TRANSMUTING FEELINGS

There are at least three ways of going about the adventure of transformation:
One is to attempt to change what is happening,
Another is to express the emotion of what is happening,
The third is to allow and experience what is happening.

Any attempt to change something involves a measure of resistance to the way that it is,
And (in varying degrees of subtlety)
Some denial and suppression of un-wanted feelings.

I have found that the way of Change sometimes works in the short-to-medium term,
But not beyond.
Eventually, dynamics seem to re-cycle,
Bringing me back to the same place of dis-satisfaction.
In the interim, I seem to be locked
Into a low-volume, low-frequency level of awareness and being.

A second way is to express long-repressed feelings,
As exemplified in Primal Therapy.
I tried it, wailing long and loud in a verbal colonic.
I've also listened long and often to others,
Catharting Complaint all over the place.
I found there's a very fine line in this approach
Between transforming a feeling on the one hand,
And, on the other, reinforcing and entrenching it.
Unless you're in the hands of a very good PT therapist,
You're almost certain to make your situation worse,
And things never get better.
It occurred to me one day while listening to a dear friend venting his spleen for the umpteenth time
That by purging his feelings, he was actually avoiding HAVING them.
While the feelings were blowing like steam from an over-pressured poppet valve,
His focus was on the never-ending story and the dramatis personae.
Catharting separating emotions feels so gratifying and  gives temporary relief,
But there is no healing down that alley.
Emotional outbursts dissipate pent-up energy
But the thought patterns that created the story and gave form and focus to the energy in the first place
Are still there,
Reinforced,
Lurking,
Waiting to fire the boilers yet again and again.
Nothing is changing --
There's a short energy-boost of relief and gratification
But no satisfaction, total-being or transformation.

"Expression = Repression"

A third, less violent way of transforming is simply to by-pass our ego
And go directly to the feelings;
Drop the all-important "story",
Surrender to the feeling itself,
Enter it,
And transmute that energy
While it is happening.
I recommend this meditation not only with feelings you don't like,
But also with wonderful feelings
That, maybe, you may feel you cannot contain,
Or that you may be tempted to "silver-box" (preserve for later).......

Whenever a strong feeling is running,
(If possible, find a quiet place and put on some music suitable to your mood)
Locate the feeling in your body,
Let go of any labels (fear, anger, excitement) you may have attached to it,
And just note where it is in your body, its size, its colour and its shape,
And embrace it.
Then fan the coals of this pure feeling
Until the energy is heightened in volume and frequency,
Burning away all constriction or divisiveness.
Let it spread throughout your body,
Enlivening you through and through.
Keep going until all constriction is dissolved.

Repeat as often as you like.

This process is unifying and uplifting.