GIVING PEOPLE BACK TO THEMSELVES

George Bernard Shaw (Irish playwright and a co-founder of the London School of Economics) said “Those who can’t change their minds can’t change anything.”

I like his attitude. To avoid falling towards stagnant inertia and to progress as worthy beings, partners, colleagues, parents, managers and influencers, we need to remain adaptable and open to new ideas. This flexibility should also be afforded to those we interact with, as it not only gives them a sense of ownership over their choices and decisions but also engenders an environment of co-operation – collusion, rather than collision.

We already know that the best teachers, mentors, leaders and guides are those who seek to engage creatively with other people; those who realise effective communication is one of the most vital ingredients for a fulfilling life, and is about much more than just ramming an idea or three down our throats!

When completing a negotiation, then, try offering alternative incentives. At the point where someone you're working with is ready to act – this is the time to hand them the power. Give them a choice between two or three options and notice the responses that you get. Of course you would want to ensure that you only give two or three options. Offering too many alternatives or asking questions that are too broad (eg.“What do you think about getting psychiatric treatment?”) usually trigger confusion, uncertainty and antipathy, completely derailing the progress of all you've done so far. Instead of causing confusion, give the control of Chosing within the territory you've focused onto....... (“So, would you like this to go away?”) and (“Of the options we've discussed so far, which ones appeal to you most to bring that about?”.)

But as with everything, the timing is very important. Telemarketers these days, under enormous pressure to meet closing targets, make the big mistake of jumping in too early. (“Do you want that in red or green?”) Your prospect immediately feels manipulated, pressured and frightened off.

Used judiciously, this particular technique of giving alternatives works just as well in your home life as it does with prospect clients. 

 

Parents (and some managers) give orders and directives simply because they can, and later wonder why the victims of such abuse become rebellious little shits. There are other ways -- take, for example, my favourite closing line for a 7 year old grandson ... “Would you like to help with the washing up before you have dessert or afterwards?” They know what I'm doing, but they do like being given some say in the matter. And another squirt of  mutual respect is added to the atmosphere of self-esteem.

[Million Different Ways – Papa vs Pretty (A) – 3:53]