RELATIONSHIP, EXPERIENCE & GRIEF

For Judy

All we ever know about any other person is our experience of that person, ie. as we see them to be through our perceptual filters, lenses and viewpoints. We do not, and can not KNOW any other person as he/she actually is. Good God! we hardly know ourselves, let alone anyone else! 

And our experience of another is our experience, no-one else's. It is unique and personal. If you are in a room of 500 other people, there will be 501 unique experiences of "you" in that room.

Our unique experience of another lives over here in our space, not the other's, or anyone else's for that matter. The immediate presence of another person may bring our experience of that person bubbling to the surface, but that experience still comes from, and belongs, where it has always been and where, as long as we continue to breathe, it will always belong -- with “Me”.

As our Relationship with another person grows in depth and complexity, it is our experience that is growing and becoming more complex, not necessarily the other person. The other person was already deep and complex before we arrived; it is our perceptions that are expanding, and it is that feeling of expansion that we tag with labels like "Chemistry", "Friendship", "Affection" and "Love". 

That brings me now to an area of exploration that is sometimes relevant for people who are going through, or anticipating the imminent experience of Grief. .......

The quality, depth and complexity of our experiences of another person remain intact whether the other is across the room, across the world, or has even passed away in death. Our experience lives and breathes with each of us. When a loved one has passed on, we may have lost  any further opportunity for immediate contact, and that loss will trigger a whole bunch of feelings and other stored-up griefs. But  alongside of that,  there is something we have NOT lost. We still have the only reality we ever did have of that person – our experience -- and we can take that out and play with it any time we wish.

Finally, because our first-hand experience of another is not reliant on second- or third-hand beliefs, concepts, opinions or expectations, it cannot be taken away from us. It is ours, for as long as we remain conscious.

While we live, the other lives – in the only place they ever did live outside of their own experience – they live on in our experience and (uniquely) in the experience of everyone else who  knew him/her. If five people turn up to my funeral there will be five Barries living on in the room!. The recognition of this reality is why, in some cultures, the funeral traditions are a vehicle for both giving vent to Anguish for the Corporeal Loss, and Celebration for the Ongoing Resurrection of the person's Spirit in the hearts and minds of those who remain.

Experience is the only reality. 

Our relationship with our experience is reflected in the relationships we have with others.
Our experience of those who have passed on is a reflection of the relationship we had with them when they were bodily alive.
Now, here is some miraculous news! Because our only reality of another was, and is our experience of him/her......

any unfinished business with this person

can be completed, 

Even although the other person may no longer be physically available --

even if they have deceased.

We can heal anything that remains unhealed between us

In the sanctity of our here/now Living Experience of that person.

Completion is available, without seances, mediums or any other paranormal paraphernalia. All you need is your willingness. If you feel you need other crutches to give yourself permission to access and work with your experience, go ahead. But the danger is that you may credit and give your power away to the assisting media for the connection, when they're really not necessary. 

You are the only healer you need.

That is a miracle, is it not?