IF LIFE IS A GAME, HOW DO YOU SCORE?

PAUSE A MOMENT

IF LIFE IS A GAME, HOW DO YOU SCORE?

(11 SURE WAYS TO FAIL & 10 TIPS TO GET ON TRACK)

[Broadcast 2^nd October, 2013]

Good morning and welcome now to Pause a Moment. Tonight, out of my first-hand experiences in failure, I want to share with you my 11 sure-fire traps for ensuring failure, and then turn it around and suggest some changes in the combination that will turn a trajectory of failure into one of success for you.

But wait – there's more!

Would it surprise you to know that even the most successful people on earth have succeeded little more than 21% of their time. It's true. Failure, for all of us, is a fact of life......

Then, to finish this part of tonight’s fare, I have for you a choice of 10 reasons to embrace failure when it does happen – any one of which will turn the tide from your present experience of “this ain’t working” into “I’m right on track”.

[Maybe I'm Doing It Wrong – Randy Newman – 1:23]

If you were to ask the experts to select the #1 key to success in any area of your life, most would say fairly early in the conversation... “clearly defined goals”. If you want to get somewhere, it's a good idea to know where that somewhere might be. And some kind of map, and perhaps even a rough timetable for getting there might come in handy, too. I'd go so far as to suggest to you that without goals your dreams have almost no chance to become a reality that will stay with you.

Without goals there's no point or purpose to what you do and don't do; there's no direction or discernible intention to your life. The universe, ever eager to support you, is getting confused messages and static. And it's no good looking to others to give your life meaning; they're not qualified to do that, nor are they supposed to. One of my first questions when counselling myself and others is “What do you want?” All those things you want for your life -- Purpose, Meaning, Direction and Intention are all up to you.

When you apply some heat to the pot and reduce all your wishes, desires, hankerings, lusts and longings, what is it that you really want? Bottom line….?

On nearly everyone's short list of things to do during their lifetime is at least a vague idea about accomplishing some worthy goals and the fulfilling some chosen purpose. But some of us don't feel like we’re getting there. Why?

[For All the Wrong Reasons – Deborah Conway (A) – 4:13]

Just for tonight I’ve put together eleven sure-fire, personally tested and proven ways to fail at living. The good news for Failure Wannabes is that you don't have to memorise and practice all ten. Any one of them will probably tip up the applecart for you. Furthermore, if you practice any one of this list for any length of time, it'll be lights-out across the board.

Eleven ways to set goals, and fail --- Let’s go.

1. Set goals that neglect to mention precisely what you want. And make sure your intentions are about avoiding some situation or condition you don’t want. Tell the universe in negative-energy thoughts and feelings what you’re trying to avert or evade. Let what you want to move towards remain undefined. Dissatisfaction inevitable.

2. Set goals that may be beyond your reach, and insist upon unrealistic levels of attainment. Frustration guaranteed.
3. If you set healthy goals, do it for unhealthy reasons. That’ll get you in a mess.
4. Create goals that are commonplace. Good recipe for boredom.
5. Create goals that don't align with your character. A good way to do that is to copy goals from someone else and think “Yeah, that’d be nice”.
6. Don't get others involved in your goals. Other people stuff up. Lone Rangers are heroes.
7. Shoot for anything that takes your fancy in the moment. Sticking to something consistently and setting priorities is strictly for boring people. That’ll get you a reputation for flakiness.
8. Writing goals down? Are you kidding? That's strictly for accountants and academics. And it’s a recipe for losing your way.
9. Be Positive. Ignore anything negative. Hmmm-mmm. Ignore the Ruthless Rule of Duality at your peril..
10. Make goals blue-sky stuff. It’s more spectacular and widens people’s eyes at cocktail parties. Don’t the gurus say, “If you shoot for the stars, you'll get further than if you aim just at the horizon”? Well, if that’s how you want to play it – fine. But fireworks burn out, sooner or later.
11. Don't sweat the small stuff. Go for the Big Picture; leave the details to the drones, or to your wife or your PA. The world’s greatest disasters are a litany of overlooked details.

There you go. My infallible recipes for failure.

[Unchain My Heart – Yaron Gershovsky – 0:25]

Fade under>>>

Living toward a purpose is like opening a combination lock. You try out all the numbers in right-left-right sequences, finding ones that work, and some that appear not to, as you go. There are thousands of possible combinations; and if you are aware of the settings but not the sequence, your efforts will prove disappointing. That's the bad news. The good news is that once you wake up, you'll find that life has been delivering you, in exactly the right sequence, every experience you need to master in order get what you want. But you've been knocking them back, saying “Nah! This ain't it.”

The Eleven Clicks of Goal Setting I'm about to run past you is a combination that opens possibilities of satisfying living. Each rule is one piece of the combination; each seamlessly integrates with the other nine; each one counts! You will be hard pressed to find a goal that does not require each of these ten clicks. But for you the order may vary from others’. Your job is to find what works for you and for the world around you. Keep breathing, play around with them, experiment, have fun, have adventures, and find what works for you.

Not all goals are equal, but by the same token, no goal is any more or less important than any other. When I was deep in the dark bowels of depression, just deciding and making the effort to put one foot in front of the other to cross my room was just as important as anything else I've ever done in my life. Even breathing itself can be a primary goal requiring a conscious decision – when I was coming off life support after a heart bypass operation, if I hadn't pushed through the dread and the pain to cough, I would still be dependent on life-support today because while on the respirator, my body had forgotten how to breathe by itself.

All goals contain the same foundational elements. When it comes to setting goals, we often don't know what we don't know. And, what we don't know can—and most likely will—hurt us by limiting or compromising our success. Each rule calls for and requires self-awareness, and the know-how of multiple disciplines. No one is born with all the talents to achieve a goal—we have to learn-as-we-go on the fly! It's one of the rules of this game. Sometimes we just have to jump off the ledge and build our wings on the way down.

If I could carve eleven rules for achieving a goal into the walls of your mind, they would be the ones I'm about to share with you. These ten rules work because they are simple, and they are simple because they work.

1.    Be clear and decisive. Work out the real desire behind what you say you want. You’ll probably find that your deepest desires are not things at all. One of the mistakes we’ve made in the past is to assume that things will bring us the real goodies, like satisfaction, love, contentment and bliss.

2.    Take charge of your self. You express your soul through your choices; you define your Self by your decisions. You express your Self through your actions, and your Soul through the way in which you act. People who are quietly clear and decisive within themselves attract exactly the right kind of colleagues for each moment. You may find this hard to accept when some of the people who show up to help may appear to be antagonistic. Any blacksmith will tell he can’t create much without a little heat and hammering.

3.    Set goals at the right level for you, and for the right reasons.

4.    Create goals that are exciting to achieve. Stay focused on what you DO want, not on something you're trying to avoid. Inspect closely what you expect; are your expectations pointing you in the right direction, or are they blinding you to the possibility that what you need is right in front of your face. Sometimes opportunities and results come in disguise. And remember, the moment you focus on something, it materialises, and you become a magnet for it. That's how creation works.

5.    Create goals that align with who you really are – your true character. You may first have to work on that. Most of us are not just who or what we’ve always thought we are. We are more….. the more that is less.

6.    Involve others in your projects. Life is a game of co-operation. No-one is an island.

7.    Prioritise your goals. Plan your action. Orchestrate and conduct the symphony of your life.

8.    Write your goals down. Writing has the magic effect of catalysing your Intention. Phrase goals in ways that are motivating to you, and supportive, and not intimidating. Language is very important.

9.    Take purposeful action. Good plans may get you in the door; how you act on them seals the deal.

10. Make your goals concrete and measurable, so you can know how you're going.

Consider smaller goals within a larger goal. If you come up against roadblocks, create your way through. Celebrate all the milestones along the way. Reward yourself as you go.

11. Keep building and enlarging your personal integrity.  Without your integrity complete, you are vulnerable. Keep your commitments, and remind yourself that every commitment you make is made primarily with yourself.

I'll delve into these hints from another angle after these sponsor messages. You're tuned to Pause  A Moment.

CARTS

[More – Masterworks Strings]

Hold under>>>>

Satisfaction

The simplest question we can ask, one would think, would be “What do you want?” When I was first asked this question, relatively late in life, I was astounded how stumped I was for an answer. But somewhere in the ensuing ineloquence I mumbled something about Satisfaction.  

What constitutes Satisfaction, of course, is as individual as each of us is. Your definition of "the good life" may be slightly, or very, different from mine; it probably is. Yet, whatever form it may take, the bottom line experience of satisfaction we’re seeking is remarkably similar, and the underlying steps toward that end are the same. It's this similarity of steps between us that helps you to understand what satisfaction really is for you, and helps us see with startling clarity where we're presently missing out on.

Are you feeling satisfied? Really? Or does your ego think it's just had a win today? It's not the same thing. If you feel like you've won something, there's a very good chance you've lost something much bigger.

Try this possibility for a while. Satisfaction is not a feeling; it's a state of being. Looked at from this angle, it becomes easier to see that being satisfied arises from your ability – an ability you already have – first, to recognize opportunity; second, to form plans and strategies that leverage opportunity; and, third, to develop the necessary skills needed to execute your strategies. When you undertake this deliberate process you will find moments of satisfaction offering themselves like ripe plums, just for the picking as you go along.

Satisfactioning (verb - transitive) is a beautiful process because of how it looks to you, how it works for everyone on earth, how it feels while you’re doing it, and how it represents the fulfillment of goals being pursued. While you’re spreading satisfaction around wherever you go, you quickly grow accustomed and grateful to prosperity in all areas of your life, not just in dollars and cents, but also mentally, emotionally, spiritually, psychologically, and every other way you come across. And you become confident in the process of working towards a goal.

The ten rules for getting satisfied, like anything else in life, operate only if they are self-applied! Embrace these ten rules of goal setting and give witness to a powerful transition in your life.

Set Specific, Measurable Goals - Vague goals produce vague results. For example, "I will take better care of myself," does not explain what you will do or how you will track your progress. A stated intention that is specific and can be measured would be, "I will walk two kilometres every day and cut my dietary fat intake by 35 percent."

Set Realistic Goals - A goal must realistically arise from, and reflect, the realities of your abilities and situation. It should make you stretch, but not be so far out of reach that it's unattainable. If you're 15 kilos overweight, setting a goal to fit into your size eight jeans next month is a recipe for failure. Instead, aim perhaps for a 2-kilo loss each month for the next 7-8 months.

Write Goals Down – Writing focuses both your attention (creative) and your intention (active). It defines what you want. An unwritten goal is too easily ignored, fazed or forgotten by those bits of your mind with competing agendas that aren’t so enthusiastic about this project. Writing out your Intentions gives dynamic form to your choosings and involves more of your faculties and senses. Post copies of your goal where you will see them several times a day --- near your computer, in your car and on the kitchen bulletin board.

List Action Steps - If you don't list a possible sequence of steps you might follow to reach your goal, your goal has no impetus. You may be more tempted to abandon it at some point because you don't know what to do next. Action steps for a weight loss goal might include: visit the doctor for a health appraisal, ask his advice on an exercise plan and list the fat content of foods in the refrigerator. Be flexible with your action plan; it's something to use as a guide, not a goad.

Consider Obstacles - Think about things that might sabotage your success. You’ll know these from your own past history. Losing weight will be more difficult if your pantry is stocked with biscuits and chips. Spending hours in front of the TV every night makes snacking too easy. Watch your individual thoughts, sensations feelings and possible patterns of them all that arise with temptations to deviate from your intentions. Get to know the saboteurs hidden in closets around the boardroom of your mind. Bringing them out into the light of your awareness and addressing your intentions directly and kindly to them loosens their hold over you.

Plan Ways to Overcome Obstacles - If you know certain obstacles may be looming, it makes sense to find strategies and ways around or through them before the hard work starts. Ask your spouse to keep his/her snacks locked in his car or in his desk at work. Limit your TV time to one hour a night, and keep your hands busy with some manual activity while you watch.

 

Create a Timeline - I've spent most of my working life organising public events, both large and small, and I regard timelines as crucial to success. They help me define and discriminate between what's Important and what's Urgent. They keep me on track. I put my timelines for events on a larger whiteboard in my office. Ticking things off during each day and pausing in front of them last thing at night allowed me  to focus on details and also give me time to step back and check how we’re going with the overall picture. They let me plan for the next day. They gave me space to see ahead and around corners. Set specific dates and or times to reach each step in your goal. By evaluating your progress as you go along you can, if necessary, readjust your next action steps,

 

Share Your Goal- It's too easy to lose enthusiasm for a goal when you are the only person who knows about it. Surround yourself with good people who have solid appropriate field experiences. Choose awarefully, though, because some people, despite outward appearances, may be failure-prone and they may unwittingly sabotage your efforts. I actually share my goals quite openly; then watch carefully what goes on at the periphery. I soon find out who are genuine co-creators and those who may be the Thomases and Judases. They show up in every group; it’s just they way things are.

Realize the Benefits - See and feel yourself enjoying the benefit of your goals as you go along. Make the journey at least as rewarding as the visualised destination. I’m reminded of the farmer who said to his son “We plant the crops and feed the stock. We also have to chop and stack the wood and cart the water; it’s part of the farming thing.” His son asked “What happens if the crop fails?” The wise farmer replied, “Well, we’ll still have warm fires, food and drink and milk and meat.”

Positive Attitude and Rewards - Be acutely aware and sensitive to the self-talk that’s going on in back of your mind. Nothing drains motivation faster than negative back-chat. Recognize the negative thoughts that clutter your mind and sabotage your chosen intentions: "I've been out of shape my whole life; this will never work; you've set the same goal before and failed every time." Spend some time with your inner critic and find out what’s going on there, and why. Get hin/her on your side. Reward yourself as you successfully complete each step toward your goal. Celebrating achievement breeds more gratitude and satisfaction along the way.

Welcome Failure as an essential part of the process. I'm an accomplished Failer and I've discovered that Failure has an ulterior motive – to stop me long enough to learn, re-plan and re-launch. Every one of my failures (so far) has prepared me for a later success. And in hindsight, times dealing with failure have brought out qualities in me that I hadn’t formerly been aware of.

Long term, you get more out of life from your failures than from your successes. Sure, success is wonderful, but there are substantial benefits to failure as well.

1. Failure teaches you about yourself. When things are going well, there’s no need to take the covers off the machinery. But when adversity strikes, you discover things about yourself and resources that you may never have realised before.

2.Failure renews your humility and sharpens your objectivity.

3.Failure creates the perfect opportunity to try out new ideas.

4.Failure helps you make corrections so that you stay on target.

5.Failure makes you more mature, more flexible and more resilient.

6.Failure reminds you to be kinder to yourself and those around you. Failure is a shared experience.

7.Failure is a "badge of courage", a rite of passage, because you dared to take the risk.

8.Failure develops the all-important emotion of patience and quality of gracious forbearance that lift you out of your lizard brain and deliver you more into the mature, evolved frontal lobes.

9.Failure warns you to not take things so personally (or so seriously).

10.Failure grounds your self-esteem on who you are, not what you do.

Now, here's where you can eventually reclaim your own power: one day you will get to love your failures for no reason at all. Embrace the benedictions of missing the mark as opportunities to recalibrate, because that's what you choose to do in your own best interests.

Finally, my goal for tonight was simple...to pass on some tips that might help you reach yours. Now it's over to you.

[John  Williams' Symphonic Marches – NSW Police Band (A) – 5:53]