HONESTY

I've been spending some time lately on a dating site. There would hardly be a single profile that does not cite "Honesty" as an essential requirement in a prospective partner. That's hardly surprising.

But what is the writer's definition of "honesty"? And why has it become a "must-have" for the seeker? Is it because of past hurtful experiences of dishonesty? How seriously has the seeker looked "honestly" at her contributions to that past trauma. What work has she done to clean up the likelihood of creating/finding dishonesty in future partners? How aware is the seeker that:

Whatever we resist will keep showing up in our face.

and.....

We always find what we're looking for.

and its corollary............

Whatever we've got we, maybe unconsciously, once put out for.

There's some self-responsibility called for here. If someone has a belief that "Men/women/other people are dishonest and will betray me", then they're going to get to be right about that, sooner or later. 

It's not my responsibility, or any other person's for that matter, to show up in their space and prove them wrong. In my experience it's near-futile. No matter how long we live together, there will never be an end to it. Sooner or later I will do, or neglect to do something that will be interpreted as being dishonest. Worse still, the harder I try NOT to be dishonest, the more likely I am to slip up.

When I lift the covers I find, in around 80% of respondees, that "honesty" equates to an absence of deceit. Well, that's OK as far as it goes, but it's a limited, passive perception of what it means to be honest. In my lexicon, Honesty is much more than a mere absence of dishonesty. Honesty embraces  states of being like openness, forthrightness, self-awareness and a willingness to open up to new ways of seeing, scrutiny and discovery. Honesty goes beyond the facts of a situation to exploring all the truths that surround it. True honesty calls on traits like courage and a willingness to open up to every possibility and stand alone in your own light.

Honesty is more than mere "not-telling-lies". It is more than just "telling the truth". Honesty is a way of being, open to all truths, and acknowledging the truth of all those experiences. Honesty involves the ability to incorporate and embrace all truths comfortably inside ones own skin.

If you want honesty in your life, start by creating it. If you find yourself demanding honesty, there may well be some dishonesty going on in you about which you haven't yet faced the truth.