Self-realising human beings give away their being by the way they naturally express their selves. Their demeanour, and verbal and body language is peppered with genuine assurances such as .........
- I can........
- I look forward to.........
- I want to........
- I'll volunteer.......
- I choose to..........
- Next time I'll do it differently.
- This is what I'll do.........
- I'm feeling better about the whole thing; and
- Thank you.
THE SIX CHARACTERISTICS
- Self Honesty
- Self Acceptance
- Self Esteem
- Self Image
- Self Requirement
- Self Dimension
1. Self Honesty
Self-honesty is absolutely fundamental. Without a total commitment to be honest with our self, about ourself, we're duck-paddling in tight circles.
It you're not prepared to be ruthlessly self-honest,
Don't waste your time with the rest of this --
Without self honesty, nothing is going to get better for you
Sorry to be so blunt,
But self-delusion was never a good idea
To anyone but a coward.
It you're not prepared to be ruthlessly self-honest,
Don't waste your time with the rest of this --
Without self honesty, nothing is going to get better for you
Sorry to be so blunt,
But self-delusion was never a good idea
To anyone but a coward.
We need to find the willingness and take daily time to step back from the fray, back from personal engagement, and take an uncritical overview of where we are and how creative and effective we're being in what's going on. We need to watch our selves as they relate to each other and to their environmental, social, physical, mental and spiritual natures. We need to abandon any urge to look either good or bad to ourself. We are grateful for the reflections from others, and we welcome any feedback from people who care enough about us and know us well enough to tell us what they see, without needing either to suck up to us, or to put us down.
Self-honesty arises from the inborn ability and a personal commitment
To create - within - a space of uncritical and uncriticised awareness
From which we observe ourself impartially.
In this loving place we grant ourself the freedom
To accept ourself as a unique, imperfect, evolving human-becoming,
And we commit to bestow as much attention to our potential,
As we once did to our supposed shortcomings.
2. Self Acceptance
It's a human trait that we act and behave in accordance with the way that we think we are and how we think we look to others, rather than the way we actually are and look. Those who learn to be fairly satisfied and creative with all of their qualities, values and features have a head start (pun intended) on those who don't.
Self-acceptance is our willingness, as much as we possibly can, to be fully oneself as that is unfolding, and to accept ultimate responsibility for the outcomes of what we are and do.
3. Self Esteem
It's a human trait that we act and behave in accordance with the way that we think we are and how we think we look to others, rather than the way we actually are and look. Those who learn to be fairly satisfied and creative with all of their qualities, values and features have a head start (pun intended) on those who don't.
Self-acceptance is our willingness, as much as we possibly can, to be fully oneself as that is unfolding, and to accept ultimate responsibility for the outcomes of what we are and do.
3. Self Esteem
As I see it,
We are not all born equal:
We don't have identical physical, mental and emotional capacities and attributes,
But we are given an equal ability, and right,
To feel excitement and joy,
And whatever the opposites of those might be,
In receiving and giving the gifts that come with living.
Really effective people rarely seem to question their intrinsic worth --
It is a given,
Even when they have nothing much more than a dream to go by.
Self Esteem is that deep-down, inside-the-skin feeling of worthiness.
We are not all born equal:
We don't have identical physical, mental and emotional capacities and attributes,
But we are given an equal ability, and right,
To feel excitement and joy,
And whatever the opposites of those might be,
In receiving and giving the gifts that come with living.
Really effective people rarely seem to question their intrinsic worth --
It is a given,
Even when they have nothing much more than a dream to go by.
Self Esteem is that deep-down, inside-the-skin feeling of worthiness.
You can't buy that.
No-one can give it to you, either:
Anything you are given by another, can be taken away again.
If any good feeling you have about yourself gets knocked around by circumstances,
Or even by how you woke up this morning --
That ain't it. That was not self-esteem;
There must have been a whiff of self-delusion in there somewhere.
Or maybe it's self-deprecation.
You do not have the slightest inkling of how corrosive self-criticism is
To your self esteem.
Why do we belittle ourselves?
Why are we so quick to downgrade the product,
When we haven't yet used it properly or effectively?
There must have been a whiff of self-delusion in there somewhere.
Or maybe it's self-deprecation.
You do not have the slightest inkling of how corrosive self-criticism is
To your self esteem.
Why do we belittle ourselves?
Why are we so quick to downgrade the product,
When we haven't yet used it properly or effectively?
We can take all the classes,
Go to all the seminars,
And chant until we're blue in the face,
But Self-Esteem is the eye of the storm that finds us,
Often in the unlikeliest of places,
Often in the unlikeliest of places,
At a time when we're not looking for it.
Self Esteem begins with a perception of Capability:
You start building a bank of things you decide
You're capable of.
You look for, and privately celebrate, realistic things to add to it every day,
And actively look out for opportunities to test-drive them.
Self Esteem begins with a perception of Capability:
You start building a bank of things you decide
You're capable of.
You look for, and privately celebrate, realistic things to add to it every day,
And actively look out for opportunities to test-drive them.
In self-esteem we magically become for ourself
The loving, encouraging, empowering parent
We always wanted to be.
We always wanted to be.
4. Self Image
What you see is what you get.
That's it. Bottom line.
If you want to get differently,
See yourself differently......
Deeply; a cursory quick-scan will not do.
Self-Image is a mirror image, at the deepest unconscious level of our awareness,
Of what we think we are,
And how we feel about that.
[The key word in the above sentence is "unconscious" --
Our self image is something we don't know that we know,
So it's not going to be accessible by normal means]
Our Self-Image marks the ceiling of possibility for our effectiveness and happiness.
By default, our self-image is taught to us
By people who thought they were doing the right thing;
They had no idea they were limiting our potential.
They didn't know any better....
Get over it.
Now you know differently;
That's evolution working.
Now it's your responsibility to continue the job of growing up.
What do you think about yourself?
How do you feel about yourself?
Our concepts of, and ideas and feelings about our self-image
Predetermine how we behave.
That connection is unbreakable.
That connection is unbreakable.
Our ego is always CCTV-videotaping what's going on inside our minds (plural intended)
And pressing behaviour buttons that'll make us look and feel
Either Good or Right.
Ironically, true self image looks like nothing,
And appears when you stop concerning yourself with how you "come across".
How you look and sound to others is none of your business;
It says more about them than about you.
5. Self Requirement
When I first put this article together back in 1983, I called this characteristic "Self Expectancy".
I've since changed my mind.
"Expectancy" has a lot to do with measuring one's self against some ideal standard
That is somehow externally sourced.
As such, we use that standard to whip ourself into some kind of compliance.
I tried that: it didn't work.
I've always had a problem with "complying"
With anyone or anything.
With anyone or anything.
It may be just semantics,
But the phrase "Self-Requirement" works better for me,
Because it shifts the source and the responsibility squarely onto me,
And allows me to decide, moment by moment, what standard of response
I require from myself in the current circumstances.
Self-Requirement allows me align my present behaviour with my consciously chosen
- Commitments
- Purposes
- Stands and standards
- Passions
- Desires
- Visions
Self Requirement gets its energy
From a pure and childishly simple Optimism
That experience and learning are what I'm here for,
That Evolvement arises from Involvement,
And every circumstance is an invitation to have a go.
The old techniques of motivation --
Striving for success, resisting negative thoughts, competing, and faking it until I feel it........
Striving for success, resisting negative thoughts, competing, and faking it until I feel it........
Played a huge part in dropping me into depression.
The Optimism I referred to above
That underlies self-requirement,
Is the key to the motivation that gets me through that black mud-hole;
Optimism and self-requirement get me up in the mornings.
6. Self Dimension
Perspective.
We've now come full-circle to where we started -- a loving self honesty.
Self Dimension takes us one step further now:
It is our ability reframe our perceptions,
To change the points from which we view a thing
And see things in differing lights.
It is our zest for occasionally stretching our eyes --
Looking up from the task at hand and seeing beyond ourself
Into a growing awareness of the purpose of all living,
And to see our place in that.
It involves our ability and willingness to balance and synthesize what we realise
Into a whole person-ality.
Consciously created self dimension begins
Within this expanding universe,
We set about exercising our vital abilities as best we can
Along lines of integrity and impeccability,
For no other reason than to see how it feels.
Daily living becomes its own reward.
6. Self Dimension
Perspective.
We've now come full-circle to where we started -- a loving self honesty.
Self Dimension takes us one step further now:
It is our ability reframe our perceptions,
To change the points from which we view a thing
And see things in differing lights.
It is our zest for occasionally stretching our eyes --
Looking up from the task at hand and seeing beyond ourself
Into a growing awareness of the purpose of all living,
And to see our place in that.
It involves our ability and willingness to balance and synthesize what we realise
Into a whole person-ality.
Consciously created self dimension begins
When we consciously turn away from ideas about "how life is" that contract and close in on us,
And turn instead towards a deliberately chosen perception of "how life is"
That expands us,
And that offers and rewards us with
An (often surprising) growth of scope for possibility.
Within this expanding universe,
We set about exercising our vital abilities as best we can
Along lines of integrity and impeccability,
For no other reason than to see how it feels.
Daily living becomes its own reward.
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