Part
of the challenge of this game called Being Human is that it is played
out in a push-pull tidal zone between our ego's addiction to
predictability and continuity at one extreme, and the reality of
constant change at the other.
Some
of us get stuck in the mud somewhere in the middle.
Shit
happens.
And
we are affected by it. So we are given a choice: either automatically
recoil and be a victim of the situation, or awarefully respond and be
an author of some re-solution. There is always a point of balance in this tug-o-war,
and that is where training in increasing flexibility and adapting
skills is so important to adult happiness. The faster we can sense
shifts in the weather and respond appropriately, the better we will
fare.
Childhood
is, among other things, the training ground for adulthood. A lot of
people get stuck on some trauma and never make it to emotional
maturity. I see 50-year-olds reacting to setbacks like toddlers, grizzling,
crying and throwing tantra of self-important rage. It seems to me
that those who cope better with change are those who, early in life,
were given practice, preferably supervised, in dealing with setbacks
and change.
Informed, understanding, aware parenting is of enormous
importance in mentoring children to develop coping strategies that
are in keeping with each child's individual temperament and
developing personality. Setback and crisis rehearsal beget personal resources
of the two essential ingredients of happy and fulfilling living –
Resilience and Flexibility.
Whether
you had a happy or a terrible childhood and the stories you rely on to justify you immaturity are almost irrelevant; you and me and the man over the road -- we all
have our own work to do on ourselves, and the sooner we get cracking the better.
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