PAUSE A MOMENT
NEW YEAR: FRESH BEGINNINGS
[Broadcast on 27th
December, 2011]
1. [Swinging Shepherd Blues – Moe
Koffman]
Good morning. I'm B the B.
Welcome now to a special New Year edition of ALNM.
2.[Farewell Waltz de
Campagye – Raymond Lefevre – 0:35]
V/O: [ Straight In]
Another Christmas is over, and a new
year possibly lies just around the corner. How "new' it is depends, of course, more on you than the calendar. This is a time when many of us, lulled by
absence of a daily work routine, begin to become aware of places in which our
lives could stand improvement. We jokingly refer to “New Year Resolutions” as a
“fix-all”, but behind our levity there's a seriousness..... perhaps a creeping
emptiness, or a dissatisfaction, maybe even a little guilt that things could be
a fair bit better than they are, that the washup from last New Year was less than hoped for, and that we might have something to do with
that. Some of us stay stuck, not knowing quite what to do next, others hope
that if we make some “resolutions” the feeling will pass, at least for a while. The rest of us look
for meatier ways to improve our selves.
Fade up until -3:15 (0:32 secs)
Fade down…..
But on this show tonight, I'd
like to issue a challenge to you. Why the urge yet again to improve? I mean,
haven’t you tried improving; tried changing? How effectively have your past re-solutions become re-volutions? Apart from slight incremental
shifts, haven’t things remained pretty much the same over the years? In some
cases, you may feel they’ve even gone backwards.
I'd like to suggest that what
you're deeply yearning for is not change – caterpillar to older, fatter and
(maybe) cannier caterpillar – but what you really want is Transformation
– caterpillar to butterfly.
How does that sound to you?
3. [Elusive Butterfly
– Bob Lind – 2:49]
Transformation --- I'm often
heard to say “You cannot unscramble a scrambled egg.” Maria Robinson, a lady
with considerable more class than I, once said “Nobody can go back and make
a new beginning, but anyone can start today, and make a new ending.” She's
right, you know; I did it. If I can do it, you can, too. No question about that. The only question is - "Do you really want a new year? Or do you still want to hang onto bits of the old one -- just in case?"
No, that won't work.
I spent New Year's Eve one year in Randazzo, Sicily. Right on the bog, upper-floor windows were thrown open and old crockery and sundry household stuff came flying out and crashing onto the streets below. And I'm told that custom is not unique to that place -- not in Europe, anyway. Out with the old to make space for something new.
1. [These Are the Days
– Van Morrison – +1:53]
Fade under @ -3:16
[V/O: Straight In]
To begin this process of creating fresh beginnings, we have to stop doing things
that may have been holding us back, and try another way. A very wise man,
Colin Hayes said to me on more than one occasion – “If you keep on doing what
you've always done, you'll keep on getting what you've always got.”
Fade out before vocal restarts...
It's time to do something
different. Time to stop fiddling with the fripperies, stop dancing around the symptoms
of our dis-eases. Start engaging with the real, original causes of our
dissatisfaction.
2. [I'm Beginning to
See the Light – Kate Ceberano (A) – 2:32]
BREAKBREAKBREAKBREAK [3:00:11]
A Little Night Music tonight,
coming up toward New Year, is all about Fresh Beginnings. I had half an idea about
doing something on New Year Resolutions on Pause a Moment a little later, then
I read something on the internet that changed my mind and decided to make it the whole programme. Mandy Collinson of
Fremantle in Western Australia wrote an email to a Facebook site where a bunch
of losers get together to whinge and whine about their lot in life. Now I've
never met Mandy, but after I read what she wrote, I'd love to – she's a woman
after my own heart. She says -- you have to stop
doing things that no longer work for you. I'm indebted to Mandy for
giving me permission to quote freely from what she wrote...
3. [You Are the New
Day – The King's Singers – to +0:50
Fade down @ -1:40]
Allow me to offer some fresh
ideas to free you from a once-attractive idea gone stale….
Stop spending so much time with people who seem indebted to someone or something else for their
right to exist. Cultivate relationships with authentic people who inspire or empower you. Go
for quality, rather than quantity in your list of friends.
1. [So Many People –
Mandy Patinkin – 2:26]
Remember the management
thinker, Joseph M. Juran’s Pareto Principle? One of its social applications is The 80/20 Rule of Friends: 80% of
worthwhile outcomes will come from 20% of your friends. My own take on this
is that Juran was an optimist – I’ve found the ratio to nudge nearer to 96/4.
Be that as it may, the principle could save you a lot of the time you might presently be spending with time-wasters. Life is too short to invest time and energy on the 80%
who'll suck the life and energy out of you on activities that return, at most,
20% of value to you. Spend 80% of your time, energy and focus on those 20
percenters who trade energies creatively with you and leave everyone feeling inspired or
empowered.
There’s a sting in the tail of
this principle; it cannot be manipulated. If you make a list of your Facebook
friends in order of closeness and then Unfriend anyone who doesn’t make the 20%
cut, you’ll end up with those top-percenters sorting themselves into a smaller
80/20 pie. No, let your mailing list be, but just invest 80% of your attentions and availability on the 20% who encourage
80% of your nourishment and growth.
If someone wants you in their
life, let them make room for you. Do not diminish yourself to “fit in” with the
in-crowd. There’s a hugely popular collective pastime of disparaging other people
on the basis of absolutely no personal knowledge or information about the
person or thing being disparaged. The reward is a hit of cosiness and thrill of
climbing on board with an attitude that is widely socially approved. But, mark
my words, the feeling of “I belong”
is not authentic. You will be let down and disappointed sooner or later.
Cultivate the energy and courage needed to think and feel for
yourself even, if necessary, to the
point of being disliked. Original thinking is the power to be acutely aware and richly responsible. That requires some ruthless self-examination. Normal thinking is necessarily social, and as such it's based on adopted assumptions that most of us have no idea we're making. Less than 5% of the population ever deeply and precisely think for themselves. We all think that we do, but the truth is we are blissfully ignorant of how enculturated our thinking is. When you say "She thinks for herself", you're really meaning "She's ceasing to sound like people I disapprove of, and more like people I approve of." In a normal condition we do not think for ourselves: we think with others. I'm sure you remember times when you've believed true things for poor reasons, and false things for good reasons. Likewise, we feel in response to our inner and outer environment and, again, in relation with others. To go against this tide will need energy, clear intention, an undistorted sense of self, and courage. There's some homework for all of us!
Test rigorously all gossip and social comment that
gurgles around you against the yardstick of your own direct experience. Stop
the habit of “going along to get along”. Blaze your own path instead, not to be different, but to be true to your own experience. Find
ways of including others who’d like to join you in your newfound adventure. Be grateful for those who stand by your side
when you're at your best: remember and honour those who remain at your side
when you're at your worst.
2. [Honesty – Billy
Joel – 3:50]
****** [35 secs]
With the New Year coming up,
we're looking tonight at things to stop doing and things to try if you want to
make some changes this year.
Stop lying to yourself.
Try self-honesty for a change. Now, this could be tricky at the start. After
all, how does a habitual liar know when he/she is actually being honest?
3. [How Could You
Believe Me When I Said “I Love You”? - Liza Minelli – 3:24]
Find truths, and tell those truths at least to
yourself.
Maybe this will not easy, but
it is simple.
How? How do you check your
honesty?
Look in mirrors.
Firstly, look in the mirror of
your results. Are the results you’re getting congruent with what you say you
want?
Secondly, look in the mirrors
we call “other people”. You are surrounded by images of your many selves. We
call those images “other people”, but what you see is, in fact, partial
reflections of our self. Whatever you see in them is You. Some reflections we
like – (Aaaahhh): some we don't (Bleecchhh)! Every one of them is a reflection
of our “I” and our “Me”. How neat is that!?
Own what you see, all of it,
and open up to compassion. Read “The Road Less Traveled” by Scott Peck.
1. [Reflections of My
Life – The Marmalade – 3:50]
BREAKBREAKBREAKBREAK [ 3:30:10 ]
With the old year coming to a
close, tonight's show is all about Fresh Beginnings, inspired by
an email I received from Mandy Collinson in Fremantle, WA. On Mandy's list of possible
N.Y. resolutions was this gem == Stop running from your problems, or dumping
them on someone else's doorstep
(including God's, by the way).
Try facing up to being the
author of your results. Engage creatively with your stuff;
you created it. And clean up after you. By all means, get help if you need it;
there's plenty available. But don't dump it at some service centre and expect
someone else to fix you for you. Ultimately my stuff is my
stuff, and your stuff is your stuff. Anyone who offers to relieve you of
your responsibilities, either when you need to create change for yourself or
clean up after you mess up, should be treated with the utmost suspicion.
2. [You Ride Your Way
and I'll Ride Mine – Rolf Harris (A) – +0:28] Fade @ -1:38
Here's a thought – What if
we came here for the very purpose of creating, experiencing and uniquely
finding ways to transcend problems? What if where we came from before this was
so blissful that it got boring? What if we came here for the very
problems we’re now trying to avoid? We spent so much time setting them up;
imagine the disappointment if we got to the end of this life and discovered
we’d missed the point of doing this trip! What if we had to come back and do
this all over again just to get to this point and make a different choice?
When we dodge around or resist
anything, we get stuck with it. The same dynamics keep showing up in our faces,
hadn’t you noticed? In the process of awarefully experiencing and dealing with
difficulty, we get to consciously create, discover and experience who and what
we really are. If this is true, then the purpose of living could be --
to experience and master Life itself, as it is – mysteries, problems, orgasms
and all! How we tackle our problems, learn, and adapt, moulds us into who and
what we become. If we don't face up, learn and adapt, we become the
victims of circumstance and dinosaurs of evolution. By changing how we
learn and adapt, we change who we are and what happens to us, and what we
become. Forever.
3. [Happy New Year –
Adam Dunning (A) – 4:47]
Here's a resolution I suggest
for compulsive saviours; you know – those bothersome busybodies who want to
jump in and deprive somebody of the chance to learn and grow through engaging with adversity?
They don't mean it when they interfere, but their unspoken, de-powering message
is “I think you're such a dipstick that you couldn't handle your life
without me.” (I tend to be one of them if I don't keep a leash on my
Do-Gooder.) So, here's a NY Resolution suggestion, borrowed from someone you
may recognise – try minding your own
business. Stand back and wait until you're asked. And if your help is
sought, don't do it for them; show them how to do for themselves. Before you
insist on taking the splinter out of your neighbour's eye, first deal with the
bloody great plank in your own. Oh, and do stop putting your own needs on the
back-burner. Drained and burned-out martyrs may make for dramatic mythology,
but they are of no practical use to anybody.
1. [Clean House –
Dreamboogie (A) – 3:20]
The last thing anyone who's
drowning needs, is an exhausted, well-intentioned do-gooder who can't swim
jumping in with him. It's downright unhealthy to lose yourself in someone else.
That's not love; that's Mills and Boone pap. Your kids, for example, need a
parent, not a martyr. You are special, too. If ever there was a moment to
follow your passion and do something that matters to you, it is now, on the
threshold of a new year. Those you love may even heave a sigh of relief and
thank you for it.
2. [Respect Yourself – Guy Sebastian
(A) – 4:24]
BREAKBREAKBREAKBREKBREAK [ 3:48:00
]
3. [Interesting –
Peter Cook, Dudley Moore, John Cleese – 4:44]
The next change to try on
Mandy Collinson's list is a king-hit to the ego – stop trying to be someone you're not. That person, whoever it is,
is already taken. Be yourself.
Which means it might be a good
idea to find out who you really are, rather than who you think you are.
1.[You'd Be So Nice to
Come Home To – Grace Knight (A) – 2:39]
**** START @ 3:56:15 ****
The first step to maturity is
to get that you are not who you think you are. Only then have you got
some chance of discovering who you are. Until you do, you will be a
pushover for anyone trying to make you like the'd like you to be. Look, someone is always
prettier than me, smarter than me, stronger than me, younger than me, older
than me, but non-one else will ever be me. Same for you. There’s a place
in this universe with your name on it. But you’ll never find it until you work
out what you really are.
Wouldn’t you think that the
easiest thing in the world would be for each of us to be ourself? Why isn't it? The world rather urgently needs authenticity but if that’s the new direction you decide to
take, you may need the courage to stand alone, at least until you find a
different crowd to go with, or educate the ones you’re presently with. The
mistake we all made was we thought it was essential to our survival to be
liked, and the only way to be liked was to sell out on our selves and be like
“them”.
Learn the difference between “change” and “adapt”. Don't change so
people will like you: I've tried it – it sucks. As a dear friend told me this
afternoon – “I remember you then; you were really tacky”.
Be authentic, so that
the right people can get to recognise
you, know you and love you.
2. [Bring Him Home –
Anthony Warlow (A) – 3:48]
BREKBREAKBREAKBREAK [ 4:00:00 ]
Good morning once again, I'm
BB, and welcome to ALNM as we sail headlong towards a New Year, looking for
Fresh Beginnings.....
3. [Jing-Ga-Lye-Ya –
The Birralee Blokes (A) – 1:46]
If you'd prefer the coming months to be more than “just
another” new year for you, we're offering possible Fresh Beginnings for you to
ponder over. Keep in mind a Ruthless Rule of Reality that states – If you
keep doing what you've always done, you'll keep getting what you've always got.
In our quest for possible new things to try, we're aided by a very astute email from Mandy Collinson
of Fremantle, and I thank her sincerely for giving me permission to quote from
it....
Her next suggestion is appropriate for a new year:- Let go of the past. Unless you're a coroner, there's nothing back there worth
cranking your head about. Your past is dead -- something to step out of – into the here
and now. A.S.A.P.
1. [Then and Now – Sky
(A) – (3:22)]
Fade down after -2:28
Dare to live deliberately. Give up trying to avoid mistakes. Purposefully take
risks. Re-discover the aliveness that comes with courage. Look at the fears you
carry – do you fear failing? Fear succeeding? Fear being disliked? Fear being
liked? Fear suffering? Fear being happy? Facing fear is the price for Courage
and Aliveness; they don't come without scary bits.
I like to think of life and
living as an experiment to see how it turns out. Since it's always
turning out, in my mind I know I cannot then fail, unless I curl up into a
little ball and do nothing. And yes, there have been times when I've been
tempted to do that. Yeah, that would be failure for me. How about you? One
thing I know, I've never yet regretted anything I've done anywhere near as much
as I've regretted the things I have not done..... usually for lack of
courage.
2. [The House of No
Regrets – Katherine Jenkins – 3:30]
Stop berating yourself for
past mistakes. Make good for the ones you can; forgive yourself for all of
them. Start cultivating compassion for yourself. We may have loved people with
whom it just didn't work out; we may have cried over milk that was destined to
be spilt anyway, who knows? But one thing is for sure – mistakes can be a teaching
tool, opening access to wisdom and strength, and suggesting more effective ways
to do things next time. Mistakes are trial-and-error avenues for eventually finding
what works for us. We all make mistakes and have struggles, but those things
are not who we are: who we are is what we become as we behave our way through
the tough times. You are here now with the power and the opportunity to shape
today, here and now. From this we’ll step into our next “now”, and into
tomorrow, and into 2012, enlarging the space as we go. Every single thing that
has happened in your life has prepared you for this moment. This is it. Make
the most of it.
3. [This Is the Moment
– Mark Vincent (A) – 3:15]
BREAKBREAKBREAKBREAKBREAK [ 4:14:40 ]
Around this time on ALNM we
usually stop for Pause a Moment. So we're going to do that now and look briefly
at the related subject of New Year's Resolutions. For over 60 years now I 've
consciously been making resolutions and in all that time I've discovered 2
things about them:-
1.
New Year
Resolutions work – except sometimes; and
2.
They don't
work – except sometimes.
“Why is that? How come?”
Here's what I've discovered,
so far.....
1. [La Raya]
Let’s Pause a Moment.....
When you find yourself
troubled or stuck.....
Take a step or two back, and
try another way of looking at it....
2. [The House That Mac
Built – (0:55 secs)
Stop @ -4:50]
Up in this belfry I call My
Mind, I found not one, not two, but a whole parliament of ministers and
opposition spokesmen, all created by me, to help run my life while I went out
on the world's longest cat-nap. I have a Minster for Health, a Minister for
Foreign Affairs, a Minister for Romance and Relationships, a Minister for
Finance, a Minister for Pastimes and Pleasure, a Parliamentary Spin Secretary
for Looking Good to myself and others, a multi-religious chaplain, a Minister
for Defending Me, a Minister for Justice, a carping, critical, judgmental Speaker who never shuts up.... and so it goes – each and every
one of them is at loggerheads, clamouring for his own area of responsibility,
and also fighting an equivalent Opposition spokesman. And presiding over it all
is Ego -- the office messenger boy. It's a real looney-bin up there! The
Marquis de Sade never had it so good!
You have a similar setup.
Problems occur when
resolutions are made by some of the other members around the table while the Prime Minister
is absent or asleep. For example, in the past, come New Year, my Minister for
Health, for example, would grab the microphone and often decide to send all of
us on a diet. Fine. I went along with that, until someone offered me a huge box
of Cadbury's Old Gold chocolates. Now, my Minister for Pleasure is a
chocoholic, and he suddenly gets pretty pissed that this diet decision was made
without him being consulted, and an argument starts. Then the shadow opposition
spokesman for Health, spoiling for a good blarney, starts sabotaging the
process, pumping me with info on how healthy chocolates are for me –
anti-oxidants and all that stuff. Next thing, I'm in more more than two minds,
so I pop a choc so that I can feel better. Then the Usher of the Black Rod
trots out his favourite punishment – guilt. So I pop another chockie to drown
that. And the whole thing escalates. You get the picture?
Take a listen sometime inside
your own belfry, especially during question time, or when there's a motion of
No Confidence going on. See how it is with you. Is it any wonder we sometimes
get confused, lost, overwhelmed and sabotage our own best intentions?
How do we fix it? We can't
sack our parliament – they're there for life. But you – the Prime
Minister can wake up. You can come back from the world's longest lunch break,
and call your house to order. Remember you created all these positions to help
you see things from more than one point of view. Listen, hear all sides, then
make a decision and enlist everyone's skills to help you follow through.
Because they really do have your best interests at heart, they will support
you, if you ask them to co-operate. So will other people around you – if you
confide in them, and ask – not for their agreement, but for their support. Even
people who don't agree with you will usually suspend their disagreement and
support you, if you take them into your confidence.
****
So go ahead – make your
resolutions. It may help if you regard each resolution, not as an edict warranting
guilt and punishment if you falter, but make each as a kindly statement of intention
in your own best interests. Soften up on yourself.
3. [ComeTogether –
Strings Unlimited (A) – 2:28]
Having now put the notion of
formulating New Year Resolutions into a slightly gentler perspective, let's
return now to Mandy's suggestions for changes you may like to ponder for some
Fresh Beginnings. Here are some furthering ideas for finding more Happiness in
each day.....
It is not the duty of anyone
else to make you happy. Stop trying to
beg, buy, borrow, steal or manipulate happiness from other people or situations: it will never
work. In fact, it will indeed sink you further into deep, chronic
dissatisfaction. If you want a general rule of thumb to guide you – if you see
or hear it advertised as “this will make you happy” – it won't deliver; not of
itself. Happiness can not be gotten; Happiness has to be found and re-created
out of what’s in front of you. That is the purpose of what we call Recreation.
Whatever you’re facing right now, a chance for happiness is in there somewhere.
Find it. That's your job. You – yes, you. No-one was put on this earth to do it
for you. Don't compete – create.
Many of the things we desire
can be quite expensive. But everything that truly satisfies is scott-free –
love, laughter, playing at your passion.... free!
1. [Dance of the
Little Fairies – Sky (A) – ]
Stop looking to others for
happiness. Your first step to freedom is taken when you get that no-one
makes you feel – anything. You and only you are the author of all of your
feelings. Check -- how are you feeling right now? OK, good! Say to yourself now
– I am making myself fee this way........ This is your escape from unhappiness. You are the author, so you can
change what you’ve author-ised. If this were not so, and others had that power
to make you feel, you’d be doomed to the mercy of manipulators, dominators,
controllers, and any little pisspot bully who feels like using you for target
practice.
Until you get happy with who
you are on the inside, you will never be happy in a long-term relationship with
anyone else on the planet. And it's not your partner's job to make you happy.
You have to create balance and stability in your own life first. You can't
share what you don't have. Read Daniel Gilbert’s book, “Stumbling on
Happiness”, and maybe spend some of your New Year Resolution time this week
contemplating how you can start changing the way you feel about you.
BREAKBREAKBREAKBREAKBREAK [ 4:29:40 ]
WEATHER
We're back with more hints for
making Fresh Beginnings this New Year.
My next suggestion for
beginning afresh is idiotically simple – Commit to something – big or small doesn't
matter, as long as it's significant to you. Why do I feel it necessary to even
mention? Because so many people live lives that are light on clear purpose or
earnest engagement. Don’t be one of them any longer. Find your spine and give
yourself over in trust to something worthwhile. Get off your arse and put it on
the line.
You can't change what you
won't acknowledge and engage creatively with. Making progress involves risk and gameness. An emotional system has
to be free to range from happy to unhappy. As a feedback system, feelings are
not meant get stuck on endlessly blissful, or else you’d approach everything or
avoid everything equally. We are meant to be happy, and we
are meant to be uneasy. What good is a compass always stuck on
north? A compass needle has to be free to fluctuate. If you feel scared, be
happy about that – it may mean you're on the right track. If what you're doing isn't causing
slight discomfort, there’s probably no growth change happening and you're
wasting your time, running on the spot. You don't make it to second base with
your foot still planted on first.
2. [Move, Baby, Move –
Johnny O'Keefe (A) – (0:24)]
Fade @ -2:01
There’s a truism that goes, “If
you really want something, you will find a way. If you’re kidding yourself, you’ll
find an excuse.” Eliminate “I'm not
ready” from your Excuse List. If you waited until all the traffic
lights were green before you set off from home to the city, you'd never get
there (especially in Adelaide). Life comes with very few guarantees, but this
is one of them – if the opportunity arises, you're ready to start. So, start.
Take it on trust – life doesn't deliver anything you’re not ready for.
When the student is ready, the lessons turn up. That's how it works. The
most deadly place you can dwell on this earth is in your own comfort zone.
Enjoy a breather, then get the hell out of there!
3. [Let's Fall in Love
– Diana Krall (A) – (1:50)
Fade under @ -2:30]
Get involved in relationships for healthy reasons that
serve you both. First, as best you
can, sort out the fundamental relationship with your parents before you
seriously try relating intimately with anybody else.
Fall in love when you're ready – not when you're either needy or lonely. When you do commit to love, go the whole hog. Let go
of withholding bits of your well-being and your love (just in case Mr. or Mrs.
Absolutely Right shows up later on??)
Consider that healthy
relationships are negotiated, not manipulated.
If you must break up with
someone, earn your way out of the relationship.
Leave with no unfinished business, emotional or otherwise.
Read the Parable of the Sower.
Some relationships will test you; some will use you, some will teach you, some
will extend you. Let that be so and celebrate the joys and trials of relating
anyway. Let none be wasted. It's up to you to make sure every relationship
brings out more of the best in both of you.
Beware your Inner Saboteur –
the sneaky little voice inside that says “He
ain't it; she ain't it. Too tall. Too short. Too Fat. Too Thin. Too sure of
himself. Too timid. Emotionally unavailable. Too out there. Too much
information! Too little”. Learn how to see things as they are and engage –
appropriately for the what-is-ness of the situation.
And remember this possibility
- those past relationships that you think didn't work – they worked! Maybe not
as you'd hoped, but they did work. They took you to the next station. Find another point of view to look
from...
Get yourself sorted on the
issues of jealousy and competition. Adopt as a general rule -- Don't compete: create!
Jealousy is an insane, irrational feeling that, without this person, I am not
whole and complete. A woman's jealousy is “I can't survive without one of
these male things to look after me.” A man's jealousy is “This is my
property.” Do whatever you have to do and get whatever help you need to
deal with jealousy and get some self-healing going. Jealousy is not love, and
it will corrode every relationship it gets into.
1. [A Fine Romance –
Michael Feinstein – 4:45]
Romantic love is a wonderful
game to play, and it helps get you over the initial humps of getting to know
each other in a very different context. But romantic love, like a lot of phases
of life, is a temporary scaffolding. Left as it is, romantic love alone carries
within it the seeds of its own termination. How often have I seen couples begin
to resent the very qualities that first attracted them to each other. [He was
the strong, silent type who later “won't communicate his feelings with me”. She
was the soft, pliant female who later “won't stand on her own two feet”.] Grow
up. Remember your commitment to that person you wake up with, and resolve to
renew it today, or not – as the case may be. If not, earn your way out.
BREAKBREAKBREAKBREAK [ 4:42 :20 ]
Watch your words. Your words have creative power, and the universe does not have a
sense of humour – “I was only joking” is no defence. Develop a sense of
responsibility for the effect that you have on other people, and thence the world.
Go accountable for what comes out of your mouth and the influence it has on others.
2. [We Can Work It Out
– The Four Seasons – +0:16 fade]
The Whinge’n’Whine industry is
alive and thriving. In some cases the energy and volume get wound up to a point
where we call it “resentment”. Mandy Collinson writes – Resolve to stop when you catch yourself complaining and feeling sorry
for yourself. And you can include Anger in this, too. Life's curveballs
come to invite you to get off your righteous butt and move in the direction you
once said you wanted to go. It's odds-on you won't see or understand a lot of
what's happening in the moment it's happening, and it may be rough for a while.
But trust the process and your ability to ride it out. If you reflect back on the
hand grenades that life has lobbed your way in the past, you'll often see that
they led you to a better place, a better person, a better state of mind or
situation. And you’re still here. You did make it. Smile! Let your face know
that you are stronger than you were yesterday and a lot stronger than
you give yourself credit for.
3. [Smile – The Idea
of North & James Morrison (A) – 4:31]
Drop your masks of Everything’s Wonderful! Find genuine reasons
for gratitude and proceed from there. I've really had it up to here with
politicians and other glad-handers with bloodless phony smiles stuck crookedly
on their faces. Stop acting like everything is fine if it isn't. Stand out; be
genuine.
There’s a hoary old joke about
politicians – they should change their minds at least as often as they’d change
a baby’s nappy – and for the same reason. Give
yourself permission to change your mind – in fact, I recommend you do it
more often.
Give yourself compassionate consent to fall apart, if that's what's happening.
*****
You know what emotional
honesty makes you? Real and human. The sooner you have (not dump, but
HAVE) your feelings, whatever they are, the sooner you'll be through this
particular tunnel and have reason to grin with gratitude in the sunshine once more.
1. [Happy Talk – John
Pizzarelli – 4:26]
(3) **** START “Salut D'Amour” @
4:56:20 ****
(2)[Start “Sweet Words”
@ 4:57:15]
What's the difference between
a whinger and someone who's just being honest about going through a rough
patch? A whinger is hanging out for agreement, sympathy and a saviour. Whingers suck! Literally! If you let them,
they'll vacuum the life out of you, and still complain about the results. It
wasn't widely reported in the Christian press, but even Jesus the Christ had a
gutful of whingers looking for a cheap miracle one day. He turned on them
suddenly and said sternly – “Fixes are DIY. Heal yourselves!”
2. [Sweet Words –
Peter Skellern – 2:44]
3. [Salut D'Amour –
Aust. Chamber Orchestra/Richard Tognetti – 3:38......
**** START @ 4:56:20 ****
BREAKBREAKBREAKBREAK [ : : ]
If you've just joined us,
welcome to Wednesday's ALNM, with BB. Tonight we're doing a special New Year
show entitled Fresh Beginnings, inspired by an email from a listener –
Mandy Collinson – from Western Australia.
1. [My Love, Forgive
Me – 50 Guitars of TG. – 0:17 secs]
Fade under.......
Here's another good idea to
consider for New Year – Give up the
grudges and grouches. I spoke about resentments a couple of weeks ago.
Resentments are NOT worth losing your happiness or your freedom, and that's
what they're costing you. Any and every Resentment hits the “Pause” button on
your capacity for contentment. Let go. Forgive. Forgiveness is not saying “What
you did was OK.”. It's saying “You had your reasons but I'm not
going to let what you did mess up my life any longer.” Then walk
away. Let go, and let be. Liberate your self. **** Forgive yourself, too. You'll do better next
time...
2. [Nobody Does It
Better – Julie Andrews – 3:06]
The desire to be liked is an
understandable by-product of our instinct to survive.
****
Let go of your needs to be liked. A need to be liked is an unfortunate outcome
of our ego's insistence on its survival above all else. It is a
perversion of a legitimate need for deep Connection. In our need to be liked,
we'll settle for being noticed at almost any price and allow others to bring us
down to their level. Well, this New Year you might like to think about refusing
to lower your standards to the level of those who won't raise theirs. It's OK
to require more of yourself and of those you love. You can be extraordinary.
How? Do something out of the ordinary.
3. [This Little Light
of Mine – Yo-Yo-Ma, Amelia Zirin-Brown – 5:02]
Look at why you feel the need to explain yourself to others. Your friends don't need to hear it – they know you
already. Your enemies use different code and rule books to you, alien ways of
seeing that they’re certain are “right”, so they probably won't even understand your
explanations anyway. **** If you feel the need to explain
yourself, maybe you are the one with the doubts. If so, rejoice: uncertainty
signals a promising field of possible growth and learning for you! Uncertainty is good. There is
always more!
1. [More – The 50
Guitars of Tommy Garrett – 0:25]
Fade under to end
Take time out to step back from the workface and look
at the wider perspective. The time to
pause for a deeper breather is when you think you can't afford the time.
Remember, if you keep doing what you're doing, you'll keep getting what you're
getting.
Take time to catch the beauty of small moments and
mini-universes. Enjoy the littlies,
because one day you'll look back and find that some of the little moments turned
out to be biggies in disguise. Better you look back in gratitude than live on
in regret.
2. [Looking Forward,
Looking Back – Slim Dusty (A) – 3:13]
BREAKBREAKBREAKBREAK [ 5:15:40 ]
This morning on ALNM we're
looking at suggestions for NY Resolutions that might make your life next year more
satisfying. Mandy Collinson's next hint is a humdinger – Ease up around your ideas about Perfection.
3. [Nobody's Perfect –
Mike + the Mechanics – 4:43]
Nobody is ever going to fit
your fixed ideas of what's perfect – not all of the time. And it’s these
discrepancies between my cultural and family conditioning and the thinking
habits that I’ve built out of them, and your cultural and family conditioning
and the thinking habits that you’ve built on yours, that separate us. SBS even
has a programme about it called “Marry Me, Marry My Family”. Once the first
flush of young romance wears down a bit, the game demonstrably isn't set up for
us to “be of one mind”. Don’t fret about it, though. The real world doesn't
reward perfectionists anyway; it rewards effective people who find
creative ways to work together to get things done, and leave the place and
other people a little better when they've gone. We can all do that. Read David
Allen’s book called “Getting Things Done”.
Ease up on your criticisms,
too. As far as I know, there has never in the history of mankind, ever, been a
statue erected by a grateful community to a Critic.
1. [Do What You Do –
Chris de Burghe & Larry Adler – 3:34]
2. [Do What You Do –
ASO & Jane Rutter (A) ]
Hold under....
The extent to which you enjoy an effective and
meaningful life is the extent to which you take responsibility for, and surrender
to, your authorship of it – I write my life. Sure, things happen out
of the blue, but I write my responses, and they create my reality, and the next
one, and the next…. Same for you. When you blame others for what you're going
through, you may well be right (up to a point), but you also resign the power
over that part of your life to someone who either couldn't care less about you,
or who may actually be glad you're suffering. Either way, you lose. So, this
New Year, think about your authorship of, and your contributions to the
situations you find yourself in. It is, after all, your life, and no-one
else was given the job of fixing it or living it for you.
3. [My Life – Billy
Joel – 3:47]
BREAKBREKBREAKBREAK [ 5:31 50: ]
Face this reality -- You cannot be everything to everyone, and I
sincerely doubt that was ever meant to be so. All the great mystics, teachers
and leaders found that out – some of them, the hard way that, somewhere and
somehow there will always be opposition. Quit trying to please everybody. Just
try this: if the person in front of you has forgotten their smile, gently embrace
them in one of yours. That CAN change the world. Maybe not the whole
world right away, but the ripples of smile-energy will radiate to contagiously
infuse their world right now. That's enough. That's how you CAN make a
difference.
1. [A Certain Smile –
Astrud Gilberto -- 1:29]
This coming year, see if you can soften a bit around Worry.
Worrying is just a habit, you know. When you were still a baby, your nappy
would get wet, or you'd have a bit of colic pain – a few things to disturb a
baby mind. So, if one of them happened for more than a few minutes you worried,
maybe grizzled a bit, and – hey presto – Supermum or Superdad turned up to fix
the problem. After a short time you learned that the first thing to do when
something goes wrong is to – get anxious. Fretting
will get me noticed. That’s how you put it together. And no-one corrected
your mistake, because you were surrounded, and still are surrounded, by a horde
of practiced worriers who all suffer the same delusion.
I’ve found that Worry doesn't
make anything better, except my cardiologist's income.
2. [I'm So Worried –
Monty Python – 3:19]
Worry will not strip today or
tomorrow of its burdens; rather, it will add to their weight and strip today of
its joy. One way I learned about whether something is worth stewing over is – How
important will the outcome of this be in 1 year, 5 years, 20 years.....?
Not much? Let go.
If you have worry going on, just
do this with me now. Close your eyes for a moment. Now. feel into the
worry. Find the tensions in your body. Where are you tensed up? Just wriggle
around a bit and check which muscles needlessly tensed. Now, take a deep breath
in, let the tensions go; they're cramping your style, and let your breath go.
Repeat that as often as you need to. Let be and let go. Take another breath in
now, lift you head and, just with your eyeballs, look up and to the right, and
then let go. Good. Now, what was that worry all about?
One of the reasons we worry
chronically, is that the mind tends to focus on what we don't want to
have happen. I remember when I was learning to ride a bike, I got some mates to
give me a push on a slight downhill slope. At the bottom was a fence with an
open gate. Halfway down the hill, I panicked. Instead of looking at the 4 feet
of open gate, I focussed on the vast expanse of fence on either side, panicking
about what might happen if I hit it. You can guess where I ended up – in the
fence. It took me another 40 years, though, to find out a Ruthless Rule of
Reality that says:
We create what we give our attention to.
It also happens now to be a
rule of quantum physics. If we're focussing on something NOT happening we’re
focused on IT; we're increasing the chances of it happening.
So, good luck with your New
Year's resolutions. Focus on what you DO
want, not on what you want to avoid. And have the happiest of new year
celebrations. Until then, here's my anthem for 2012...
3. [Always Look on the
Bright Side of Life – Eric Idle – 3:30]
[5:46:10]
Thank you for having me at
your place this year. It has certainly been my pleasure. I'll be back next year
with more of ALNM ......Until then.....
BEGIN WITH THE END IN MIND
AND RE-MIND YOURSELF OFTEN AS YOU GO.
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