HOW TO GET EASY WITH UNCERTAINTY

For Jared..........

and anyone else faced with Uncertainty...... 

How do I get easy with the uncertainties that come with just being alive? Big question, huh?

[How Can I Be Sure? – Daryl Braithwaite (A) – 3:33]

There is a cliché that goes “We live in uncertain times”. It's hardly an observation of great daring – it's my perception that, throughout our history (personal and cultural) we have always live in conditions of uncertainty.  Certainty is a fiction; it exists nowhere. It is an addiction of the human ego. Parented as it is by Uncertainty and Ignorance, the ego seeks to hide its bastardy with brash displays of hollow "certainty". The level of righteous energy and control we seek to exert on situations and folks around us is directly proportional to the levels of our own refused Uncertainty, Anxiety and Grief that underpin the condition. 

The popular response to The Big Question is to avoid uncertainties and risks. That's a common and futile human reaction; it flies against nature and comes with a hefty price tag -- your vitality and aliveness. Dodging uncertainty goes against the flow of evolution; it leads to virtual death, because it guarantees that only stale eyes and ideas will be brought to the table.

Even before conception, life was impossible without risks. Several million sperm cells and only one gets the cigar!? Was that supposed to cheer us up with the thought that, after that, everything else should be a breeze?

 

There are few cushions or guarantees, and all of us face decisions, daily, that could turn out badly. We're encouraged, and in some case legally forced into an insurance industry that's based on a blatant principle of engendering a climate of Fear of Loss, then making promises of Security in return for your money, then paying out less than they take off you. Even on Sunday we don't escape the barrage of positive blather -- we get to sing hymns lauding "Blessed Assurance"...

 

At every level of our life we take daily leaps of faith, large and small. We lean our trust against others, hoping they'll do the right thing. We count upon predictions and trends that could slam into reverse at any moment. Risk is simply another word for Uncertainty and Insecurity, and it has been shown many times that uncertainty and insecurity increase the chance of a stress response. Risk is unavoidable, even in the most reclusive life. 

How you choose to handle risk will be vitally important to your emotional and physical well-being, peace of mind, comfort, your stress level, and your success – whatever that means to you.

Psychologists have shown that it is impossible to remove emotions from decision-making. Therefore, to handle risk well, you must not only inform yourself thoroughly on those in whom you invest your self, you must equally take into account your own pattern of psychological reactions to uncertainty, opposition, paradox and ambivalence. 

 

[Blithe Bells – Aust. Chamber Orchestra (A) –]

The good news is that, if you know yourself well enough, you can make risk your friend. Here are some guidelines for you:

1. Know your prevailing ambient anxiety level, know what triggers sudden surges, and be honest about it.

2. Be patient with your emotional reactions.

3. By all means be rational, but don't be fooled that reason or positive thinking can defeat risk or the resulting anxiety. It cannot. Logic and reason are but a part of the equation. Do something irrational for a change -- welcome uncertainty as an invitation to look at he situation freshly, with new eyes, from another perspective.

4. Gather as much useful information as possible.

5. Take in other points of view, and put them straight into your "Maybe" file.

6. Don't trust the crowd. The crowd nearly always gets it wrong. Never underestimate the pervasive popularity and alpha-power of stupidity.

7. Don't believe that trends and odds are anywhere near the same as certainty.

The parts of yourself that you might like to get more familiar with are those parts of you that are patient, rational, gatherers of information, not swayed by what the rest of the group thinks, and psychologically at ease with who you are.

Here's a meditation that you may find as revealing as I do – Assume each of these following experiences I'll give you to recall is an answer to a question you've temporarily forgotten. See if you can find the forgotten questions for yourself that have been answered by each of these experiences as they are with you......... now this is entirely for you and, rest assured, you cannot be wrong.....

• Living with the family I've got. Your experience of this is your  answer. What might the original question have been? ( eg. How do I get to experience pride and a sense of accomplishment?)
• In the middle of this relationship.
• In the middle of abundance.
• In the middle of scarcity = What do I experience? What was the question that might have led to this experience?
• In the middle of knowing.
• In the middle of not-knowing. 
• In the middle of sex – your experience is the answer. What might the question have been? (What does it feel like to......?)
• In the middle of feeling.
• In the middle of not-feeling.
• In the middle of freedom.
• In the middle of restriction.
• In the middle of experience.
• In the middle of all that is.
  
• In my middle.
  

Notice, as you went through this list with me, any question/answers that came up more than once, as the source question of more than one of the answers you just recognised. There might be one originating question that leads to several experiences. Similarly, you will also find multiple questions that lead to one experience. This is a marvellous way of getting to know your true self, and what has motivated you and led to your current circumstances, state of mind and mood.

At first glance, it's hard to see how risk could be anybody's friend, which is why there has been such a push to remove the human element. "Rational risk" seems preferable to the kind of risk that keeps people up at night and promotes a nagging state of anxiety. Far better, it would seem, to turn risk into a matter for the number crunchers. The rise of computerised risk assessing testifies to the popularity of Quantified Risk. But at the same time, Rational Risk has proved to be a dismal failure. The complex financial instruments that led to the economic collapse of 2008 were devised with the input of physicists and mathematicians, who supposedly had reduced risk to a sliver. What they didn't count on, and still don't, is human ego. Human jealousy, greed and rivalry intervene, along with other psychological factors - denial, competitiveness, temptation, self-importance and over-reaching. Irrational forces toppled the whole rationalist scheme - as it was bound to do. D-u-u-u-hh!

The psychological downfall of those who misjudge risk is writ large in the current political and economic debacles we find ourselves in. Now is your opportunity to look into yourself to see the factors that even the most prominent figures are prey to. What are your stakes in this....?

1. Denying that there is a problem with your choices and decisions.

2. Freezing, or flipping out in the face of crisis.

3. Your inability to deal creatively with anxiety.

4. Your fixations on winning. Obsession blinds you to process -  you adopt the thought that "the ends justify the means. The rules don't apply to me – I'm above criticism."

5. Competitiveness - refusing to lose, no matter what it takes, or who it takes out. Destroying any opposition or dis-agreement. “If you aren't for me, you're against me.”

6. Over-attachment, making the crisis and controls personal.

7. Over-controlling, focusing on irrelevant details while losing sight of the big picture.

8. Obfuscating. Looping and distracting attention away from what's really going on.

At the risk of over-simplifying, these psychological blind spots can be overcome by asking every day, "How am I doing?" I don't mean this in the sense of how you are performing, or did I win that one, but rather how do you feel about what's just happened? Do you rest easy? Can you look others cleanly in the eye, without having to stare them down. Do you detect signs of stress or anxiety? Is joy emanating from you, or do you look as if you've just sucked too hard on a pickle? If so, what are you doing about it? 

We're not talking about psychoanalysing yourself. We're talking about being aware, and being in touch with yourself. Your psyche is constantly changing; change is the only constant. Being able to stay in touch and in harmony with your self is a huge benefit if you want to keep up with the shifting scene. When you are flexible, open, and alert, you are becoming the master of risk. When you're defensive, aggressive, fearful, jealous and closed, you will be toppled by your own excesses. Bank on it (pun intended).

In the end, risk becomes your friend when you have enough self-awareness and humility to be comfortable with change, uncertainty, and unpredictability. These are inescapable aspects of life. They're what make it interesting. Otherwise, we might just as well have stayed home in heaven. It's up to you whether risks create stress inside or the very opposite - out of uncertainty can come excitement, creativity, new solutions, discovery, and the fulfillment of your inner potential.

I earned this wisdom back in March 2009 on a 7-hour bus trip from Bangkok to Surin City. I had sold up everything I owned, packed a few belongings, and flown to Thailand to start a new life with someone I deeply loved. Suddenly I felt more utterly alone and vulnerable than ever before in my life. And this is what I wrote ==

[Rufiyaa – Phoung Anh]

ON THE BUS -- BANGKOK TO SURIN (March 2009)

[Post Script: I had absolutely no idea when I wrote the notes below, that these experiences would turn out to be a vital dress-rehearsal to surviving the physical and transformational upheavals immediately following open heart surgery just 12 months later  There are no accidents......]

I am a stranger here.
Leaving the country of my birth
At age 66, I have come to live in this beautiful land,
But a country that has no niche with my name on it...........
I feel like a homeless tourist,
Welcome (up to a point)
And alien.

I have no control;
I am suddenly so very ordinary
And lost.
I feel my physical and mental well-ness
Being stretched and stressed with such rapid and drastic changes in locale.
My mind's reaction is to search for and attempt to restore
Something familiar --
To retreat from this landscape
To a country more familiar
Into rituals of familiar normality.
But I can't;
There's no-where to escape to.
I feel isolated, fearful and un-well.

I can feel myself creating this moment.
In this strange country I must accept whatever comes in the next,
Moment to moment
On its terms, not mine. I have no authority here.
Here, barrelling though picture-card rice paddies
Populated by alien people
Whose lives are filled
With their own concerns,
Notions of my self-esteem and meaning
Have no currency whatsoever.
They have lost their former power
To define and control this experience.

There's something I can do, though
And I'm doing it with all the focus I can muster --
I'm sensing into the the energy of each new locale --
The air-plane, the stopover terminal at K-L,
The Bangkok customs hall,
The bus station booking counter,
The lunch-stop markets.......
And maintaining a sense of balance in each place,
Observing and assimilating "How it's done here",
And being appropriate to that.
Balancing at that level.
Making it deeply OK to be shifted and swept off my feet
By the unfamiliar currents and eddies of a new environment,
Going along with the flow,
And creatively harmonising with it as much as I can.

Surrendering to just this much;
Until I have no more resistance.

When the current slows and allows,
I open up carefully like a newborn babe,
Exploring new and strange sights, sounds and smells gradually
Allowing uncertainty, fear, sadness and loss
To rise and fall --
And allowing a new energy to flow over and through me,
Dissolving the old boundaries between "Will"" and "Won't".

I've been blessed at just about every check-in counter along the way
With fellow-travellers who seem determined to do it the hard way,
Hanging on for dear life to their “shoulds”,
Bristling with self-important "Won'ts";
People who resist the way it's happening for them.
Thank you. You remind me that's not the way to do it.

...... I'm learning a lot today
About transformation.”

Handling the unknown can be a bit like going to live in a new country --

Get out and around, get familiar with the layout,

Allow yourself to get creatively lost in strange surroundings.

Learn the language,

Smile "Hi" to the locals,

Get to know the new rules, the customs, and "the way it's done here",

And be respectful and appropriate to them.

Expect some stress,

Our minds usually tolerate only so much

Before resisting the unfamiliar.

That's just how minds are.

Practice extending the threshold of your tolerance.

As you get older, take it from me – you're going to need it.

Make it OK to be shifted and tossed around

By the currents and eddies of change.

Drop every urge to fight the flow.

It's just culture shock

Make it OK to open slowly

And explore everything gradually.

There's no need to rush.

Surrender to each new experience,

And gradually get into harmony with it.

(Unison is not required – create a harmony that is pleasing to you).

Wherever you find yourself,

Sense the energy of each new space;

Strike a fresh sense of balance.

Allow times of uncertainty, fear, sadness or loss if they crop up --

Such feelings are common and natural responses to radical change.

Make them OK. Allow new energies to flow over and through you unimpeded.

Allow old boundaries to dissolve.

Allow the fullest possible flush of new freedom

To sweep you up.

Now is the only available time

To be stretched and re-shaped

By the powerful forces of what is

As yet unknown.

You need only three items in your travel kit --

• Willingness to venture
• Openness to experience
• An elastic personal integrity.

With these three willingnesses, you can be whatever you choose. All you have to do is decide your destination for today and embrace the journey. You don't have to make Uncertainty and Risk your closest allies, but life is a lot easier and much more memorable if you do. Shoulder your belongings, and put one foot in front of the other. The path will open before you. It always has, hasn't it? It always will.



Namaste.

[The Tender Trap – David Bridie (A) – 5:05]