SOCI-ABILITY = HAPPINESS

When I'm counselling, I sometimes ask questions to find out how sociable my client is – how active they are in getting out and about and interacting with others. Their answers give me an indication of the quantity and quality of their social engagement which, in turn, gives me a good indication of how happy they are. There is a proven, direct correlation between social engagement and personal contentment.

I recently spent time in Mullumbimby in the north of NSW, and was immediately struck at how happy was everyone I met in the street and the shops. They said “Hello” and engaged me, a perfect stranger, in conversation – a marked difference from Adelaide where I presently live. It was not a surprise, then, to find out in subsequent days how actively people in the district are involved in social, political, economic and welfare issues; the joint is humming with communal activities!

The next thing that struck me is the level of unselfish altruism – it seems everyone out there is actively engaged in doing things for other people. It was no surprise then to discover that local people's general mental and emotional health is much higher than the national average, and that there's a lower incidence of coughs, colds and flu. That's more than just co-incidence, by the way.

Happiness shows up in a climate of embracing. Unhappiness creeps in when people start thinking, feeling and practising separation. How long can you wallow in unhappiness? For as long as you like. While ever you live you're allowed to be unhappy about it. When it comes time to die, you can be unhappy about that, too. No-one is going to stop you either way.

But if you decide to change, here are two starters to help you change your mind.

Write a Letter of Gratitude to someone you love, noting all the things that you treasure in that person. Then read it aloud to yourself. (You can send it, too, if you like). Then write a similar Letter of Gratitude to someone who's not in your good books at the moment. Make a list of that person's admirable qualities, thank that person for the good you see in them, and wish them well for the future.

Try also going in through your body to help change your mind. Engaging in raised levels of exercise, yoga, balance exercises, and dancing raises your levels of motivation, self esteem and well-being. A balanced body and mind is a Happy bodymind.

[They're Changing Guard at BP – Band of the Blues & Royals – 0:48]