LOOKING FOR MEANING?

What , for you, is the meaning of life?
What is your purpose?
Why are you here?

It's a question that comes up a lot in counseling, for a very good reason. Humans need a strong sense of meaning, if for no other reasons than it grounds us, gives us a pretext for being here, and some idea of what to do while we're waiting for Godot. If we lose touch with Meaning for long enough, we  can become  unhinged, and can actually become quite ill.

Meaning is required by the Mind: it demands meaning for itself. Heart and spirit couldn't care less -- they really couldn't. So the perception of a "lack of meaning" is coming from your mind, and so is all the ensuing carry-on. This does not demean or diminish its importance in any way, but I say this now just so that we can be clear about where the Need for Meaning comes from. How we experience that addiction to meaning gives us an insight into how our mind works, and how it goes about getting its way with us.

So, what - for you - is the meaning of life? Write down now a list of things that occur to you. This is important. Please don't read on until you have got at least 5 things down on paper. Scan all the areas of your life -- relationships, money, career, recreation, spirituality, health -- What is the meaning of your experience in each of these life areas? If you haven't got at least 5 things down, you're wasting your time: hit the "Exit" button and do something else.

0-0-0-0-0-0-0

You're back? Good. Look at your list now. Of all that you have  written there, which  meanings are inherited from your family, your religion or spirituality, and your culture? Don't get defensive about it -- those influences don't in any way invalidate the things that are important to you. We're just getting a handle, firstly, on which of your values are there by default, and which have been created by you, for you, in the light of experiences that have forced you to question and validate your inherited values.

OK. This list is not hard and fast. As we proceed with this game, feel free to add to and alter your list in any way.

Look at your list again now. Look at each Meaning in turn. Ask yourself "Is this Meaning what I think my life IS about, or is it what I think my life SHOULD be about, or WOULD be about if things were going better for me?" If you come across any meanings that fall into the "Should-be" or "Would-be" categories, don't delete them, but add to each one the Meaning that actually is so for you right now. Be honest. You may strike some reluctance here, because you ego wants to look good -- to itself and to you. Your ego is not going to voluntarily give you what you need to know here. Feel into the question rather than think about it. What is actually going on in your space? If you're experiencing - say - anxiety, then that should be on your list: anxiety (if you have it) is part of what your life means to you -- at this moment. Put it on your list.

The beginning of any journey means starting from where you are, not from where you think you'd rather be or where you think you ought to be. And if you have got this far into this blog, you are about to go on a journey. Don't worry, you have all that you will need for the trip.

To give you some help here, I'm going to list from my work with callers, some of the more popular negative meaning-realities experienced by people who feel their lives are less than they could be. Stay with me on this; we'll get to the positive balance shortly. For now, just pick any that you find relevant to your present condition and add them to your list................ if you're feeling any of the below, either within yourself of from other people who show up in your face, they are part of what life means for you at the moment...............

MEANINGS AROUND SECURITY

Fear, worry, anxiety, guilt, terror, lostness, nervousness, horror, disappointment, hurt, grief, apprehension, jealousy, emptiness, confusion, sadness, embarrassment, humiliation, trapped-ness, inadequacy, torment.

MEANINGS AROUND SENSATION

Frustration, disappointment, boredom, disgust, jealousy, stupidity, envy.

MEANINGS AROUND POWER

Anger, resentment, annoyance, hatred, irritation, frustration, rage, disgust, fury, hostility, indignation, jealousy, impatience.

MEANINGS WE'RE SEARCHING FOR

Understanding, approval, attention, honour, forgiveness, direction, glory, help, belief, acknowledgment, recognition, friendship, devotion, validation, agreement, respect, encouragement, superiority, support, feeling wanted, trust, Dad's love, Mum's love, kids' love, appreciation, admiration.

These are just some of the places that we go to, looking for Meaning. But what ARE we looking for?

Go through your list now (getting long, isn't it?), and find the positive or negative opposite of each Meaning on your list. Write them down, too, side by side. 

Now prepare for a damn good laugh!

Let's say one of your meanings is "anger" and the opposite of that, for you, is "equanimity". Say to yourself now "I choose to experience anger in order to find equanimity". Go through the rest of both lists now, and you'll begin to see -- 1) how we get tied up six ways from Sunday in conflicting meanings;  2) how we hold meanings that don't work in our best interests;  and  3) why we get a bumpy ride. We got into this bind of diminishing returns because we had no choice but to adopt many of the Life-Meanings that pre-existed us -- the ones we showed up into. That's OK.  This is how we grow. We first experience what DOESN'T work, so that we can  come to a point of crisis, then make some different, conscious choices and begin to create a life full of meanings that work for us. This process of finding out what doesn't work before we can know what does work is a roller-coaster ride we all go through. It's the name and nature of the game called Being Human. Welcome to The Club!

OK. Now this next bit is for the truly adventurous. This is a bungee-jump!

How much do you want to be free?

How much are you willing to give up to get freedom?

Are you still with me? Good. Stand in this possibility for at least 21 days, not because it is "right", or "wrong", or "The Truth", but simply because it is somewhere you may never have stood before, and there is a view to be seen from here that may well knock your socks off!

Ready? Hold my hand. I've been here before, and I'm still alive to tell the tale. I'll bring you safely back....................

LIFE HAS NO MEANING

AND IT DOESN'T MEAN ANYTHING THAT IT HAS NO MEANING

LIFE IS MEANING-LESS

AND IT DOESN'T MEAN ANYTHING THAT IT'S MEANINGLESS

Life has no meaning, and human beings need meaning...... What do we do?

Make it up. Life has no meaning, but it offers to humans a smorgasbord of  possible "pretend" meanings. Pick what you want. Better still -- make up your own. 

Whatever you do, though, pick or make up pretend-meanings that are more likely to work FOR you. Haven't you had enough of clinging on to meanings that work against your well-being?

Most folk stick with umpteenth-hand, socially sanctioned meanings they picked up from others off the streets, meanings that contract and limit their possibilities.

You might like to consider this -- it works for me......   

That the meaning of life is Life itself. The meaning of my experience is the Experience itself.

It's what I came here for.

Everything else is just waffle. 

That's just my stuff, but if it works for you, too, help yourself. You're welcome.

Your mind needs meanings, 

and you do need a mind. 

Give it what it  needs, 

but choose meanings that appeal to your intrinsic urge for Expansion and Freedom. Those are human needs. If and while your meanings work, keep them around for your mind's reassurance; when one ceases to work, ditch it and find some others to test-drive.

Now, that is Freedom!