ARE YOU LOOKING FOR MASTERY? 10 SUGGESTIONS

10 SIMPLE SUGGESTIONS TO HELP YOU FIND MASTERY

[With thanks to Tara Stiles]

When you are connected to yourself and employing your intellectual and emotional intelligences in partnership as navigators, everything seems to go pretty well – even trying times. But we’re not always “on”, and when we’re “off” things can go pear-shaped before we know it. Thankfully there are navigation aids to help us when we get off track. There are ways to bring us back to inward centre when we get sidetracked by external, non-real “stuff”. There are steps we can take to come back to ground-centre when we lose our way and spiral out of control.

My Own Set of 10 Guidelines That Helped Me Find Mastery in My Life

1. Feel.

And by “feel”, I’m talking of going beyond mere emotion. Feeling into a situation involves using gut feeling rather than logic and reason to access and deliberately use higher-frequency levels of sense perception that are attuned to levels of awareness that run above, below, alongside and parallel to the lane we’re usually driving in. The process is called In-tuition – the ability we have to directly perceive truths and facts independently of the reasoning process. When it hits, I get an “A-hah” moment, like a hiccup of consciousness, and goosebump skin sensations, sometimes just on the back of my neck but sometimes all over my body. But that’s just me; for you it may be different. But when it strikes, you will know. The sensation is miles beyond mere  “understanding”.

What’s the difference between something arrived at by thinking-about, and something arrived at by feeling-about? When I’ve successfully thought about something, I get Understanding, which I liken to a filing clerk having found the right pigeonhole to put something in. Satisfying, maybe, but rarely inspiring, and once the thing is filed away, that’s it. Nothing much actually changes. Unlike an “A-hah!” moment, when you get the distinct impression that something will never be quite the same again. When intuition strikes, I get a distinct quickening, and something in my consciousness shifts. While nothing much may change, to some degree I get a sense that “something will never be quite the same from now on”.

Don’t misunderstand me here; feeling is not the be all and end all. If it was, we wouldn’t have much use for reasoning. And we do need to think about what we’re doing – some people more than others. Spend more than five minutes with an airy-fairy cosmic fart who insists on negating anything and everything that sounds “reasonable” and you, like me, will probably be heading for the nearest safety zone to avoid getting run over in the traffic by a truckload of reality.

But when I am both connected to feeling my way around as well as being grounded and figuring my way around with due weight given to sound experience-based logic, my intuitive intelligence has the freedom to do its thing, weigh in when it has “got” something, and become more sensitive and reliable with practice.

2. Breathe deeply.

As often as you remember to, become aware of your breathing. Are you pumping like a piston engine? Are you fluttering like a bird in a puddle on a hot day? Ae you holding your breath? What’s going on?

Relax. Let your shoulders drop. Let your neck go. Ease up around your jaw, eyes, ears and nose. Let your ribcage go, and just let your body breathe itself from your diaphragm. Take your attention to each orifice in your body and let go any undue tension you find there.

Trust that your body knows how to breathe on its own, without interference from you. Let it do its natural thing in its own pace, its own rhythm, and its own time. Just become the observer of your body breathing itself.

Let every inhale create more space and room inside, allowing each breath to reach further down into the base of your belly. Let every exhale allow your soul right into that space. Allow the space to extend beyond your body. Occupy that space with your awareness. Become the space. The wider and deeper you allow your breath to permeate, the more space opens up.

Give yourself space and share it with otherness.

3. Pay attention.

Notice things. Practice noticing more often what’s going on in your peripheral vision – those things that are there, slightly out of focus, for 60 degrees vertically and around 135 degrees horizontally. I cannot overstate the benefits your will reap from practising this habit as often as you remember. Without shifting your focus, just become aware of what’s going on around you. Invite your ears and nose to the party, too. Among the improvements I’ve noticed are that I bang into traffic less often, and become more sensitive to no-verbal signals others are sending out. The exercise has done wonders for my insight, too.

It goes even deeper. Quantum physicists have now proved that nothing exists until we notice it. Hmmm-mm. That makes us a bit more powerful than we realise when we decide to feel “down”. I’ll leave the repercussions of that one with you to explore for yourself.

All life is awareness. Become more habitually aware of what thoughts are thinking you and diverting you from direct experience. Notice when you leave the present to stress out over the past or worry about the future.

Other beings and even inanimate objects have awareness. Not the same as each other, of course, but awareness is there and there’s a dance going on. Now that you’re aware of it, you might like to join in.

Clear and uncritical self-observation is an essential skill to develop for progress. You may find meditation exercises and yoga help to provide for you an outline and the how of the thoughts-about, and the feelings-about that you entertain; it’s up to you to decide to pay attention to which ones are your favourites (ie. the ones that occupy most of your time), how you are as a result of their presence, what’s affecting that, what choices are available in your life, and how you want to act and live. If it differs from how you are at the moment, what habits and choices are you prepared to pay the price to change?

4. Stay connected with yourself and the source of your being

Regular practice of yoga and meditation: 5 minutes, 10 minutes, an hour every day. Whatever time you have, it’s important to commit to some time every day to get and stay connected to your creator. It’s not a one-and-done type thing. It’s an everyday practice, habit, and ritual. When you reach the stage where you feel unprepared for the new day until you’ve done it, you know you’re taking best care of your family’s, work colleagues’ and acquaintances’ best friend – you.

5. Get Curious.

You’ve possibly heard the old adage – If you want to be interesting, be interested. The process of living well and exploring is interesting. It’s important to take an interest in yourself and your surroundings. When I am interested, things begin to have context and, therefore, meaning and value. Experience becomes enriched and multi-dimensional instead of flat and tasteless. The more we stay interested, the more depths and heights our experiences take on.

6. Take care.

Taking care of “myself” is a process and a practice that can be really fun and enjoyable. It’s also essential if you have any aspiration to be of use to anyone else. Enjoy long walks, take hot baths, savour foods that satisfy all the purposes of eating, delight in quality books, revel in stimulating adventures. And at the end of each day develop a ritual of putting every material, mental, emotional and spiritual thing away. If there are unresolved questions or issues, make a note to your subconscious to deal with them while you’re asleep. Then settle back and let sleep come to you.

Plan for and prioritise self-care time; it does wonders for your self-esteem, is essential to living well, and to deeply real-ising that you’re worth it!

7. Keep in touch.

Hugging is one of my favourite life activities, and I really miss it since I moved to Adelaide – it’s not a very “huggy” city. I like to hug pretty much anyone who will signal that they’re open to the opportunity. A hug is a superwarm, fuzzy, and wholesome way to connect with someone that makes both people feel great. If a hug is out of the question, find an appropriate moment to give the other a gentle, non-invasive, reassuring touch on the forearm. The sense of touch is essential for keeping open an intimate connection to myself and relaxed, open, easy-going connections with others.

8. Learn and practice the art of clear and open communicating.

In any communication, decide whether you intend to Inform, Inspire or Empower your co-communicators. The content and techniques differ for each. Get yourself with a good communicator and practise saying what you mean and meaning what you say clearly and unambiguously, both verbally and physically with your body language. Learn how to get feedback so that you can be certain that people got the message you intended, the way you intended it.

Communing is connecting. Feeling connection is THE basic human social, emotional and spiritual health need. It’s important for our health to feel connected, not only to ourself but to people around us, people we care about and admire.

One of the most-effective ways to connect is to ask non-threatening questions that subtly infer -- You’re interesting; I’d like to get to know you. Ask people how they are doing. Ask them how they feel about things you have in common, and listen to them – what they’re saying, and sometimes what they’re not saying. We were given two ears and one mouth for a very good reason.

Learn how to actively listen – there are plenty of good books and seminar blogs if you need some skills training. Disregard the temptation, while the other person is speaking, to work out what you’re going to say next. Welcome them into your space and give them the gift of your undivided interest. Let go of agenda. Listen, and let the conversation work its own way. You may be surprised where it takes you. Take an interest in their lives, and what experiences you may have in common look like from their side. Be present and available to others. It’s good for you, too; it helps you feel connected, inspired, grounded, and useful.

9. Mind your own business.

Your ideas, concepts, opinions and beliefs about anything are not the thing itself. They are second-hand commentaries, not the real thing. They are only about something, and therefore not real, not original, and not of much lasting value, even to the person who hangs on to them. And since your opinions are yours, you’d be more powerful if you kept them to yourself unless someone asks you to share them. Similarly, other people’s ideas, concepts, opinions and beliefs about anything, including you, are theirs. So, what other people think of you is none of your business. If there is something being reflected back to you that is useful to you, accept the gift with gratitude. Beyond that, don’t buy into anything second-hand. You can if you wish put it into a “Maybe Tray” so that you can later test its validity for yourself. But never give your power away by buying directly into to other people’s beliefs or opinions about anything. They are not anywhere near the truth of the thing itself. They are the one-sided view of something from a limited perspective, usually being declared as if it’s Absolute Truth. There is only one absolute truth, and I can’t tell you what it is because there are no words for it, and it keeps changing depending on the context and circumstances. But your awareness of your direct experience of the thing comes very close to it.

As far as possible, have your own direct experience of anything you’re curious about, and remain aware of the circumstances surrounding it. Then you know it first-hand. Then you can think and feel for yourself. That is the essence of Freedom.

10. Check how you’re doing.

Strive to be honest with yourself about your progress in human-being. Since, like most of the human race, I am working through a few issues that go with being human—I check in with my self every morning as I’m waking up, to feel the results of all that sorting-out my subconscious mind has been doing overnight. Now and again during the day I’ll also pop my head inside to see where I’m at and how I’m doing. The frequency of the check will often relate with the importance or urgency of the issue that might be running at the time.

But, like making a bed, it helps to have someone on the other side. If they grant me the space, I sometimes need to talk with close friends about how I feel in my skin over an issue and give myself the time and space to check in. My close friends know that I’m happy to get candid feedback on where it looks from where they stand. And they’re not shy, if and when they need it, about asking for my feedback either. Maybe that’s why we’re such good friends.

OK – ten suggestions. They aren’t final. Nothing ever is – not in eternity. I will live by the advice of my good friend and mentor Jeremy Moon: Define. Test. Refine. Repeat. This is one of my favourite pieces of advice. I will check back in with my rules as frequently as I feel I need, and if things have changed in the meantime, I will re-define, re-test, refine, and repeat.

So there you have it. Thanks for letting me share some of the principles I use for mastering the lessons of living. With these as a starting place, change and add your own as you discover what works as you go along. Discard anything that ceases to be effective as soon as you realise it’s no longer working.

As far as you can, maintain a strong, radiant, healthy body from the inside out and enjoy a clear, focused, engaged mind. Allow yourself to be excited and interested in life and your ever-adapting role in it. Stay open to change and appreciate the uniqueness of connecting with the people you meet and expanding your contribution to the world. Find space where you’re comfortable to be genuinely you, and happy to walk a kilometre or two in even companionship with others.