TIME
OUT
THE
MESSENGER BOY AND THE PETER PRINCIPLE
My
hand was paused to click on the “Send” button. A lurking thought
suddenly popped: “Don’t,” it warned. “You’re about to throw
away your career on Adelaide community radio. She can make that
happen. And for what? For a principle?”
Which
was quite true. I had only just been elected to the Board of
Directors of the radio station, and was now expected to endorse a
letter of pure harassment to a member of staff, the most recent
episode in a five-year campaign to oust a very efficient and
effective book-keeper from the station. It was part of a culture of
bullying that exists to this day in that organisation, and “I”
couldn't stand by any longer. Instead of endorsing the action, I
emailed the offending letter to the people who voted for me, saying
“Enough! This has to stop now.” As far as I was concerned, my
loyalty to the members trumped loyalty to a “board” -- a board
that is charged with looking after members' wellbeing?
As
it transpired, my values didn't matter a jot to anyone but me. The
internal warning was accurate. The members didn't care. The word went out to
Her Majesty's minions, I was removed from my radio show and
blacklisted across every community station in South Australia as “a
trouble-maker”. But in my mind I wasn’t walking away from a
career; I was walking toward some definition of who I want to be, and
I was standing up to someone who covertly and obsessively manipulates
and controls the industry in this state. My impulsive rebellion was
instinctive and fairly predictable for me. I despise bullies and
standover thugs.
As
it happens, I am now wandering in the wilderness for a while, but the
time isn't wasted. With this lesson under my belt, I continue to
follow a hidden, winding path of discovery that is working its way
forward, apparently at random, but actually with its own knowing of
where I need to go.
In
India the “right” way for a person to go is known as their
Dharma (as distinct from Karma. Karma is the process where we bring
upon ourselves predictable and inevitable consequences of
everything we say and do). Dharma is the flow and direction of our
life journey. In Dharma, "right" means when we are in the
flow, and the whole universe is conspiring to organise our way
forward. To many people this sounds a bit cosmic-farty, and yet all
of us can say, at one time or another, that things turned out in an
unexpected way that was beyond our control. You have experienced
moments like that.
The
biggest obstacle to finding your Dharma is your own ego. My blowup
was certainly a clash of egos, “mine” against “theirs”. And
the outcome was that mine got flattened. In an instant I lost a
powerful opportunity to make a difference to people who are unable to
sleep. But there was something more I needed to learn, and now I'm
ready for it.
The
hiatus has given me the chance reconnect in a new way with my
daughter, and to travel to parts of Australia where everyone's daily
activities in business, commerce, culture, education and social
activities are fueled by the search for higher consciousness. The
local media in that area actively reflect and support everyone's
devotion to fulfillment and happiness and a world that works for
everyone. There is a place for me there with my name already on it. I
feel “at home”.
Our
ego fumbles and stumbles to stay connected to our Dharma. Mind is
just not up to the job, not on it's lonesome. We have to learn that
our biggest allies along the way to higher consciousness are
instinct, intuition, intelligence, staying true to yourself, standing
up for your truth, and self-awareness. Our adversaries are pretence,
deceit, naked ambition, blind competitiveness, jealousy, greed,
self-importance, a craving for status, an addiction to control, and
following second-hand opinions and beliefs as if they are your own
truth.
Most
people are divided between their allies and their adversaries – I
certainly was, and must confess I still am sometimes, when I find
myself in moments of struggle, like the episode I've recounted above.
In fact, the delusion of separation is what causes the struggle.
There is no separation - the bullies ARE me.
The
ego is a permanent part of the self, and a valuable one – as the
mechanism for receiving and delivering the messages. But when we
believe ego's promises of a more comfortable life, and allow it to
run the show, our worlds, inner and outer, shrink and become
distorted. We lose our connections with Is-ness, Gratitude and
Possibility. We start to live according to an image we are
compulsively driven to protect rather than search for the
connecting thread – the Dharma – that subtly hyphenates every
experience and moment of our life.
What
I'm learning from my present radio train wreck is that my allies and
my enemies are figments of my own imagination that simply arise in my
awareness for a while, and that none of them are anything more or
less than facets of “I” and “Me” reflected back for my
benefit.
As
the years pass, one quality – self-awareness – has become the
ally I can rely on utterly, no matter whether I'm going through hard
times or times of great fulfillment.
In
fact, it's getting harder to tell the difference, and suffering is
fading from the menu. Well, it was never real anyway......
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