"LOVE" IS A BE-ING WORD

PAUSE A MOMENT

LOVE IS A BEING WORD

[Love Hurts – Robin Gibb]

"I have a 42-year-old daughter and a 7-year-old grandson who are, each in their own very different ways, teaching me something similar -- the paradox that when I love so much that it hurts, the hurt dissolves and there is only more love behind it." They're teaching me not to be afraid of the hurt, but to go through it; there's something quite miraculous waiting on the oher side....

Author Leo Buscaglia told about a contest he was asked to judge. The purpose of the contest was to find the most caring child. The winner was a four-year-old boy whose elderly next-door neighbour had recently lost his wife. Upon seeing the man cry, the little boy went into the old gentleman's yard, climbed onto his lap, and just sat there. 

When his mother asked him what he had said to the neighbour, the little boy said, "Nothing, I just helped him cry."

[Every Time You Cry – Human Nature]

Common empathy tells us to mourn with those who mourn and rejoice with those who rejoice. We all have burdens to bear and joys to share. But one of the ways Life helps us bear and share is to send us the loving comfort of “other people”. If you want to experience and live out love, make your heart available both to receive love and companionship from others and to be simply present and available in someone else's life.

[Love Makes the World Go – Billy May]

There's an old saying that "love makes the world go around." But, as most of us know, sometimes that orbit can be a pretty lumpy one. We have the best intentions of being a loving person, loving spouse, parent and friend, but our actions, and how they're interpreted often get in the way of our intentions.

My Intention tonight is to explore enough insight and understanding to change our relationships from frustrating to forgiving, from critical to complimentary, and from disappointed to delighted—even with the most difficult personalities. Will you come with me for half an hour? C'mon, let's go.....

So many books, manuals and seminars have been written about love. Think of the multitude of poems, songs and letters that are inspired by love; it might seem like the topic must have been exhausted. Considering all the advice we've received, love should be naturally expressed to sustain and nurture cooperative and mutually beneficial relationships.

Unfortunately though, we haven't necessarily reached that point. Maybe we read the guff, but we don't respond; perhaps we listen but don't get it, or know what to do but fail to take action. Maybe we understand what love is about and – like so many bad actors -- play at it, but we don't become Love. Whatever the case, relationships are in constant need of reframing, and a practical cultivation of devoted consideration.

[Life is Worth Living – Archie Roach]

What really makes this life worth living?

When I stood in this question, one of the answers surprised me, because it relies on an illusion that doesn't exist in Heaven. It relies on the illusion of Separation and the experience of Duality. Now, since duality is an artefact and Heaven is the home of One-ness, this here/now may well be the one and only time and place where we can get to experience this mystery – this miraculous illusion of Separation.

 Now I think, as you probably do, too, of Separation s a painful thing. So why bother with it? Is there a payoff possible from Separation? You bet!! 

Relationship! Love in evidence. Relationships make the difference between just existing and living life to the fullest. Whether that life together is heavenly or hellish is up to you.

Relationship is not a static thing, it is a fluid process of things happening and people becoming. There is a constant push/pull between the many, many polarities that show up in every relationship, and also between what we would like our relationships to be and what we perceive they are.

Our relationships form their shape from accumulations of simple, yet usually unnoticed or forgotten little actions and moments of just being together that contribute to building a relationship into what it has become.

[Moments – Marcia Hines]

How effective and satisfying are your relationships with your spouse, children, co-workers or friends?

If you are looking for a way to move your relationships from what they are to what you want them to be, I'm excited to offer you a solution.

I've just spent an hour or so on the blower with my eldest grandson at University in London. It would be fair to say that when he was a youngster, we didn't get off on the closest footing. But things have surely changed since! So the first thing I know is that it's never too late. 

I got off to a really lousy start as a parent. But something happened. Now I cherish so much about our offspring. Through my many years of parenting and, now, grandparenting, I realize that I have always treasured each relationship. Each is unique, dynamic and mind-blowing. My job, as I see it, is to make it just as awesome now for each of my friends, relatives and acquaintances as it is for me.

Yes, I cheer and crow when they score points or gracefully perform. So much so, I know I embarrass them sometimes. But I'd rather err on that over-the-top side of the equation than risk leaving them in the kind serious doubt my father left me in /// whether he liked anything about me. I'm so-o-o pleased when their report cards revealed above-average scores, or when I observe the effort they've put into a project. And of course it's flattering when people comment how delightful and empowering they are, or how respectfully they present themselves. I bask unashamedly in the glow of their magnificence. They remind me so much of someone I used to know and had nearly forgotten – me at that age, still alive and skipping inside me.

But what really trips my trigger and renews my parental energy—after returning from a publicity trip, or working with them on a homework assignment, reading them a bedtime story (my favourite), or correcting misbehaviour (my least fave), or just chilling out and sharing experiences—is the loving smile, the warm hug, the high five, and the three cherished words: "I love you."

I have become keenly aware how my actions, words, tone of voice, or nonverbals affected the loving, caring, and mutually respectful relationship we enjoyed as a family. As a father, I failed at times to uphold my end of the responsibility. There were situations when, out of sheer ignorance of what I was doing, I crushed my children's spirits. But they bounced.... and the unseen love and vision I had for them prevailed.

A couple of years ago I asked my son point-blank if there was anything he still held against me. He said “No.” He meant it. Surprised, I ventured “What happened?” He said simply “When Mum left, you cried.” That was it. All forgiven.

About 5 years ago I was dandling my youngest grandson on my knee. He fixed me with his characteristic, steady, baby-Peter-Pan gaze, leant his forehead on mine, and started baby-talking. After about 30 seconds of that, he leaned back without breaking his innocent gaze, as if to say “Did you get that?” Then he leaned in again, forehead to forehead, and “spoke” to me again. Then he leaned back again and regarded the effect he was having. A thought flashed through my mind – “I haven't a clue what he's saying, but he's telling me his experience, and I want to be fully hear for this.” So I nodded and said “Yes” And he did it a third time. I think I will remember those moments until my dying day.

In my confused ignorance I wreaked damage on my ex-wife, my son and my daughter The only way to heal a damaged spirit is to swallow the pride and say in all humility, "I'm sorry. I was wrong. Please forgive me." Failure to bring healing when you've been unfair or hurtful can breed anger for years to come.

[I'm Sorry – John Denver – 3:30]

When was the last time you told your child, "I'm sorry for anything I have ever said or done that has hurt you"? Erik H. Erikson, the man who coined the phrase “identity crisis” stated flatly “The most deadly of all sins is the mutilation of a child's spirit.”

Close and distant, comfortable and ghastly, all my relationships have served me well. Among a lot of things each has reflected back to me aspects of myself that either needed correctional work or celebrating. To those who provided those reflections I am eternally grateful, much more than I can say. “Thank you”, and a life transformed as a result will have to suffice.

I dare say now, if you're looking for the full meaning of life, you will never find it on your own. The only thing you'll find on your own is that you can never be fully alive on your own: you need to Be With. Love shows up, naked and undisguised, at that zero point of balance – the middle of the see-saw where opposites meet.....

[Where Opposites Meet – Sky]

There is a constant tug o' war between what we want our relationships to be and what they are. Tonight is about those simple, yet often forgotten, accumulations of little actions that contribute to building our relationships into what they become. If you don't like what a particular relationship you have has become, here's a pocket checklist that might help you identify where you've gone off track:-

• Accept people for who they are
• Identify what the different people you know need in order to feel good about themselves.
• Be like a gardener – tend your relationships to bloom in season.
• Get along with difficult people – it's a challenge to your intellect and your soul
• Creatively and effectively manage conflict without resorting to domination, manipulation or control.
• Develop a sincere interest in others and their growth.
• Build on people's positive qualities
• Forgive hurtful actions
• Encourage, uplift and stimulate others to become all they can be
• Be the type of person that other people enjoy being around

People who act as though love is a verb often find that others treat them the same way. It's funny how life tends to give back what we give out. One thing is for sure, those you touch will not remain as they are—and I doubt you will either.

[Now We're Getting Somewhere – Human Nature]