THE PUSH IS ON........

PAUSE A MOMENT

THE PUSH IS ON

[The Rising of Jih – Life of Nungen]

The eagle gently coaxed her offspring toward the edge of the nest. Her heart quivered with conflicting emotions as she felt her chicks' resistance to her persistent nudging.

She thought,"Why does the thrill of soaring have to begin with the fear of falling?" This ageless question was still unanswered for her.
As in the tradition of the species, her nest was located high upon the shelf of a sheer rock face. Below there was nothing but air to support the wings of each child.
"Is it possible that this time it will not work?" she thought. Despite her fears the eagle knew it was time. Her parental mission was all but complete.
There remained one final task...the push. The eagle drew courage from an innate wisdom. Until her children discovered their wings, there was no point to being an eaglet. Until they learned how to fly and experience for themselves the power of soaring in thermal updrafts, they would fail to understand the privilege it was to have been born an eagle. The Push was the greatest gift she had to offer. It was her supreme act of love.
And so, one by one, she pushed her chicks and...

THEY FLEW.

[Looking For Space – John Denver]

 

In any environment (national, family, social, religious) where much is expected from individuals, the best rise to meet the challenge and make everything brighter. The rest, when pushed to, at least get up and wash behind their ears and comb their hair, albeit resentfully.

In environments where little is expected of individuals, the best see a better way and go toward that. The rest complain and leave the work to someone else – anyone else; they don't care, as long as they don't have to lift a finger. One of many devastating images in Stanley Kubrick's explosive film, “A Clockwork Orange” is of the anti-hero, Alex, lounging back in his publicly funded hospital suite, being spoonfed by a politician. All he has to do is remember to open his mouth, in demand.

[Theme from “A Clockwork Orange” – Walter Carlos]

Supportive encouragement can come in many forms, sometimes the polar opposite of what we expect. Sometimes it is a comforting arm around your shoulders; sometimes it is a swift kick up the backside. Sometimes it is the courageous, honest, harsh words of a friend, a loved one, or an enemy - that help us make a course correction away from self-defeating and limiting behavior. Such words were spoken to me one morning in a corridor in Channel Nine in Perth. But first, a little background.......

As a young person I was very ambitious, but for all the wrong reasons. I was impatient, fueled by an intense desire to succeed, not out of the simple desire for success, but to remove a gigantic chip off my shoulder. I had to prove to my father that he was wrong about me. I wasn't a lazy good-for-nothing. I deserved better than to be used as kicking and punching practice for him and any twerp who felt like having a go. 

The truth was that I was a confirmed “Nobody”, desperately looking for a way to be a “Somebody”. I wasn't afraid of hard work; on the contrary, I would do anything moral and legal to get rich and famous, and the quicker, the better. I wanted to show every bastard who'd ever bashed, taunted and teased me and made my school-age life a living hell that I was worth something!! I just hadn't worked out what I was worthy of.

By my mid-twenties my drive had propelled me to achieve my first great ambition – to be a successful television producer and director. By my mid-thirties I had graduated through NIDA with every available acting award under my arm, slogged my way up the ranks in two years with the Melbourne Theatre Company, and was in my third year with the second-highest rating television drama on Australian TV. There was nowhere in Australia I could walk down the street and not be recognised and mobbed – clear evidence that I had arrived; I had joined the ranks of those who've "made it." Big deal! 

Then came that memorable morning in the corridor of Channel Nine in Perth. Laurie Kiernan, the blunt and brillliant head of Swan Television bailed me up, fixed me with a penetrating gaze and said “Mr. Barkla, how come you're not doing better than you are?” The question came out of the blue, but I had a ready, well-rehearsed answer listing all the circumstances and people who were holding me back. He listened patiently until I ran out of steam, pursed his lips and nodded - “That's a mighty impressive list, Mr. Barkla. Only one thing wrong with it. Your name isn't on it.”.............

I'd show him! Keeping Channel Nine as a client, I went into my own marketing and events organising business. Despite being very good at what we did, the business failed when my  partner skipped town. All on my own I pulled it out of the financial hole it had fallen into, paid off every creditor, then sold it. I was back!! Then the sky fell in. In all this time I failed to notice that my marriage of 18 years had disintegrated. When she left, I disintegrated. Besides having nothing, I felt I was nothing, and from where I stood at the time, that was the worst possible realisation. It felt like being dead and unable to lie down. The downhill slide was slow, steady and painful. My father and every other bully who'd ever taken a cheap shot at me were right! Convinced that I had blown life irrevocably, I saw no promise for the future whatsoever. I hadn't just hit the bottom, I had gone right on past bedrock straight to hell. Even banging my head against the walls didn't remove the greater pain of failure.

Yet, ironically, it was that disaster that rescued me.

One morning I came to the breakfast table nursing a king-sized hangover—not exactly a time when one is expecting a revelation! However, my receptiveness was of no concern to the friend I had stayed with that night. She knew it was time for me to confront the truth, and she shouldered the responsibility for The Push. [I was about to get my first taste of the difference between a do-gooder and an empowering mentor. Sometimes it's necessary to either get out of the way, or actually push someone in the direction they're already going – it's their journey after all. Who are you to interfere? A complete breakdown is often the best precursor to a breakthrough.]

Quietly, slowly and succinctly, my friend uttered words that will indelibly be imprinted on my mind: "Barrie, you have become so ordinary."

Ordinary?? Ordinary!!! The words cut me to the quick, seared my fuzzy brain and haunted me for the rest of the week. At my core I had long believed that there was no such thing as an ordinary human being, and if there was, it certainly wasn't me! I was special! 

But on my way out of the kitchen I caught a glimpse of myself in the hall mirror. What I saw staring back at me made “ordinary” look desirable. "What have you been doing?" I asked my reflection. "Two years ago you were on top of the world and now you've hit the pits. What happened? I've tried to do everything I've been taught. I've always tried to do the right thing. Where did I go so wrong?"

Insight and learning comes only when we are open and ready. My friend's words had left me a vulnerable yet willing student. But she followed it up with action. She got me to ring a guy called Colin Hayes to apply for one of his live-in workshops (Inward Adventure) which was due to start that weekend. He asked me two questions – “Are you ready to try anything new that will get you out of the pit you're in? Are you willing to surrender to the process?” I said “Yes” to both, and meant it with all my heart. 

Then something else occurred to me – had life been unfair to me? No question about that. But so what? Had it not been unfair to millions of others? Had many of them not faced far worse circumstances? Had they accepted defeat?

My reaction for years had been to not only be a victim, but to remain a victim. On the surface, I was a success – a celebrity on an enviable acting career. But away from the public, I was just as much a victim as I had ever been. In playing a victim I was, unconcsiously, paying my parents back for all the mistakes I was sure they'd made in bringing me up. Or so I thought. See what a failure I am? That's your failure! See how wrong I am? That's how right I am!

Fortunately during that first Inward Adventure I got the ludicrousness of my resentments. Fortunately I was also aware enough, and smart enough to recognise that my behavior of blaming, excuse-making and finger pointing was getting me nowhere. Within a week the guidepost to a positive future flashed like a neon sign—Personal Responsibility. It was a road that I knew would not be easy, but upon which I was ready to embark without the slightest hesitation.

Since I got my shit together, I have qualified and practised as a counselor with Lifeline, written several books, produced films and been a guest speaker and tutor at conferences. Now I get to share my stuff with you on radio. There has been no greater learning for me, than this -- within the events and circumstances of our present lives lies the wisdom upon which to build our futures. All we need do is find it. And it is closer than the nose on our face.

My life has taught me that mistakes don't matter, failure doesn't matter. What matters is that we continue to move forward and grow from our experiences. Hal Prince, the famous Broadway producer said: "Anyone who hasn't had a failure is a novice." Someone else said "Beware the unwounded healer".

I haven't seen my friend in many a year. But her words spoken with candour, yet great love, are my ongoing encouragement to settle for nothing less than the extraordinary.

My way of being extraordinary is to keep nothing for myself. Everything I have ever gained from this life is available to be paid forward to anyone who is ready and willing to grow up. And this is where, with the aid of music, my favourite tools of encouragement get airplay – Words....

[Words – Darren Hayes]

Our Words Are seeds planted in other people's Lives.

What we say is important. Our vocabulary should be well stocked with words of gratitude and dreams. So that there is never any doubt in anyone's mind about your integrity, your values, and where you're coming from, be known as someone who means what you say, says what you mean, and speaks purposefully and creatively.

Recently I saw a sign under a mounted trout. It read, "If I had kept my mouth shut I wouldn't be here." How true! Don't jump into trouble mouth first. You choose your words: you choose the consequences.

Let me pose this question for you: Starting today what could happen if you changed the words you say and the thoughts and feelings you harbour about your biggest problem, and your biggest opportunity?

[Sweet Words – Peter Skellern]

"Our words create our worlds," says Dean Sikes. Your words have the power to start fires, or quench passion.

Don't be like the man who joined a monastery in which the monks were allowed to speak only two words every seven years. After the first seven years had passed, the new initiate met with the abbot, who asked him, "Well, what are your two words?"

"Food's bad," replied the man, who then went back to his silence.

Seven years later the clergyman asked, "What are your two words now?"

"Bed's hard," the man responded.

Seven years later - twenty-one years after his initial entry into the monastery - the man met with the abbot for the third and final time. "And what are your two words this time?" the abbot asked.

"I quit."

"Well, I'm not surprised," the cleric answered disgustedly. "All you've done since you got here is complain!"

Don't be like that man; don't be known as a person whose only words and attitudes are ones of complaint (that includes andger and resentment, by the way). If you're a member of the "negative grapevine," resign.

Contrary to what you may have heard, talk is not cheap. Talk is powerful! Your words are your wand. Whatever you wave around, comes around.

Do you really think your words won't come back on you? I have a Ruthless Rule of Reality that reminds me “You cannot sink half a ship.” Noah's Ark taught me, if nothing else, that all the water in the world will not sink a ship until at least some of it starts getting inside. All the troubles in the world cannot sink you unless you jump in up to your scuppers and start taking them on board. Then you're no use to anyone, least of all yourself.

[The Sweetest Sounds – Billy May]

Stay on the bank and throw lifelines of encouragement. Choose words that soothe, caress, inspire, empower, provoke, instil, abate, exhort, further, support, promote, motivate, actuate, incite, induce, influence, stimulate, seduce, attract, allure, or stir... Use active verbs that DO something rather than adjectives that flatter, obfuscate, deceive or destroy.

Here's a question for you: 

At the end of each day, do you welcome your words back?

The Push is on. Sometimes we all lose our way and forget our highest purpose, our grandest dream.

Make sure your intentions are creative, not destructive. When the time comes, as Shakespeare says in the Scottish play, "Screw your Courage and Audacity to the sticking place, and you'll not fail". Do what must be done. Make sure the person you're engaging with will fly solo when you're done. Do what ever it takes to encourage those you love to re-member, leap into space and become what they were born to be.

[The Sweetest Sounds – Janet Seidel]