm
People Appreciate What They Have
Taking
time to contemplate what you’re grateful for isn’t merely the
“right” thing to do. It also improves your mood, because it
reduces the stress hormone cortisol by 23%. Research conducted at the
University of California found that people who work daily to
cultivate an attitude of gratitude experience improved mood, energy,
and physical well-being. It’s likely that lower levels of cortisol featured in this mood uplift. Now, you can take a cortisol tablet and
mask the real cause (psychiatric), or you can look at the
dynamics of the stress and find the cause (psychologic), or
you can realise that there's a world of possibilities outside the
maze you've hemmed yourself into, by-pass therapy and simply go there. I opt to give
thanks for the realisation, quit the therapeutic maze-game, and enjoy the healing. Easy. I still indulge in exploring therapy, but more out of curiosity and for insight than out of desperation for a "cure".
Calm
People Allow the Habit of Dreading “What If?” To Pass on By
“What-if”
is a two-edged tool. Dread-filled “What
if?” states of being throw fuel on the fire of stress and worry.
Things can go in a million different directions, and the more time
you spend worrying about a frightened future rather than exploring
the possibilities of real-time transformation, the less time you’ll spend
focusing on taking action that will calm you down and harness your
stress so that you can harness that energy to explore new
possibilities. Wide-eyed asking “what if?” can open you to
formerly unseen potential. It's your choice: you can fearfully ask
“What-if.....” from a space that separates you from possibility
and drops you into a funk of despair where you don’t want—or
need—to go. Or you can open your eyes to an abundant universe and
calmly ask “What-if...” with innocent anticipation and excitement.
Your choice.
Calm
People Practice Attitudes that Work
Wide-angle
awareness helps make stress intermittent by de-focusing your brain’s
attention away from some perceived “wrongness” onto a way of
seeing that is less stress-full. You have to give your unkind mind a
little help by consciously selecting something less tensing to think
about, or better still, holding the current dilemma in a kinder,
softer, more compassionate space. Any fresh thought that breaks the
treadmill of stinkin' thinkin' will do to break the vicious circle
and refocus your attention. When things are going well, and your mood
is good, this is relatively easy. When things are going poorly, and
your mind is flooded with separating thoughts, this can be a
challenge. In these moments, think about your day and identify one
creative thing that happened, no matter how small. If you can't think
of something from the current day, reflect on the previous day or
even the previous week, then consciously bring the good feeling in to
your here-and-now. Or perhaps you’re looking forward to an exciting
event that you can bring into the now and focus your attention on.
The point here is that you coach yourself to have something bright,
shiny and real here and now that you're ready to shift your attention
to when the thoughts streaming through you turn dark, imaginary and
negative.
Calm
People Dis-identify and Detach
This
is not the same as Separating yourself. Disconnection only creates
difference and antagonism – both causes of more stress. Stay aware
and engaged, and take a time-out to recharge your energies. Given the
importance of keeping stress intermittent, and cleaning away every
leftover scrap between bouts to prevent buildup creep, it’s easy to
see how taking regular time off the grid can help keep your stress
down. Stop the traffic and clean up the mess. When you make yourself
available to your favourite stressors 24/7, you expose yourself to a
constant barrage of anxiety leading to dis-ease of body and mind.
Deliberately taking yourself offline and even—gulp!—turning off
your computer and phone gives your body a break from some constant
sources of stress. Studies have shown that something as simple as an
email break can lower stress levels.
Technology
is wonder-full. It enables constant communication and, for some
people, an expectation that you should be available 24/7. It is
extremely difficult to enjoy a stress-free moment outside of work
when an email that will change your train of thought and get you
thinking (read: stressing) about work can drop onto your phone at any
moment. If detaching yourself from stress-related communication on
weekday evenings is too big a challenge, then how about the weekend?
Choose blocks of time where you cut the umbilical cord with needing
to be needed, and go offline. You’ll be amazed at how refreshing
these breaks are and how they reduce stress by putting a mental
recharge and emotional cleansing into your weekly schedule.
Technology can be a wonderful servant and a tyrannical master –
which, is entirely up to you. If you’re worried about the
negative repercussions of taking this step, first try doing it at
times when you’re unlikely to be contacted—maybe
Sunday morning. As you grow more comfortable with it, and as your
family, friends and colleagues begin to accept the time you spend
offline, gradually expand the amount of time you spend away from
technology.
Calm
People Limit Their Caffeine Intake
Drinking
caffeine triggers the release of adrenaline. Adrenaline is the source
of the primitive “fight-flight-or freeze” response, a survival
mechanism that forces you to stand up and fight or run for the hills
when faced with a threat. The fight-flight-or-freeze mechanism
sidesteps rational responding in favor of a faster reaction. This is
great when a miffed bull with a territorial attitude problem is chasing you, but not so great when you’re
responding to a curt email. When caffeine puts your brain and body
into this hyper-aroused state of stress, your emotions overrun your
behavior. The stress that caffeine creates is far from intermittent,
as its long half-life ensures that it takes its sweet time working
its way out of your body. If you have another cup on top of that, the residual effect kicks in, making your dependence chronic. It's also worth mentioning that chronic
depression, despite how lethargic it can make you feel, is a state of
emotional hyper-activity. Stimulants of any sort, natural or
synthetic, make the condition worse -- a very bad idea.
Calm
People Sleep Regularly
Having
spent 50 years doing shift work and 15 years suffering from
undiagnosed sleep apnoea and the physical and mental consequences of
sleep deprivation, I beat the drum and can’t say enough about the
importance of restorative sleep (and nourishing diet) to increasing
your emotional intelligence and managing your anxiety and stress
levels. When you sleep, your brain literally recharges, shuffling
through the day’s memories and storing or discarding them (which
causes dreams), so that you wake up alert and clear-headed. Your
self-control, attention, and memory are all reduced when you don’t
get enough—or the right kind—of sleep. Restorative sleep
deprivation raises stress hormone levels on its own; even without a
stressor present you feel jittery. Stressful projects often make you feel as if you
have no time to sleep, and shift-working (sleeping during the day)
pits you against your body clock. Take the time to get a decent
night’s sleep. This is often the one thing that helps you get
things back onto an even keel. A nightly ritual for getting ready for
sleep is mightily helpful in easing you into the land of Nod.
Calm
People Reframe Negative Self-Talk Into Positive Self-Recognition.
A
big step in managing stress involves stopping low-frequency self-talk
in its tracks. You do that by Stopping. Yes, just stop. Relax. Chill.
Be with Nothing for a while. Your mind might not like it: tough titties.
Take it as a good opportunity to watch how your mind wriggles and
squirms to get you under its control again. Just
watch its tricks. Get to know your out-of-control mailboy. Wait
patiently for it to run out of steam, then quietly say "Are you
done?" When peace finally prevails, take over the conversation
with "OK, now here's how it's going to be from now on...."
The
more you entertain low-frequency thoughts, the more power you give
them and the lower frequency your being resonates at. That makes you
more susceptible to attracting low-functioning people, events and conditions into your constellation, and makes you prey to low-frequency ailments. Up-level your vibes.....
Most
of our negative thoughts are just that—thoughts, not facts. And
they're not even your thoughts! “You are not the doer”, said the
fat man with the unruffled demeanour. When you find yourself selling
your higher, finer being out to nagging negative and pessimistic
things that your inner voice repeats, it's time to stop and write them
down. Literally stop what you're doing and write down what you're
thinking. Once you've taken a moment to slow down the negative
momentum of your thoughts, you will be more rational and clear-headed
in evaluating “Is this really true in all cases? When is it
true? When is it not true?”
You
can bet that statements you or others make are NOT true any time they
contain words like “everyone”, “never,” “worst,”
“ever,” “it goes without saying”, etc.
If
your inner statements still look like facts once they’re on paper,
take them to a friend or colleague you trust and see if he or she
agrees with you. Then the truth will surely come out. When it feels
like something always or never happens, this is just your mind’s
innate threat alarm inflating the perceived frequency or severity of
an event. Identifying and labeling your thoughts as thoughts by
separating them from the facts will help you escape the cycle of
negativity and move toward a more realistic new outlook.
Calm
People Constantly Reframe Their Perspective to Suit Their Better
Selves.
Stress
and worry are fueled by our own limited and skewed perception of
events. It’s easy to think that unrealistic deadlines, unforgiving
bosses, and out-of-control traffic are the reasons we’re so
stressed all the time. Well, no they're not. Other people have those
things too, and are not stressed by them. And that's rarely a matter of
luck; it's always a matter of choosing. Stress is a chosen response,
repeated so often that it has become a default reaction. But because
it is still the effect of a choice, you can chose differently.
Choices can be changed. Always.
Whether they WILL be changed is up to you and no-one else. You
can’t control your circumstances, but you can master how you
respond to them. So before you spend too much time dwelling on
something, take a minute to frame the situation in a different
perspective than the one that's got you trapped. If you aren’t sure
when you need to do this, try looking for clues that your anxiety may
not be proportional to the stressor. If you’re thinking in broad,
sweeping statements such as “Everything is going wrong” or
“Nothing will work out,” or “Makers of car keys should have GPS
markers built in,” then you need to reframe the situation. A great
way to correct this unproductive thought pattern is to list the
specific things that you think are actually are going wrong or not
working out, and then list some things that are actually OK. Most
likely you will come up with just some “wrong” things—not
everything—and the magnitude of these stressors placed beside the
bigger picture will look much punier than they initially seemed to
be. A lot of my counseling involves helping clients achieve precisely
this kind of reframing.
Calm
People Breathe
The
easiest way to make stress intermittent lies in something that you
have to do everyday anyway: breathing. A lot of us have forgotten how
to breathe. Natural breathing feels like a continuous figure “8”,
with no breaks, each in- and out-breath flowing easily into the next.
But people under stress catch their breath erratically, hold it, and
then breathe like the piston of an engine, sucking small amounts of
air into the tops of their lungs, and blowing it out again –
panting. Their lungs, minds, spirit and imaginations are full of
mostly stale air. Next time you find you've forgotten to breathe for
a while, take a note of the immediate situation you're in, how you're
feeling in the moment, take a deeper breath, and then run a quick
inner awareness check over your body to find which muscles are
unnecessarily tensed. As you become more aware, you'll be astounded
to discover how many times a day you stop breathing – stop living –
and tense up against what's going on with muscles you don't need to
be using right now. And you're always out of the present while you're
doing it.
Practice
the new/old habit of being in the moment with your breathing. It will
begin to train your mind to bring its resources solely to the task at
hand and get the stress monkey off your back (stress is always focused on something from the imagined past or future). When you’re
feeling stressed, take a couple of minutes to focus on your
breathing. This brings you back to the present. Close the door, put
away all other distractions, and just sit in a chair and breathe that
easy “8”. The goal is to spend the entire time focused only on
your breathing, which will discourage your mind from wandering. Think
about how it feels to breathe smoothly and continuously. There should
be no strain or difficulty in this. If there is, let go, let your
body breathe for you (it knows how to do it without supervision), and
relax. This sounds simple, but it’s hard to do for more than a
minute or two. It’s all right if you get sidetracked by another
thought; this is sure to happen at the beginning, and you just need
to gently and kindly bring your awareness back to your breathing. If
staying focused on your breathing proves to be a real struggle, try
counting each breath in and out until you get to 20, and then start
again from 1. Don’t worry if you lose count; you can always just
start again. The reason I urge you to do this consciously is to break
the bad breathing habits you've acquired since you were a newborn
baby and replace them with a habit of natural breathing. Swapping any
habit for a new one requires willingness and commitment.
This
task may seem too easy or even a little silly, but by shifting your
attention from your thinking to your breathing -- from reasoning to sensing, thought to sense, -- you’ll be surprised
by how calm you feel afterward and how much easier it is to let go of
distracting thoughts that otherwise seem to have lodged permanently
inside your brain. You will NEVER be able to rid yourself of stinkin'
thinkin' by trying NOT to think. Try it! Go on, try NOT to think
something. You cannot do it.
Calm
People Openly Use Their Support System
It’s
tempting, yet entirely ineffective, to attempt tackling everything by
yourself. To be calm and productive, you need to recognize your
weaknesses and ask for help before you get to becoming overwhelmed.
If you're one of those people who believes “If you want
something done properly, you've got to do it yourself,” you
need to investigate how your own arrogant rigidities are limiting
your potential.
Everyone
– even you – has someone who is on their team, rooting for them,
and ready to help them get the best from a difficult situation.
Identify these individuals in your life and make an effort to seek
their insight. The greatest gift you can give someone is to ask for
their assistance. Something as simple as talking about your worries
will provide an outlet for your anxiety and stress and supply you
with a new perspective on the situation. Most of the time, other
people can see a solution that you can’t because they are not as
emotionally invested in the situation. Asking for help will mitigate
your stress and strengthen your relationships with those you rely
upon.
5
WAYS TO EXPERIENCE & CONVEY LESS STRESS
Work
can push all our stress buttons: the need to achieve, fear of
failing, reliance on others for our own success, overload, self
doubt, competition and more. Ironically, how we respond to these
stressors has a direct impact on our success and failure.
When
we react reflexively, the impact of our reactions is often worse than
the initial stress trigger. And while too much stress isn’t good,
the sensation of stress is an important personal signal – the
perception of stress, like a sore muscle, can help us identify what needs work and
attention.
To
extract the value of stress but experience and convey less of it:
Identify
your specific stressors to better manage them: Develop
higher self-awareness and take
an inventory of what particular situations trigger and amplify your
stress.
Understand
your stress response cycle and how it affects you: Learn
how your sensation of physical stress escalates to reactive
thinking, impulsive behaviours and unintended consequences that
undermine your effectiveness.
Shift
your focus from stress to progress more quickly: Transition
yourself from immediate reaction to stepping back far enough to
observe the physical sensations, distil the value contained in the
stress trigger and take more awareness-based actions.
Cultivate
the conditions for enjoyment and satisfaction: Identify
the parts of these present circumstances that you enjoy and
proactively create around what you like.
Make
systemic changes to reduce work stress triggers: Make
agreements
and arrangements with yourself that are appropriate to the
circumstances and that reduce stress triggers and address the
underlying issues.
Give
yourself an initial 21 days to put these stress management tips into
practice. Notice how quickly and easily the experiences of stress
reduce, and your experiences of success and satisfaction arise more
often in your detached awareness.
Then
see if you can find gratitude hovering nearby.
