WOLVES IN WOOLLEN CLOTHING -- PSYCHOPATHS FOR DUMMIES

PAUSE A MOMENT

WOLVES IN SHEEP'S CLOTHING

[Peter and the Wolf: The Story Begins – Jay Lagai'ia & TSO ]

Here's a random word association test for you to start with. Are you ready? One word = "psychopath". I'll bet Adelaide to a housebrick that the grim words "serial killer" dropped somewhere near the top of your list. But many of the characteristics of psychopaths are shared by politicians, MBA's and heroes. Yes, the psychopath who could burn down your house without batting an eyelid is in many ways similar to the hero who would rescue you and your loved ones from the same burning house. Even volunteer organisations are not immune from infiltration by people with psychopathic baggage and behaviours. Beware, they walk among us, perhaps a lot closer than you think.

For the inspiration behind tonight's Pause a Moment, I want to acknowledge Dr. Karl S. Kruszelnicki in an interview he did with Jane Hutcheon on the ABC's “One On One” programme.

[People Will Turn On You – Mia Dyson (A) – 4:33]

One of the earliest appraisals of psychopathy was by the ancient Greek philosopher Theophrastus, about 2400 years ago. In his book “The Characters” he carefully lists some 30 moral temperaments. One of these he calls "The Unscrupulous Man" who will, according to Theophrastus: "go and borrow more money from a creditor he has yet to pay back". Wow. 2,400 years? The more things change, the more they stay the same?

There are many different characteristics associated with psychopathy. On the negative hand, they include having virtually no conscience, no impulse control, no guilt, no empathy, no scruples and no remorse. On the other hand psychopaths are quite fearlesss (both mentally and physically), can focus really well, are strong-minded, and are disarmingly charming. As a result, they are very persuasive and are very skilled at manipulation of others. For example, psychopaths have an awesome proficiency in persuading committees and parole boards to forgive them their blatant sins and release them into the community to do what they do all over again.

Psychopaths are also very egocentric, very dishonest, as well as being both callous and ruthless, particularly to those who call them on their dishonesty. And they seem to be virtually immune to either anxiety or remorse. They are very happy to indulge in risk-taking behaviour, and tend to have a shamelessly grandiose sense of their own self-worth.

[On the Inside – Lynne Hamilton]

Only around 1 per cent of all of us are out-and-out psychopaths, with women being represented only half as often as men. But when you do strike a female psychopath, she'll leave her male counterparts in the shade. She will break a man's balls, remove his spine from the inside, and pull the strings from then on. Movies like “Caged” and the popular Aussie TV series “Prisoner” portrayed very much where female psychopaths in some cases first learn their craft, and certainly get more effective at what they do. Prison is a perfect training ground for a would-be psychopath.

Another 10 to 15 per cent of us, including me, I think, are in the "almost psychopathic" category. The rest of you are partly so. My point is that degrees of psychopathy slide along a fluid scale; the condition is not an On/Off thing.

Now the existence of psychopathy in someone is not completely intangible. No, the underlying emotional deficit of psychopathy seems to be linked to some physical attributes. For example, psychopathy is linked to a poor sense of smell. One study of 79 people (who had been diagnosed to be non-criminal psychopaths and who were living in the community) tested their sense of smell. They were offered 16 pens that carried 16 different odours such as leather, orange and coffee. Even though they could register that an odour was present, they could not easily tell the difference between one scent and another.

This poor-sense-of-smell seems to indicate that a part of the brain called the orbito-frontal complex may be affected. Not only does that area process smells, it is also involved in controlling impulses, and in planning. Psychopaths have no control over whatever they're addicted to, and they make lousy organisers, which they make up for by hiding behind henchmen. They leave messes for others to clean up, but will always find ways to make sure they get all the accolades. And because they're dishonest, any organisation employing a psychopath is asking for trouble. But once they're inside, you'll have a hell of a time pinning them down because they hide their tracks well and others will be blamed. Even when the real culprit is found and called, he/she will play a deft version of the Right/Wrong Game that I call The Superior Intelligence version – You can't prove I'm guilty, so I'm innocent. And they'll righteously bleat "Harassment" if you try.

Now - what if you, like me, have some degree of some characteristics of a psychopath?

One trait possessed by psychopaths that is very useful for political games is called "fearless dominance". It involves a total lack of apprehension or concern or worry about possible social, physical or emotional consequences that would scare the pants off most of us. They can bullshit their way out of anything.....almost. Do the names Obeid or Thomson ring any bells for you Aussies?

Now, here's a surprise! 

"Twigs from the same branch".

Back in 1982, the psychologist, D T Lykken, said that both psychopaths and heroes are "twigs from the same branch". "Hero populations" are those who work in the military, law enforcement, rescue services and so on. On one hand, these "heroes" have some of the characteristics of psychopaths - apparent immunity from stress, ability to focus, social dominance and fearlessness. But on the other hand, they do not carry other psychopathic tendencies such as lack of conscience, antisocial behaviour, impulsivity and narcissism. Quite the opposite actually – except for the odd one.

Suppose that a person does have one or two psychopathic factors in their character. To understand them more deeply, you have to also factor in other characteristics such as "intelligence" and a "tendency to violence" before you start attaching a label of “psychopath” and deleting them from your Christmas Card List.

Considering twin scales of "Intelligence" and "Propensity to Violence", think of a graph that is square. The four corners are:

• Low Intelligence/Low Violence quotient
• Low Intelligence/High Possibility of Violence
• High Intelligence/High Possibility of Violence
• High Intelligence/Low Possibility of Violence.

Let's quickly alight upon each extreme at a time --

If you are psychopathic and not particularly smart, and you're non-violent, you'll probably end up as some kind of petty criminal — maybe a burglar.

The second option is that you are not particularly intelligent and violent. In this scenario, you could end up as an enforcer, a debt collector, or a low-level hoodlum.

Things change when you add Intelligence to the mix.

In the third scenario, if you are both intelligent and violent on top of your psychopathic tendencies, you could end up as a criminal mastermind, or working in the police or military special forces. (Let me hasten to add, people in those occupations are not, as in "Dr.Strangelove", psychopaths – outside of the War Room, the figure of 1% holds – OK?)

But if you're psychopathic, intelligent and non-violent, you could be a "hero", or a surgeon, a high-profile lawyer or head of a big corporation. In 2006, P Babbiak and Robert D Hare referred to psychopaths in business settings as "snakes in suits".

Let me reiterate very strongly, psychopathy is not an on/off thing. There is a continuum of certain characteristics and behaviours that vary from hour to hour in frequency and intensity in every one of us. A condition of clinical Psychopathy only comes into play when one or more of the following characteristics come into play in the course of normal, frequent social interaction ----

[The Godfather: Waltz – Roger Woodward (A)]

• An overriding sense of Entitlement over the rights and sensibilities of others;
• A lack of ability to genuinely empathise;
• No accountability or responsibility taken for their actions;
• A firm belief that they can control circumstances and manipulate the consequences of their activities;
• No evident moral compass in their actions, although they rigidly hold others to strict moral standards whenever it suits them to do so, and also appear to do so themselves – they are masters of psychological camouflage;
• Their hierarchy of values is entirely self-centred;
• An ability to totally obscure the effects of cognitive dissonance from their self-awareness. They are utterly unable to see the hypocrisy of their own contradictory behaviours towards others;
• An awesome ability to obscure the light of awareness and avoid scrutiny by deflecting critical attention away from themselves onto others;
• A crippling inability to see how they effectively project their motives and methods of sabotage onto others; (if you want to know how a psychopath operates, listen to how he/she talks about what others think and do).
• An awesome capacity to dominate, garner support and manipulate compliance from others. They are deft at dominating a situation or relationship by playing the sacrificer and the Victim.
• Pretend to like and support those they manipulate, but secretly despise and resent them. They pretend diplomacy to those who oppose them, but will go to any lengths, with amazing patience, to destroy them utterly.

So now that you've finally found out a bit more about the too-much bandied term “psychopath”, you may consider yourself at least warned what to look out for to recognise symptoms of a wolf in sheep's clothing. For the highly intelligent/low anger person, you have to go one step further to find the “snake in a suit”. But at least you'll know that the snake in a suit will be up high, not low to the ground …

People who put themselves up on pedestals, though, eventually end up getting pulled down. Don't say you weren't warned. Don't be underneath when they come crashing down

[Sittin' On Top of the World – Al Jolson]

A PIECE OF MINDLESS WISDOM

PAUSE A MOMENT

A PIECE OF MINDLESS WISDOM

Good morning again. This is Pause a Moment, and I'm Barrie Barkla. This morning I'm offering you a piece of mindless wisdom. Which poses a problem for me, because the mind, and the tools of the mind, cannot contain or communicate mindlessness. Mind tools, however, are all that I have to communicate with, and mind is all that you have to interpret my communication. So I have to find some ways around the limitations of both our Minds. The way I'm going to do this is dance around the message, which has no words, and ask you not to attach yourself to anything I say, but to look inside yourself and feel where I'm pointing to in you with what I say. If you're up for that challenge, so am I. Here we go.....

[Ebony and Ivory – Stevie Wonder]

As part of the experience of being human I have noticed that we have an inner drive to hold all our attitudes and beliefs in harmony and avoid disharmony (or dissonance). I've also noticed (mainly because I've been smacked over the ears by it so many times) that life is peppered with inconsequential nonsense, happenstance, illogicality, inconsistency and balderdash. There's an abyss between the extremes of logic and order on one side // and purely random coincidence on the other. Psychologists have a term for this abyss of disquiet = they call it Cognitive Dissonance.

[La Raya – Eric Serra]

Without a purpose, life has no meaning......

Life has no purpose, therefore life is meaningless.......

Life itself is the Purpose.

“Cognitive dissonance” also refers to a situation involving conflicting attitudes, beliefs or behaviors. It sheds first rays of light on otherwise puzzling, irrational, and even destructive behaviour. For example, when people smoke (behaviour) and they also know that smoking alarmingly multiplies their chances of cancer (cognition), they are bathing in cognitive dissonance. I have a neighbour who smokes – but only outside. She won't smoke in her own nest, and before she lights up she puts on gloves. So there's something she doesn't want to get on her furniture or on her fingers, but she doesn't hesitate to coat the inside of her bronchioles and lungs with it. The dissonance between her behaviour and her rationalising produces chronic feelings of dis-comfort, leading to feelings of frustration, hunger, dread, guilt, anger, embarrassment, resentment anxiety and depression. So, to feel better, she lights up another fag!

If Dissonance reaches calamitous proportions, it can lead you to alter one or more of your attitudes, beliefs or behaviours to reduce the agony and restore balance etc. But in most cases, discord leads instead to an elaborate and phoney justification and cover-up, that itself has to be continually plastered over, re-painted, camouflaged and otherwise hidden, until the whole thing eventually busts out in the form of physical, mental and spiritual dis-ease. One example of such a cover-up is illustrated in Aesop's fable about “The Fox and the Grapes” – a fox sees some high-hanging grapes and wishes to eat them. When the fox is unable to think of a way to reach them, he decides that the grapes are probably not worth eating anyway, with the justification the grapes probably are not ripe or that they are sour (hence the common phrase "sour grapes").

[I don't Want to Talk About It – Everything But the Girl]

There's a pattern here: one desires something, finds it unattainable, and reduces one's dissonance by criticising it. By sniping, rationalising and/or making excuses, we temporarily reduce our anxiety about conflicting cognitions but – it's important to note – the conflict is still there, just driven underground – a far more dangerous place for it to be.

Compulsive Controllers – the ones who insist on picking what they like, manipulating it to their own satisfaction, and grinding anything perverse into obedience -- are particularly prone to eventually tumble into the abyss of dissonance. The only question for CC's is “How low will they go to come out on top?” Controllers are too stupid to realise that control is not even possible; the human condition is lavishly laced with Paradox, Inconsistency and Contradiction, and that isn't going to change any time soon.

[Ee, Oh, Ooh – The Goons]

I learned from The Goons early in my life that there was a great deal of fun and satisfaction to be had in surfing across the gulf between sanity and insanity with a pack of Eccles, Bluebottles, Moriarties, Minnie Bannisters and Major Bloodnocks, crashing sound effects and cries of “He's fallen in the water!”

Spike Milligan, Douglas Adams and Terry Pratchett would have been required reading in my household, but the kids and grandkids got there first. Mind you, I did put them on the bookshelf within easy reach, and simply watched what the kids went for. My youngest grandson (now 7) is a Whovian, and already understands the concept of selling your soul.... and has made up his own mind already on the dynamics of standing-for..... and falling-for....

The logical and reasonable approaches to living are the province of your Mind and Reasonable Logic. The illogical aspects are the province of your Heart, Intuition and Emotional Logic. When People find themselves caught in an absurd situation, their logical minds jump in to ease the tension and cover up the chasm by inventing a CRI = a Comfortable, Reasonable Illusion. And if you're at all slow off the mark, there is no shortage of saviours who'll offer you a Comfortable, Reasonable Illusion – for an undisclosed price.

Our world abounds in inconsistent possibilities, some of which we may share, and some of which we may differ upon. For example, I like ice cream, and I love my children. Those two things, you would think, are hardly likely to come into conflict, especially when I take my grandchildren for a walk anywhere near an ice cream shop. Well, not until I had a few heart attacks. Then my love for ice cream and the threat of never seeing my grandchildren grow up brought "ice cream" and "children" into sharp conflict.That's a dissonance for me; it probably is not one for you.

When two or more beliefs, opinions, behaviours or experiences come into conflict with each other, Mind insists that Consistency can only be achieved by espousing one possibility, and dismissing all else – the Either/Or Imperative. 
Another typical example is one where a person who holds some sway over your opinions maligns one of your friends. While your experience of your friend may not agree with the defamer, if you want something badly enough from the defamer, you will mask your personal experience of your friend and give at least tacit agreement to the more powerful group perception: you will sell out and go along to get along. Remember when Jesus the Christ said to Peter “Before the rooster crows tomorrow morning, you will have sold out on me three times.” And he was right. And we still carry on that tradition. But then you have to explain to yourself why you have sold out on the only genuine thing you have -- your experience. The resulting cover-up to maintain cognitive consistency will covertly erode your self esteem, and can give rise to later irrational and sometimes maladaptive behaviour.

We hold a welter of ideas, opinions, concepts and beliefs about the world and ourselves, every one of which we hold to be True and Right. But when they clash – and they do -- a discrepancy is evoked, resulting in a state of chronic tension. And I stress that you are doing this to yourself, and I do it to myself. I'm reminded of the same man who was crucified the next morning by a bunch of powerful postulators who'd persuaded the local military governor, against his instincts, with awesomely reasonable arguments to put the pest to death. Does the phrase “Forgive them, Father, they haven't a clue what they're doing!” ring any bells??

Now, the seemingly obvious solution seems to me to be that, when values come into conflict, both This AND That are valid. I go out of my way to embrace opposites. But that's about as popular with most people as a pork chop in a synagogue. Too bad. I love harmony, and I get that the experience of dissonance and tension is unpleasant. I do get that. But sometimes that's where the path through the wilderness lies. And the end result of that open an embrace is Harmony that resonates.

Fortunately the heart and intuition don't have a problem with dissonance – no worries! But we rarely go to the heart for advice because the Mind, having created the warring elements of the dissonance jumps in to defend its arguments and maintain its top-dog status. We are compelled by mind to reduce or eliminate dissonance, and achieve consonance (i.e. Agreement) by fair means or devious. In the absence of heartful Accord we are driven to secure a poor substitute -- Agreement -- from our so-called friends and supporters, to cover up for the uncomfortable fact that, internally, we are literally in two minds. And so are our friends, but they're lying about it, too. And there are times when we expediently jump from our usual position to a position opposite, much to the bewilderment and resentment of those around us. “What the hell's going on?” we cry, but do nothing to find out. Do you?

Resonance arises from, and further broadcasts harmony and clarity: dissonance creates dis-ease, pretence, deceit and concealed cross-purposes. When the dissonance shows up between two individuals or groups, they start playing the Right/Wrong Game with each other.

• I'm right, therefore you're wrong

• You're wrong, so I must be right  -- [The most common version]

• Everyone agrees that I'm right, so you're wrong -- [The political and advertising version]  

• You can't prove I'm wrong, so I'm right. -- [The Superior Intelligence version]

When the dissonance shows up within you or me, we invent an elaborate Illusion – a front of Pretence and Deceit, and deflect attention elsewhere, hoping no-one will notice our dishonesty.

Cognitive dissonance was first investigated by Leon Festinger, arising out of a study of a cult which believed that the earth was going to be destroyed by a flood, and what happened to its members — particularly the really committed ones who had given up their homes and jobs to work for the cult — when the flood did not happen. While a minority of fringe members managed to recognise that they had made fools of themselves and to "put it down to experience", the bulk of members went along with the leadership and re-interpreted the evidence to show that they were right all along, and the earth was not destroyed because of the diligence and sacrifice of the leaders, and the faithfulness of the cult members.

When someone is forced to do (publicly) something they (privately) really don't want to do, dissonance is created between their cognition (I have reservations about doing this) and their behaviour (I'm doing it). Forced compliance occurs when an individual is persuaded to perform an action that is inconsistent with his or her core beliefs. Under the label of Forced Compliance I also include situations where you or I allow an authority figure to get away with bad behaviour against someone else. You don't stand up for your friend because you could invite some tyranny down upon yourself. And since the behaviour can't be changed -- it is already in the past, dissonance will need to be reduced by re-evaluating or re-contextualising your attitude to what has been done. Now we're starting to get a handle on how tyrants can get away with genocide while so-called good people keep silent and go about their daily business, apparently unfazed. Anyone who does not get that, given the right circumstances, they have sold out, and will again sell out on their principles is doomed to be the victim of their dis-owned hypocrisy. And they'll use the same strategies for concealing and denying the pain of their dissonance.

This prediction has been tested experimentally: in an intriguing experiment, Festinger and Carlsmith (1959) asked participants to perform a series of dull tasks (such as turning pegs in a peg board for an hour). As you can imagine, participants' attitudes toward this task were highly negative. Bored! Then they were paid either $1 or $20 to tell a waiting participant that the tasks were really interesting. Almost all of the participants agreed to walk into the waiting room and persuade the next subject accomplice that the boring experiment would be fun.

[The Emperor's New Clothes – Danny Kaye]

It is so easy to get most people to sell out – to go along with you and the crowd in order to get along. Just make sure that you have something that they desperately want. It's doubly scary, because neither you nor I are any different. My only difference is that I will tell you in advance under what circumstances I'm likely to sell out on you. I know where they are, and I'm OK with them where they are. But my honesty has an utterly selfish motive. By 'fessing up in advance to my sell-out points, I've found I don't do it. Here's a paradox for you – by acknowledging our contradictions and sell-out points, we get free of them. Conversely, you cannot change what you don't acknowledge.

Cognitive dissonance can occur in many areas of your life, but it is particularly evident in situations where your behaviour conflicts with beliefs that are integral to your self-identity. For example, consider a situation in which a man whose public image is of being a good organiser, a visionary, and fiscally responsible. He is regularly being constrained by his accountant when he suggests procedure changes that are not good practice, and his handling of orders, invoicing, receipting and reporting leaves headaches for the bookkeepers. He's very cavalier about procedures.

The conflict:

• It is important to the man to maintain his self-image as an imaginative and responsible manager.
• He also demands to be able to run things his way. He sees the accounts department, and most people below him, as obstructive.

In order to reduce this dissonance between Image and Ambition, he has a few different choices. He can go to business classes and find out how he should be doing it, or he can involve more people to help him run his projects, or he can lower “good manager” in his hierarchy of values. Or he can go to work on the reputation of his zealous accountant, amass evidence of obstruction, and eventually get the man fired.

[Yoga Sounds – Deep Sleep]

Some other common examples of discrepancy between our cognitions and our actions are – the adjustments we have to make when two people we feel equally close to get divorced from each other. We find ourself juggling a core belief that lying is bad (First cognition) with feeling forced to lie, perhaps in the “kindness” guise of sparing someone's feelings (second cognition). 
Another very common example of cognitive dishonesty occurs in the purchasing decisions we make on a weekly basis, such as opposing the slaughter of animals and eating meat. Or whether we buy local, or the cheaper generic options, or specials, regardless of where they're sourced? Then watch the hoops our minds jump through to justify those conflicting choices and decisions! Meanwhile, we're doing irreparable internal damage to our integrity and self-esteem and we don't realise it. We think if no-one else notices, it doesn't matter. It does. It matters – inexorably.

Cognitive dissonance has also been demonstrated to occur when people seek to:

• Explain inexplicable feelings: We're being actively encouraged to be alert and alarmed about “boat people”. Suddenly an avalanche of irrationally fearful rumours about Muslims, criminal people smugglers and general undesirables spews out of my Inbox, even though I'm not involved, because of the need of those who send me this stuff to justify their unexamined anxieties and get agreement from anyone who'll listen. Truth is, it's possible their anxieties have very little to do with the boat people, either. We're all very good at projecting our fears away from where they belong and onto convenient, socially acceptable scapegoats. Jews? Bikies? Aboriginals? Collingwood supporters?

• People minimise regret about irrevocable choices: Bettors at a racetrack are more confident in their chosen horse just after placing the bet because now they cannot change it. Washing ones hands (figuratively) is a very popular method of dealing with a situation where you've made a decision that flies in the face of your own more basic life choices. I've done it recently. And you think that publicly washing your hands of the matter absolves you? You hope that's an end to it? I have bad news for you.... you are already reaping what you have sown – you just haven't noticed yet. I'm not absolved from what I walked away from, but I don't regret it either. I will willingly live with the consequences of it, whatever they might be.

• People justify behaviour that opposes their views: Students judge cheating less harshly after being induced to cheat on a test.

• People align their perceptions of a person with their behaviour toward that person: There's someone in my life at the moment who periodically makes overtures to befriend me, while alternately doing her best to remove me from an organisation that she controls. I find her duality awesome, to say the least, but not nearly as awesome as her ability to not see it herself, and to cajole others not to see it either.
•  People reaffirm and reinforce already held beliefs: We all tend to read or access information that affirms our already established opinions, and we are reluctant to reference material that contradicts them. This bias is particularly apparent when a person has 'high commitment' to their attitudes.

There are other ways that cognitive dissonance is involved in shaping our views about people, as well as our own identities. Self-Evaluation Maintenance theory suggests that people feel dissonance when their cherished position, skills or traits are outmatched by someone new arriving on the scene. Jill (let's call her) feels threatened. In a state of Cognitive Dissonance, Jill (Underdog) can pretend to care less about what she does, or (Topdog) she can resolve her sense of inferiority by isolating, negating or covertly attacking the newcomer until he/she goes away. Boy, have I been on the receiving end of that one through my life.... maybe that says something about me?

Why are Cognitive Dissonance, Paradox and Contradiction so important?

Well, firstly because they are an inescapable fact of life. Burying your head in the sand is the surest way to invite whatever you're trying to ignore to come and bite you on the bum. And Ignorance is no defence on Judgement Day either, because your judge has all your secret files, and won't believe you like everyone else did.

Paradox and Contradiction are the greatest aids to Humility and Wisdom, and the surest antidotes that I know of to the ignorance of Absolutism, Fundamentalism, Certainty and Belief. These gremlins are not evidence of wisdom or faith; they are symptoms of a lack of either wisdom or faith.

Recognising Cognitive Dissonance is important because it plays a spoiler role in many value judgements and decisions. When we become more aware of how conflicting beliefs impact our decision-making processes, and those of groups we belong to, you'll find you have acquired a greatly improved ability to make faster and more accurately aware choices, independently of your prior conditioning.

Here's a Monster Alert. If you have unacknowledged dissonance in any part of your life,// controllers, manipulators and marketers will pick you up on their radar. They will see you coming with lights flashing and bells ringing. They will quickly find your weak spots and offer you a seemingly tailor-made CRI – Comfortable, Reasonable Illusion in return for your compliance – passive and active. Cult-leaders, charismatics, bullies, politicians and shonky door-to-door salespeople are on the lookout for you, and it's open season. You have been warned. If you want protection, think for yourself.

Get comfortable with Contradiction and Paradox; they are harbingers of Wisdom. “Many hands make light work” is equally as valid as “Too many cooks spoil the broth”, or “If you want something done properly, do it yourself.” They're all true, and your head isn't going to make that OK. Your head says “U-uh! One or the other. Make up your mind.” How can you make up your mind when you have at least two of them, and only one microphone between them???

Would you like to know what your other mind is doing while it doesn't have the microphone? Take some notice of your dreams.

Paradox is a reminder that there's more to life than minding. Paradox is an open question -- an invitation to see something anew. Think of Contradictions and Paradoxes for a moment as optical illusions inviting us to see in a new way. Paradoxes chafe against our prejudices, concepts, ideas and opinions, inviting us to loosen up, take off our blinkers, blink twice and take another look. Paradoxes point to the limitations of our presumptions about what's real. Think of contradictions as life's messengers telling us we're peeping through a keyhole and missing the whole 360º panorama. They invite us to loosen up on what we think is so, and venture once more into a wider unknown.

How to Reduce Cognitive Dissonance 

Festinger noted three ways we try to reduce or minimise cognitive dissonance for ourselves:

1. lowering the importance of one of the discordant factors,
2. tipping the balance by adding consonant elements,
3. or changing one of the dissonant factors.

I have a fourth suggestion to throw into the pot. In the past you have tried either to reason the opposites out of shape so that they'll fit into some existing pigeon-hole, or to deny completely the inconvenient existence of the other side of the coin. (If I ignore it, it'll go away) In my experience, neither solution works. The questions remain. Instead, free your mind by going to the Heart and allowing it to give a quiet “yes” to one aspect “and” its diametric opposite. Both are true. Your mind will go nuts: let it. When you lose your mind, you may come to your senses.

When both opposites are allowed their truth, some deeper truth lies close by.

To conclude, I offer you a Sufi Paradox: you cannot apprehend the mysteries of Paradox through work – AND – you cannot apprehend the mysteries of Paradox without work....

Stand in that one for a while and see what shows up....

[Both Sides Now – Sarah Macliver]

[The Road To Kingdom Come – The Idea of North]

WANT MORE OUT OF LIFE? -- THE MULTIPLIER PRINCIPLE

PAUSE A MOMENT

GETTING AND GIVING --

THE MULTIPLIER PRINCIPLE

Hello, welcome once again to Pause Moment. I'm Barrie Barkla. Tonight I'm introducing you to The Multiplier Principle – the Law of Giving and Getting. The Law of Giving and Getting rules one of my sure-fire Recipes for Happiness: it goes like this = Take what you get, when you get it: and don't demand what you don't get when you don't get it. Got it?

[Tong Len (Give and Take) – Debra Gibson]

Luke 6:38 – “Give, and it will be given to you. A good measure, pressed down, shaken together and running over, will be poured into your lap. For with the measure you use, it will be measured to you.”

Look into the sting in the tail of that little Ruthless Rule of Reality! If you give by the thimbleful – you'll get back carefully measured dribs and drabs in return. If you give by the truckload, you'll get by the truckload. This isn't complicated. No matter what you think is missing in your life, no matter how empty your life feels, you are already full-up. You're full to the brim with ideas, thoughts, feelings and experiences, some of which you label and magnify as “Empty” or "Missing" or "Lacking". You're full of them. When a bucket is full and you want to put something else in it, you have to tip something out. To make room for what you want, you have to empty out your beliefs about "not-having" start giving – something that is wanted. And it takes a lot of awareness to know what that is, and to find it within you.

[You Never Give Me Your Money – Warrren Mills]

Money is energy; it can be transmuted into everlasting treasure. But like all energy, it must flow, otherwise it turns toxic. A river that doesn't pass on it's bounty becomes like The Dead Sea. The Parable of the Talents tells us that a person who doesn't do something creative with what's been given and doesn't give away some of the fruits of that investment, will lose EVERYTHING, including what he was given in the first place – If you don't use it, you'll lose it.” Tough, huh?

Money is energy -- green energy. Like all energy, money can be used both creatively and/or destructively. There is nothing intrinsically good or evil in money itself, only in the actions and motives of those who wield it. Money can be converted into food for the hungry and clothing for the poor, education for the deprived and comfort for the afflicted. Any temporal possession can be turned into everlasting wealth. Whatever is given unconditionally is immediately touched with immortality.

There's a principle in life that seems oxymoronic at first glance: 

We get what we give. 

But a second look shows the wisdom of the principle.

We all seek our purpose in life. Most of us wonder how we can make a positive difference during our brief time here. My Mum discovered something in practice, and taught me her simple secret by example...GIVING. She said 

"If you look after other people, you will be looked after."

Arthur Ashe said it another way --

From what we get, we can make a living.

What we give, however, makes a life." 

Booker T. Washington observed that if you want to lift yourself up, the quickest and surest way to do that is lift up someone else and allow yourself to feel the lightness. That there is an amazing paradox of Giving...you can never help another person without helping yourself. Giving of your gifts to others can help you find joy, happiness and purpose in your own life.

[Orphée et Euridice – Dance of the Blessed Spirits – MSO]

When we bless others without withhold, we are automatically blessed – unconditionally and a hundredfold; when we love, we are loved; when we give—even in the midst of our own needs—we greatly receive. It's possible to give beyond our resources and find ourselves burned out and broke. But over time, if we're willing to give, we'll receive a lot more in return. That is the Law of Sowing and Reaping – the more you put in, the more you'll get out; the less you put in, the more weeds will grow wild in the plot.

Gratitude unlocks the doors of Generosity. Especially when you're in need, gratitude helps you give to others, just like the poor widow Jesus praised (Mark 12:41-44).

Do your own soul a favour by sharing generously from whatever goodies are available in your life. If you can't find any, it's axiomatic that you cannot give away something you don't have. Does that mean you're stymied? Not at all. If you can't find what you want, create it. After all, you have successfully created Lack, what's stopping you from being equally as successful at creating Abundance? Start by Creating what you have; you can do that, can't you? Learn the art of creating, through the practice of creating what you have, until you find yourself creating what you want. The universe, like a fertile plot of land, will return whatever you've sown, many times over. If you haven't sown anything, you'll have to take your chances. That's the Multiplier Principle.

Sow what you want to reap. You'll be grateful you did! And so will those you share your creations with. And Grastitude will fertilse your seeds....

You've been Pausing a Moment. I'm Barrie Barkla. Thank you for listening.

BOONDIES IN YOUR SHOES

PAUSE A MOMENT

BOONDIES IN YOUR SHOES

Good morning once again. Welcome now to Pause a Moment.

[Diamonds on the Soles of her Shoes – Ladysmith & Paul Simon]

We all know the annoying, irritating and sometimes painful experience of getting a little piece of stone inside your shoe. And it doesn't matter whether the irritant is a piece of sandy gravel or a precious stone, they irritate and hobble you just as effectively, and they won't just go away. We have to sit down, remove the shoe, find the irritant, and remove it. Otherwise we could be quickly rubbed up the wrong way, blistered, and maybe even crippled.

Tonight we're going to look at some of the stones that get inside of us, hobbling us and seriously impeding our happy progress through life....

[La Raya – Eric Serra]

What's holding you back?

What's the boondy in your shoe?

Please don't tell me you don't tell me you don't know; I don't believe you. If you don't know, who else can possibly know for you? I'm going to be a true friend to you and disbelieve you utterly. You DO know. You may not admit even to yourself that you know, but you do know. You wrote the script for your life; you're the author. You know. So all we have to do is find it, wherever you hid it.

Look at it from this angle for a while – Let's say I'm hammering a nail into a wall and I bang my thumb. I don't do that for nothing – what might my expected payoffs be? Sympathy? Worker's comp.? Attention? A ploy to get a tradey to do it instead? A reason to justify quitting? A guilt trip on she who told me to hang the bloody picture now? (See? I've hit my thumb. See what you made me do?”)

Any stone in your shoe, diamond or gravel, gives you a reason to hobble. What I'm really interested in is “Why hobble?” What is your payoff supposed to be for limping through your life instead of getting into the fun run. Who or what are you playing hidey with? Who is supposed to notice your unhappiness and feel bad that you're crippled? Who is supposed to come running to your aid? What if that person doesn't notice, doesn't care, or is dead already? There will never be enough “others” who'll be stupid enough to sympathise with you to make up for the one who really hurt you – right?

And if that sounds crazy, you're right! It is looney-tunes. But I press my question – who are you really blaming for your misery? Who would get let off the hook if you just gave up your suffering and actually got happy? Who? But you're not going to give them that satisfaction, are you? No way!

[Why? – Annie Lennox]

The perfectly reasonable reasons we give ourselves for our behaviour are almost never the truth. Dr. Phil McGraw aptly calls them “Why Lies”. Why-Lies are the little justifications “why” we give ourselves and everyone else to extenuate our behaviour. 

How can you tell when you're on a Why Lie? Easy – you feel either confused (“I don't know”), or “right” (I am SO---OO justified in doing this!!). If your Why-Lies were the truth, you wouldn't feel anything other than clear and neutral. We cover the hollowness of our Why-Lies with volume, energy and repetition, sometimes laced with righteous indignation (in the case of guilt junkies). Our pronouncements are punctuated with a tightening around the chest, throat and mouth, a jutting and slight lifting of the lower jaw, a closing of the eyelids for a moment, and maybe a toss of the head. Until you get the deal on Why-Lies, you're doomed to stay stuck on your stuff, and the inevitable, eventual consequences of that.

Right-fighters attract opponents, like flies to rotting meat. If that sounds harsh, two right-fighters of my acquaintance actually looked and smelled of rotting meat. One of them them (my father) had gangrene, and has been dead now for 25 years; the other soon will be. Right-fighters are never short of opponents – they feed off antagonism like crows off roadkill. Fuelled by bitter resentment and appalling guilt, right-fighters attract what they most fear – Revulsion and Loneliness.

The real reason we do everything we do, or don't do what we don't do, is to feed needs. That's it. This isn't rocket science.

[Why? – Charles Murdoch]

In this condition we call “being human” what Needs need feeding? In general, we have three main areas of need =

1. Core Value Needs
2. Physical Needs
3. Emotional Needs

Our Core Value Needs are mainly –

• Meaning –
• A coherent philosophy of life that makes sense of one's own experiences
• An optimistic interpretation and measure of proof of what it means to be human and alive
• A firm grasp of what is important to you, and the circumstances in which that may change. eg. Indians – parental love -v- family honour.
• A real sense of how what you do allows you to give full expression to that.
• Significance = your ability to own the ground you stand on...
• People depending on you
• Feeling your place in something bigger
• A coherent and creative self-image
• A sense of authorship and autonomy.
• Connection
• Sense of Purpose
• Freedom to Explore and Grow

Our Physical Needs include –

• A wholesome diet
• Regular Exercise
• Restorative Sleep
• Shelter and Security
• A Stimulating environment

Our Emotional Needs include–

• A sense of living, surviving and growing
• Love, intimacy and connection
• Challenge and exploration

OK, now let's get specific. What are your needs? Hmmm? There will be two “biggies”. I know what mine are – "Validation" and "Honour". And, yes, they colour the many reasons why I'm driven to put this stuff out in public. OK, now that's out in the open – what needs are you hobbling yourself to, and why?

People generally do not have problems with stress, anxiety, frustration, anger, guilt, jealousy, envy, fear, rejection, depression or addiction when their emotional needs are met in balanced ways. How well are your needs being met? To help you, I'm about to offer you a DIY Audit on your Emotional Needs that you can use to get a line on where you are, and how how your life could be improved. Notice where your needs are not being met due to environmental factors, harmful conditioning and you misusing your imagination (eg. with Worry). Watch how and where your Why-Lies pop out of the shadows while you're contemplating these.

To determine for yourself how well your innate emotional needs are being met, give yourself a ranking somewhere between 1 and 10. A ranking of 1 means “not at all”. A ranking of 10 means “Always, under every circumstance” Anywhere in between means “Sometimes, or under some circumstances”. I'm going to cover these moderately fast because it's important that you don't think about your response. Take the first number between 1 and 10 that pops into your head and jot it down.

[Happiness Is – Vince Guaraldi Trio]

OK? Here we go ---

• How much do you feel secure in your home life 1= Not at all: 10 = Totally
• How much do you feel secure in your work life?
• How much do you feel secure in your environment? 1 = No. 10 = totally
• Do you feel you receive enough attention?
• Do you feel in control of your life most of the time. No? Yes? Where in between?
• Do you feel part of a wider community?
• Can you get privacy when you need to?
• Do you have at least one close friend? Now close (1-10)?
• Do you have an intimate relationship in your life? By “intimate” I mean someone from whom you withold nothing, and who still accepts you as you are.
• Do you feel an emotional connection with others?
• Do you feel you have status that is acknowledged and celebrated?
• Are you achieving things and feel competent in at least one area of your life?
• Are you mentally and physically stretched in ways which give you a sense of meaning, purpose and forward movement?
  
  
  Are you getting the picture? Please feel free to add questions and areas of your own. If your scores are mostly low, you've probably worked out why you're feeling low or strung out. If any need is scoring less than a 3, this a is a big problem for you and you might think about doing something about it. Be aware, too, that even if only one area is getting a 3 or less, that can be enough of a problem to cause instability across the board. The “Titanic” passengers found out the hard way that you cannot sink half a ship.

[Happy Feet – Jack Hylton]

So, let's change the metaphor. Everyone has a boondy or two in his or her shoes. You may have one or two right now; those small, nagging thoughts, and the feelings that follow, that slow you down. Some stones have been hidden for so many years you don't even notice them any more. Some make themselves evident only under particular conditions, and it's a good idea to become aware of what brings the discomfort on. Others push, prod, pinch, poke and make their presence felt every day. Each irritant intrudes into the lives of the unsuspecting. Some just pop in unannounced at any time of the day or night. Some announce themselves, some sneak in unannounced through the side door.

Although they are small and mostly undetected, boondies represent many unresolved thoughts, images and experiences. Some are the product of erosion (doubt); some are the product of volcanic activity (anger). However they manifest, they form from a single parent-thought that occurred, probably, decades before -- so long in fact that you no longer think these thoughts -- they think you. You may find some stone lodged only in your business shoes. Some reside in the slippers that you tuck under your bed. Some find their way into your sports shoes while others form in whatever you wear while you parent. Unfortunately, persistent pebbles travel with you wherever you go, undetected by Biosecurity, Customs or Immigration sniffers.

Some ronnies (South Australian term) arise from fear. Others are created from guilt, rejection or shame. Maybe not today, but they eventually arrive unannounced and usually at the most inappropriate time.

What challenges do they present?

To run the marathon run of life at your most efficient speed, it really helps to be free of handicaps like embarrassment, guilt, rejection, fear, envy, jealousy, resentment, anger, impatience, frustration and worry. All can be lodged in any shoe, from a pair of sandals worn by a city dweller in Semaphore, to a gumboots on a farm in Murraylands. They cripple, they destroy relationships, they contribute to overeating and gaining unhealthy weight, they poison our minds, bodies and spirits. Everything from chronic nosebleeds to cancer are symptoms of the presence of pedestrian encumbrances. They coax us into drugs, alcohol, gambling and other addictions like power, central position, right-ness, control, approval and a need to be needed. They destroy families and alienate friends. They thwart the potential of our children and physically snuff extra years from our life. 

Most pebbles stir up past injuries, cloud future healing and keep glimpses of the present down to a blink of the eye. Even in gardens that are continually turned over, pebbles appear and reappear without warning or detection. Prevention and complete removal are your only options for simplicity, balance and abundance. Yet you'll be tempted to protect and defend them, sometimes to your next-to-last breath on this earth.

[Happiness Is... – Tenzin Choegyal]

Here are two starter questions for you –

• What things do you want to be doing that you're not doing yet? Why?
• What things are you now doing that you'd rather NOT have to do? Why do you persist?

Now please get this. The first, second, third, fourth, fifth, sixth and seventh answers you get to either of these question are going to be Why-Lies. Bet on it! Because your Why-Lies are so deeply ingrained through sheer habit, you are going to have to stand in your Question for AT LEAST 21 days, and notice what events and circumstances arise for you, and your response to them. It's the only sure way I know of to expose and get around the ramparts of Why-Lies you've erected around yourself for protection. What do you think you need protection from, I wonder out loud..... (and your first answers will, again, be a bunch of Why-Lies).

When you eventually get all your Why-Lies out in the open, you will eventually reach a point of grace where your Why-Lies are OK with you. You will see them when they arise, and you will smile at each old, familiar "friend". And you will finally be free of their hold over you. Now, I cannot tell you how long it will take for your state of grace to enfold you. To me it came to me over some 35 years, sometimes gradually, sometimes in hits of “A-hah!” But then, I'm a slow learner. For you it will be different. Whatever, be patient with yourself. The life you formerly created for yourself has a certain inertia, and it can take some patient and persistent leaning on the wheel to turn things around.

What is your need?

If you got that need satisfied, what would that give you?

And if you got that, what would you get as a result?

Eureka!!