CONNECTION -- LEARNED FROM MY "CROMPA"

We all crave Connection; it is THE universal human need. 

 

As a child, the person I grew up feeling most closely connected to was my mother's father. I loved my "Crompa" Friee. Unlike me, he was a fastidious, gentle man; he wore his second-best suit to tend the front garden, and tipped his hat to every lady who passed by. In a time and family culture when love was tough and dour, my Grandpa somehow went against the tide and let me feel that even as a toddler, for him, what I thought felt, and had to say mattered. He was both firm and kind. He accepted me and I happily nestled comfortably into his world whenever I got the chance. 

 

We cannot possibly settle into anything, or anyone, until there is unconditional Acceptance. It is the prerequisite of Love. When you are loved, you know that you matter. In love we experience an overt connection.

When we feel we do not matter, we settle for Respect, or Approval from those we don't feel loved by.

When we can't get respect or approval, we'll settle for Polite Niceness and Social Agreement, thank you. Manners and Political Correctness run at this level of inauthenticity.

When being “nice” is no longer possible, we'll settle for control though Fear.

When that doesn't work, we descend to Anger and Hate. Well, anything but Indifference!

Acceptance, respect, approval, politeness, phony agreement, manners, fear and manipulation, resentment and hate – all ploys for keeping Connected.

What level are you at? How do you stay connected to those you love? Unconditional Acceptance? Or Fear and Loathing? Or somewhere in between? Which level do you think you deserve? I'll tell you – the one you operate in.

Now here's the spoiler: all the above is unnecessary. We are already connected. There is no separation. Try and dis-connect! Go on, try it! The harder you try, the more futile you'll find it.

Thanks to my "Crompa", I know what to give my grandchildren -- my undivided attention, firm example and Unconditional Acceptance of them as people, no matter what -- by the truckload. And just hope that's a blessing for them.