WHAT'S IN YOUR C.V?

PAUSE A MOMENT

WORDS YOU MIGHT CONSIDER DROPPING FROM YOUR CV.

Good morning. I'm Barrie Barkla, inviting you once again to Pause a Moment. This morning, we're going to reflect on words you might consider dropping from you Self-Image, especially if you're selling yourself to a prospective employer.....

[I'm Different – Randy Newman]

Picture this: You meet someone new. "What do you do?" he asks.

"I'm an architect," you say.

"Oh, really?" he answers. "Have you designed any buildings I've seen?"

"Maybe," you reply. "We did the new library at the university..."

"Oh wow," he says. "I've seen it. That's a beautiful building..."

And you're on your way into a conversation. Maybe he's a potential client, maybe not... but either way you've quickly made a great impression.

You sound awesome.

Now picture this: You meet someone new. "What do you do?" he asks.

"I'm a passionate, innovative, dynamic provider of three-dimensional social sculpture concepts and design services who uses a collaborative approach to create and deliver outstanding customer experiences." 

The stranger will probably hightail it out of there, never to be seen again... because you sound like a pompous ass.

So if you wouldn't do it in conversation, why do you talk like that in your CV?

Do you--whether on your website, or more likely on social media accounts--describe yourself differently than you do in person?

Do you use hacky clichés and overblown superlatives and breathless adjectives?

Do you write things about yourself you would never have the nerve to actually say in normal conversation?

If so, it's time for a change.

Now the bottom-line question for you: “Why do you try so hard to appear to be what you already are?

Here's one for politicians listening – do you talk to your wife and children over breakfast the same way you talk to me the second a camera is pointed at you?

If not, then I wish to Murgatroyd you'd change the way you talk to me. And answer the questions that have been put to you. 

The first rule of writing effective CVs is “Read the Job Specification.” The second rule is “Address All the Requirements and Criteria. The third rule is “Read the Job Specifications – again. Have you left no doubts in their minds, and made it imperative for them to hire you?

Here are some words that are great when used by other people to describe you, but you should never use to describe yourself, especially in a CV:

[Gonna Build a Mountain – Buddy Emmons]

"Motivated."

I love Chris Rock's response to people who say “I take care of my kids!” – You're supposed to, your drongo! Then dd the word "motivated." – “I am highly motivated to look after my children” “I'm highly motivated to make a difference in the workplace.” No kidding! Motivated to do it, but will you do it? Or will you just try to do it?

Here's a hot tip about motivation from one who has read more CV's than he's had hot dinners – never take credit for being motivated to do things you are expected to do--or be. Just do them! Require a bit more of yourself than whatever just scraped you through yesterday. OK? That's called self-motivation.

"Authority."

If you have to say you're an authority or an expert on something, you aren't. Show your expertise instead. "I'm a presenter at XYZ-FM” or "I delivered the Keynote Speech at the Weather Bureau's Forum for news media broadcasters in 2010", or “I'm an accredited counsellor for Lifeline” indicates I have a level of authority in certain fields. Unless you can prove it, spurious froth like "social media marketing expert" just means you spend far too much time on Twitter.

[Show Me – Julie Andrews]

"Global provider."

I'm a global provider of uplifting radio programmes: big deal!! Thanks to the internet, the vast majority of businesses can sell goods or services worldwide; the ones that can't--like restaurants--are obvious. Only use phrases like "global provider" if that capability is not assumed or obvious; otherwise you just sound like a really small person trying to inflate yourself into someone really big and progressive. That's not what CV's are for, unless you're a phony....

[Buffoon – Freddy Gardner]

"Innovative."

Most companies claim to be innovative. Most people claim to be innovative. I'm innovative, sort of. Most are not innovative at all. That's okay, because innovation is not a requirement for success. Nor does innovation guarrantee success. “Innovator” is too often a desperate euphemism for “crackpot”.

If you are innovative, don't say it. Demonstrate it, and let others decide that for you. Describe the innovative products or services you've developed. Describe the processes you've modified. Show the previously unrelated ideas you've catalysed into something new and useful. Give us something real so your innovation is unspoken but evident... "unspoken" is always the best kind of evident to be.

And if you really must come across as “innovative”, avoid dead giveaway PC cliches like “at the end of the day” and “going forward” and “everyone knows” and “team-building”. There's nothing innovative about clichés, except when they're used in a startlingly different context. And the usual purpose of a CV is to impress and persuade, not to startle.

"Creative."

If I see particular words or phrases often enough they no longer make an impact. “Everyone agrees” is one of them; "Creative" is another one. (Go to LinkedIn and check out some profiles; "creative" will appear in the majority. Meaningless.

 I have a saying – “If you want to be a smart-arse, you'd first better be smart.” People who try to be clever for the sake of being clever are anything but. 

"Creative" is just one example of words to dump from your dialogue. Others include “extensive”, “effective”, “proven”, “dynamic”, “influential”, “team player”, “collaborative”... some of those terms truly may describe you, but since they're also being used to describe everyone else they've lost their impact. They are bubble-wrap padding.

"Curator."

This one has become popular in the last decade. Why? Museums have curators. Art galleries have curators. Sporting grounds have curators. If you tell me "I'm a curator of....." creates an immediate image in my mind of an overflowing In-tray. 

And tweeting links to stuff you find interesting doesn't make you a curator either... or an authority or a guru. It's more likely to make you an annoying nuisance facing a quick click to the Trash folder.

[Steam Heat – Fosse]

"Passionate."

“Passionate” has been used lately to describe/excuse people who vent their ill-temper on underlings, rort public money for their own gratification, run around sniffing office seats and generally act like spoiled brats. “Passionate” is not something I want to be described as any more, not in front of the grandchildren anyway. A principled, cranky old bugger will do, thank you. Say you're incredibly passionate about something and--to me at least--you sound a little scary. Smacks of anger or obsession. Same if you're passionate about developing long-term customer solutions, whatever that means??? Try focused, concentrated, or specialised instead. Save pure passion for your loved ones.

[Everything Old Is New Again – Hugh Jackman]

"Unique."

Fingerprints are unique. Snowflakes are unique. Bits of you may be unique – maybe, but not nearly as many as you'd like to think--and your business probably isn't unique at all. Don't pretend to be, because customers don't care about unique; they care about "better." Show how you're better than the competition // and in the minds of customers you will be unique.

[Do You Think I'm Sexy? – Benzedrine Monks]

"Guru."

Here's a warning for all wannabe holy-men: if you fancy spending your life on someone's pedestal, sooner or later you'll be knocked off it – nothing surer. If you want to be a holy ponce, fine. Join a church, do the hard yards and become at least a bishop with a psychology degree. Don't be a self-proclaimed guru, ninja, sage, connoisseur, guerilla, wonk, egghead or expert... it's awesome when your customers affectionately describe you in that way, but when you do it it's apparent you're huffing and puffing way too hard.

"Incredibly..."

Check out some random biogs and you'll find plenty of further-modified descriptors: "Incredibly passionate," "profoundly insightful," "extremely captivating..." isn't it enough to be simply “insightful” or “captivating”? Do you have to be incredibly passionate? “In/credible” means you are beyond belief – not a good place to be if you want to instil confidence in your self.

If you must use over-the-top adjectives to describe yourself, at least spare us the further modification. Trust us; we already get it.

Most self-promoters go over the top, then have to race like hell to catch up to their own legendary status, either that or cover up their misrepresentations. I learnt early on in my acting career – undersell yourself, and let your genius emerge in the course of events, as a pleasant surprise to those who matter.

Those who don't get how awesome you are don't matter.

Do they?

Do they?

Do they?

[It Don't Matter to Jesus – Emily Zuzik]