LOOKING FOR "MY" SOUL MATE -- A letter to women on Mating Sites

It's no secret that I subscribed 5 months ago to a matchmaking service.

I won't be renewing.

In 85% of the "compatible introductions" I get,

The seeker asks

"What do you think of Soul Mates?"

On first view I thought "That's a good question," 
And it got me thinking about the concept...
But by the 147th time I'm thinking
"There's some dysfunctional poverty going on here."

And since the reply has to be in 3 short sentences

I get the uncomfortable feeling

It's either a loaded question,

Or a statement, disguised as a question

(Like "What do you think of child pornography?")

Either way, this is the answer the mating site doesn't have room for........

Dear Seeker,

What is it with this pandemic hunger for a soul mate?
What is it you're looking for
That you want me to go responsible for providing to you?
Is it someone who is a "perfect fit" for you?
I'd like to know, before I get involved
In something that may not be healthy for either of us.

Open your eyes, woman, you're surrounded by soul mates!
Soul mates are people who slide into your life at just the right time
And remind you of your divine joy,
Talk you over any barbed wire fence you get stuck on,
And if necessary,
Slap you awake.

But no. You've bought the juvenile idea that
Love is in Limited Supply
And ideally you should narrow yourself down to someone "special",
Someone who'll tick every single one of your Needs boxes
Forever 'til death do you part.
And you'll have to fulfill every one of his needs, too --
For Ever.

Do you really want to go responsible for all my needs?
Or at age 67 would you expect that by now
I'd have learned to stand on my own two feet?
Same here.

If you're looking for a perfect mesh,
Someone who won't ever grind your gears,
I do wish you Good Luck.

Like everything else in this life,
If you believe that, out of umpteen billion people on this planet
There is one perfect Soul Mate just for you,
Then you make it so:
That is your reality.
I hope you find him.

A problem, though, with this belief in a Soul Mate is that
If Mr. Right doesn't show up within your available time frame,
You may settle for Mr. Nearly-Right.
But you won't give him ALL of your love --
You'll keep some in reserve, just in case Mr. Absolutely Right shows up late.
(Guys, you do the same, too).

For me,
That kind of "Soul Mate" is a romantic fiction,
A beautiful fantasy,
A nice (foolishly simple) idea.
Sweetly naive.
And romance is a lovely game to play;
I'm a sucker for it.
But........
It is a game.
As a way of living,
Romantic Love carries within it the seeds of its own destruction.
That doesn't mean that the death of a relationship based solely on romance is inevitable,
Just likely.
Look at the divorce stats.

Are there Soul Mates? Yes!!
I'm surrounded by kindred spirits --
People with whom I share flashes of recognition.
And as a Lifeline counsellor, I (anonymously) garnered several more during the course of every shift.
The further I go on this journey,
The more plentiful soul mates become.
I shamelessly set out each day to collect them.
Some of them I don't even know their names, nor they mine,
And I'll probably never encounter them again.
Others are my best friends.
But there are not many soul mates of any kind
That I'd choose to live with,
And even less that I want to bonk.
(And I've no doubt the feeling would be mutual).

So, dear lady,
I have a few questions about Soul Mates
And the notion of Special Love --
The two get confused, don't they?......
1) What do you really mean when you use the term "Soul Mates" -- your capitals, not mine? Under your legitimate yearning for connection, is there an expectant hope of exclusivity?
2) Where would the whole Disney/Mills & Boon industry be without your active support of them?
3) When do you plan to grow up and realise.....?
I am already your soul mate.

Now, I suspect that, as you read this,
The notion of welcoming me as your soul mate may be rapidly becoming less and less appealing to you;
However, please consider this perception I've gleaned
From countless heartbroken and heartbreaking calls on Lifeline
From women and men --

Love is inclusive, not exclusive.
Jealousy is an insane, irrational emotion

That arises from a thought of

"Without you, I am not enough and sufficient unto myself."

If I could emotionally stand on my own two feet,

It wouldn't matter much

What you do or don't do.
That does not mean I don't care about you;
It just means I don't need you in order to survive,
But I'd love to have you by me for entertainment and comfort.

(It's hard to imagine a life lived in that kind of freedom, isn't it?)

You asked me what I think about Soul Mates:
Here it is --

The idea called "Soul Mates" is fine, if you believe in it.
If, however, my loving you
Is going to cost me
The freedom to love any or all of my other soul mates,
(I said "love", not "sleep with", or even fantasise about "sleeping with")
Then I may well wake up one day resenting you.

And if you are truly honest with yourself,
You'll see that possibility for yourself, too.
I don't want to ever resent you,
Or be resented by you.

As unromantic is this may sound,
I do not intend to sacrifice anyone or anything important in my life
In order to be with you,
Nor do I expect that of you.
If you and I get together in any way, shape or form,
Let us each add to the richness of what sustains us already.
I don't want any relationship
To take over and exclude all else --
That's for parasites,
And I've had my fill of those suckers.

I want this relationship to enrich what I now have,
And I want the same for you.

Have we got a deal?