But.................
(A bit fishy).
I become a bit wary when someone says to me "I promise......".
I get and appreciate the good intentions of the promiser,
And I also know that the persona who makes the promise
Is not alone in the body and eyes of the person I'm talking to.
Other personas are lurking in there who will, if it suits them,
Disown any responsibility for the deal.
Should something go awry, the persona who made the promise
Won't be home when I call back.
He will have been replaced by someone else.
I'm always wary, too, of someone's need to volunteer a promise,
And just as wary of anyone's need to demand one.
If you know so little about the human mind,
And you're naive enough to demand a promise and trust it,
You deserve whatever happens next.
If the person making the promise does not know his/her own duality,
I gracefully receive promises in the spirit in which they're given,
And privately take them with a pinch of salt:
I will wait, and simply watch what happens.
How do we get to know how and where someone is with their duality?
Listen
To how they talk, and what they say, about others.
INTENTION
It's a truism that
Our intention always shows up, sooner or later.
Very few people, however, are ruthlessly self-honest
About their real Intent.
Having just automatically promised to do something,
Very few people examine what they've just said
And question whether it will actually happen -- no excuses.
Even fewer, when they discover there's insufficient internal support for delivering on their promise,
Will turn around and say to the other,
"I'm sorry about this. But I've just had a closer look,
And what I just promised you is not my intention".
You just couldn't bear to look that bad!
You prefer to not-deliver,
And rehearse excuses for that.
You may convince another with your reasons-why,
But the bottom line is -- you didn't deliver;
Your own soul knows your truth
And is damaged by your lack of integrity.
When you don't deliver on a commitment
You hurt your self.
This isn't about punishment --
This is the Law of Cause and Effect,
There is no Cause without a commensurate Effect;
There is no Effect without a Cause,
And this law cannot be manipulated.
When you breach your integrity,
There are inescapable consequences
Inherent in the act itself.
People only promise something
When there's a serious, unexamined doubt lurking somewhere around
That, without vowing it, they might not deliver.
Why so?
What is it about promises that feels "iffy"?
Well, every promise generates a canopy of Damoclean threats --
Dire social repercussions that will befall you if you break your word.....
The internal blackmail underlying every promise isn't likely to generate peace and joy!
But it's more fundamental than that.......
We are not whole;
We are dual
And we live in a world of duality.
That's one of the ground-rules of human-being.
There are a million and more reasons for the urge to make a promise,
Ranging from altruistic and sincere, all the way along the scale to manipulative and deceptive.
None of the reasons for promising, however, arise from a ground being of Integrity.
All promises are made by one part of our ego,
At least in part with the internal intention to coerce or shame the rest of our ego into compliance.
No-one likes being coerced, least of all, our ego.
When an aspect of ego that did not have the microphone at the time of the vow
Gets onto the throne,
Watch out for sabotage.
The opposite of a promise,
Is a simple, quietly assured, whole-of-being commitment.
The aware person knows his duality,
Consults the rest of his inner management,
And negotiates support from all sides.
Any commitment or agreement that this person makes
He makes first with himself,
And then shares with the other person/people.
His agreements and commitments have integrity
Because they come from a wholeness of agreed purpose.
Anyone who is unaware of the duality of humans-being
Can, and will, be caught unawares, puzzled and hurt,
Trusting promises from people and friends he/she only half-knows.
Conveniently ignoring his own uncomfortable little hypocrisies,
The aggrieved party feels victimised by treachery;
It never occurs to him that his own blind ignorance of human nature may have had something to do with it.
INTEGRITY
An integral person is someone who has it all comfortably together --
Not just the best-looking bits,
But the whole box and dice.
Integrity is that state of knowing the complex nature of all our dualities,
Being aware of all the areas and places where, given sufficient motivation, we will shift positions
And go to whatever lengths to justify that switcheroo to ourself.
Integrity also includes how we synthesise these fragmentations into a complete, functional person
That others can reliably relate with.
In a state of Integrity
Nothing is denied or rejected.
Everything is creatively integrated.
Only someone of integrity --
That is, someone who knows and accepts the exact nature his own inconsistencies
And that of his friends and acquaintances,
Can be trusted.
A person of integrity knows where he is not to be trusted
And either does not go there,
Or makes special arrangements in that area.
If he stuffs up, he takes responsibility for that
And makes amends.
An unaware person, conversely,
Strives to "not-be" what he/she doesn't like,
And projects pet "hates" out onto others.
He unconsciously finds "friends" who'll go along with his lies as long as he goes along with theirs,
And then wonders why he/she gets shafted.
An aware person gets to know his friends' soft spots.
He doesn't think any the less of them for their human inconsistencies
Nor does he try to fix them, unless asked:
Thanks to his own duality, he can empathise;
He knows how it feels to live with contradictions.
He appropriately treads aware-fully in the grey areas.
And is not taken by surprise.
Duality is one of the greatest gifts of being human,
And it's also one of it's most monstrous downers;
It can enable insight, empathy, just as equally as opposition and hypocrisy.
Inconsistency is natural.
Hypocrisy is born when we are trying, or pretending to fulfill something
That doesn't have our own whole-hearted support.
All because we want to look good,
To ourself and to others.
We will make sincere promises in one context,
But without consulting the rest of the cabinet in our cranium.
And that's where the problem arises.
The unconsulted cabinet members will, in certain different circumstances,
Feel trapped by these impositions,
And get either openly indignant, resentful, or even hostile,
With you, with others, and even with the person to whom you made the promise.
Or your "underdogs" will become secretly subversive.
Then watch the internal gymnastics!
Your promises will be undermined by circumstances and persons unknown.
You may suffer mysterious accidents or illnesses,
Or contortions of logical spin to justify your dishonesty,
That excuse you from taking responsibility for not carrying out your commitments.
The two most common avoiders are --
"I'm sorry, I forgot" and
"I was only joking."
Make no mistake,
Most avoidances are real!
(The accidents happen. The symptoms are real. We really do forget.)
But underneath that is another voice whispering to your heart -
(I wasn't there when you made that promise! You never consulted me!)
Even if all of you gets together and decides to do the "right thing",
It's still a falsehood,
And you wonder, after years of living "honourably",
Why you come up feeling empty?
Wake up!
You've been living several part-lives,
Flip-flopping back and forth,
With no part complete or satisfied.
And it has destroyed your very soul.
Promises are made, not from a ground being, and as an expression of, who we genuinely are,
But from a need to reinforce either what we like to think we are,
Or what we'd like others to think we are
At that time.
It's part of the front we put up --
Trust me, I'm a nice person.
Any urge to promise
Could be a warning to you,
That there's another part of you involved here
That needs to be heard first
Before making a commitment you may well regret.
And any promise made to you,
By your ego or by anyone else,
Could well go straight to the "Maybe" basket,
Just in case.
See what actually happens.
Someone very wise came across a fig tree one day.
It was a gorgeous, fulsome, showy, leafy tree,
But totally bereft of figs.
Turning to those who were with him, he commented dryly,
"You can pick 'em by their fruit."
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