PERSON-ALITY

I read this post on the internet a few days ago:-

Up until a few months ago I seriously thought I was going nuts as my personality just vanished into thin air and even now I'm still not too sure about who I really am. This is the hardest thing I've been through in my life and I'm really struggling to keep plodding on as I wake up every day with absolutely nothing to look forward too, the depression has been fairly intense recently and no matter what I try just now every project just seems to fail.

I keep reading about how you just need to keep going through this but I'm not sure if I have the mental strength to cope with this much longer, I feel like a prisoner in solitary confinement that has been locked up and forgotten about.

PS apologies for sounding so bloody miserable.

 

OK. I'm so glad to meet a fellow-mate. 

Let's look at this “I” you keep referring to. Is that that the one you see in the mirror and say “That's me?” Well, what if you're mistaken about that? Yes, your pain is absolutely for real, but who's suffering about it? – you? I don't think so. 

 

Take a step backwards from this “you” that is doing the misery --- what is aware of that “you” and the pain? What is this Awareness? Does it buy in? Or does it just stay Aware?

Close your eyes for a few seconds and say softly to yourself “I am”. Is there any doubt about that? No? Of course not. You certainly are. There is a pure awareness there, is there not? Yes. Can you see it? No. Can you hear it? No. Can you touch it? No. But it is there, isn't it? Pure Awareness that just knows everything "you" think, say, feel, experience. Nothing else. 

 

So what is this bad dream you think is real, yeah, the one you label “depression”? I've got one of those, too. But what is it? Isn't it just a bunch of shitty feelings that are arising in this present Awareness. There is Awareness, and there is a bad dream that this awareness is conscious of; two quite separate things.

Your “personality is having a bad dream. But you are not that; you are the Awareness. Then the personality – and the dream -- could dis-appear and the Awareness would still be. Yes? That would be who you are. Your personality is just a belief --- “I am my personality” = “The world is flat”

My “I” has a belief “I am a failure”. So this committed “failure” is freaking out about the possibilities and dangers of failing? Is that an example of ME getting in my own way? No wonder "I" gets the shudders!

Consider letting go of this “personality” you lovingly hand-crafted, and without it becoming authentic instead. Why have you tried so hard to manufacture an image of what you already are? What else is “personality” but an image you want to see when you look into a mirror? How about being what you are instead? And that might be scary for a minute or two because you have no idea yet just how beautiful you are. You've never yet given yourself a chance to show up. This “personality” you've concocted has always got in the way. Ditch it, and discover what you are.

I look at “personality” and see something you thought your parents, teachers, partners, friends and sundry others wanted, but who are you? I want to know who you are, not your freaking mind-made personality!

Mind, the maker of all illusions, is an appearance – it appears to be real, and so does everything it creates. But because it appeared, Mind is (rightly) terrified that it and its creations (incl. “you”) will disappear again. So it takes a hostage -- you – the Awareness-you that never disappears. The servant kidnaps the master. 

 

Time to break free.

When you're ready......

[I'm Free – Corcovado Frequency – 2:31]