Paralysis may occur.
It's not unusual for our ego,
Ever eager to protect its dominance over us,
To call up counter-attack forces
In the tussle between our inner and outer lives,
And our higher and lower perceptions and aspirations.
It's at this point of forsaking
The way we've always "done" life
That the mind's resistance to transformation
May invoke personality or physical health issues.
You may feel like you're going crazy,
Or illness may rear its ugly head.
As serious as they are, though,
These may not be the core problem:
They may be dizzying, warping and weaving distractions
To put you off the main game.
Don't ignore any dis-ease;
Treat it appropriately
At every level you're aware of,
But be aware also that
Discomfort and pain may be symptomatic
Of something more profound also going on.
Be aware that it is in the nature of Mind to do ANYTHING
To ensure the survival of itself,
And anything it identifies itself with.
Be in no doubt about that.
There's a parasitic aspect to Ego
That makes You, as host, expendable.
Your mind and its constructs,
Judiciously used
Are neccessary and, up to a point, useful,
But they're not your best friends.
They never were.
Looking at the wider picture,
Whats at stake here is a fundamental, energetic life-force
Inviting us to wake up,
And drawing us all into a deeper involvement
With life on a larger scale than we presently think possible.
This awakening force, though, expands us
Into spaces of apparent chaos, formlessness and nothingness.
We may find our minds dizzily spinning out,
Oscillating disconcertingly
Between
- A deep desire to DO something that will ground us enough to abate these awful feelings and sensations; And
- A formless void where there is nothing that can be done but let go of the handrails and leap.....
Which to do?
Well, my answer is "Both".
For what it's worth to you,
Here's how I do it.......
First, I let go into the chaos.
I choose, again and again if need be
To trust that every road I've ever followed has led me to here now;
This now is what I came for.
And
I grab every arising opportunity
To engage in any appropriate outward activity,
No mater how large or small, important or trivial
That helps me express my be-ing.
For example,
One of the ways I define myself is as "someone who makes a difference".
A satisfying activity, for me, can range from spending time with someone who's suffering or lost,
To picking up and binning a piece of garbage.......
Any conscious activity that expresses my need to "make a difference"
Works a treat,
If that's why I'm doing it.
So, how do you define your self?
State it. Write it down and stick it to your 'fridge.
Life will deliver opportunities to express your choice
Right to your door.
Deliberately honour every chance you can see to real-ise your self in action.
Keep your eyes and ears open for opportunities to do something in such a way that says
"This is me, doing what I choose to be."
It will help keep you grounded.
And it does wonders for your self-esteem. too.
I've found it's possible to feel blissfully secure
While falling into the unknown.
But that's just so much hot air.
You won't know that
Until you dive in and experience for yourself.
At first your mind will recoil;
Then, at another level of awareness, you'll realise
"No, this is OK. I'm OK. Let's wait and see what happens."
The trick (if there is one) is -
Leap first.
I didn't find out who I really am and what I'm really capable of
Until I let go of everyone and everything I'd been hanging onto for support.
When there's no-one else, you find out, in real experience,
What you are
And who your best friend is......
One and the same.
At a time when no particular doing grabs your enthusiasm any more,
Jump in anyway
(the choice is simpler then, isn't it?)
After the leap,
A way to creatively engage with the tunnel,
And creatively express your self
Will present itself to you.
If it doesn't, ask someone (how about the first person you meet?)
What you can do for them.
Crazy?
Well, you've tried the sensible stuff already.
How far has that got you?
Talk, too, to someone who's been through what you're going through
(there are lots of us out here)
And we'll all tell you the same thing.......
No matter how long the tunnel seems,
It is a tunnel
And, even if you can't see that far yet,
It's open at the other end.
Keep coming.
I once travelled by rail along the Brennario Pass,
Through the Alps between Italy and Austria.
As the way became steeper, the track plunged into a tunnel.
After what seemed an eternity, we emerged into a brilliant vista that was surprisingly more spectacular than anything I'd ever experienced before,
Until we were plunged into a second tunnel,
And then a third, and a fourth....
But on each emergence,
The view got more and more magnificent.
Such is my experience of the Journey of Transformation.......
Tunnels and vistas -- alternating.
Before every Leap,
Logic and reason intervene,
Trying to consider first all the angles.
That's a pointless pursuit;
Mind cannot imagine anywhere it has never been.
This tunnel of transformation
Traverses your - as yet - Unknown and Unknowable Self.
You're out of range of your mind.
Transformation and healing have to begin with a leap of Absolute Trust, or there's no leap at all;
There are no half-measures available on the way to transformation;
You cannot be partly pregnant.
What prompts me to leap?
Sometimes the very fears that would discourage me;
I get to a point where
They simply cannot be denied or reasoned away any longer,
So I consent to being pushed.
While you're traversing the tunnels,
Some doubts may come up for you.
I pass these on so that, if they nag at you, you'll know
You're not alone
And that they are the attempted distractions
Of a mind about to be put in its place...........
SOME (POSSIBLY SURPRISING) OPPORTUNITIES FOR TRANSFORMATION AND HEALING.....
- Crisis (any one will do)
- Illness (ditto)
- Physical, mental or emotional dis-ease
- Thoughts like "Am I going crazy?" "Am I sick?" "What is becoming of me?" "I was doing so well: what went wrong?"
- Separating feelings like failure, fear, distrust, uncertainty, loss, confusion, hurt, grief, boredom, anger, irritation, disgust, stupidity, fury, being victimised.........
Opportunities for transformation and healing often come disguised as the very opposite of what we expect them to look like. We may feel we are creating, or are the victim of, the very thing we most fear (including fear itself).
At what point do we shift
From seeing our condition as a road to hell,
To seeing it instead as a process of transcending?
I cannot tell you.
When faced with an optical illusion,
Some people will get the "click" quickly,
And others may stare at it for hours on end,
And some will give up looking altogether......
You'll get it when you get it,
And it will be sometime before you die;
That's the best I can promise you.
In the meantime you can help yourself
By staying open to every possibility.
Drop any idea of what "it" should look like
When "it" happens;
Expectations will always prevent you from "getting it".
As Colin Hayes said often --
"Take what you get when you get it,
And don't take what you don't get when you don't get it.
Got it?
Drop all your preconceptions,
No matter how well founded you think they are....
Transformation is virgin territory.
It's going to come as YOUR first-hand, first-time, unique experience,
Not a copy of someone else's.
There are no guarantees of a happy ending
And the process may throw up de-powering physical, emotional and mental challenges
That first require your creative attention.
Your question can always be --
How can I engage with this now
And use it
To empower me?
Standing in such an enquiry
Encourages you to form a new quality of living presence
That will help you transcend
The limitations of your present condition.
There is no end point to transformation and healing;
No goal to be achieved.
"I'm here!" is a joyful progress report,
Not a cry from the summit.
Enjoy the view.... and .....
There is always more.
Let your moment-by-moment experience
Be a totally alive present,
And a birthing of the next moment
And a dying of the previous.
Such aliveness, and receiving and letting-go
Will determine whether you are waking up
Or going to sleep.
Whilever you are fully in the experience you're having
And waking up
You will radiate love, aliveness and innocent wisdom --
You cannot hide that.
The same process is happening for many on this plane at this time --
You are not alone,
And you are all-one.
For each of us the story differs,
But the transforming process is the same --
One process - many participants - many ways.
Existence is transforming even as we speak, passing you by
Until you choose to join in.
When you finally release into this realisation
You will begin to sense
Both the inexorable onwardness that is carrying you along
And the vast complexity that binds us all,
At varying levels of existence, experience and awareness
Into the one process we call Living.
HANDLING THE UNKNOWN
It can be a bit like going to live in a new country --
Get out and around,
Get familiar with the layout,
Learn the language,
Say "Hi" to the folks,
Get to know the new rules, the customs, and "the way it's done here",
And be appropriate to them.
Expect some stress,
Our minds usually tolerate only so much
Before resisting the unfamiliar.
First, make it OK to be shifted and tossed around
By the currents and eddies of change.
Drop every urge to fight the flow.
It's just culture shock
Make it OK to open slowly
And explore everything gradually.
There's no need to rush.
Surrender to each new experience,
And gradually get into harmony with it.
(Unison is not required)
Wherever you find yourself,
Sense the energy of each new emotional, physical, spiritual and mental locale;
Strike a fresh sense of balance.
Allow times of uncertainty, fear, sadness or loss if they crop up --
Such feelings are common and natural responses to radical change.
Allow new energies to flow over and through you unimpeded.
Allow old boundaries to dissolve.
Allow the fullest possible flush of new freedom
To sweep you up.
Now is the only available time
To be stretched and re-shaped
By the powerful forces of what is
As yet un-known.
The adventurer needs only three items in his travel kit --
- Willingness to venture
- Openness to experience
- Personal integrity.
A word of warning, though.....
Once the new journey has begun
There is no way to return to the old world.
Evolution will not go backwards:
We cannot return to mother's womb --
There isn't room there any more.
Once begun, the process must continue,
Of allowing, assimilating and re-balancing
To integrate
With a new way of Be-ing.
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