9
THINGS THAT REAL MEN REALLY WANT IN A RELATIONSHIP.
(My
sincere thanks to John Kim for the idea)
Open
any magazine in a GP's waiting room and I see article upon article
about what women want in relationships and how to get it. But there's
rarely a single column-inch for men to express their relationship
needs. Well, from this man's mouth, here are 9 things I think that
men really want in a relationship. And so desperate are we that we
might settle for just one or two of the following....
Top
of the list would be – Your
magic and your wisdom.
We
want to be inspired by your turned-on-ness; motivated to move
mountains, and to be told where you'd like them moved to. We're sick
of being manipulated and matronised by the women's
auxiliary.
We want to be empowered by a real woman
who owns her unique feminine capacity.
In
return, we offer you the only two magic
things we men have got – our Integrity and our Surrender. If that
sounds like a poor deal, that's the tough part about Woman being a superior
being. Physical strength, integrity and surrender are all we mere men
have got, but we offer you all of it. We'll get things done; just
show us which ones are important to you.
We don’t want to be your lackey: we want to be your Superman. We want you to see us as leaping tall buildings in a single bound for you, and taking bullets for you and your chicks. We want to carry you in our arms and show you the world. Or at least feel that way. And I know it’s our job to get there, but nothing else in this world gives us more strength than a woman who creates a space that makes us feel invincible.
And only women can do that. The best another bloke can do for a fellow is inflate his male macho ego. God knows, the world has suffered enough from that. And the last thing this world needs is a bunch of women trying to be more like men than men. C'mon, make us feel invincible, we’ll make you feel like you’re the most beautiful creature on this planet. Which you are. Nature has endowed all women with her most stunning beauty and innate intelligence. Why do you ration it, or hide it altogether? Are you keeping something back, just in case Mr. Abolutely-Right shows up? That's incredibly mean.
3. We want your Acceptance
We NEED to feel that when we stack the dishes in the dishwasher like a five year-old, say the wrong thing in front of your friends, leave the toilet seat up, get too logical, when we try to fix things for you instead of just listening to you, when we forget something you’ve said a thousand times.... we want to know that you love us anyway. I heard a great line from a woman recently... “I don't know whether to kiss him or kill him!” Believe me girls, real men get that. It doesn't mean we stop stuffing up, because inside every man is a boy who forgets he’s a man sometimes. And every boy gets into things, not because he’s bad but because he’s got a curious mind, he can't create life – he can only invent things, he explodes with energy because he doesn't know where to put it, and yes, he has a short attention span. And then there's the school bully. Every man on earth has the school bully to contend with, unless he is the school bully. Have some pity, ladies, please.
Unconditional allowing from our woman is what will snap us out of our immature behavior and inject us with a desire to be a man and be the hero. Only when you accept us as we are, who we are, will you discover that someone better lurks inside here. And that man is worth getting to know.
4. Not to be left in the dark
So many women don’t tell their men what they want or how they feel because they don’t want to rock the boat. Or they’re afraid of the man's reaction. Or they think we shouldn't have to be told -- we should know. Well, we don't know. The truth is that women are alien beings to us – fascinating and terrifying at once. When you don’t express yourself, you leave us in the dark, confused and scared. We don’t really know the truth of you; how could we? We come from another planet. When you withhold, you are pre-packaging and presenting parts of your life instead of doing your whole life with us. We're hunters, and anything unknown lurking in shadows scares the tripe out of us. OK?
Couples grow and get stronger overcoming adversity, not by doing life separately, but by synergising their traits. Know that every time you hold things in, you are building walls inside the sacred space of relationship. No, we don’t want you to verbally vomit on us. We get enough of that from rabid feminists and dysfunctional dykes. But believe it or not, we really do want to know who you truly are.
5. We want mind-blowing sex
Men need AT LEAST a fantasy in order to have sex. Women don't. Women can turn themselves on or off at will. Healthy men are turned on by a woman's turned-on-ness.
There’s sex, then there’s mind-blowing sex, the kind of sex that gives you shudders all through your body from tippy-toes upwards, sex that makes your tummy muscles ripple in waves of ecstasy, sex that puts a spring in your step, keeps your eyes forward and intentions straight when you’re out in the world.
Men want to look at women. We’re like meerkats. We get distracted by shiny things and novel movement. But there’s a difference between noticing and wanting. Blinders sex at home gets men to say, “Phwoaarr! She may be hot, but I would never trade in what I have when I get home.” A few months back, Deborah-Lee Furness was on a TV panel of women (I think it was the "Compass" programme); they were discussing infidelity. She was asked how she felt about infidelity. She shook her head slightly, bemused, and said “Have you seen my bloke?” Deborah said it for men and women. She's got the best partner in her world, and she's proud to keep him engaged. Not "hooked" -- present and engaged. And she keeps him interested by being interesting.
Blinding sex isn’t just good sex. It’s a unique connection with someone that makes you fantasise about them in the shower, makes you call in sick so you can lie in bed all day making love and eating chocolate and cheesecake. It produces glue that cannot happen with anyone else.
6. Men want the C-word
Communication. Without it, relationships are built on an exposed plain. Contrary to popular myth, men want you to communicate directly. Honesty is a turn-on. We don't want to have to guess what you mean; we're too prone to get it wrong. We don’t “get” clues. And making us feel guilty for not picking up your signals is never going to improve our stupidity. Men need things spelled out.
So we either pretend we got it (always a recipe for disappointment – and the last thing we want is to disappoint you), or we risk a mauling by asking you to explain. Look, we understand that when you have to spell it out, it’s not the same. We get that. You don’t just want us to do the dishes: you want us to want to do the dishes. We get it, sort of. But sometimes, like you, doing the dishes is not high on our hotlist. Explain what we're missing. Model how you would like us to communicate back. We're willing to learn! If the bloke you're with isn't willing to learn, you haven't chosen a man. Take responsibility for that and do something about it.
For many of us, male and female, communication is not our specialty. Get some guidance. Your present togetherness depends on it. Generally speaking, men tend to pull from a logical place. Women pull from an emotional and intuitional space. If you can meet us at logic, we will do our best to meet your emotions. Hopefully. But we need you to tell us.
7. Men want your sweat
There’s nothing sexier than working out with your intimate partner. Watching you sweat and work on your body only encourages us to work on ours as well. And we get to smell all those delicious pheromones and woman-y aromas that so turned us on before marketers in the late-1920s sold you on the manufactured “evil” of body odour. Givenchy and Narciso & Rodriguez are fine for the red carpet, but au-naturel, bang-on or over the kitchen table we get the raw and real you, a different type of naked. Now, if we do this together, we’re in the act of building a life style. We’re not just talking. We’re dancing, together. And that’s hot.
8. Men want a soft place to fall.
While combining the characteristics of a freight-train and a speeding bullet in the name of Truth, Justice and a Fair Go for his tribe, even Superman gets hammered . It can be rough out there in the daily planet. He becomes Clark Kent and (occasionally) just wants his Lois to just cuddle him like her baby. Is it too much to ask for him to get that from the woman he loves?
9. Let us have our own lives
We may not say it, because how do you tell the person you love to get a life? But we really want you to have your own life. Really. And we want time alone in our cave, too. We don't want to spend the rest of our days being your social zimmer-frame. And because we'll probably die before you do, we'd like to think that, after we've shuffled off to that cosmic shed in the Wherever, you'll get on with living fully without us. We want you to have your own set of friends, activities, and passions. Of course we want to be supportive of everything you care about and be a part of anything you would like us to be a part of, but we want you to have your own identity. If your guy doesn't want those things for you, you haven't picked even a bloke, let alone the right one.
If you have nothing that is yours, your relationship is trying to walk a fine line hopping on one leg. Also, if you have your own life, it forces us to get our own life as well, or risk losing you.
Forget legs. Let’s put the man/woman relationship on wheels. One is yours. One is mine. And together, let's ride whatever the course throws up to us.
How does that sound to you? Or am I truly on my own here?
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